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Ashes definitely wasn't panicking at all. They definitely weren't almost breaking all of their possessions and almost ripping apart their clothes in order to search for the most precious thing they had somehow lost. They shouldn't have lost it, it was the only object that they had formed any attachment to, they can't have lost it!
Throwing a packet of cigarettes out of their room in frustration, they expected it to hit the metal wall like so many other objects before but instead the object fell short.
“Ow-! What the fuck Ashes?” Jonny screeched, stomping into Ashes, obviously happily looking for a fight that Ashes appeared to be starting, but stopped the moment he saw the absolute mess that was their room and the panicked breathing and tears. “Woah woah woah, Ashes, hey?” Jonny completely shifted his behaviour, no longer sizing himself up to be threatening but instead now slightly slouched and walking slowly over to the panicked quartermaster.
Seeing Ashes’ room in such a state– hell, seeing Ashes themselves in such a state was practically unheard off. Ashes room was one of the cleanest of the crew, their need to keep everything clean and organised was the reason they were given the role as quartermaster. So seeing it torn apart and everything thrown around and dirtier than Jonny's room was… disturbing to say the least.
“Hey, Ashes, you okay, love?” Jonny asked, keeping his voice quiet as Ashes didn't even seem to know he was there as they continued to practically tear through their possessions.
“I-I can't.” They hyperventilated, “Can't find, can't find. No no no, don't know where…” They trailed off as they checked under their bed, pulling out things that Jonny had no doubt had already been pulled out several times before.
Jonny wasn't the best at emotionally comforting someone, he was known as the most “emotionally constipated” on the ship for a reason, but seeing one of his partners– one of his crew, in such a state broke his cold metal heart, so he knelt down in front of Ashes and gently placed his hand on their shoulder.
Ashes snapped their head up, finally realising that Jonny was there, “Hey, Ashes.” Jonny smiled at them, “Are you able to tell me what you lost, maybe I can help?”
More tears streamed down their face as their lower lip wobbled, “Mum and dad's cards they, they, only thing left and I can't lose no no, can't lose.” Ashes sobbed, hands rapidly hitting their head– dare Jonny say that their actions and sobs resembled that of a child.
Ashes didn't regress– well, regress as much as the rest of the crew. Jonny could count on his hand the amount of times Ashes had regressed in the millennia he'd known them. So seeing them regressed due to such panic and distress was certainly telling of their current mental state.
“Hey hey, firestarter, let's not do that, okay?” Jonny, not harshly, but tightly gripped their hands to stop them from hitting their head more, “Can you take a deep breath for me?” Jonny overexaggerated his breathing, it took a few long moments for Ashes to start copying him.
“There we go,” Jonny smiled as Ashes breathing was calmer, they still had tears rolling down their cheeks but their lungs were no longer struggling to give them air. “Now, I need to ask you something important. Are you currently little or…?”
Ashes squeezed their eyes shut as they shrugged, “I don’t know, I don't, don't.” They cut themselves off with another panicked sob, falling forward onto Jonny, sobbing into his chest.
“Hey hey, it's okay, firestarter, you don't have to know.” Jonny let go of one of Ashes wrists to smooth down their hair. It took a few moments for the sobbing to die down again, but eventually Ashes sobbing turned to just sniffles, but the panic was still there. “Now, you said that you were looking for something?” Jonny questioned as he looked around Ashes messy room.
Ashes hummed with a nod, sniffles still racked their body, “My cards.” Ashes sobbed, “Mum and dad, they-” A sobbed fueled hiccup tore through their throat, “They gave it to me before- before they died. Don’t- don’t wanna lose them!” Ashes started to cry again, gripping onto Jonny’s chest like it was a lifeline.
“Okay, okay, little phoenix, it’s okay. We’ll find the cards, alright. I can help you.” Jonny soothed, combing a hand through Ashes’ hair, “I think the best place to start is your room.”
“But- but, already look through.” Ashes sniffled.
“Yes, that is correct. But you looked through it with panicked eyes, it’s always good to get an outside view when searching.” Jonny said as he looked around the room. “And I think it'll be good to clean up your room also.”
So, convincing the little to let go, Jonny stood up and looked at the room. Rarely did he ever clean his own room, and typically when he did it was with help, usually from Nastya or before that it would be Carmilla, so he decided it might be best to use the strategies Nastya used to help him.
“Let's start with the clothes alright? That way we can also look through the pockets.” Jonny suggested as he kneeled by the largest pile of clothes.
“And cause you got laundry.” Ashes mumbled with a sad laugh.
“Okay you little shit.” Jonny ruffled Ashes hair which earned him a half playful whine and a smack to his hand.
It was a slow process to cleaning up Ashes clothes, Jonny would check through each pocket and any possible hiding spaces and Ashes could follow, at the beginning they could get very panicked about the cards not being there but eventually Jonny managed to calm Ashes down and not have them panic every time they didn't find the cards in an article of clothing.
Folding up and putting the clothes away in their labelled drawers– as Ashes labelled every drawer in their room and its contents so it made things so much easier, took almost two hours. Thankfully the clothes were the things that took up most of Ashes possessions so placing the rest of Ashes items back into their proper drawers, checking through items that contained pockets or were large enough to accidentally conceal a pack of cards.
But as the last drawer was closed and the last box was shoved back under Ashes bed, the search for Ashes cards turned up null.
Jonny didn't even get a chance to grab onto Ashes as panic immediately flowed through them. They harshly grabbed onto their hair and started to yank it, almost gripping chunks of their hair out as their breaths came in short and uneven pants.
“No no no no!” Ashes shouted, hitting the wall as they stumbled backwards, “No lose please no lose no lose no lose!” They almost screamed as they hit their head against the wall.
“Woah, woah, woah.” Jonny rushed over to Ashes and placed his hand behind their head as they continued to smack it against the wall, “Ashes, hey, little phoenix lets not do that, please.” Ashes didn’t listen as they continued to scream out in a panic, hitting Jonny’s hand instead of the wall.
Jonny moved his body closer to Ashes and slowly grabbed them and held them close to his body, swaying them side to side as they continued to cry and scream about losing the cards, grabbing and yanking their hair, but Jonny made sure to grab their wrists, and pull their hands close to their scalp so they couldn’t yank out their hair in their panic.
Jonny didn’t now how long it took to calm the little from their panic attack but eventually the poor thing tired themselves out and they slumped against Jonny’s chest with fatigued sobs.
“The search isn’t over yet, phoenix.” Jonny grab a gentle hand through Ashes hair as their hands fell away, “We’ve still got the laundry room and the other rooms of the ship. We’ve not been planetside for almost a year so your cards are definitely on the Aurora, okay, dearest?” Jonny asked, the petname that his mother used to call him slipping through his lips without meaning to.
With a sniffle Ashes nodded.
“Come on, let’s grab your laundry basket and head to the laundry room.” Jonny helped Ashes get up and whilst he grabbed their basket, they crouched down and opened up the bottom drawer of their bedside cabinet. From it, they grabbed a lovey with the head of a dragon and a pacifier– yep, that confirmed that they were little. Ashes then held the pacifier out to Jonny so he helped them clip the paci to their shirt and gentle guided it to their mouth, their meltdown obviously caused them to go non-speaking for now.
“Let’s go.” Jonny smiled at Ashes, holding the basket in one hand and putting his hand out for Ashes to hold, who quickly accepted it.
As they walked down the corridors of the Aurora, Jonny kept half an eye on the little. It was odd, seeing Ashes act like this. The few times that they did regress around the crew they were more of a little shit than Jonny and Marius combined, and they always regressed to an “older” age– typically between 7-10. But it seemed now, because of their distress, they had regress to an much younger age. It definitely worried Jonny about how much distress and anxiety they were in, but for now, he couldn’t do much. All he could do was help them find their cards and help calm them from their meltdowns and panic attacks. God he hoped they could find them soon.
Entering the laundry room, Jonny let out an overdramatic groan at how much laundry was piled up in the room. At least the groan earned a giggle from Ashes.
“Shall we try to clean up this shit?” Jonny asked, kicking one of the piles that was definitely Brian’s clothes. Ashes gave a nod and plopped themselves in front of one of the piles.
And so Jonny and Ashes sorted through the clothes, both checking pockets just as they did in Ashes’ room. Any random items like money, cigarettes, lighters, even guns, was chucked into the box by the laundry room door– even if Jonny did pocket some of the money and cigarettes himself, before placing it into the washing machine for that mech.
Even there was a weekly rota for laundry day, each mech had their own washing machine as they each had their own way they wished for their clothes to be washed, their own scent they wanted or if they needed their clothes washed before laundry day. And even if all their clothes were washed separately, half the time their clothes ended up in the possession of another one of their partners.
It took another two hours to get through all the washing– a process that usually would have taken Jonny an hour max, because Ashes wanted to be extremely sure their cards weren’t accidentally in anyone elses clothes.
But as the last coat, trousers and socks were placed into the washing machines and turned on, Ashes’ face fell. This time, thankfully, Jonny managed to stop the meltdown before it happened.
“Hey, hey, hey, little phoenix, look at me.” Jonny said just as those big sad tears started to fell, “It’s okay we didn’t find the cards in here. We still have rooms like the common rooms, the kitchen and so many other places they could be. They aren’t lost forever.” Jonny used his sleeve to wipe away Ashes’ tears. The sob that start to bubble from their throat broke Jonny’s metal heart.
“What- what if never find.” Ashes said around their paci, “What if gone cause I was bad?” Ashes babbled as their tears increased once more.
Jonny felt himself deflate that that. He knew exactly what Ashes meant by that, and it broke him to know that the destruction of their possessions was a common punishment from Smooth Mickey, a punishment that was the reason they never kept many items aside from clothes and never formed any attachment to said items so they couldn’t be used against Ashes. That card set that they were looking for was possibly the only item they dared let themselves be attached to.
Jonny pulled them into a hug, rubbing their back as they cried, “You weren't bad, little phoenix, you've never been bad.” Jonny attempted to sooth the now sobbing little.
“But- but-” Ashes started to argue, their paci now fallen out of their mouth, “Uncle said Is bad, always bad!” Ashes cried, their breathing increasing and becoming uneven. It wasn't long until they were now deep in another panic attack.
So Jonny kept a hold of them, swaying them side to side, continuously assuring them that they weren't “bad” and that they weren't being punished.
Eventually, their overworked lungs slowed down and Ashes’ breathing once again evened out.
“You were never bad, dearest, never.” Jonny gently wiped away their tears as Ashes sniffled, mumbling incoherently around their paci. “Come on, lets keep looking, alright little phoenix?”
Ashes nodded, and on shaky legs stood up.
Unsurprisingly, the first common room yielded no results but thankfully Ashes didn't have another meltdown and instead stormed off to the next common room, anxiously mumbling against their paci whilst clutching their lovey in a death grip– Jonny was definitely going to need to repair that later with the tears their claws were making.
The second common room yielded results, but not quite the results Jonny wanted.
Ashes froze as the two entered the common room. In the middle of the room was Tim and The Toy Soldier, they were playing with a pack of cards, it seemed Tim was attempting to teach TS the art of cheating. Usually this wouldn’t be an issue, but issue lied with the cards they were using.
“MINE!” Ashes screeched, ripped their hand from Jonny's and rushed over to the table, practically throwing themselves onto it, flaying their hands over the table to try and gather the cards they'd knocked over close to their chest.
“What the fuck!” Tim cried out, instinctively reaching for xem's gun, “You can't just claim every card set as your own!” He shouted, obviously not have noticed the little gear on Ashes’ person and truly believing Ashes to be starting a fight– as this is somewhat similar to things they've done in the past.
But Jonny stepped in as quickly as he could before Tim started a physical fight with the distressed little.
“They’re little!” Jonny quickly called out, basically calling forth the non-negotiatable rule of “no harming a little or putting a little in harm's way”. The effect was almost immediate as Tim rapidly put his gun back into its holster, taking a deep breath to calm herself.
“What's going on with them?” Tim asked as Ashes rapidly tried to gather their cards. Slapping Tim's hand that still loosely held some of their cards.
“Woah hey, we don't slap, Ashes.” Jonny gently reprimanded.
“He has mine, they're mine mine mine!” They cried out, hoarding their cards close. “Go!” They then screamed at both Tim and TS.
TS immediately started to leave, obeying the order, but Tim stayed in place.
Jonny wanted to reprimanded the little for ordering TS but he knew he'd have to do it later as Ashes was slowly becoming a blubbering mess once again as they tried to gather up all their cards. “He stole he stole.” They cried as they tried to move the cards away from Tim.
“I didn't take them, I found them on the floor thinking they were just some random pack-” That had obviously been the wrong thing to say as Ashes cried out in offence and went to hit Tim again, thankfully Jonny was close enough to grab onto Ashes wrist before they could make contact with Tim's arm– even if the hit was going to be pathetically weak, Jonny still didn't want the little to think it was okay to hit people.
“Ashes, we do not hit people, understand?” Jonny’s voice was stern but not harshly just as his grip on Ashes’ wrist was tight but not painful.
Ashes only whined in response, attempted to wiggle their wrist out of Jonny’s hold.
“Can you please apologise to Tim for hitting and attempting to hit xem?” Jonny's voice left no room for arguments, so with embarrassment painted on their cheeks, Ashes mumbled out an apology.
“Thank you, Ashes.” Tim pressed a kiss to Ashes’ forehead as Jonny let go of their wrist, before standing up and looking at Jonny “I'm going to check on Toy.” She said, briefly kissing Jonny's lips before walking out of the room.
(It was definitely weird for Tim to see Jonny in the caregiver role, very rarely did he ever put himself in that role, usually around littles he either regressed himself or put himself into the ‘babysitter’ role or even the role of the ‘older brother’. The caregiver part of Tim couldn't help feeling pride for the care Jonny was giving someone else that he usually wanted– and needed, from others.)
As Tim left the common room, Jonny put his attention back onto the little who was now sniffling in an attempt to hold back tears.
“Hey,” Jonny's voice was gentle, “I'm not mad at you.” He said as he wiped Ashes slowly falling tears with his sleeve, “I'm not mad at you.” He reassured again as he shuffled next to them and pulled them into a hug. “You can cry, it's okay. You had a lot of big emotions back there, it's okay to cry.” At that assurance Ashes let themselves cry into Jonny's chest, clutching their lovey like their life depended on it.
Snot and tears soaked into Jonny's shirt and their lovey– that was definitely going into the wash once Ashes was big, but Jonny didn't care as he continued to comfort the distressed little and reassure them that he wasn't mad at them, that they weren't bad.
Jonny let them cry it out for as long as they needed, and eventually they calmed down again– wiping their sleeve across their face to try and clean up their tears and snot, Jonny resisted the urge to take them to the kitchen or a bathroom to clean them up properly but he knew it would be best to let them gather up their cards before that.
“No help.” Ashes mumbled as they turned back towards the table and gathered up the cards into a pile. So Jonny sat next to Ashes, watching as they did so.
On the back of some of the cards he couldn't help but notice words– whilst most of the cards had a regular white back that looked painted on, some had bright orange ink in a language that Jonny believed to be Ashes’ mother tongue.
Jonny could speak all the languages of his crew– even if they all spoke Basic Universal Ver. 4.309 as per the most commonly spoken language in the universe, he definitely couldn't read them, he couldn’t even read his own language, so trying to decipher the letters that his eyes skipped over or saw in different places was definitely a pain.
“What do the sentences mean, little phoenix?” Jonny asked as he pointed to one such card.
“Ma and da put them on.” Ashes mumbled– their words an obvious indicator that they had regressed further, “They words they put on when- when I baby. Words about loving me and how much they want love me in future. They never finished cards.” Tears started to gather in Ashes eyes against as they neatened up the pile of cards and started to struggle to place them back into the metallic box.
Jonny's heart broke for possibly the fourth time that day. Ashes was usually one to not care about their childhood, talking about it nonchalantly and without care, they never had nightmares over it or feel any sadness, hate or anger towards Mickey. So hearing them and seeing them so upset about their parents which they never once mentioned when big stuttered all the gears in Jonny's heart.
“They would have loved the person you turned out to be.” Jonny rubbed a hand along Ashes back as once more tears streamed down their face– Jonny was definitely going to get them a drink later as they must be beyond dehydrated.
Ashes didn't say anything and just closed the metallic case and placed it into a secret pocket within their waistcoat.
“Hungry.” Ashes then mumbled as they used their sleeves to wipe away tears once more.
Jonny nodded and a smile, “I bet you are. Come on, lets see what food we can take. And whilst we're there, let's see if we can find TS so you can apologise to it for ordering it. Alright, little phoenix?”
Ashes nodded with an embarrassed look as they stood up with Jonny's help.
Walking to the kitchen, Ashes kept a tight hand around the case hidden within the pocket of their waistcase, if they had the energy they would be jumping for joy that they had found the cards, but they simply walked next to Jonny, holding his hand, grateful that he had helped them.