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Seeing Chloe again sends Beca into a whirlwind of nostalgia, a suffocating ache that only making music could numb. Her heart bleeds on paper for days and nights on end, her voice cracks when it’s laid down onto the piano chords.
The album is wrapped in five weeks and becomes #1 in the States in a matter of hours. Beca gets $3 million richer from those sales and streams, which is really fuckings ironic as she’s never felt so empty and lonely.
And to top it all, fate seems eager to twist the knife.
“Beca?”
Beca’s heart lurches. Her eyes briefly slam shut as she gathers her strength to turn around. She sucks some air into her lungs, knowing damn well setting her eyes on Chloe will take all of that oxygen away.
When she turns, she falters. She had expected to be met with those bubbly blues but instead finds them bloodshot from too many shed tears. Chloe’s creamy-colored skin appears a ghostly white.
“H-hey,” she manages, eyebrows knitting in a mixture of confusion and concern.
“Ma’am?”
Beca’s attention snaps to the cashier. She realizes the person in front of her has already gone through and paid. She jolts into motion. “Uh, sorry.”
She walks through the anti-theft gate, her gaze soon returning to Chloe, who is busy setting her own groceries on the belt. She’s thinner than Beca remembers, and worry instantly prickles under her skin.
“Those groceries aren’t going to pack themselves,” the cashier tells her with a pointed look, then shakes her head as she scans the next item. “Rich people…”
“Right, sorry,” she repeats, feeling too frazzled to come back with a snarky response and instead opening her bag and quickly tossing everything into it. Fishing her phone out of her pocket, she taps it against the card reader to pay.
Chloe musters a smile as she walks through the gate, Beca stepping to the side to let her bag her groceries. Chloe speaks before she can say anything. “Congratulations on your album.”
“Oh um, thanks,” Beca mumbles. “Are you– are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Chloe says, too quickly, like she’s been using that answer over and over.
“Chlo,” Beca murmurs, cupping her elbow.
Chloe takes a deep breath as she swipes her card through the reader. “It’s been a rough few months, that’s all. I’m fine, really.”
Beca purses her lips. “Do you wanna… grab a cup of coffee?” She finds herself asking.
Chloe quickly wipes away a tear that leaks out of her eye. Beca wants to fold her into her arms and never let go. “You probably have better things to do.”
“I promise you I don’t,” Beca assures her, hoping Chloe can still tell when she’s being sincere. She grabs Chloe’s grocery bag for her, then nods towards the coffee shop tucked in the corner, by the main doors. “Come on.”
Chloe wordlessly follows. There, she huddles on a chair. “Um, I’ll take a herbal tea. Whatever they have is fine.”
Beca nods and heads to the counter, giving her order and paying. She waits for the drinks and heads back to the table, setting the two mugs down on the surface. She sits across from Chloe and cradles her mug between her hands, unsure what to say or do.
“I um…” Chloe swallows. Her eyes stay locked on her drink. “I miscarried when I was about five months along. And it’s been— it’s been rough.”
“Chlo…” Beca shakes her head, feeling at a loss as to what to say. Her first instinct is to reach out to cover Chloe’s hand with her own. She’s never been one to initiate physical contact, even with partners, but Chloe is different. “I’m so sorry.”
Chloe nods, her small smile yet again not reaching her eyes. “Thanks. Some days are easier than others. Today is not, for some reason.”
“Grief isn’t linear,” Beca murmurs. Her mother’s death has taught her that, and in a completely different type of grief, so did her break-up with Chloe nearly a decade ago. “Do you– do you have friends and family to support you?”
“Yeah.” She takes her hand out from Beca’s to swipe the back under her nose, sniffling. “Sorry to dump all of this on you when we haven’t spoken in years.”
“Hey no, it’s okay,” Beca says without as much as a second thought. “You don’t need to apologize.” She takes a sip from her coffee. “Did you get time off work?”
“A couple of weeks, yeah. I didn’t want to take more because staying home by myself made me stir crazy.”
Beca nods. “Yeah, I get that. I feel the same way whenever I get home from tour. The quiet is a bit suffocating.” She clears her throat. “How’s… Maddie? It’s Maddie, right?”
“Yeah,” Chloe replies with a smile that shines a little stronger. “She’s a firecracker. She went on her first school trip last month for an entire week and absolutely loved it. Didn’t even look back when we dropped her off.”
“Sounds like she’s just as comfortable as her mom when it comes to social events,” Beca teases softly.
Chloe chuckles. “Definitely. She’s me through and through.” Her phone vibrates with a call, but she ignores it. “We heard one of your songs on the radio the other day, Maddie’s obsessed.”
Beca briefly wonders if Chloe has figured out the entire album is about her yet. “Oh yeah? That’s sweet. I feel like everything I write might be too dark for a six-year-old though,” Beca jokes.
“It’s your voice that she likes the most, I don’t think she really gets the depth of the lyrics.”
“Oh, that’s probably better then.” Beca’s eyes widen when her phone lights up with a reminder. “Shit. Fuck. I have to run. I completely forgot I had a meeting.”
“Oh, that’s okay.”
Beca scrambles from her seat. “Um, can we do this again soon? I’ll leave you my number.” She scribbles it on the back of her shopping receipt and hands it to Chloe. “Text me?”
A soft smile curves Chloe’s lips. “I will. Thanks for the tea.”
“Don’t mention it.” She shoulders her purse and grabs her shopping bag, casting Chloe a quick wave. “Bye, Chlo.”
*
Hey, it’s Chloe
oh hey! sorry i had to dash earlier
Don’t worry about it, I had to go pick Maddie up from school not long after anyway
We’re going to the park tomorrow, if you want to join us?
sure, yeah
Going to the park on the little time off she has at the moment isn’t something Beca usually does (she’d rather be a couch potato instead, to be perfectly honest), but she has to admit it’s nice to get some fresh air. She spots Chloe by the children’s play area, where a bunch of tiny monsters are screaming their heads off as they zoom down slides or run after each other.
“Hey,” she calls out, jamming her hands into her jacket pockets.
Chloe turns, a smile gracing her features. “Hi.”
“So this is your usual Saturday joint?”
Chloe giggles. “Yeah. I bet you’re jealous.” She calls Maddie’s name, the tiny version of herself running over a handful of seconds later, out of breath and ponytail askew. “This is my friend Beca, remember her?”
“No,” Maddie blurts out.
Beca laughs. “I just got humbled with one word.”
Chloe lets out another snicker. God, Beca’s missed that sound. “That’s kids for ya,” she says, then pats her daughter’s head. “Come on, go get your bike, we’re going to go around the park.”
Maddie nods and runs towards the yellow bike laying in the corner of the playground, grabbing it. Once Chloe’s secured the helmet over her head, she pedals off, the tiny wheels secured on each side of the bike keeping her steady.
“I’m glad you agreed to meet up,” Chloe says, following a few beats of silence. “I wasn’t sure we would.”
“Why?” Beca finds herself asking.
A shrug. “I dunno, the last time we saw each other a few months ago was a little… jarring, I guess? I know that if I was in your shoes, it would have hurt to see you happy with someone else. Selfishly.”
“It did,” Beca admits quietly. She didn’t think Chloe would jump right into a serious talk and feels her heart stutter a bit. “But I only have myself to blame for all of it.”
“That’s not true,” Chloe says then. “I should have… I should have known I wouldn’t change my mind about having kids. I’m so sorry I’ve put you through all of this.”
Beca shoves her hands into her pockets again, balling them into fists. The sting of her nails digging into her palms makes the pain in her chest feel a little less intense. “I think I knew, deep down? But I chose to bury my head in the sand because I was so…” A knot grows in her throat. “Happy.”
Chloe nods, falling silent for a stretch. “Could we… start over? I know last time you said you couldn’t be friends with me but… you came today, so I figured I would ask again?”
Beca knows she should listen to that alarm bell jingling in her mind, but she doesn’t have the strength. “Yeah. We can start over, Chlo.”
From that point on, they hang out at least once a week, texting most days. Chloe sends her cute animal videos on TikTok, while Beca shares some of her favorite songs of the past few years. They sometimes grab a coffee out or have dinner at Chloe’s whenever Matthew is working late and can’t look after Maddie.
“Look!” Maddie exclaims as she runs into the kitchen, handing Beca a piece of paper. “I made this!”
Beca takes it, raising an eyebrow. “For me?”
“Yes.” Maddie’s grin makes her heart melt a little. She definitely has a soft spot for that kid. “Do you like it?”
Beca hums. “I’ll hang it up in my office. But you need to sign it first.”
“K!”
As she scampers off back to the living room where her crayons lie on the floor, Chloe chuckles. “I don’t know how she’s still got that much energy after being at her friend’s birthday all afternoon.”
“I feel tired just watching her running around,” Beca quips, twisting back in her seat to face Chloe as she cooks on the other side of the island. “How come Matthew works on Saturdays? Doesn’t he have an office job?”
“He’s the head of his department and he’s dealing with some sort of crisis,” Chloe says. She reaches out to lower the heat under the pot. “I don’t think it’s anything too big but he was needed anyway.”
“Gotcha.” Beca picks up her wine glass and takes a sip. “You sure you don’t need any help? I feel bad just sitting here and watching you cook…”
“Unless something has changed in the last decade, I don’t want you anywhere near the food.”
Beca’s jaw falls slack. “That’s cold, Beale.”
“Am I wrong?” Chloe asks her, smirking.
“No,” Beca mumbles, pulling a laugh from Chloe. She hates how much that sound still fills her with butterflies. “Whatever.”
A very familiar instrumental spills from the radio tucked in the corner of the counter. Chloe gasps and reaches out to turn it up. “It’s your song!”
“Please don’t,” Beca cringes as her own voice fills the room. “I hate listening to my own voice.”
“Yeah because it’s so awful,” Chloe deadpans, her eyes rolling towards the ceiling. She turns it back down anyway, going back to her cooking. “So who is it about anyway?”
“Mmm?”
“That song. August in Brooklyn.” Beca is glad Chloe isn’t looking at her, focused on chopping her peppers. “An ex?”
“Um, yeah,” Beca replies, feeling thankful her voice doesn’t waver. She isn’t proud about the lie that follows, but it’s not like she can be totally honest either. Chloe is married, they’ve just rekindled, and the truth would just ruin everything. Having Chloe back in her life, even just as a friend, is a breath of fresh air. “We had a good thing going for about two years, then it kinda crumbled.”
Chloe meets her eyes this time. “I’m sorry.”
Beca’s shoulder lifts in a quick shrug. “It’s fine. Life, right?” She cracks a grin to quickly defuse the negative atmosphere. “At least the heartbreak brings in a ton of money.”
“That’s one way to look at it,” Chloe says with a soft chuckle. “You’re not seeing anyone at the moment then?”
Beca shakes her head. “Nope. I gave the online dating thing a go for a while, but as entitled as that sounds, it’s hard to find genuine people when you’re famous.”
“Yeah…” Chloe grimaces. “I didn’t think about that. I guess I still don’t see you as Beca the superstar.”
“Which I like,” Beca assures her, smiling softly. She slides her finger over the base of her wine glass back and forth, observing Chloe for a bit. “You seem to be doing better. Healthier.”
Chloe nods. “Yeah. I’ve been going to therapy to work through everything that happened,” she says. “It’s… it wasn’t just a miscarriage. I lost a lot of blood and had to have emergency surgery where they had to…” she takes a deep breath. “They had to perform a hysterectomy.”
“Shit, Chlo,” Beca breathes out, blinking in shock.
“So um, it was a lot to navigate through for a while, but I’m better now. I have Maddie, and even if I would have liked to have more kids, it just isn’t in the cards for me.”
The front door opens before Beca can reply, then clicks shut. Footsteps approach, Matthew rounding the corner a few seconds after.
“Oh, hey,” he says, greeting Beca with a polite smile. “Beca, right?”
“Yeah. Nice to see you again.”
Matthew nods and heads to the living-room to kiss Maddie hello and ask her about her day. He’s back about fifteen minutes later, dressed in more casual clothes.
“I’m going out with the guys tonight,” he tells Chloe. “Don’t wait up.”
“Okay, have fun,” Chloe says, briefly glancing up from her chopping to cast her husband a smile.
The lack of affection between the two comes across as a bit weird to Beca, given the fact that Chloe is a very touchy-feely person, but what does she know about being married to someone for so long. Maybe the passion dies down after a while, or they just don’t feel like displaying it in front of someone.
Dinner on Saturdays at Chloe’s place becomes a sort of tradition from then on. She sees Matthew for ten minutes at most each time and his neutral behavior towards Chloe seems a bit more suspicious each Saturday.
“He’s never here on Saturday nights?” She asks after Matthew’s left, heading to the cupboard to take out plates.
Maddie is at a sleepover, so it’s just the two of them.
“Not usually, no,” Chloe replies. She takes a pause, lifting her head to look at Beca. “We’re uh, we’re separating.”
Beca nearly loses her grip on the plates. “What?”
“Yeah.” Chloe shrugs. “It’s uh, it’s been tough since my miscarriage. It was already rocky before, to be completely honest. We’ve grown apart and despite a lot of couples’ therapy, we just can’t seem to make it work. We both decided it would be best for Maddie if we separated before it got ugly.”
Beca knows exactly how ugly it can get from her own experience with her parents. “I’m sorry, Chlo.”
Beca studies her expression. There’s sadness there, but it doesn’t feel raw; not the kind that comes from something suddenly breaking.
“Thanks. I’m fine, we made the decision a couple of months ago already. He’s looking for a place of his own,” she explains. “We haven’t told Maddie yet, but we’re looking at shared custody, a week with me and the other with him.”
Beca nods. “That sounds like the best compromise for her.”
“Yeah, I think so too.” Chloe puffs out a soft sigh. “I just don’t want things to be difficult for her.”
“It’ll definitely be an adjustment,” Beca says. “But you both love her so much and it’s clear from what you’re saying that her happiness and wellbeing comes first. You’re a great mom, Chlo.”
Chloe swallows. “I try my best.” She sighs again. “Sorry for dumping all that on you. Again.”
“Hey no, that’s what friends are for, right?” Beca says.
She resumes laying the table out, trying to ignore her jarring thoughts after that bomb Chloe just dropped on her.
Chloe is single. Chloe is fucking single and she doesn’t know what do with that piece of information except going into full-blown panic.
Before it gets out of hand, she feigns getting a phone call. “Sorry, gotta take this.”
By the time she reaches the bathroom, her ears are ringing and there’s a tremor in her hand. She locks the door behind her and leans back against it, willing herself to breathe in and out.
“You’re a mess dude,” she tells herself as she looks at her own reflection in the mirror a minute later. Chloe being single and right in the middle of a divorce doesn’t mean she’s ready to jump into anything right away, nor does it mean she’d even be interested in Beca again. “Get a fucking grip.”
She splashes some water onto her face and dries it with some paper towels, then exits the bathroom.
“Everything okay?”
Beca nods, sliding her phone back into her pocket. “Yeah, just tying up some loose ends for the tour.”
“Are you excited about getting back to it?” Chloe asks. She scoops some of her vegetable stir into both plates, then adds a chicken breast.
“Yeah, definitely.”
“It’ll be weird not seeing you for a few months,” Chloe says. Her little pout just about melts Beca’s heart. “I’ve gotten used to our Saturday nights together.”
A stupid smile spreads across Beca’s features. “Yeah, me too. Maybe you and Maddie could come see one of my shows about halfway through.”
“In Europe?” Chloe laughs. “I don’t know how I’ll manage that.”
“I can cover it,” Beca says without a beat of hesitation. “Flights, show, hotel in the city you want to visit. Rome, Paris, London… whichever you prefer. Or all three, even.”
“That’s…” Chloe shakes her head. “I can’t let you pay for all of this.”
“Again, at the risk of sounding like an ass, it won’t make a dent into my account or anything.” She pauses. “Look, I have money that I would love to spend on people I care about, like you and Maddie.”
Chloe ponders on it for a handful of seconds. “Okay. If you agree to let me take you out to a nice dinner while we’re over there.”
“Deal.”
Beca’s feelings for Chloe only intensify with the knowledge that she’s no longer with Matthew. It gets really distracting, to the point where she forgets her own lyrics more than once while rehearsing for her tour.
On the day of her departure for Asia, Chloe and Maddie surprise her before she heads to the airport. Maddie is holding the cutest sign that reads ‘have a good tour!’ with multiple hearts surrounding the words.
“Oh my gosh,” Beca breathes out, letting out an uncharacteristic giggle. She scoops Maddie up in her arms for a tight hug. She never thought she would love a kid that much, but then again, she’s Chloe’s kid. “Thank you sweetie, I love it. I’ll hang it up on the tour bus.”
“It was her idea to come say goodbye before you left,” Chloe says as Beca sets her down.
“I really appreciate it,” Beca replies. “I’m going to miss you guys.”
Chloe steps forward and wraps Beca up into her arms. The familiarity of Chloe’s hug is almost too much, Beca fighting tears as she melts into it. “We’ll miss you, too.”
Beca thankfully gets her shit together before the first show, getting into game mode as soon as she changes into her first outfit of the night. The first leg is as exhilarating as it is exhausting as she gets used to the frantic rhythm of doing a two-hour show nearly every night.
She and Chloe text every day despite the challenging time difference, often right up until Beca goes to sleep. In the mornings, there’s always a sweet text waiting for her.
Soooo I can’t meet you guys at the airport tomorrow because I’ll be in the middle of rehearsals :( A car will pick you up to take you and Maddie to the venue. I’ll give you a tour before my show. Have a safe flight!
Chloe’s reply comes through a few minutes later. Maddie can’t sit still from excitement. We can’t wait to see you <3
Beca is just finishing her rehearsals when Maddie and Chloe reach the venue about ten hours later. “Hey guys!”
She hops off the stage just in time for Maddie to barrel into her for a big hug. “You’re all sweaty!” Maddie exclaims when she pulls back, scrunching up her nose.
Beca chuckles. “I know, sorry about that. I’ve been dancing.” She pushes to her feet to face Chloe, her heart failing to remain steady as she meets Chloe’s eyes. “Hey. Care for a sweaty hug?”
Chloe giggles. “Always.” She melts into Beca, squeezing her tight. “Hey you. I’ve missed you.”
“Me too,” Beca murmurs, closing her eyes as she inhales Chloe’s scent. She forces herself to pull back after a few seconds. “C’mon, I’ll show you two around.”
Following a tour of the backstage area, she takes them both to her dressing room, showing Maddie all of her outfits.
“You change during the show??” She asks Beca with awe written all over her face, as though that task requires superpowers.
“Yep. It takes a lot of organisation but thanks to my team it’s a piece of cake.”
“Will there be a lot of people tonight?” Maddie asks then.
“I think we’re sold out so that would make it around 50,000 people.”
Maddie’s eyes pop as wide as saucers. “That’s a looooot!”
Beca and Chloe both chuckle, but Maddie isn’t wrong. It still baffles Beca that so many people want to see her show.
“Do you get nervous??”
“Every single time,” Beca replies softly. “But it’s the good kind of nerves. And when I start singing, it all goes away. My songs are like a safety blanket for me.”
She grabs her guitar and sits down on the couch, clearing her throat. “Wanna sing one with me?”
Maddie lets out a tiny squeal as she hops up next to Beca. She knows all the lyrics by heart, singing along with Beca while Chloe records it on her phone.
“Did you know that your mom and I used to sing together?” Beca asks the seven-year-old when the song ends.
Maddie gasps. “No!”
“We were still in school. She forced me to join her singing group,” Beca tells her in a whisper, throwing Chloe a playful glare.
It’s Chloe’s turn to gasp. “I did no such thing!”
“She totally did,” Beca continues. “She’s very convincing.”
Maddie lets out an adorable giggle. “What was your favorite song to sing?”
Beca meets Chloe’s gaze. “Wanna go down memory lane, Chlo?” She asks, raising an eyebrow.
Chloe grins. “Go for it.”
Beca adjusts her capo to the right fret, then plays the intro, her fingers moving deftly along each chord. “I’m bullet proof, nothing to lose…”
She nearly messes up on her next chord when Chloe joins in, her heart doing something weird in her chest. She recovers quickly though, the two of them seamlessly falling back into their harmony. She doesn’t dare look up and meet Chloe’s eyes though, knowing it might make her forget the lyrics altogether.
When the last note fades and Beca eventually looks up, she finds Chloe’s teary gaze staring back at her. Seems like they both forgot how fucking incredible they sound together.
Whatever spell lingering in the air between them is broken by Maddie’s excited clapping. “Your voices are really pretty together,” she gushes.
Beca clears her throat and glances towards Maddie, mustering a smile. “Your mom could have become a singer, too.”
“Stop,” Chloe says with an eyeroll. She looks at her daughter, pushing to her feet. “Come on pumpkin, we should head to the hotel and take a quick nap so you don’t fall asleep halfway through the show.”
“I have tomorrow off, so we could visit the city together if you’re down,” Beca says as she walks them out. “The hotel is just around the corner.”
“Sweet,” Chloe says. “Thank you for arranging all that, Bec.”
“No problem. I’ll see you guys later.”
The show goes on without a hitch. Beca soaks it all in, the knowledge that Chloe and Maddie are watching making it even more special. She takes some time to come down from her high after the show, taking a long shower to unwind before heading to Chloe’s hotel.
Is Maddie still up? She texts on her way there.
Just conked out. Wanna share a bottle of wine with me? I’m pretty jetlagged so not going to fall asleep right away
Omw
She softly knocks on Chloe’s door a minute later. Chloe opens it, ushering her inside. “I didn’t think you’d book us a whole suite,” she says as they pad over to the couch. “You’re crazy.”
“I figured it’d be simpler if Maddie had her own bedroom,” Beca says, sitting down on one end of the couch and tucking a leg under her.
Chloe grabs a couple of wine glasses along with the bottle and settles down next to Beca, leaving a sliver of space between them. “She wouldn’t stop talking about your show on the way back here. She’ll remember this forever, I’m pretty sure.”
Beca smiles, warmth glowing in her chest. “I’m glad. She’s a great kid.”
“Yeah, I’m really lucky to have snagged that one,” Chloe jokes. She uncorks the bottle and pours some wine into both glasses, then hands one to Beca. “To your tour?”
“And to your trip to Europe,” Beca adds, softly knocking her glass against Chloe’s. She catches herself taking in Chloe’s features and how gracefully she’s aged those last ten years. “What did you think about the show?”
“It was incredible, Bec,” Chloe murmurs after taking a sip. “I may have cried over a couple of songs.”
“I love when my music makes people cry,” Beca says, earning herself a light shove. She laughs, sobering up a beat later. “Which ones?”
“Had I known, without a doubt.” Her tongue darts out to lick her lips. “And if you were mine. You were deeply in love with that person, huh?”
Beca chooses to focus on the swirls she’s making with her wine by lightly swinging her glass around instead of Chloe, afraid that her resolve might break if their eyes were to meet.
“Yeah,” she replies quietly. She inhales deeply through her nose and raises her glass to take a sip.
“Sorry,” Chloe whispers, grimacing. “I didn’t mean to bring back painful memories.”
Beca shakes her head. “No, no. It’s fine Chlo,” she murmurs. Her chest feels impossibly tight. “It was a long time ago.”
“Does time really heal all wounds, you think?” Chloe asks then, her question surprising Beca.
“I don’t know.” A beat. “Not totally, I think.”
“Yeah, me either.” She lets out a tiny snicker and briefly covers her eyes with her hand. “I think the jetlag is making me philosophical.”
“The jetlag or the booze?”
“The jetlag,” Chloe clears up, narrowing her eyes at Beca. “I’ve only had one glass.”
“I kinda miss those existential questions you’d ask whenever you were drunk,” Beca teases. “I remember one time you asked me ‘if we’re all going to die, why do we bother folding socks?’.”
Chloe laughs. “I think I was high that time. It was the night our AC broke down and we were just walking around in tank tops and underwear.”
“Yeah, I remember,” Beca whispers. It was also the night she realized she was in love with Chloe, but it took another month for her to have the guts to tell her. “I loved our tiny place in New York.”
“Me too.” Chloe gets more comfortable, laying her head on Beca’s shoulder. “Well, I don’t miss the lack of walls in the bathroom.”
“Yeah that wasn’t ideal,” Beca laughs. “I also don’t miss our upstairs neighbors who had loud sex either.”
“We got back at them for that later on, I’m sure they cursed us too.”
“Us??” Beca barks out a laugh. She finds herself blushing furiously at the thought. “You were the loud one.”
“I was not!” Chloe looks up. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re blushing right now.”
Beca groans. “Yeah yeah, I still feel awkward talking about sex.”
“You’re adorable.” Her breathing stalls altogether when Chloe presses a quick kiss to her cheek. Chloe must feel her tense and straightens a bit so that she’s no longer pressed against Beca. “Sorry.”
Beca isn’t sure what she’s apologizing for. “It’s okay,” she says, so softly she’s sure it’s barely audible.
Her eyes meet Chloe’s shyly. They remain locked for a few seconds, neither of them daring to speak. Until Beca says the words she knows she won’t be able to shove back into her mouth.
“Those songs, they’re— they’re of you,” she starts. The words land quietly between them. It feels like Beca’s lungs are filling with oxygen for the first time in so long. She shakes her head, not certain how to put her suffocating feelings into words. It’s easier to put them into songs, by herself in the dark. Still, she pushes through. Chloe deserves the whole truth and more. “It’s— it’s always been you, Chlo. I haven’t loved anyone else since you and… and not giving you what you wanted back then will always be my biggest regret.”
The silence that follows lasts only a few seconds, yet feels like hours.
“I wasn’t sure,” Chloe says. Beca’s head snaps up to meet her eyes, her own filled with questions as to what she means. “About the songs. I didn’t want to let myself hope and then– when you mentioned that ex I felt really stupid about letting myself believe you were still… still in love with me.”
Beca’s vision blurs. She blinks hastily to clear it but fails as more tears pool in her eyes. “I– you were with Matthew. I couldn’t risk losing you by telling you the truth.” She exhales slowly. “I can’t go through that again.”
“You’re not,” Chloe murmurs. Her own eyes are glistening, her voice wavering. “I’m still here and I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
“Does that mean–” Beca clears her throat to get rid of the tremor in her voice. It doesn’t work. “Does that mean you feel the same way?”
“Yeah.” Chloe quickly wipes under her eye. “You’re the love of my life, Bec.”
Beca chokes on a sob and presses her palms to her eyes to stop the tears from flowing. “My music is about to get a lot less depressing, my fans are going to riot.”
Chloe giggles and folds herself in Beca’s arms, tucking her face in the crook of Beca’s neck. Beca closes her eyes and takes it all in; that unbridled happiness that moves through her, the kind only Chloe Beale is able to summon.
When Chloe lifts her head and Beca lowers hers, their lips meet in a soft, lingering kiss that ignites every single cell in Beca’s body. She cups Chloe’s cheek to keep her there a moment longer, just basking in it.
“You’re staying here tonight,” Chloe murmurs when they part, not that Beca had any intention of leaving her.
“You’re as bossy as I remember, Beale,” she jokes, afraid she might start crying again otherwise.
“We’re not having sex though, Maddie might walk in on us.”
Beca lets out a watery chuckle. “I’ve been hung up on you for years, I think I can wait a little longer.”
She’s still feeling on cloud nine as she slides under the covers next to Chloe a little while later. It feels both odd and incredibly familiar.
“So, serious talk now,” Chloe says as soon as she’s settled, twisting onto her side to face Beca.
“Uh oh,” Beca teases, yelping when Chloe swats her arm. “Jesus. Back together not even ten minutes and you’re already violent.”
Chloe pouts a bit, prompting Beca to kiss it away. Getting to do that still feels surreal.
“Sorry. Serious talk, go.”
“It goes without saying that my life is a bit complicated at the moment,” Chloe starts. “The divorce isn’t finalized yet, neither is custody and I don’t want to rock Maddie’s life with this just yet. I know she’ll be thrilled about us being together but…”
“I get it.” She catches Chloe’s fingers loosely, just craving some sort of physical contact. “You set the tone, I’ll follow. I don’t care when you decide to tell her, I know it’ll be the right decision.”
Chloe closes the distance for a sweet kiss. “Thank you.”
“Won’t she ask questions if she shows up in the middle of the night and finds me in your bed, though?” Beca asks after a moment’s thought.
“I can just tell her you stayed over instead of sleeping in the bus.”
Beca raises an eyebrow. “You think she’ll believe that when she sees you clinging to me like a koala bear?” She quips. “Unless that’s changed and you’re not as cuddly as before when you sleep.”
“Oh, I’m very much the same,” Chloe tells her with a laugh. Beca was secretly hoping it was still the case. “Friends cuddle, right?”
“Sure,” Beca says. “Let’s just hope she’s as tone deaf as me when it comes to love signals, because I’m pretty sure my eyes are shooting off hearts whenever I look at you.”
“You’re so cheesy,” Chloe murmurs. She nuzzles Beca’s neck. “We should sleep. Maddie’ll be up at the crack of dawn.”
“Alright, alright.” She tilts Chloe’s chin and presses her smiling lips to Chloe’s. “Goodnight.”
“Night, Bec.”
*
The rest of the tour goes excruciatingly slow now that Beca has someone to go home to. She and Chloe call each other as much as they can, falling back in their relationship as though they’d never been apart.
This time around, she doesn’t dread touching down in New York at the end of the tour. Excitement fills her chest on her drive to Chloe’s place; Maddie is with her father this week, and while Beca is a bit bummed out she won’t see her right away, she’s also craving Chloe all to herself.
Beca’s barely stepped out of her car that Chloe is barreling into her, throwing her arms around her neck as she squeals. “Jesus, Beale,” she grumbles, hiding her smile in Chloe’s sweater as she squeezes her tight. “Looks like you missed me or something.”
Chloe is pulling away the next beat and tugging Beca in for a kiss that makes her head spin. “Inside, now,” Chloe rushes out when they part, taking Beca’s hand and leading her towards the door.
Beca laughs and follows, already tugging her jacket off before she’s past the threshold.
“How are you doing with Maddie being gone for the week?” She asks much later as they lounge in Chloe’s living-room in minimal clothing, take-out containers sprawled across the coffee table.
“It’s always rough the first day,” Chloe says. Beca’s thumb strokes the inside of her bare knee back and forth as she listens. “I hate dropping her off at her dad’s, but I guess that’ll fade as we get used to that new rhythm.”
“Hopefully,” Beca murmurs. “What about her?”
“She’s been taking it in strides.” Chloe smiles. “That’s what matters most to me.”
“The fact that you and Matthew get along probably makes it so much easier for her,” Beca says. “My parents couldn’t even be in the same room as each other for the first few years and I remember feeling really sad about that.”
Chloe covers Beca’s hand with her own. “Yeah, I can’t imagine…”
“But that won’t happen to Maddie,” Beca tells her confidently. “There won’t be split birthdays or only one of her parents going to see her recitals or games. That’s amazing.”
Chloe puffs out a breath. “I hope that’s enough.”
“Like you said when you told me you and Matthew were separating," Beca starts. “It’s better to have two parents apart who get along than two parents together who constantly fight.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Chloe’s head finds her shoulder, a comfortable silence settling between them for a moment. “Have you been writing new songs?”
“A couple,” Beca replies. “They’re both disgustingly happy.”
Chloe giggles, the sound making Beca’s heart flutter. “I’m sorry?”
“Yep, it’s all your fault. I’ll publicly blame you whenever that album comes out.”
“I’ll take it.”
The next month unfolds even better than Beca had pictured. Whenever Maddie is with Matthew, she and Chloe are basically attached to the hip. During Chloe’s week, she comes over for dinner at least twice. Keeping her hands away from Chloe proves difficult, especially because it’s all so natural to her, but Maddie was thankfully not looking the couple of times she slipped.
She’s at home trying a new arrangement when a text from her girlfriend comes through.
I need a favor
what’s up?
I’ve got an emergency surgery, would you mind picking Maddie up from school and dropping her off at her dance lesson?
not at all :)
Thank you baby!! I’ll call the school to let them know. You’re staying for dinner
good deal, see you later
“Beca!!” Maddie exclaims as soon as she spots her by the school gate.
“Hey kiddo,” Beca greets with a grin, taking her hand to start down the sidewalk. “How was school?”
“Good.” Maddie swings their hands adorably. “Did you know the girl praying mantis eats the boy after mating?”
Beca chuckles; she’s used to Maddie blurting out facts out of nowhere. She’s very much like her mom in that way. “Did you learn that in science class?”
“No, Theo told me after he kissed me on the mouth during recess.”
That however, nearly makes Beca choke on her saliva. “What?”
“I’ve seen you and mom do it and wanted to try!”
well, fuck.
“I see,” is all she can muster, her voice coming out in a squeak as she feels her face catch on fire and a sudden sweat break along her spine. She has no fucking clue what to do with that bomb Maddie just dropped on her or how Chloe wants her to handle it. They didn’t practice that scenario. One thing she knows is that Chloe always goes for honesty when possible. “Is that okay? Me kissing your mom and um… being her girlfriend?”
“I like when you’re at our house and you’re around a looooot since you came home,” Maddie says. “And mom smiles a lot when you’re here.”
“Okay then,” Beca tells her, feeling the tight band around her chest loosen enough for her to breathe properly. “I’m glad you know, Mads. And I love being at your house too and hang out with you.”
After dropping Maddie off to her dance lesson, Beca decides to head to Chloe’s clinic since it’s only five blocks away. She isn’t sure how long her surgery is supposed to last, but luckily Chloe steps out just twenty minutes later.
“Hi,” Chloe says when she spots Beca, a smile lighting up her features. “What are you doing here?”
“Figured we could walk back together,” Beca says. “Or grab a drink at the bar across the street until Maddie’s lesson is over?”
“I love that second option.” She steps closer for a lingering kiss, Beca humming in delight.
She takes Chloe’s hand and laces their fingers as they cross the street and head inside. They grab a table by the window and order a couple of cocktails.
“So, Maddie knows about us,” Beca blurts out as soon as Chloe is done telling her about her day.
Chloe’s eyebrows fly up. “She does? How?”
“Apparently she saw us kissing,” Beca explains. “Which prompted her to try it out with Theo from her class.”
“Oh my god.” Chloe lets out a giggle. “I wish I had been there to see your reaction.”
Beca’s jaw drops. “That’s what we’re focusing on and not your seven-year-old daughter making out with some boy at recess?”
Chloe laughs again, reaching across the table to take Beca’s hand. “It’s natural that she’s curious, especially if she’s seen us do it. What did you say?”
“After panicking for a whole minute, you mean?” Beca deadpans, then sighs. “I wasn’t sure how you wanted me to handle that, but I went for honesty.”
A small smile curves Chloe’s lips. “I’m glad. I would have done the same thing. She took it well, I’m guessing?”
“Yeah. She’s amazing. I’m so relieved she’s not upset about it or anything.”
“I wasn’t worried one bit. She loves you,” Chloe says. “I’m pretty sure she can’t think of anyone cooler dating her mom.”
Beca feels her cheeks warm. “Now you’re just trying to flatter me, Beale.”
Chloe leans across the distance between them to tug Beca into a long kiss. “I love you.”
The Beca from the start of the year would have never imagined she would hear those words from Chloe ever again. “I love you, too.”