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Lance downed his second glass of homemade punch. He had mixed some fizzy off brand soda from his dad's store, pineapple juice, and whatever alcohol he had in the pantry (which turned out to be gin) in a dollar store pitcher. Not his best work, but it was drinkable.
The goal wasn't to be absolutely sloshed, but he really didn't want to be sober tonight.
The upcoming weekend was the five year anniversary of the end of the war, and the other paladins were due to show up any minute now. The recent months had passed fast, between the planting season and his part time gig in the summer. It had been at least a year since Lance had seen any of the other paladins of voltron in person.
He didn't really remember how the whole party thing had gotten planned, but during one of their video chats Shiro had thrown out the date and then Hunk had asked if they could use his house because “it's's the biggest place we have and that's the only place where everyone can stay overnight and I really don't want to sleep in my car.”
Lance had agreed because he did have the most space out of all of them, and with his couch (and an extra air mattress) they could all stay there comfortably. And, at the time, the idea of a get together seemed more based in fiction than reality. But plans slowly came together and now Lance was drinking in his kitchen and picking slices of meat off the cheese board while anxiously waiting for his friends to arrive.
Lance bounced on his heels to try to sooth the nervous fluttering in his stomach. He grabbed another slice of sausage from the plate and nudged the others around to cover the open space. Shit, he didn’t know why he was so nervous. It was probably because he hadn’t been around people that weren't his family in ages.
Of course he saw his neighbors often, and the occasional newcomer in his dad’s store. But people his own age were few and far between. The nightlife in his small farmtown was nonexistent. Even if there had been stuff to do, Lance was more often inclined to keep to himself these days. His sister regularly said he was 23 going on 60.
Hunk and Pidge showed up first, together as usual.
The front door banged open without a knock and both of them stumbled in with bags hanging off of every extremity. Even though Lance was used to his family barging in, he still startled.
He rushed over to take some of the bags from Pidge, but they just dumped them on the floor. The first thing Lance noticed was how tall Pidge had gotten and he instantly felt a rush of regret that after all the time he spent watching Pidge grow up, he had somehow missed them becoming an adult.
“Oh my God, I missed you guys so much-” Lance started to say, but Hunk immediately went in for a hug, wrapping his much larger body around Lance’s and squeezing so tight Lance’s air flow was cut off. Hunk held on for a moment longer and then stepped back. His hair was a bit longer than the last time they had video called, but otherwise he was the exact same as he had been a year ago when Hunk had last visited his family’s farm.
“Holy shit, Lance, this place is so cool!” Pidge gave him a quick side hug. Unlike Hunk, Pidge had never been there before.
“Hey, watch your mouth,” Lance teased, “aren’t you like twelve?”
“Very funny. Never heard that one before,” Pidge said. “There's pasta salad in one of these bags. And this place is sick. Much bigger than my apartment.”
Hunk stopped rummaging through the bags and interrupted, “And homemade carrot cake! I used carrots grown in my garden.”
“Hunk, I missed your cooking so much,” Lance said, “and of course it's bigger, you live in a closet, dude.” Pidge was living in university housing while working on their thesis. “My great grandparents used to live here, and then my cousin’s family- until they outgrew it. I found Legos in one of the vents last week actually.”
“My apartment’s not that bad. And it's included in my scholarship. Besides, it does keep me from buying things ‘cause I have nowhere to put anything,” Pidge laughed. “I was looking into getting a storage unit, though.”
Hunk shook his head behind Pidge in protest, where they couldn’t see and Lance laughed. He held up his arms, miming how tall the piles were in height compared to Pidge. Lance had seen Pidge’s apartment in the background of their video calls, and it didn't seem like limited space kept them from buying books and random parts.
“I brought a few drinking games too,” said Pidge. “And,” they pointed their finger in Lance’s face, “before you say it, yes, I’m old enough to drink.”
Lance raised his hands up to his shoulders in mock surrender. “I would never.”
“We brought the one where you like, answer the question that’s on the card or do the challenge or you have to drink,” Hunk said, pulling a plastic container from one of the bags. “Found it! Nevermind, this is one of Pidge’s computer thingies.” Hunk shook the container and something metal clanked around inside. He tossed it back in and reached for another bag.
“Hunk, that’s every drinking game ever. Also be careful with that, Keith asked me to fix it and I'm returning it.” Pidge took the box from Hunk and set it on the counter.
Lance reached for the tin, opened it, and pulled out a heavy gadget with multicolored wires attached. “What the hell is it?”
“Motorcycle control module. He mailed it to me a few days ago,” Pidge said. “Oh, speak of the devil.”
Lance looked out the window and saw Shiro walking up the steps to the porch, followed by Keith. Shiro had his hands full, so Lance went over to pull the door open just as Keith was raising his fist to knock. He froze for one heartbeat, locking eyes with Keith as he awkwardly lowered his fist.
Although the paladins video called monthly and regularly sent selfies in their groupchat, Lance didn’t realize how different he was going to look in person. And to be honest, Lance rarely joined the calls anymore. Keith seemed older in a way that didn't translate over the screen.
“Hey, m-” Pidge and Hunk swarmed them.
“Hey Lance,” Shiro said, pushing past them and into the house, “It’s been forever. Are you taller?” He watched as Keith allowed himself to be embraced by Pidge and gave Hunk’s shoulder an affectionate shake.
“Uhhh,” Lance put his hand, flat, on the top of his head. “I doubt it. Maybe?” In the corner of his peripheral Keith was still looking at him from the doorway
“Wow,” Pidge said, sarcastically, “You really have matured. A few years ago you would have lost your mind if you’d grown half an inch.”
Shiro set his own plastic sacks on the counter to give him a hug, finally drawing his attention away from Keith. “I think you might be taller than Keith now, actually. You look good. Don’t go so long without calling me again.”
“Yes, Captain,” Lance joked, but he knew that it came out less sarcastic and more depressing. He knew that he had been slacking recently.
Shiro gave him a knowing half-smile, and nodded towards the punch and stack of glasses on the counter. “Is this ready?”
“Yes!” Lance sprung into action, grabbing the stack of glasses and started to hand them out to everyone. “I made it earlier so the ice might have melted a bit, but it’s still pretty strong so be careful.” He gestured to the counter space by the pitcher.
“Whatever you guys brought can just be put here. There's space in the fridge if we need it, too.” Lance opened the fridge and pulled out the rest of the food he had put together earlier that day, including a bowl of expertly cut-up fruit.
Shiro lifted some sort of cheesy pasta dish in a casserole pan and asked “Can we use the oven to heat this up?”
“Sure! Does anyone else need the oven?” For a few minutes Lance’s small kitchen was transformed as dishes were unwrapped and heated. They effortlessly danced around each other to grab utensils and set out plates as Shiro started the oven and Hunk set a plastic container of pasta salad and another covered tin on the counter, which Lance assumed was the carrot cake. He definitely wasn’t waiting until dessert to try that.
Keith cleared his throat. “Umm, where do you want this?” He held up a box of crackers.
Lance said “Oh, that's for the cheese plate. You can just put it there,” he pointed to an empty space on the counter.
“Me and Hunk bought cinnamon rolls for breakfast, too,” Pidge said. “I forgot them in the car, I’ll be right back. Those really need to go in the fridge.”
Pidge quickly hopped up to run back out to the car, although Lance figured that the rolls were fine. It wasn’t hot enough outside to cause any real damage, especially during the five minutes they had been inside.
“We can eat as soon as the casserole is heated up, then,” Lance said. “That’ll probably only take a few minutes. I figured we could snack throughout the night too. There’s sliced fruit, a cheese board, and pretzels with dip.” Lance pointed them out as he listed off the stuff he’d made. “Hunk, what other games did you bring?”
Hunk nodded back to the entryway, “I have no idea, most of them aren't mine. I think there’s Uno.” He went to look through the many bags they had carried inside.
“Anyway,” Lance said, “We can always start a game or a movie and come back to it after we eat. I don’t really know what your plan was, Shiro.”
“I don’t have one,” Shiro said, “We can do whatever the group decides. Hey, where’s your bathroom? I’ve had to go since we left.”
Lance pointed down the hall. “First door on the left.”
“Thanks.” Shiro threw his coat over the closest chair and followed Lance’s directions down the hallway.
And just as quickly as his house devolved into chaos, it was quiet again. Lance adjusted the containers on the counter so he could fit a pile of forks. Where did he set those paper plates he bought yesterday? He wasn’t executing this much food. Maybe above the sink?
His train of thought was interrupted when Keith cleared his throat and said “So you live here on your own?”
Lance abandoned his search of his cabinets to look at Keith. He was still standing in the doorway with the crackers. “Uh, yeah. I’m almost twenty four, I don’t really want to live with my parents. And this place was already in the family.” Maybe he left them with the other stuff in the closet.
Keith suddenly looked a lot more uncomfortable. “Oh yeah, of course. I mean I figured you did but was just wondering cause I know there's so many of you guys and-”
Lance needed to curb whatever uneasy energy had suddenly settled on the house so he interrupted. “Hey, Pidge fixed your bike computer thing. That box.” He gestured with the serving spoons in his hand towards the counter.
“Oh, nice.” Keith picked the box up and slipped it into his pocket as Pidge flung the front door open for the second time that evening.
“Alright, let’s get this party started!”
Ten minutes later, everyone was sitting in Lance’s living room with a plate full of food. Hunk, Shiro, and Lance were sharing the old, striped couch. Keith was in the recliner adjacent to Shiro. Lance was on the other end of the couch. Pidge was on the floor with their plate on the coffee table so they could shovel dip into their mouth easier.
“So I was thinking we can start off easy with truth or drink,” Shiro said.
As paladins living in the castle, they had a billion game nights together, but very few where they had been able to get drunk without having to worry about being prepared to fight for their lives at a moment's notice.
“Jesus, Shiro, are you trying to kill Keith?” Pidge joked with a mouth full of pretzels. “Just kidding!” They slapped Keith’s leg with the back of their hand.
“Ha, Ha,” Keith laughed, sarcastically. “I’m not incapable of being honest, you know.”
“Well then it’s decided,” Lance said, wiggling his eyebrows at Keith. “Who’s got a question?”
“Hold on, hold on,” Shiro said. “Let's establish some rules first. If you get asked a question and don’t want to answer you have to finish your drink. The askee can then ask the next person. And-” Shiro held up his hand, “The point of the game isn’t to give each other alcohol poisoning.”
“Like hell it’s not!” Pidge exclaimed. “You wouldn't let me drink with you guys for ages. I’m not wasting this.”
Lance pushed himself off of the couch to retrieve the pitcher of punch in the kitchen. Based on past rendition of the game, he figured most of them would be finishing their drinks rather early. His left knee ached as he stood up. Maybe his sister was right and he really was sixty years old.
“Ok, I’m going first,” Pidge said. They pointed at Hunk. “And you’re my first victim.”
Hunk crossed his arms. “Shoot. I’m not hiding anything.”
“Ok, then, tough guy. Why haven’t you proposed to Shay yet?”
Hunk sputtered and Lance immediately felt bad for the guy for being put on the spot. But at the same time, Lance had already had a few drinks and was genuinely curious.
“There just hasn’t been the right moment yet!” Hunk argued . “I’m going to!”
Everyone laughed at Hunk’s earnestness.
“Hmmm,” Pidge said. “I guess that’ll do. Your turn then.”
Hunk leaned forward and tapped his fingertips together in imitation on an evil mastermind. It made Lance a bit nervous for himself because Hunk definitely knew him well enough to choose a question that could guarantee he had to drink. But instead, Hunk turned to Keith.
“Oh, God.” Keith said, groaning.
Shiro chuckled at Keith’s reaction.
“Out of everyone here, who do you trust the least?” Hunk asked.
Keith rolled his eyes. “Dude, what kind of question is that? Obviously I trust everyone here. I don’t want to make anyone upset.”
“I think the point is to force you to drink, man,” Lance offered.
“Well it worked,” Keith said, and finished his mostly full cup. He held it back out to be refilled and Pidge obliged. “My turn now, I guess. Shiro…”
Shiro actually started to look nervous. “Please go easy on me.”
“I’m thinking.” Then, Keith said with an evil grin, “How did you get Adam to forgive you after we got back?”
Pidge immediately started to cackle, instantly understanding where the question was leading.
“I am absolutely not answering that, especially in front of you kids,” Shiro said and chugged the rest of his drink. “But if that’s the way you want to play…Lance, your question. When was the last time you had sex?”
Lance, who was mid sip and already quite tipsy, choked on his drink.
“Uhhhh… Maybe like a year or two? Wait, fuck, I forgot I didn't have to answer that!”
Ok, so maybe Lance had underestimated how strong the punch was and overestimated his alcohol tolerance. “Y- you guys don't need to know that!” He sputtered.
“I was trying to get you to drink,” Shiro said, throwing his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t think you’d actually answer it!”
“Wait, wait, wait, hold on,” Pidge said. “Go back. Lance, for real?”
He was never going to live this down.
“I’ve been busy, ok?” Between the work he was doing outside, and managing a large part of the behind the scenes work of his family's store and farm, Lance rarely even left the property. And it wasn’t like there were droves of eager young ladies in his small hometown, anyway.
“What happened to Mr. Ladies Man? You used to pull all the alien girls!” Hunk chimed in.
Lance hesitated for a second, and then decided he needed to defend his honor. “Hey, I could pull if I wanted to! I just really haven't had the opportunity. You should know about that, Mr. has had a girlfriend for 10 years and hasn’t proposed yet.”
“It hasn’t been 10 years!” Hunk argued.
“Ok guys,” Shiro interrupted. “He answered the question. Lance, who do you want to ask?”
Pidge quickly spoke up. “Now that I think about it, I don’t remember you ever mentioning anyone, Lance. Have you actually not had a girlfriend since the war?”
Lance could tell that he probably wasn’t going to escape this easily, now that both Hunk and Keith looked interested. “No, Ok. I haven’t. I’m a single loser who can’t even get anyone to go out with him.”
Maybe his tone was too harsh, but Pidge and Hunk instantly sobered up.
“I didn’t mean anything by it, Lance, I promise we aren't judging.” Pidge said.
“Yeah, man,” Hunk agreed, “No judgement here.” He patted Lance on the shoulder.
“Maybe what they’re trying to say is that they are just surprised?” Keith offered.
Lance swung around to face him, eyebrows raised. “Surprised? What is that supposed to mean? Surprised that I’m not more of a slut and dragging home a new girl every weekend?”
“No, of course not, but you did have a reputation- that you encouraged, by the way!” Keith said pointedly.
“Oh, of course, it’s my fault. I encouraged it.” Lance was annoyed now. Only Keith could manage to insult him and finally acknowledge his ability to pull women at the same time.
“You did!” Keith exclaimed.
“Whatever,” Lance said, shrugging his hand off. “It’s fine. I’m going to the bathroom. Don’t wait for me to keep playing.”
He left the room in awkward silence. He passed the door to the bathroom and instead climbed the stairs to go up to the bedroom in the attic.
Lance sat on the edge of his bed, fingers clutching at the quilt his grandmother had made him for one of his earlier birthdays. It was green and blue checkered, and had long ago lost most of the buttons from his endless fiddling with them as a nervous habit.
He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. He would just sit here for a moment and then go back down. He knew that his friends didn’t mean any harm with their jokes. And he was probably overly emotional because of the drinks. He dug himself into this hole a long time ago with his self proclaimed proclivity towards women. Lance regretted agreeing to this party in the first place.
Of course something was going to go wrong. As many good memories Lance had as part of Voltron, there were just as many bad ones, and they were just waiting to be brought to the surface. It was easy to forget how many times the team had argued while planning for a mission or during a battle. And how easily they were able to find each other’s insecurities and endlessly pick at them.
A quiet tapping drew his attention and he saw Keith standing in the doorway. He looked just as awkward as he did when he first arrived with Shiro, but now Lance wondered if he was just uncomfortable being here.
He probably thought Lance was going to yell at him for being in his room, or kick him out of the house entirely.
“Hey,” Keith said, “Can we talk?”
Lance nodded. He didn't really know what Keith wanted to talk about; there wasn't much left to say after their argument. It's not like he expected them to get along; he and Keith had always had trouble in the friendship department. Still, it had been a year since they'd even seen each other and somehow they hadn’t lasted an hour.
Keith leaned on the door frame, “What are you doing here, Lance? I mean really.”
“What do you mean? In my bedroom?” Lance asked sarcastically. If Keith could dish out jokes about his so called reputation, Lance wasn’t feeling inclined to be communicative either.
“I mean here, as in living in the middle of nowhere, so far from the rest of us and the Garrison. I mean seriously, when was the last time you hung out with someone your age?”
“Oh, here we go again.” Lance rolled his eyes. “Just couldn’t let it go, huh?”
“Lance. I’m being serious.”
Fine. If Keith wanted a serious answer Lance would give him one. “I see my family almost every day. And there's lots of people that come into the store. I go to the store a few towns over every month or so to stock up on groceries. A few kids from my middle school still live there. ”
“And when you’re not working on the farm or in the store?” Keith asked,
Lance wasn’t really sure what Keith was trying to get out of him, or even why he was asking. Why the hell did he even care if Lance hung out with anyone?
“I like what I’m doing, Keith.” Lance stood up so he could look Keith in the eye. “Or is that too hard for you to understand because you're miserable and just projecting it onto me?”
“I know about the job offer they gave you."
“And now you’re changing the subject?”
Keith scowled as he crossed his arms. "It was perfect Lance. Unbeatable. You can’t tell me that the Garrison didn’t literally offer you your literal dream job and then you rejected it"
How the fuck did Keith even know about that offer from the Garrison? That had been a private conversation between him and the Commander. And it had been almost five years ago.
After a briefing meeting with Shiro, and some of the Garrison's top officials, the Commander had cornered him and offered him a teaching position, no interview needed. He would have worked with some of the more gifted students outside of the simulator and actually practiced with them in the field.
Lance had outright refused, stating that he was very flattered, but he was needed at home.
Keith and Shiro were still working for the Garrison. Shiro was leading their newer department for extraterrestrial relations. Keith was hired to help Shiro, under the conditions that he gave an occasional guest lecture. But that was years ago, and honestly Lance had no idea if either of them were still in those roles.
Maybe Shiro had a little bit of a point. He should try to call and catch up with everyone more often.
The offer given to him had been tempting at the time, and Lance would be lying if he said he never thought about it. The Commander had made it clear that if Lance asked to come back any time in the future, the job was his. But no, that wasn't his life anymore. His mom was getting older and couldn’t help with the farm work as much, and his father couldn’t handle managing the store and farm alone.
“This is where I want to be, with my family,” He said earnestly. “This was always the plan, Keith, to come back here.” Lance meets his gaze. “Are you mad because I didn't want to work with you guys? Cause it was never about you.”
“Of course it wasn’t.” Keith shook his head.
“What?” Lance asked, confused.
“Never mind,” Keith said. “I’m not mad, I'm just concerned. I thought you wanted to be a pilot. Wasn't that your dream? Everyone else might be buying this happy farmer act, but I'm not.”
Happy Farmer act? Who did Keith think he was, talking to him like that?
"My dream, Keith, was to be home, with my mom and dad and sisters and cousins, and everyone else that I love and didn’t get to be with while I was trapped in fucking space for years! This is where I want to be. It doesn't matter what I'm doing here. Why do you think that you know what I want better than I do? I fought in a literal war to be able to come back home. Are you saying I don’t deserve this?”
“Of course not! It’s just-”
Although he knows he will regret it later, Lance reaches out and shoves Keith’s shoulder. “Just fucking what?”
Luckily for him, Keith doesn't shove back,
“The Lance I know- the Lance I knew- never would have settled for this life that you’re living right now.”
“I didn’t settle! I wanted this every day while I was in space! All I thought about was getting back home.”
Keith sighed. “I know.”
“Why the hell do you even care so much? They need me here.”
“Yeah, but you're not happy, Lance.”
“Happy?” Lance scoffed and shook his head. “I'm alive. I'm home! What else is there to be happy about?”
“You haven't talked to anyone in months, Lance. No one had heard from you in forever before we planned this. You don’t join the video calls anymore; you don't answer my texts.” Keith gestured wildly in the air, trying to prove some unspoken point. “And we've been home for years and I've never even been to your house, don't you think that's weird?”
“Why is that so weird? We've visited, and I don't need to invite you to my house. Why the hell would you even want to come here?” Lance asked.
“Because we miss you, Lance! I miss having you around. I want to see where you live and be a part of your life again. We all do.”
“Why?” Lance asked, exasperated. “It's not like we were friends, Keith. You weren't even that close to anyone besides Shiro. I honestly thought you hated all of us for the longest time,” he admitted.
He sat back down on the bed, tired of arguing. This was the most he's talked to the other paladins in ages.
Keith's eyes dropped to the floor. "I thought we were friends, Lance."
Lance looked him in the eye and said bluntly, "Well, I guess you thought wrong."
—
A few minutes later Lance made himself rejoin the others in the living room; partially because he’d been gone a while, and partially because he wanted another drink.
“What did you say to him, Lance? He just stormed outside and looked pretty messed up,” Pidge said when he sat back down on the couch. “Shiro went to talk to him.”
“Nothing, he just was being really weird and saying all this shit about this ‘not being what I was supposed to do,’ or something. Like what does that even mean?” Lance made air quotes with his fingers.
Hunk gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “Probably that for years you told everyone you were going to be the best fighter pilot in our generation and then you came home and started going to the farmers market every Saturday and spending all your time raising chickens and various vegetation.”
When Hunk saw the look on Lance's face he quickly added, "Which is admirable!"
“Well, yeah, but things change,” Lance argued. “After Allura died, I just wanted to go home and be done with the war. Have time to mourn and to process everything that happened. Do you ever thing about how fucked up the stuff we went through was? Like why were teenagers in charge of a literal galactic war? And I like it here. My family needs my help.”
“Do they?” Pidge asked.
“Well yeah,” Lance said. “My mom tells me how much easier stuff is with me here all the time.”
“Lance, come on, I know your dad,” They argued. “He'd be fine if you'd taken that job at the Garrison.”
“Hold up, does everyone know about that?” Lance hadn’t even told anyone when he had been offered the position.
Pidge nodded. “My dad found out and told Shiro. And then he told us. At the time we did think you were going to accept it.”
“I thought about it. I still do, I just don't know if I can live with myself if I leave them here.”
“That's ok, Lance,” Hunk said reassuringly. “I know everyone expected you to go off and become a super epic pilot, but sometimes you have to do what's best for your family. Just don't forget that they want you to be happy too, okay?”
“I know. Thank you guys.”
“Don’t worry about it, man. That's what friends are for.” Hunk reached around and gave him a side hug. Pidge refilled his cup.
—
He found Keith sitting in the driver's seat of Lance's red pickup. It hadn't been started in a few days and was parked under the huge oak tree in front of the house. He almost slipped climbing in the passenger seat, the drinks making his balance poorer than it usually was. His vision tilted a bit. The cab was warm; holding in the summer heat of the day. He left his door open.
Keith was hunched down in the seat with his knees propped up on the wheel. He was fidgeting with a piece of receipt paper.
“Are you stealing my truck?” Lance asked, halfway joking.
“I was going to, but then I realized I'd have to break this plastic piece to start it without the keys and I figured you would never forgive me.”
Lance quickly leaned over and inspected the truck for any damages.
Keith looked at him with one eyebrow raised. “Kidding.”
“Oh. Funny.” Lance huffed out a breath, comforted by the fact that his grandfather's truck was still in one piece. “Thanks for not... doing that.”
He realized how close he was to Keith and instantly felt his face flush. “If you wanted to drive it I’d just give you the key.” He sat back.
“Is it like flying a lion?” Keith asked.
“Not really. Wait, do you not have your license? You’re absolutely not driving my truck without a license."
Keith huffed out a laugh. “Never got it. I had my bike.”
“Well if you want to learn, I’d teach you. It’s a manual, though, so it's a little different than most cars nowadays.”
“I might take you up on that,” Keith said. “Are you… feeling better?”
“Yeah. I talked to Hunk and Pidge for a second.”
Keith waited quietly for him to continue, staring straight ahead out the windshield.
“They basically said the same thing you did,” Lance admitted.
“Oh.”
“I know that staying here wasn’t my dream. I know that I always wanted more. And I know I should have taken that stupid job,” Lance said.
“Why didn't you, then?”
“Because I can't leave, ok?” Lance said, but not harshly. He knew that none of the other paladins understood what he came back home to. The responsibility he felt.
“Why not, Lance? Your parents will understand. And I think they’re more capable than you know.”
Lance folded forward and placed his head on top of the backs of his hands on the dash. “Because what if the next time I leave, they aren't here when I come back.”
Lance didn't really know where his honesty came from, but as he said it out loud, he realized he had been trying to admit it to himself for a long time. The longer the admission floated in the air between them, the more real it became.
Keith was quiet for a moment, and then said “I'm sorry. I didn't-”
“No, you don't have to be sorry, I know it's so stupid and of course they're going to be here,” Lance rambled, “I just can't get the feeling out of my mind. That as soon as I leave, something is going to happen to them. Or I’ll be unable to come back, like last time. What if we get pulled into some mission? What if it's years again? Or even longer this time?”
“I guess I never really thought about it like that. The only people that mattered to me were up there with us," Keith said, looking out of the windshield. “I went to space to find my family. And it's not like there was anyone here for me to come back to.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Lance apologized quickly, “I'm being so stupid, I should have realized.”
He was such an idiot. Of course Keith would know what that was like after losing his parents so young. He couldn't believe he had forgotten and had the nerve to complain about worrying about losing his own family in front of the guy.
Lance reached out and briefly squeezed Keith’s hand. He hoped Keith wouldn't feel how sweaty his palm was. Keith looked at him and their eyes finally met.
“I mean I never did until I had you. I mean you guys. Like Voltron. I get it,” Keith explained, quickly. “Like feeling as soon as I'm too far away to help, something bad is going to happen. That it's inevitably going to. When I was with the Blade I thought about it all the time. God- I used to get nightmares about hearing that you were hurt weeks after it happened and it was too late to do anything.
What I’m saying is, I get it. You aren’t the only one who feels that way. If you wanted, you could talk to Shiro too. He’s told me how scary it is for him traveling all the time, and leaving Adam on Earth. Do you remember how long it took him to go back to space after they found each other again?”
“Yeah- I might. That's a good idea. Thanks.” Lance said, “I still don’t know if I'm going to take the job, though.”
“No one expects you to just uproot your entire life again, you know that, right? You could look into doing the guest lecture thing that I do sometimes. It's actually pretty cool. I have one next week if you want to come and see what it's about,” Keith offered.
After the horrible stuff Lance had said to him earlier Keith had still invited him to come watch him speak to a class?
“I'm sorry for what I said earlier, by the way. Of course we were friends. I was just being dumb.” Lance gave him a small smile. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Are friends,” Keith corrects.
“Huh?
“We are friends, Lance. It doesn't go away just because you moved across the planet and decided to become a hermit.”
Lance let out a small laugh. Fuck. He hadn't meant to let Keith know that he actually did find him funny sometimes.
“I wish I just took that stupid job with you and Shiro when I had the chance,” he admitted. “I don't regret staying, but maybe things could have been different. I should have just faced my fears head on.”
Keith gave him a look. “It can also be good to give yourself time to heal. We went through a lot. Jumping into teaching other people right away was a lot for me, even with the support system I had.”
“Me, a teacher.” Lance huffed. “I can’t even imagine it. I’m nothing like Shiro was.”
“Lance, you would be a great teacher. And if not, you can come work with me and my mom. As a back up plan.”
“I'd... I would love that, actually. I’ll think about it. Thank you.”
"Of course, who wouldn’t want to have Voltron's sharpshooter watching their back?" Keith gave him a small smile.
Lance had really missed this.
“Can I come next week to your guest lecturer thing? Just to see what it’s like?”
“For sure. I’m sure the kids would be ecstatic to see you there. I’ve only done a few of these things but they always ask about you.”
“Oh, really?” Lance teased. “And what do you tell them?”
“Only good things, I promise. And I definitely have never shown that picture of you getting chased by that evil speckled chicken your sister sent me.”
“No!” Lance practically yelled, laughing for real then. “You did not!”
Keith grinned at him. “Only once.”
“They’ll never respect me now!” Lance threw his head back into the seat. “I’m supposed to be a fearless paladin.”
“Well you can defend yourself next week. Not that you have to talk if you don't want to-” Keith added on quickly.
“I’ll think about it,” Lance promised.