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Her and Tuff have been sitting in the clubhouse together in silence for the better part of an hour. She hates quiet. It’s weird, it’s depressing, it’s entirely non-nut. She doesn’t feel very like herself. She’s just mad. And sort of distant and empty, a bit relieved that Heather actually didn’t run off and abandon her, and Tuff, but still mad.
That she didn’t bother telling anybody, and mostly that Astrid oh-so-sweetly kept it hidden. Little miss beauty, who managed so nicely to not tell them all the stuff she should’ve.
Thanks.
Hiccup was angry. He’d walked out right after, done and worn, Toothless grumbling and following him worriedly. Ruff only felt relief in that he has Toothless, and she’s worried about him, too, and knows she should follow him, but she just… doesn’t. Maybe he needs some time in his own head. Hiccup’s like that sometimes.
Her and Tuff always start setting fires when they’re trying not to think. But somehow that’s not enough now. She’s hurt and angry and circling right back to the very, very start of wondering wildly if somebody, or anybody even cares. Which is dumb.
But she’s still mad.
Oh, and Astrid’s here now. She sees the boots tramping just out of her line of sight and turns away pointedly, glaring into the night.
Behind them, Astrid sighs. But she doesn’t just nicely go away, either. Why? Can’t she get the point that Ruff does not want to talk to her?
“Guys, I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
“Well, you did,” Ruffnut snaps. She’s angry anyway – and she’s far past patience level of Astrid-dealing. The girl drives her crazy on a very normal day. Forget a non-normal one. And she’s already really beside herself.
Astrid lied to them about that?
“Yeah,” Tuff snaps, “Ruff and I are many, many things, but at least we don’t lie.”
“Uh,” Astrid says, pointed.
“We only lie when it’s funny,” Ruffnut snaps, “We do it as a joke, not something that could actually get somebody killed!” And she hates yelling at people, because that’s depressing and she hates when things get depressing, but she’s still so angry right now, and making fun of Viggo’s name was so much more fun than this.
“Some of your pranks get pretty wild, too,” Astrid replies, pointed, arms wrapped around herself. Ruff feels bad for yelling, almost, but she’s still angry – that was not a secret anyone should’ve kept.
“Ohh. So you’re gonna pull ‘the Nuts are chaotic’ thing,” Tuff snaps, picking himself up.
“I’m not going to defend myself,” Astrid replies, “But I still wanted to say, I didn’t tell anyone because Heather didn’t want me to, and more than that, I understood her reasons.” Ruff, being one of the few who isn’t overwhelmingly attached to Heather even if she definitely is fond of the girl, finds herself begrudgingly listening. Even if she’s still mad Astrid pulled a not-prank this bad on them.
“She was right about all of it,” she continues, “If it came to it, we’d have to fight to keep cover, and she knew Hiccup wouldn’t. He’d try to pull her out.”
“Is it bad I think he should?” Tuff asks, “I mean, dragon hunters? Dagur? He kinda went after Hiccup’s head for something half that bad.”
“Heather knows what she’s doing,” Astrid argues, and Ruffnut finds herself insntantly bristling.
“You’re tellin’ me Hiccup didn’t?”
“What?” Astrid blinks. “No, I’m not, though Hiccup’s never been exactly great at faking anything. He doesn’t keep secrets.”
Ruffnut scoffs. Hiccup was her best friend for years before Toothless. And he kept him secret from the entire island. Not even her and Tuff had the foggiest idea what was going on there. But she still lets the blond keep talking, even if she really wants to punch her.
“Same for Fishlegs,” Astrid continues, “We knew he’d never try to hurt her if he had to, even if it was for cover. And you and Snotlout – you’ve never… well, we didn’t think you’d be able to keep that covered.”
Ruff wants to cruse her off and snarl an entire nasty, somewhat uncalled-for series of unrepeatable things at the girl – except that Astrid is right. And Ruffnut hates that she’s right, that these strategy things always seem so much realer than anything her own mind can come up with.
She loves Hiccup, she does, but then she feels so completely and utterly useless.
“So,” Tuff says, maybe a little too simply, “Basically, you and Heather didn’t trust us.”
“That’s not exactly what I mean,” Astrid starts.
“But it’s true,” Ruff snaps right back. She grabs her brother by the arm and drags him out before he can start bawling or do anything utterly embarrassing, swallowing back the lump in her own throat and blinking furiously at the irritating wetness in her own eyes.
‘cuz it’s kinda true.
Her, Tuff, and Snotlout would never have been able to keep cover. If they knew what Heather was doing, she would have been worrying and Tuff would’ve been hysterical and irritating and driving her nuts, and they would’ve started yelling and someone would’ve heard, and Heather would be dead.
But she’s still mad.
Astrid didn’t trust them when she’s been friends with them for years. They’ve bene on the same team, even if they don’t always get along, and that’s a loose link no team can stand on.
Ruffnut would sneak off, deposit her brother with Barf and Belch and go to see Hiccup alone if she had the choice. At least she’s got Hiccup still – Tuff really just lost Heather. Doesn’t seem fair for her to hang out with Hiccup when Tuff…
“Should we check on Hiccup?” Ruff asks, anyway – she’s still worried. He basically stormed off after Astrid’s little revelation, and she hasn’t seen him since.
“Yeah. Better than staying here.”
And they head to Hiccup’s workshop, because he’s most certainly not in his house. He always goes to his workshop when he needs to sort his mind out. Drives everyone crazy. Ruff just finds it worrying.
And here’s there, yep, sharpening his knives and there’s a bunch of papers strewn out all around the tables, probably some sort of building plans, and if he’s gonna build another Dragonfly suit, Ruff is going to lose it. Okay, it’s cool, but if Hiccup gets himself killed, that would be really, really sad.
Though it was pretty fun to see him jumping off a cliff.
Toothless is there, of course, crouched in the corner, his eyes wide and worriedly watching his rider’s every move. He jumps to her and Tuff as soon as they walk in, hovering in the doorway, then picks himself up and makes this little sound. He looks sad, and she’s pretty sure he’s asking for help.
“Uh, hey, Hiccup,” Tuff says.
“Everything okay?” Hiccup asks, but his voice is too rough, too sharp and short.
“We’re just here to check on you,” Ruff offers, off-handed, immediately uncomfortable, though the look Toothless gives her is reassuring and overwhelmingly grateful in a way that somehow warms her heart just a bit. Hiccup really doesn’t listen to anyone when he gets like this, and it drives Toothless crazier than her.
But Hiccup’s really bad, dark-broody moods are so rare, they’re scary, and they hurt.
“Oh.” He sags a bit, worn, tired – still struggling so hard to bear a burden that should definitely not be his problem.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Tuffnut asks, “And I’m not trying to be annoying.”
“I’m not tired,” he answers, edgy. Lying.
“Hey, I’m mad, too,” Ruff offers, sliding onto his work bench next to him. Tuff is there, dropping himself nearby, shoulders slumped in misery, and Ruffnut finds herself wondering since when she became the family emotional fretter. She’s so bad at emotions. And taking care of people. That should never be her job.
“It’s just,” Hiccup fumbles out finally, “I know why they did it, but I trusted Astrid. She’s a good strategist, she really does half the leading herself, and I could’ve gotten somebody killed. Heather could’ve gotten killed.”
“I don’t wanna think about it,” Tuffnut mutters miserably. “I really want her back here, but I don’t think she cares.”
“I think she does, Tuff,” Hiccup replies, “But revenge can go a long way in hurting people. I – I don’t know.” And his face breaks a little, shattering in a way that Hiccup’s never should. The two most important boys in her life, and who she would absolutely kill for, though kill first for someone saying she’d do anything for Tuff. But still, she’s angry. And hurt, more than that.
Anger is just a mask for it, and Ruff doesn’t want to be anything like Astrid or Snotlout or Spitelout – angry always and lashing out, snapping and snarling and drawing weapons at any little thing. She doesn’t want to be hurt.
So she just acts like she isn’t until the mask becomes reality. And it’s the mask everyone hates her for.
“Heather was right about that,” Ruff mutters, finally, “If we knew she was gonna get into something so stupid and dangerous, we would’ve stopped her.”
“I would’ve tried,” Hiccup replies, tired. He is tired, worn, and looks like he’s about to pass out where he sits. His face is red, too – was he crying?
Probably.
Hiccup cries a lot when no one’s around But Toothless.
“I’m not sure it would’ve mattered.”
“She’s so confusing,” Tuff grumbles.
“Real confusing,” Ruff concurs.
“She’s just been through a lot, is all,” Hiccup mutters. “But that’s not the – the Astrid half. I really thought she had our backs here. I know, I shouldn’t be so harsh on her.”
“I think you should be harsher,” Ruffnut offers.
“No,” he interrupts, “She’s – she’s one of us, and she thought she was doing the right thing even if, obviously, she wasn’t.” He scrubs the end of the blade off and re-sheaths it. Ruff just wonders what he needed a knife for, anyway. Not like he’s ever killed anything. Except Fish. The idiot doesn’t even kill bugs.
Toothless comes in closer, making a quiet little worried sound and gently nuzzling his rider. He’s Hiccup’s version of Tuff more than Heather ever could be.
Calling them twins is funny, but they just… aren’t.
“Unfortunately, when trust is broken, it’s a very difficult thing to replenish,” Ruffnut reminds, uselessly.
“That’s what has me worried,” Hiccup murmurs quietly. “I – we can’t doubt her if she’s one of us. But you’re right – this will take some time to patch up.”
Ruff wants to say she’s not sure that she wants to, then remembers her anger-related decision and opts out. “Ughhhh, fine. I promise to make a small effort tin understanding our flaxen-haired friend.”
“I as well,” Tuff offers, raising a hand.
“Y – yeah, I – I guess that’s not a bad thing,” Hiccup settles on.
Toothless makes a quiet little sound again. Ruff’s lucky she’s learned to catch right on.
“Toothless thinks you should go to bed,” she tries.
“Sleepover!” Tuffnut cheers.
“I really don’t think –” Hiccup sags at the three identical glares heading his way. “Okay, fine. My hut or yours?”
“Yours has more room somehow,” Ruff complains, “Even if we have the bigger one.”
“I have less stuff,” Hiccup tries.
“Impossible!” Tuffnut shrieks, “You’re Hiccup Haddock, the third, which means there’s like three of you, you’re the inventor, the future chief, the…”
“Okay, I get it,” Hiccup interrupts. “I do have more things, I’m just, uh, good at conserving space.”
They shoo him off to his hut, and Ruff thinks later, buried beside Hiccup and Tuff, Toothless’s wings covering them all, and when Barf and Belch later wonder in – they forgot to put them in the stables. Oops – she feels a tiny bit better. Maybe. She’s still having a serious talk with Heather when the girl shows up again, though.