Work Text:
"Why is it so hard to obtain a baby?"
"I … don't even think this is an English translation thing, but most people don't obtain a baby."
"No, Pike probably just breathes near Jackie and she pops out another little Pike," Ilya grumbled. "I could've knocked you up eighty billion times by now."
"Wow," Shane exhaled on a harsh breath. "There's a lot to unpack in those sentences."
A literal minute ago, they'd been scrolling online looking for recipes to feed the guests Ilya had invited to the cottage for the weekend. How did they even get on this topic? What website is Ilya even on that would lead to this? Shane tipped himself sideways so he could subtly check out his husband's phone screen.
Huh. A recipe site.
Since he was halfway there, he shifted his body further until he was comfortably pressed against his husband. Why weren't they sitting like this before anyway? Ilya leaned over and kissed his temple quickly before he returned his attention to his phone.
"Why are you thinking about obtaining a baby?" Shane finally asked.
"We think about what the kids will eat when we pick meals when little Pikes visit. Do you think our baby will be picky eater like Arthur or eat anything like Amber?"
"Um, I think they just eat formula for a long time first?"
Ilya rolled his head to the side and Shane knew by the flat look he was receiving that that was not the answer Ilya was hoping for.
He felt a small grin tug at his mouth. "If it's your kid, it'll probably eat anything."
Shane expected a grin in return or even a small boast about how much his kid would love McGriddles, but instead, Ilya's expression turned much more serious than Shane thought a mock discussion required.
"And what if it's your kid?"
"Mine?"
Ilya nodded and his face softened as he ran a thumb under one of Shane's eyes. "Yes. The Hollander special. Pretty brown eyes and freckles."
Shane huffed softly and ducked his face before meeting Ilya's eyes again. "But then how do we get your curls?"
Ilya hummed before he tilted his phone screen towards Shane. "I'm thinking this for dinner tonight?"
"No, no, you will not win. I am made of tough Russian DNA. I win or the game is clearly glitching."
"You're playing as me!" Shane exclaimed with a scowl. He reminded himself that Svetlana was a guest and his husband's best friend and also considered one of his good friends by now (Ilya says so) so he really really shouldn't be upset that she'd claimed not only Ottawa but also him as her player for this round and was now effectively kicking his ass.
It had taken him a while to warm up to her, but Svetlana truly was a good friend to Ilya, which Shane appreciated. She'd even delivered gifts to Ilya's niece over the past few years for Ilya. Plus, she knew an impressive amount of hockey stats and had a sixth sense about how a team's season could play out that rivaled his mother's. As impressed as Shane had been the first time he'd really gotten into a playoff odds discussion with her, it'd been almost funny to watch how floored his mom was when Svetlana began a conversation with her about the upcoming draft class. Shane was waiting for his mom to try to adopt Svetlana the way she'd claimed Ilya.
Still, he wasn't feeling very warm towards the woman right now. He threw his controller to the other end of the couch when she scored another goal and began dancing in her seat on the cushion beside him.
"You're only winning because you're playing as me."
"No, is because Russian," Svetlana repeated slowly as if speaking to a child, if only because she knew Shane hated losing even more than he wanted to win.
Shane crossed his arms over his chest as he pressed his back into the couch. He was pouting and he knew it.
"It's not because you're Russian. I've had plenty of Russian in me over the years," Shane muttered.
Svetlana spewed the sip of water she'd just drank all over the coffee table just as Ilya and Anya entered via the sliding glass door from one of the cabin's porches. Ilya stared at Sveta with a wide-eyed, eyebrows raised, bewildered expression.
Her initial snort devolved into a fully belly laugh, even as Shane continued to pout next to her, which only made her laugh harder.
"You say he's not funny!" she finally managed, pointing to Shane as if Ilya could be otherwise confused about who she was talking about.
Ilya's eyes flashed with amusement. He knew exactly how funny Shane Hollander could be. And maybe he'd been known to tell people that Shane was not funny and also very boring. But part of it was the thrill of watching people be caught completely off guard when they experienced Shane's humor for the first time. (The other part of it, of course, was the way it annoyed Shane. In fact, Ilya was currently practicing extreme constraint by not making out with Shane as his husband sat annoyed and pouting in front of him. It was indecently cute. They had a guest present with the Pikes also set to arrive any minute.)
Ilya headed to the kitchen to grab a towel. He'd never had anyone spit their drink all over his furniture just because Shane is secretly hysterical.
Shane tended to be quieter around Svetlana, though. Ilya had taken Anya for a walk, purposely leaving the two of them alone, hoping for some bonding.
"Are you this competitive when you play with Hayden and Jackie's kids?" Svetlana asked with a smile and nudge to Shane's thigh (and was quite pleased when Shane didn't flinch at the touch like he had so many times before).
Shane reclaimed his controller and got ready for the next round. "I mean, you don't get to be the favorite uncle if they lose."
Svetlana raised her eyebrows at him and Shane shrugged slightly.
"Every time," he muttered quietly, which also made Svetlana snort. "I mean, they won't learn if you just let them win every time, either. It's a balance."
"A balance."
"Leans more towards Shane winning most rounds, but yes," Ilya agreed as he settled in on Shane's other side. "Also, I am favorite uncle."
Shane elbowed him.
"Balance is good, Shane," Svetlana nodded in approval and turned back to the game. "Probably good idea for being favorite papa in the future, too."
"Probably," Shane murmured, "especially since Ilya will probably let our kids win at everything."
Svetlana chuckled and then sent a small smile to Shane when he met her eyes again. "Yes, he is a big softie."
Shane gave her a small nod of agreement.
Ilya didn't even protest the descriptor, just bit back a smile and stole Shane's controller from him.
"My wife wants to have your baby."
Shane's entire face flinched before he settled into a frown. "I'm pretty sure you can get vasectomies reversed. Like, if you want more kids, Hayd."
Hayden sighed a sigh of deep exasperation – as if Shane had just been the one to spout absolute nonsense out of nowhere.
"See, this is why I'm telling you before she can bring it up with you herself. So you can get your terrible first reaction out of the way and then you can be positive and grateful when Jackie sits you down to talk about it."
Shane stared at Hayden and began to wonder if he was having a stroke. Or if the concussions were catching up to him.
"What?"
Hayden's response was only a flat stare.
"I'm not – I'm not having a baby with your wife," Shane hissed, before glancing off the deck where the two of them currently sat and down to the lake where Ilya was playing in the water with Jackie, Svetlana, and the four Pike kids.
"No," Hayden said slowly, "she wants to have your baby. Like, carry it."
Shane swung his legs over the side of his lounger to sit upright and face his crazy best friend. "Hayden, what the actual fuck are you talking about?"
Hayden sighed dramatically again and then swung his own legs to the side to mirror Shane. "Look, Mr. Baby Fever down there," he pointed to Ilya who was currently throwing Arthur and then Amber into the air before they splash-landed in the water. On repeat. "Has been dropping kid hints for months, okay? Which means you guys must be planning on something, like maybe surrogacy and Jackie is going to offer to be your surrogate – your incubator. Okay? So, I need you to wrap your head around that before she brings it up with you so you don't accidentally hurt her feelings with whatever that flinching shit was before."
Hayden leaned back in his lounger and straightened his legs out the length of the chair again, so Shane did the same.
"I'm sorry about the flinch," Shane offered. "You know I love Jackie."
"You should be so lucky," Hayden grumbled.
"I should," Shane agreed, truly thinking about what Jackie was planning to offer now that Hayden had finally spelled it out for him.
Hayden only hummed in agreement before tipping his head back towards the sun and shutting his eyes as if ready for a nap. Leaving Shane to think about what else Hayden had said. He was slightly embarrassed to know that Hayden had picked up on Ilya's "baby fever" before Shane had – although Hayden also had a litter of children, so he was definitely more of an expert than Shane.
He waited until they were in bed that night, Ilya's skin warm from being in the summer sun all day and the good kind of heavy – as he draped himself over Shane – that came from playing with their nieces and nephew for several hours.
"Do you want to start having kids now?"
At Shane's question, Ilya slowly lifted his head from his husband's chest. He peered cautiously down at him.
"Why are you asking?" Ilya asked.
"Because you didn't tell me this was a baby-making party this weekend."
Ilya snorted. "This is not at all what a baby-making party looks like."
Shane shoved his shoulder even though he pulled Ilya closer to him in the next moment.
"You could've come to me first instead of all these subtle hints from you and everyone else."
"I wasn't going to bring it up this weekend," Ilya protested. "Plan was to ease into it a little more. But Pike is not subtle. He is an idiot."
Shane huffed and decided to ignore the comment in an effort to keep the conversation going. "So, you want to have kids via surrogacy? Like, use our DNA and a donor egg and Jackie is the surrogate? Have you talked to her about it?"
"That is one idea," Ilya allowed with a small nod. "Jackie brought up the offer to me a few weeks ago. But I want to know if that's how you'd want to go about it. Whenever… whenever we're ready."
"You're ready now," Shane stated, not as a question.
"I want a little Shane running around."
Ilya's smile was so wide with the thought it took over his entire expression. Shane couldn't possibly love him any more than he already did. And yet…
"Or, you know, boy or girl, they'd be a little terror on the ice with highest hockey IQ –"
"You want Svetlana – you want Svetlana to be the egg donor," Shane stated as the realization hit him. "Does she know that? Does she know you invited her to a baby-making party?"
"Its not," Ilya laughed again. "But, yes, she knows. Listen, neither of us have sisters to ask. But she is –"
"She is not like your sister," Shane protested.
"Has not always been, no," Ilya chuckled. "But I have known her since childhood. She is family."
Ilya smiled when Shane nodded in agreement. He really couldn't be any more pleased that Shane was finally comfortable around Sveta.
"And she has curly hair," he added.
Now Shane laughed. "Hockey IQ and curly hair – you decided that's what I would need to be convinced, huh?"
Ilya only grinned at being called out. "Plus, she is someone we trust. She does not want to raise kids. But does want to help us," he added quietly.
"What if I want a little Ilya running around?" Shane ran his fingers through Ilya's curls and smiled when they poofed up around his head.
Ilya couldn't hide his pleased little smile even if he wanted to. "Maybe we both make embryos."
Shane's eyebrows rose in surprise. Ilya has certainly been doing his research already. "Okay, Mr. Planner. I've been rubbing off on you, huh?"
Ilay let his eyes run as far down the length of Shane's body as he could see while currently perched on his chest. "I think so, yes. Often." He leaned down to press a kiss to Shane's mouth even as Shane rolled his eyes at the innuendo he'd walked right into.
"Is good plan?" Ilya pulled away to ask.
"Say embryo again."
"No," Ilya groaned before ducking his smile into Shane's neck.