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Spoke wasn’t a bad person, he really wasn’t. Being a bad person meant Spoke would repeat the cycle, it meant Spoke would be just like Ashswagg. Spoke wasn’t anything like Ashswagg. Ashswagg was cruel, Ashswagg was alone, Ashswagg was the leader of the servers largest mafia, Ashswagg had teamed with people Spoke would never even think of talking to, Ashswagg took down civilizations of people, and most importantly, Ashswagg hurt his friends. Ashswagg hurt people that Spoke would devote his life to protecting.
Spoke… Spoke wasn’t cruel. He failed his task of killing Planet even after hesitating, but he needed Ashswagg to like, to approve of him to trust him. He had saved Zam's life and given Parrot a best friend once upon a time. Spoke wasn’t alone, he had Mapicc, Zam and now, Jumper. Spoke had Flame, Wemmbu, and Parrot, he wasn’t alone. Spoke would never be alone, not again not after Jamato. Spoke wasn’t a leader of a mafia, he had only ruled over a group of people that only played pranks on people (Spoke tried to ignore the hurt look on Minutes' face as his ‘group’ destroyed his father's home.) Spoke would not kill more than what was necessary (None of it was necessary, it was never necessary, Rose wasn’t necessary.)
Spoke would never hurt his friends. He had seen Mapicc hurt before, and he would do anything to avoid his best friend being hurt again. Spoke would blow up the entire world if it meant keeping Mapicc safe, because he was his best friend. As long as Spoke could control the situation, he and Mapicc would be together forever, the bestest of friends. No one else would be in their way. And they would continue to go on their fun adventures like they always had, with Zam added along if she wished, but Spoke would prefer to be just him and Mapicc.
Spoke wouldn’t give up until Mapicc and him would win, Leo may be dead but there were still players that Spoke had to keep Mapicc from. Spoke wouldn’t give up until Mapicc was by his side again, laughing with him as they played pranks on everybody in the server like there was nothing wrong, that nothing could be wrong. Spoke wouldn’t give up until Mapicc was back.
So why? Why was Spoke looking so far deep into the void? Why were his hands trembling as he fought so hard to breathe correctly, why was he fighting every bone in his body to not step forward and follow Leo into the void? Mapicc was still out there and he still needed his help, he couldn’t afford to get scared in the eyes of infinite darkness and infinite rest no matter how much he may have needed that rest. Spoke was strong, he had to be. He had a role to play in his life and he must play that role, no matter how much he doesn’t want to.
Spoke was being pathetic, so utterly pathetic. If Ashswagg were to see him like this, would he protect him or push him in? There wasn’t anything that good about the void, Spoke had been down there once before. Spoke had been trapped down there once before, trapped with no escape and even then he didn’t take off his elytra and fall, he fought and he won (Spokes heart panged as he remembered how Mapicc and Leo had saved his life that time, where were they now?). His feet moved closer to the edge.
This was stupid. Spoke knew that more than he knew himself. Mapicc wasn’t dead, Mapicc couldn’t die, that's not allowed. In whatever twisted way his world works, Mapicc couldn’t die because he was his best friend and Spoke had already lost one of those before, it wouldn’t be fair if would lose another one!
Mapicc hasn’t lost a friend. Isn’t that unfair?
Stop. He wanted those thoughts to go away. He didn’t want this. He moved away from the hole once again, falling onto the blocks behind for support. Spoke did not want to die, no matter how much he struggled to tell himself that, no matter how much Spoke struggled to convince himself that Mapicc was just missing, he wasn’t dead and he didn’t run away from Spoke, Spoke still had Mapicc, he always will. There will never be a version of Spoke that doesn’t have a Mapicc, before Spoke doesn’t have a reason without his best friend.
“...Ke-?”
His head was hurting, an awful lot. He couldn’t tell if it was his blood that caused the wetness on his skin, he didn’t want to know, he couldn’t know, not as long as his eyes were glued to that fucking hole. He should cover it up, any block would do but bedrock would be prefered. Did Spoke still have bedrock? He didn’t really have a way of getting it right now and he didn’t feel like he could move.
“..pok..-”
Everything burned. He couldn’t breathe, not anymore. He felt a shy hand place itself on his shoulder, a part of him hoped it would be Jamato coming to get him again, telling him that he had found Mapicc and that Jamato was sorry for leaving Spoke, that Jamato would be coming back and Spoke would forgive him for leaving but let it be known that it still hurt.
“Spoke!”
For a brief moment, Spoke had turned towards the intruder, and Jamato stood there. Jamato stood there, in his trimless netherite armor and it had been real. Jamato stood in front of him saving Spoke from the void, but it hadn’t been real. Because the more Spoke focused on the voice, it had never been Jamato. It never would.
“Spoke,” Jumper's hand grabbed into his shoulder, tugging him back slightly as a spy surveyed the area. How did she find me? Is she going to kill me- Please, not yet, I need to find Mapicc- “Spoke?” She asked after him, now moving to sit in front of his shaking body. “Spoke, relax.” He didn’t, he couldn’t. Jumper grabbed his wrists, she must have been scared he would do something.
He hadn’t noticed it earlier, but he could feel tears welling up in his eyes, falling down in uncontrollable amounts as he tried so desperately to claw at his face to get the tears to stop. Spoke didn’t cry, he never did. Spoke wasn’t weak enough to cry, he was a big boy, a strong boy Minutes strong boy. He tried to thrash his legs to get Jumper off him, but his mind must have taken the hole into account and his body must have been too tired, because he didn’t do anything with his legs. They remained on the ground as Jumper's legs stayed on either side of his as she held onto his wrists.
“Spoke. Breathe.” He tried to focus on everything else but what was happening, where Zam could be right now (probably left, left him all alone like Jamato.), how they had won against the law, how Mapicc hadn’t been there, how Mapicc was probably scarred, how Mapicc- Jumper might know where Mapicc was. Ask her. You have to.
“...M-M…’ppic.” Was all Spoke had managed to choke out, tears falling into his mouth as he opened up. For the first time, Spoke tore his eyes from where the hole had been, moving to look at Jumper's eyes. They were filled with concern, concern of Spokes weakness, for his instability, for his being. Get up, Spoke, get up. Jumper hadn’t answered straight away, looking to her spy telling him something that Spoke didn’t even want to listen to before turning back to Spoke.
“We don’t know.” Spokes world shook. Mapicc was gone, gone, gone, gone- and he wouldn’t come back. “Spoke, please. We don’t know, but I promise you-” Jumper took her hands away from his wrists, instead trying to lift Spoke back up so he could stand. “We’re going to find him, okay? We’ll find him and then we can discuss what happened here.” They won’t find him. He didn’t say anything. He let Jumper lift him up and walk him back to the entrance of his Leos statis.