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December was a cold month, but it was also the time where everyone was happy and stressed at the same time. They were only stressed because of buying Christmas gifts, (or stealing them, that was also an option) and then hiding said gifts. Then there were family reunions, if you even had a family, and then decorating. There weren't many Christmas lights hung up, just the tree awkwardly decorated with glass ornaments.
Christmas day was always the most awkward, it was either way too overwhelming with the noise or was quiet. It was hardly quiet, though, at least that was the case in the Curtis house. Every year it was loud, never quiet, because someone was drunk or either really energetic. Two-Bit was always the drunk one. The energetic one changed every year. It was always Ponyboy when he was young, way before his and his brothers’ parents died. They didn't celebrate Christmas that year, it wasn’t the same.
Every year, there was a tradition between the brothers, ugly Christmas sweaters, whoever found the best one got to choose the dessert for Christmas dinner. It was always chocolate cake, though. No matter what. Sodapop made the chocolate cake, Ponyboy didn’t like it too much because the icing was always way too sweet, Darry didn’t seem to care, and Sodapop gladly ate all of it if there was still some left, or either another greaser in the gang ate the rest of it.
This Christmas, it was different. It had been a bit without the Curtis parents, they were getting along alright. The family the brothers had were the gang and they celebrated mainly every holiday together, except for a couple of them.
“Pony, c'mon, put down your books, you're helping with dinner,” Darry called out, throwing a paper ball at Ponyboy, who was reading Gone With The Wind.
Ponyboy covered his face with the book, not wanting the paper to hit his face. He looked at Darry over the top of the book, furrowing his eyebrows. “Can I not?” He asked.
“No, get up or Johnny’s not joining us,” Darry said, walking out.
Ponyboy huffed and aggressively put a bookmark in the book before putting it down. Somehow, he gave in anytime Johnny was brought into the conversation. Maybe it was a weakness or something. Regardless, he got up, threw the book on his desk, put on his Christmas sweater, then went to the kitchen. Darry and Sodapop were arguing over whether or not there was enough sugar in the icing.
“There's too much,” Darry said.
Sodapop scoffed dramatically, his hand flying to his chest. “Excuse me, there is perfectly enough!” He exclaimed.
“Soda, you put too much, just let Darry bake for once,” Ponyboy interrupted.
“Stay out of it, you can't even cook eggs,” Sodapop snapped back.
Ponyboy's shoulders dropped. “I don't like you,” he mumbled, hiding the hint of a smile. “Darry should make the chocolate cake, though.”
“Fine,” Sodapop reluctantly said. Ponyboy couldn’t help but grin.
It hadn't even been a minute of Johnny being in the house before him and Ponyboy were sitting on the couch, hugging each other and talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Darry didn’t even want to try and separate them, but Sodapop started teasing the two relentlessly and only stopped when Ponyboy threatened to hit him with a brick.
“You look funny,” Johnny said, looking at Ponyboy’s sweater. It had a horse on it with a Santa hat.
“Don't insult my sweater–” Ponyboy scoffed. Johnny laughed and squeezed his hand.
Darry looked at them and smiled before looking at Sodapop. Sodapop looked at him and imitated gagging, resulting in his head almost being pushed into some flour. “Johnny, do you know if Dally’s comin’?” Darry called out.
Johnny looked up before grimacing. “He might be buying… liquor,” he called back nervously.
“Seriously? Soda, you're not getting drunk, are we clear?” Darry asked.
Sodapop side-eyed his older brother and shook his head. “No guarantees– okay! Okay– I won't!” He exclaimed as Darry tried to push his head into flour again. “You know that's Two-Bit who's an alcoholic though, right?”
Darry gave him a look. “You and Steve disgust me.”
Sodapop furrowed his eyebrows and looked away. “Why does that correlate– oh,” he went silent and zoned out, staring at a piece of dust. “Yeah that's fair. In my defense–”
Ponyboy interrupted with a loud fake gag and then dissolved into laughter when Johnny elbowed him for it. Johnny wasn't too fond of Christmas, but still seemed to be in a festive spirit. Ponyboy offered to give him one of his old Christmas sweaters, and after a minute of arguing, Johnny gave in. It was just a tad more festive, didn’t make much of an impact, it was a little more lively though.
Within thirty minutes, the house was loud. The whole gang was there. Two-Bit was already cracking jokes, Dally and Steve were trying to distract Darry and Sodapop to get them to mess up, and Ponyboy and Johnny were overwhelmed by the noise. Ponyboy was fiddling with his sleeves, zoning out to focus on anything else. Johnny was leaning on him, remaining silent.
“Hey, you two, dinner,” Darry called out, getting their attention.
Ponyboy let out an annoyed sigh and took Johnny’s hand as they got up and headed to the table, eventually letting go after they sat down. They sat down next to Dally, Steve and Sodapop across from them, Two-Bit on the side of Steve, and Darry at the end of the table.
It's a little loud.
Ponyboy tapped his foot on the floor as he looked down at his plate. Everyone else was eating. He hadn't even picked up his fork. He nervously glanced around, feeling disgust crawl up his throat. Johnny noticed and gently elbowed him, mid-way through eating a dinner roll. Ponyboy looked at him and elbowed him back. Dally was being bullied about how he said ‘coffee.’ What conversation warranted coffee to be mentioned? Johnny elbowed Ponyboy again and gestured at his plate, frowning. Ponyboy paused before grimacing and picking up his fork, playing with the food on his plate for a bit before taking a bite. There wasn’t a taste, and he managed to hide the fact he was sort of disgusted. Johnny smiled and finished the dinner roll he was eating. The voices around the table were a little muffled in Ponyboy’s head, he wasn’t sure why. He kept eating, though.
“Quit playing with your food,” Darry suddenly said.
Ponyboy looked up and frowned. “The plate looks boring though,” he muttered sadly. “It’s supposed to be festive, not depressive.” Dally kicked him under the table and he winced. “Dallas kicked me!”
“Dally, don’t kick him,” Darry muttered.
Dally smirked and leaned back in his chair. “Man, you’re boring.”
“Can we uninvite him next year?! He’s really rude and I don’t like him,” Ponyboy exclaimed, laughing. Johnny held back a laugh and he looked down, smiling. Darry shook his head, Dally looked offended beyond belief.
The rest of dinner went smoothly, the chocolate cake was definitely way too sweet and everyone but Steve argued with Sodapop about it. Darry hadn’t made it afterall. It got loud after dessert, so Ponyboy and Johnny left the kitchen, tried to sneak outside but failed. It was cold anyway. The two decided to hide out in Ponyboy’s room as soon as the conversations changed to the more mature ones. They could handle those conversations, but it just got awkward after a while.
Ponyboy grabbed Gone With The Wind off his desk before sitting down on the bed. Johnny immediately sat down beside him and put his head on his shoulder, then took the book and put it to the side. “Don’t read,” he mumbled.
Ponyboy looked at him, furrowing his eyebrows. “Why?”
Johnny sat up and looked at him with a confused expression. “Because… we can’t just sit here in silence? That’s not fun,” he poked the other.
Ponyboy frowned and nodded. “Fine,” he mumbled, crossing his arms.
Johnny put his head back on his shoulder, closing his eyes as there was an obnoxious and loud laugh from the kitchen. “Why were you so uncomfortable during dinner?” He asked.
Ponyboy tensed up a bit and he uncrossed his arms, taking Johnny’s hands. “I… I don’t think I’m fully okay with food yet, I mean– I can eat, but not…” he shook his head. “I don’t wanna explain it. I think I might cry.”
Johnny hummed and opened his eyes, looking at their hands together. “Okay,” he said quietly. “I really liked the dinner rolls.”
“I know, you ate three of them,” Ponyboy laughed.
Johnny grinned. “I was sorta hungry, don’t judge me,” he elbowed him again.
Ponyboy grinned as well, a wave of sudden happiness overcoming him. “I ain't judgin’, just happy you liked the food,” he said before pausing. “Do you think Dally brought alcohol?”
“Without a doubt,” Johnny responded immediately. “Probably also got us gifts but swiped them.”
Ponyboy nodded in agreement, his grin disappearing slightly. He looked down and took a few deep breaths. There was loud talking from the kitchen, it sounded like at least someone was drunk. He glanced at Johnny who didn’t look at him, instead was focused on his hands, tracing patterns on the back of them. “I don't know why I couldn't eat dinner, I feel kind of… upset at myself for that,” Ponyboy said, disrupting the silence.
Johnny paused and he sat up to look at the other, his expression morphing into more of a concerned and sympathetic one. “Don't beat yourself up for that, Pony, it's alright,” he reassured.
Ponyboy let out a frustrated huff and he frowned, letting go of Johnny’s hands. “It's not okay, Darry and Soda put time and energy into making dinner. I helped, but I don’t want it to go to waste. Goddamnit– I'm sorry, I don't need to turn this into sadness dumping.”
Johnny wrapped an arm around Ponyboy’s shoulders, pulling him close. “It's alright, quit apologizing, did you not want to eat or something?” He asked.
Ponyboy shook his head, leaning on Johnny, head on his shoulder. “I don't know. Can we not talk about it, please?” He mumbled.
Johnny nodded, glancing out the window, seeing the dark sky. “We missed the sunset,” he commented.
“Mmm,” Ponyboy hummed, looking down at his hands. His skin was pale. “Johnny, would you still like me if I was a Soc?”
Johnny paused and looked at him, extremely confused. “We've talked about this before, probably not.”
Ponyboy nodded. “Cherry keeps sayin’ I look like a Soc because my hair’s still blonde,” he laughed.
Johnny looked at his hair. “I think it makes you look tuff, but you do sometimes look like a Soc.”
“Ew,” Ponyboy whispered, grimacing. He didn't want to look like a Soc. They were white trash with mustangs and madras, at least most of them. He raised his hand to chew on his nails, but Johnny quickly grabbed his hand.
“Don't chew on your nails, how many times do I have to say it? It's gross, you can hurt yourself,” Johnny huffed.
Ponyboy frowned, feeling like he did something really bad, or like a kid who got caught sneaking out. “Sorry,” he whispered.
Johnny shook his head. “Quit apologizing.”
A silence fell over them again as Ponyboy didn't say another word. Christmas music was echoing through the house through the radio, maybe that's why everyone was talking loud, just to be heard over the music.
“Two-Bit, do not eat all of the cookies, those are to share! Dallas, no smoking!”
“Superman, c'mon, it's Christmas, don't be a protective dad.”
“I'm not being one, y'all are being stupid though. Soda, quit flirtin’ with Steve, you're disgusting.”
Ponyboy sat up and so did Johnny. “Do you wanna socialize?” Ponyboy asked.
Johnny shook his head. “Nah, I don't wanna be traumatized,” he said.
Ponyboy tilted his head, confusion crossing over his face. “What do you mean?” There was a moment of silence. “Soda and Steve?” Johnny nodded and Ponyboy wasn't surprised, he assumed it'd also be Dally who they wouldn't want to socialize with.
Another silence fell over them. Ponyboy grabbed a pen from under his pillow and Johnny gave him a weird look for it. He looked at the latter before also grabbing his sketchbook from under his pillow. It may have been a bizarre choice, but sometimes Ponyboy got the urge to draw in the middle of the night. Johnny grabbed the pen and sketchbook, then put the sketchbook with Gone With The Wind book. He took Ponyboy’s hand after clicking the pen and drew two stickmen on the back of his hand. Ponyboy didn’t protest, he was more confused than anything. Johnny wrote both of their initials above the stickmen, smiling. Afterwards, he clicked the pen and gave it back to Ponyboy. Ponyboy turned his hand and stared at the stickmen before looking up and hugging the other, smiling.
Johnny was slightly startled, but hugged him back. “Is this how you spend every Christmas? Isolated?” He suddenly asked.
Ponyboy tensed up. “No, not since… I don't isolate myself. I only leave when it's too loud,” he attempted to explain.
“Isn't this your first Christmas since–” Johnny started. Ponyboy frantically nodded, not wanting him to finish his sentence. Johnny fell silent and held Ponyboy for a bit longer before pulling back. They were sitting across from each other now.
Ponyboy frowned at the loss of physical contact, yet hid it and crossed his arms, looking out the window. He fidgeted with his sleeves, feeling uncomfortable for whatever reason. Johnny noticed. He noticed a lot more since the two were together more. “What's wrong?” He asked.
Ponyboy looked down. “Nothing.”
“Pony,” Johnny pressed on, frowning. “C'mon, man.”
“Johnny, I'm fine,” Ponyboy insisted, avoiding eye contact.
Johnny hesitated. Another argument sparked outside. “Pone,” he repeated, his voice going soft. “Tell me.”
Ponyboy stopped fidgeting with his sleeves. He shook his head. “I don’t even know,” he whispered. “I think Christmas is hard, our mom and dad would always go out with us and we'd build a snowman if there was enough snow, but… we don't do that anymore. Darry doesn't want to, says it's childish, Soda doesn't have a reason. I miss the old traditions, I don't like this new kind of… Christmas. It's not fun.”
Johnny listened and didn't respond for a moment. “We can build a snowman tomorrow,” he offered.
Ponyboy’s expression immediately lit up and he looked at him with a grin. “Really?” His tone was like that of a kid doing their favorite thing for the first time in months. Excited.
“Sure,” Johnny grinned. He was suddenly engulfed in yet another hug, almost falling back on the bedsheets. “Jeez– you're happy.”
“‘Course I am– I get to do a tradition with my favorite person in the world,” Ponyboy said, his voice muffled by Johnny’s shoulder. “Maybe second favorite–”
Johnny furrowed his eyebrows and pulled back to look at him. “Second? Owch, thought you liked me,” he joked.
Ponyboy frowned. “Am I not allowed to favor my brother? I mean, you're really close, but–”
“Pony, it's fine, I'm just kiddin’,” Johnny interrupted what was slowly going to become frantic explanations.
Ponyboy relaxed and hugged Johnny yet again, hiding his face in the other's shoulder once again. They remained hugging for a while, maybe some forehead kisses. After a few minutes, they pulled apart and sat in awkward silence.
“Dallas, why do you have alcohol?!”
“Quit being a protective dad, loosen up!”
“I ain't wanting to worry about drunks, put it away.”
“You're boring!”
Suddenly, loud laughter echoed through the small room. It wasn’t a surprise that Dally brought liquor. There was arguing in the rest of the house, though. There was always arguing on the holidays. Someone yelled ‘shut up!’ from outside, which made Ponyboy laugh harder and Johnny attempt to stop laughing.
The door suddenly swung open and the two immediately shut up when they saw Darry. “Why is this door closed?” Darry first asked. “And, can y'all come out and socialize? C'mon, don’t stay here.”
Ponyboy furrowed his eyebrows. “You never had an open-door rule.” A frown crossed over his face. Johnny remained silent, a nervous demeanor surrounding him suddenly.
“I do now ‘cause your brother's an idiot, now get up,” Darry said suddenly before walking out.
Ponyboy's frown dissolved into a mildly disgusted expression. “I could've lived without knowing that! Ew!” He called out to Darry before he got up, taking Johnny’s hand. Johnny followed him, not as nervous now. The two walked out and into the living room, pausing when it actually seemed kind of calm. Two-Bit was sitting between Steve and Sodapop, in which Sodapop looked upset about that. Two-Bit was grinning about it, somehow. Darry and Dally were next to each other, Darry not looking too happy about it. Johnny looked around before looking down at his shoes, feeling awkward. Ponyboy noticed and nudged him, a frown flickering over his face, wanting to make sure he was alright. Johnny nodded, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Suddenly, two gifts (horribly wrapped) got thrown at them, and Ponyboy barely caught them both, looking up to find Dally smirking. “Merry Christmas,” he said.
Johnny grabbed one of the gifts and looked at the wrapping paper. “You're horrible at this, Dal’. And I thought Pony was bad.” Dally's expression changed and his jaw tensed. “Just kiddin’, thanks.” Johnny added, elbowing Ponyboy.
Ponyboy snapped back to reality, having zoned out whilst staring at the wall, forcing a smile. “Yeah, thanks. Bet you stole them.”
Dally shrugged. “Nobody needs to know,” he said, his iconic grin reappearing. They weren't surprised.
“At least you ain't spendin’ Christmas locked up,” Two-Bit chimed in, grinning. Dally hummed in agreement.
Ponyboy zoned out again, staring at a painting on the wall, holding onto Johnny’s hand tightly. Johnny looked at their hands and frowned. “Pony,” he whispered. “You're hurting my hand."
Ponyboy looked at him and loosened his grip, muttering an apology. Johnny shook his head. “So… are we just going to stand in awkward silence because Soda is glaring at me and I'm scared,” Ponyboy suddenly spoke up.
“I'm not?!” Sodapop exclaimed, getting defensive and a little offended.
Darry let out a long sigh. “Can y'all not? I just want a relaxin’ holiday,” he mumbled.
“Can you tell Two-Bit to move then?!” Sodapop exclaimed.
Two-Bit shook his head. “I'm not movin’, it's fun to see you hacked off. Plus, you don't wanna traumatize the kid,” he said.
“I'm not a kid,” Ponyboy whispered, frowning. “Plus, I'm around Dally all the time!”
Dally let out a loud laugh and looked at Two-Bit. “You wanna tell him what happened earlier?” He asked.
“Nah, we don't want to corrupt him,” Two-Bit grinned.
Ponyboy grimaced. He didn't want to be the kid of the gang. He wasn't a kid anymore, he was mature. Sure, he had excitedly woken up Darry and Sodapop when it snowed so they could have a snowball fight outside, but he could handle adult conversations! “I don't like y'all. I bet you'd tell Johnny.”
“I'd rather not hear,” Johnny added.
Dally shook his head. “You're not hearing shit,” he insisted, looking at Darry to back him up. Darry didn't respond.
“Can Two move, then? We won't do that again,” Sodapop pleaded.
“I'm staying,” Two-Bit interrupted before anyone else could speak.
Ponyboy looked back down at the badly wrapped gift. He fidgeted with the wrapping paper, accidentally ripping a corner, then let go of Johnny’s hand to try and fix the rip, his expression going worried. Johnny noticed and took his hand again, shaking his head again. “Don’t, it’s fine.” Ponyboy gave up.
They were silent for the rest of the time, letting the others talk. The two stood around and held hands, being happy together. Dally got them both candy bars and red bouncy balls. It was bizarre, but Ponyboy didn’t complain, he was happy and ate the candy bar the very next day.
Ponyboy and Johnny also built the snowman the next day. Ponyboy grabbed ten carrots, thinking it would be enough. It was more than enough, and there were multiple carrots all over the snowman, about six of them being in the head. Johnny questioned why one was near the waist and all Ponyboy did was grin and get hit in the face by a snowball for what he did.