Chapter Text
Staring at the ceiling, Minho wondered how he got himself into situations like this these without even trying. At least this time he knew how he got into this one. It was entirely his fault for letting it happen and being too prideful to admit when he wanted something.
In the small two bedroom apartment he shared with Jisung, he could hear the sounds of giggles and soft kissing coming from Jisung’s room. Jisung had asked him the day before if Minho minded him having one of his ‘friends’ over. To make things worse it was a girl. Though Minho wasn’t sure it really was worse, he just knew it sucked and he was sulking.
It was incredibly obvious when Jisung was in love with someone, and as of recently that sparkle was in his eyes. He really liked that girl, the one in his room right now. Yun-bi, was her name. Minho only knew it because he obsessively looked over her social media accounts to see what kind of person she was and if she was good enough for Jisung. What a good friend would do, as he reasoned with himself.
Minho had to endure the mushy sounds he was hearing because instead of confessing to Jisung the moment he realized he was in love with him, he pushed it all down and vowed never to think of his feelings again. Of course that worked out just perfectly since he lived with Jisung and didn’t even have the opportunity to forget these consuming feelings.
Every contagious laugh, gummy smile, and bad joke made him fall harder and harder. Jisung didn’t even know Minho was gay.
Minho didn’t even know if Jisung was gay. Clearly he wasn’t fully anyway if he had a girl over and talked about being infatuated with her. That might have been the worst part about keeping his feelings to himself. Besides everything else he could think of like, Jisung thinking he was too much to handle and too sarcastic for his liking.
With a sigh, Minho sat up in bed. Maybe going outside for some fresh air would help him not mope in his room anymore. It was definitely an escape from the nauseating kissing noises he was hearing just across the hall.
Slipping on a pair of jeans and a black shirt, he walked out of his room. It just so happened Jisung was leaving his room to go to the bathroom at the same time. How nice. Making eye contact, Minho really didn’t want to talk to Jisung. He’d been in a weird mood ever since Jisung first mentioned this Yun-bi. It caused a little bit of a strain on their friendship, and they hadn’t really been talking as much.
“Where are you going? It’s 2 am.” Jisung asked in concern seeing Minho not in his pajamas. The only time he wasn’t was when he left the apartment.
“Just…for a walk.”
“Why? It’s late.”
“Can’t I go for a walk without asking for permission?” Minho asked flatly.
He blinked a couple times before his eyes landed on a hickey that decorated the side of Jisung’s neck. He was going to be sick.
“Bye. Have fun with Yun-bi.”
“Wait—“ Jisung tried to stop him but Minho was out the door before he could finish getting his words out.
Minho knew if he listened to that whiney tone asking for details he’d probably melt into a puddle in the middle of the hallway. He had to get out. For his own wellbeing.
Walking aimlessly, he tried to get those disgusting sounds out of his mind. It was really only disgusting because he just didn’t like girls. He told himself that was all it was anyway.
Seoul was lit up even at 2 am. He lived just on the outskirts of the city, not too long of a walk to get to anywhere he could want to get to. There were a couple of drunk guys wandering around, and some friends looking for another bar to hop to, enjoying their youth and probably not feeling as sorry for themselves as Minho was.
Walking up the familiar path to a studio he didn’t even work at, his feet knew where to take him. Studio 0325, where Chan, his closest friend besides Jisung, worked on songs almost always. The lights were on so he knew he was in there, pulling another all-nighter because he had ‘just one more idea.’
Minho entered the five digit code he knew by heart into the keypad and walked into the studio. Like he knew he would be, Chan was at his desk bobbing his head to whatever music he was listening to through his headphones. He heard the door open though and watched as Minho came in and flopped onto the couch behind him.
Taking his headphones off Chan stood up. Minho only ever came by when he was sulking.
“Rough night?” Chan inquired.
Chan was only a year older than Minho but he acted like his dad. Always nagging at him to do this and that even if it was because he wanted to see his friend live happily and not self-sabotage in the way he always seems to do.
“Nah. Just couldn’t sleep.”
“Right. I know you, and I’m predicting…it’s a Jisung problem again.”
Chan was the only person Minho told about Jisung. However it was more like Minho accidentally told him about it while drunk and crying the first time Jisung brought a girl home. It happened too frequently for Minhos liking. This was the third girl and he couldn’t see how Jisung could stand it. What was so appealing about girls anyway? They didn’t typically have perfectly chiseled abs, or broad shoulders. Maybe they had tiny waists but some of them couldn’t hold a candle to Jisung’s.
“They’re kissing. It’s gross, I don’t want to hear Jisung make out with a girl while I’m trying to sleep.” He gave in and told him, in a round about way, his problem.
“Another girl? Jeez. He could go to their place every once in a while too.”
The idea of that didn’t make him feel any better.
“I’m sleeping here. Work around me.” He said sprawling out like a cat on the couch.
Chan sighed, there were waves of melancholy rolling off Minho. It was obvious he was upset but he rarely talked about his feelings. A flaw to sum, but Minho would say it’s a strategy to keep his heart safe.
“Does Jisung even know you’re gay?”
Minho sighed. He should have slept on the street or something. This is what he got for going to Chan; reminders of how he couldn’t be honest with anyone, not even himself.
“No obviously he doesn’t know. He could be homophobic, ever think of that one?”
“Okay, but he’s probably not. It’s the 21st century. You’ve never been one to hide that you’re gay.”
“It’s different, I live with this guy.”
“It’s not really much of a difference. The worst he could do is leave. Then you’d be able to get over him and stop having to mope around all the time.”
“I don’t mope.”
“Sure, and you’re not in love with the guy either, right?”
Minho didn’t appreciate being called out. He denied being in love with Jisung because if he admitted it to himself he’d actually have to face the fact that the beautiful man he lived with didn’t want him back.
“I’m not.” He said defiantly and turned over so he didn’t have to face Chan after lying to his face. Anyone could see it was a lie though.
“I don’t know why you keep denying it. It’s fine if you do, you just have to tell him.” Chan told him while sitting back down in his desk chair. He was exasperated, he couldn’t help Minho if he wouldn’t help himself.
“It’s just…he’s Jisung.” Minho murmured. His face was buried in his arms as he laid on his stomach on the couch. He faced Chan now at least, his eyes trained on the floor. “He doesn’t even seem obtainable. He brings over girls all the time— he’s not gay.”
“Sometimes it happens.” Chan spoke softly, he didn’t know Jisung personally, so he couldn’t do much to help reassure Minho that things would be okay. He definitely couldn’t make any false promises. From what it sounded like, Jisung very well could be straight.
“I’m not going home until Yun-bi leaves. I don’t like her, and he can’t make me like her.”
“You don’t have to like her…but I think you dislike her because she’s stealing Jisung’s time. You know you’re like a kid sometimes.”
“Well I’ll like her a lot more when she stops coming around our apartment— if she breaks up with him though I’ll really never like her.”
He heard a laugh come from Chan and he managed to look up, albeit sleepily.
Shaking his head Chan turned back to his computer and put his headphones back on. Minho got out what he needed to say, there was nothing else left to do but let him be. Chan knew that. He’d been his friend since childhood so he knew when he needed to just step back and let Minho take control of his feelings.
The smell of coffee and pancakes hit Minho in the face as he walked in the front door. It had been a rough night sleeping on the couch in Chan’s studio but he made it through the night at least. He took off his shoes and walked into the kitchen, Jisung was in there wearing a black compression shirt and his underwear. It knocked the breath out of Minho and made his mouth go dry. He really should have stayed out longer.
“Oh shit— you’re back.” Jisung jumped when he saw Minho standing behind him. It amazed him how he always managed to sneak up on him like that.
“Yeah. Yun-bi still here?” He asked in a monotone voice.
“…No. She left.” Jisung said furrowing his brows and turning back to the pan he was flipping a pancake in.
His reaction to her name was weird but Minho didn’t ask any questions. He was sure he’d be too annoyed to hear anything else about her. Then, another fight would happen, so for everyone’s peace of mind her name shouldn’t be uttered in the apartment.
Sitting at the table, Minho grabbed two pancakes and put them on a plate. There were enough pancakes to eat for breakfast everyday this week, though he was a little skeptic of how they would taste, it wasn’t that long ago when Jisung almost burnt down their kitchen trying to make cookies. There was a black mark on the wall to testify.
Pouring a generous amount of syrup on the plate to make up for whatever was going to lack in the pancakes, Minho ate. Surprisingly, they tasted fine. A little undercooked maybe but he could live with that. He always made a point to eat Jisung’s cooking.
“Are they any good?” Jisung asked watching Minho while smoke started to rise from the pan behind him.
Minho nodded as he chewed and jerked his head towards the pan. “Yah. Don’t burn the kitchen down again.”
Jisung let out a squeak as he turned and saw the smoke rising from the pan and quickly reached over to turn off the stove. He gave up on making anymore…the one he’d been working on was almost black. He chose to sit at the table and eat the ones he hadn’t ruined instead. He glanced at Minho as he ate, silence was typical, but it felt more uncomfortable today.
“So um…where did you go last night?”
Looking up from his plate, Minho met Jisung’s eyes, full of concern and undeniably wondering about his whereabouts. He hated seeing that look on his face. It made his stomach twist and his instinct was the reach out and kiss the crease out of his brow.
“I went to see Chan.” He said simply, that was the truth but it was also easier than saying he left to escape him and Yun-bi.
“You say that all the time…who is he?”
“Just my friend. He works late all the time so I go visit to keep him company.” It was a half lie half truth. Chan didn’t need Minho there, but usually it did keep him company. And he wasn’t lying about being his friend.
“Okay…you just seemed angry last night. I thought it was because of Yun-bi but I couldn’t understand why.
That really got under his skin. Of course it was Yun-bi’s fault he left but he couldn’t say all the things he really wanted to get off his chest about her. That would cross some lines and most definitely make Jisung mad. It irritated Minho even more that Jisung was clearly waiting for Minho to open up to him. He just couldn’t. In any case, if he did open up, he was sure Jisung wouldn’t like what he had to say.
“I just couldn’t sleep is all.” Minho said a bit more coldly this time. He wanted an escape from this conversation.
“Yun-bi isn’t…she’s not coming over anymore.” He blurted out.
That instantly lifted Minho’s mood but the last thing he needed to do was show it. Glancing up at Jisung he raised his eyebrows, code for: ‘what happened but I don’t want to ask?’
A sigh left Jisungs pouty lips. “She’s just kind of…a lot. She said some weird things too and I don’t really think we’re a match.”
“Sometimes it’s just not meant to be.” Minho responded. He was too giddy about never having to see Yun-bi again, but he did at least realize Jisung could’ve been upset over this fact, however he seemed to be doing just fine. Realistically, that was the nicest thing Minho would have been able to say about whatever they had going on.
“I guess.” Jisung shrugged.
Eating with a lighter heart now, Minho got up to get himself some water. As he pulled a bottle out of the fridge Jisung spoke up.
“Minho, are you and Chan a thing?”
The water bottle fell to the floor and Minho got choked on the pancake he was still chewing in his mouth. He grabbed the water bottle off the floor and drank some of it to help with the coughing fit he was now having. The questioning look on Jisung’s face did absolutely nothing to help him.
“What?” He asked sharply, still a little in shock. If he was asking that— did he think Minho was gay? More importantly, why was he curious at all?
“You see Chan all the time and come home late. I’ve never really seen you talk to any women before either.”
Well shit, he noticed.
“I’m not— the last person I would date would be Chan. We’re not a couple.” Minho cleared up.
“Still doesn’t really clear anything up for me.”
“What doesn’t that clear up?” He purposely avoided the obvious. It would make him feel too seen to admit to being gay right here in the kitchen at 9 am when his thoughts had already been spiraling since last night.
“I just…have you ever had a girlfriend?”
“…No.”
The silence was deafening between them. Minho felt suffocated and wanted to bolt but he knew that would just make things weird and that was the absolute last thing he needed to deal with right now. They’d already been tense enough as of recently.
“Do you want a girlfriend?” Jisung tried prying some more.
Minho tried not to make a face but he turned his nose up at the idea subconsciously. “Not really.”
“So you’re like…gay, right?”
Gulping, he had no choice to admit to it. He was out to literally everyone else, it made no difference but at the same time it made all the difference.
“Uh, yeah…yeah.” He wanted to say more but he could only just come clean as of right now.
“Cool— I mean, it’s cool you can figure that stuff out about yourself. If you’re happy, that’s good.” Jisung said. He seemed like he wanted to be supportive but he also sounded completely out of his element talking about it.
“Thanks?…It’s not really a big deal or anything. I just…you know.”
Minho didn’t even really know what he meant by that. This was just the most awkward coming out experience he ever had. His parents simply shrugged when he came out, his mom saying she knew all along. His dad didn’t have much to say on the subject, but ultimately was supportive. His friends in high school didn’t really care either except they made a point to set him up with the other outed boys they knew of. So this was just…odd. Jisung acted like he’d never met a queer person in his life. He was weirdly awkward about talking about it.
“Have you had a boyfriend before?” Jisung asked and practically leaned all the way out of his seat to hear the answer.
“Uh…huh. I had one. In high school.” He told him, unsure what else he was expecting to hear.
Nodding, Jisung turned back to his plate and pushed the half eaten pancakes around. He wasn’t that hungry anymore. Minho sat back down feeling the tension between them was thicker than ever. It wasn’t even a good tension either, it was just uncomfortable.
“Is it weird?” Minho asked tentatively.
“No! It’s not weird or anything!” Jisung immediately defended. “I just didn’t expect you to be into guys.”
“Ah…”
The uncomfortable silence came back in full force. Jisung slid his chair back, the legs scraping against the wooden floors, and stood up.
“I’m not that hungry…I’m going back to bed.” He admitted.
Unsure what to say, Minho just nodded. He watched as Jisung walked past him, fidgeting with his fingers, until he heard his door click shut. He slumped back in his chair and let out a sigh. Whatever was happening, Minho knew it couldn’t be anything good.