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Reflections of you and I
The last time, you and I, didn’t really see, eye to eye.
We fought, a lot. Well, I was the one being confrontational while the rest of you tried to understand why I was like that. Why I had a boulder size chip on my shoulder. Well, as it turned out, it was inside of me, in my head, all them puns now laid to bed.
You, my brother though, understood me better than the rest.
You, Tech, always got me, no matter how I felt, how badly I behaved. It was always you whom understood my way, even if you did not usually agree to the supposed facts I laid out for you to see.
Now, as I am here, on this beautiful island having really done nothing to deserve this, simple peace in me. This, sort of harmony, this very place where I among so many, can start over.
And so, I can only hope, that you, my brother, can forgive me about… well, everything.
I know I blamed you all for a lot of things. Those hammering inside my head and what I myself only did even if I was my fault to an extent. Well, to most extent it was my fault, freely giving into the lure, the nagging pressure of the Empire.
That, is why I am having a hard time forgiving myself for all that I did when serving them. Killing innocents, participating in the most horrid things. But I guess that most of all, I regret the things I did to you, my team, my family, my brothers, but, mostly you, Tech.
As you were my ally, always.
And now, as I stand here on the ledge again, pondering the choices I have made in life, the internal strife within, roaring like a burning fire, hurting like no other, well, I regret it all.
But also, the constant fear, the one that none of you, but especially you, my brother, you Tech, will not be able to forgive me.
The only thing I was told to do from now on, is to move along and try to do better. Question remains though, what cannot really atone for all those atrocities I did? What if nothing I do from now on is never enough to pay for it all?
Can I ever repay it all? Most of all, you, what I did to any of you? To you, Tech?
Are you still here with me, as understanding, as forgiving as you always were before?
Tech, I know I am bad with feelings, emotions, the lot. Words fail me constantly, while yours do not. If you find this, my data pad, my thoughts on it laid out in plain sight… Please, let me know… if you can ever forgive me for a least some of it?
As you Tech, were always the one I needed the trust from, and right now, I need the most, the forgiveness of yours….
… that is, if you can find it in your heart, brother.