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Anders never would have described the cot in the back room of his clinic as ‘comfortable,’ but laying on it with Sebastian pressed close so that they could both fit… Anders wasn’t sure if the most plush mattress in the world could compare.
It was quiet out, though Anders could hear some of the telltale sounds of Darktown in he strained his ears–dripping water, scuffing boots, coughing, shady merchants pedaling contraband, and threatening arguments from whichever local group of criminals was pissed off this time. All those noises were muffled by the walls of the clinic, which made it easy for Anders to Anders ignore until it all faded into the background and all he could hear were the soft sounds of breathing. Until all he could feel was Sebastian’s still naked body against his own, the warm sensation of skin against skin as they laid together with limbs intertwined.
Sebastian closed his eyes, just to rest them, but Anders knew that he wasn’t asleep, and he brushed some hair out of Sebastian’s face, tucking it behind his ear.
These quiet moments of intimacy were what Anders loved most. The closeness of it all.
There was something to be said about the luxury of being able to simply be calm, and to have the opportunity to rest beside his lover, because that was still somewhat foreign to Anders. In the Circle they had no privacy, which meant there was no time to dwindle after a quick tryst, and during his escapes Anders always had to move on right away or risk getting caught. So their time together like this felt a bit like a stolen treasure in that sense.
…But the closeness was still Anders’s favorite part.
Anders could never be close enough to Sebastian, and even now he longed to be closer. He wanted to crawl inside Sebastian’s skin, move around some organs to make room for himself. He wanted to make Sebastian his — then, not even the strongest force in the world would be able to separate them.
The idea of being separated made Anders squeeze Sebastian tighter, his face pushed into Sebastian’s neck, feeling Sebastian’s pulse just under his lips, just under his teeth– Anders dug his fingernails into the smooth skin of Sebastian’s back, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to be closer-
“Are you alright, love?” Sebastian asked, his breath tickling Anders’ ear as he had pulled them so close that he couldn’t see Sebastian’s face anymore. He wanted to see him though, almost enough to pull away slightly, but not quite.
Anders wasn’t quite sure how to put his feelings into words. Ever since the templars were called to take him away, ever since his own father had called them to take away his only son, Anders had to fight to have anything of his own. The templars and the Circle—they took his home, his friends, his family, his life. They took the clothes from his back and replaced them with robes.
The pillow his mother had given him had nearly been yanked from his grasp multiple times. It was just one small personal belonging, but Anders had to fight and hide and keep it close, otherwise it would be taken from him, just like how everything else was taken from him.
… Like how Karl was taken from him.
The thought of Karl, his first love, being made tranquil, then dying in his arms… it hurt to remember, but he knew the templars were capable of worse.
If the Chantry and the knight commander discovered Sebastian’s relationship with Anders, there would be no mercy. Sebastian was supposed to be a priest, he was supposed to know better, and yet he willingly participated in the terrible blasphemy of loving a mage. They would say disgraced his vows and position, that he broke Chantry law, that he betrayed the Maker and Andraste out of love for an abomination- a demon.
Anders didn’t know if non-mages could be made tranquil, but he suspected that they might try the rite on Sebastian anyway, or perhaps they would simply torture him until he broke. Either way, they would take Sebastian away and they would hurt him.
They would try at least, but Anders wouldn’t let them get far. He wouldn’t allow it. No matter what.
“Say that you’ll stay with me,” Anders whispered against Sebastian’s skin. Quiet, but loud enough to be heard over the silence. “Tell me that you’ll never leave me. Tell me that you’ll stay, no matter who tries to tear us apart.”
“Anders…” Sebastian whispered, but Anders didn’t let him finish, he had more to say.
“Even if that person is me. Even if I become a monster. Tell me that you’ll stay.”
“You could never become a monster,” Sebastian tried to console him, running his hand down Anders’ back. “You’re a good person. You help people-“
“Say it,” Anders repeated. It was no longer a request. He dug his claws into Sebastian’s skin and pulled him even closer. “Say that you’ll stay. No matter what.”
Sebastian sucked in a breath, and for a moment Anders froze-
But then Sebastian brushed through Anders' hair with his hands and nuzzled his cheek against Anders’ head.
“I promise, love.”
The soft purr of his brogue made Anders want to melt. But it also made him want to sink his teeth into Sebastian’s skin. He wanted to taste sweet flesh as he consumed his love entirely. As Anders devoured him. That way he could carry Sebastian with him forever and no one else could ever have him.
He breathed in the scent of his lover and pressed his lips against the soft skin of his neck.
“I would drown the world in blood to keep you safe.”
Sebastian only chuckled and Anders wondered if Sebastian didn’t think he was serious. Because he was. Anders was so serious. He would commit any crime, go to any extreme—he would do things that Sebastian could never forgive him for.
Anders would become a monster before he allowed anyone to hurt Sebastian.