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ken_fatits: Dude we got Kylie's little brother!
thegreatestconman: Who
ken_fatits: Dont play dumb you know who it is!!!
thegreatestconman: Yeah I know who dumbasst
Did you make sure its him though
ken_fatits: Yeah he has the official youtube accounts and I made the kid send me his voice recording and everything
*ken_fatits sent a voice recording*
His real name is Kyle too
*the greatestconman replied to voicemail*
thegreatestconman: Ohh its definitely that stuck up asshole
Having hot air escaping through his mouth all the time must be exhausting
ken_fatits: Idk about that id ask you
thegreatestconman: Watch your back you double stabbing whore
ken_fatits: You know me <3
Ike Broflovski squinted at his phone with his glasses on. He didn't have myopia and nor did he need specs- he just liked to narrow his eyes while wearing his blue light glasses because it was what people in daytime television did.
At fourteen years old Ike was far more advanced than other kids his age, having skipped a few grades and gone straight to high school. This somehow had the effect of making him rather uninterested in social media as a whole- and he preferred playing video games like his favourite youtubers to using social media.
So when one of his friends got 'jump-scared' by hearing kyle's voice through Ike's mic, he didn't pay attention to his rant that that Kyle was some sort of infamous internet celebrity, though he sent him a voice recording of his brother getting pissed over the neighbour letting their dog shit in their yard because yeah, Ike found that shit funny too.
What he did pay attention to were the messages his friend sent afterwards asking if he was up to playing a prank on his brother and filming it.
kickthebaby
Get me a hundred dollars and i'll think about it
dontkickthebaby:
DUDE NOO
*15 mins later*
dontkickthebaby:
You could get a hundred dollars?
wdym
Someone said theyre willing to give you the money
If you do the prank
Who? Give me their handle I need to talk to them
And also raise my prices
Ike's friend hooked him up with a 'prank streamer' who for some reason still insisted on using his friend as an in between. After realising that they didn't want him to dox Kyle or anything, Ike gathered that they wanted him to the following things:
1. Livestream a video of Kyle that included his face
2. Ask him a few questions they would give him beforehand
3. Play a 'prank' on him which Ike was disappointed to learn was just gifting him a plush
Their justification for the prank were a few videos they sent him, all faceless rants from Kyle's youtube and tiktok. After watching a few, he found they had a common theme of ruthlessly tearing down the streamer Cartman.
After some delibration, Ike sent his answer in the affirmative- he'd do it for 300 dollars.
Sorry bro, but a kids gotta do what he's gotta do.
Conman had risen to popularity through a mixture of his unethical gaming streams and vast variety of content he made along with his larger than life personality.
kylieb_90 was Conman's self proclaimed no.1 hater. No one could remember a time when he wasn't around, the account having first been first featured in Conman's 10K and 20K milestone special streams of scamming and tricking hate accounts into posting promotional content for him. Ever since then, kylieb_90 had made it his personal vendetta ever since to find, tear into and rip apart every one of Cartman's playthroughs of any game, or stream of anything on his youtube channel. Nothing was off the table- from the way Cartman styled his hair to his height, weight and dubious parentage, whatever those may have been.
Though his fans called him Eric, Kylie seemed to have fished Eric's real name out of the depths of the internet and used it with a vicious hate that made him uniquely entertaining to listen to. That, along with the various reprimands of 'fatass!' Cartman even knew he could credit a good chunk of his popularity to kylie b for having the amount of sand up his vagina that he did.
But he also knew there was another reason why fans were sticking around- to see kylie b getting humbled. Besides, Cartman had a reputation to maintain after all- he had to show this bottom feeder his place.
Even if he was entertaining. . and really easy to bait . . and an easy source of content. . .
Cartman shook away the strange throughts and texted the bare bones of his game plan to his team. On Conman's streams, anything except doxxing and like actual malucious shit was on the table. Which was why they decided a face reveal was too good an opportunity to pass on. And technically it was tit for tat, considering the number of times Kyle had insulted his appearance and called him fat. Conman's viewers ate that eye-for-an-eye revenge shit up.
"So here's what we're gonna do. . " he typed out.
thegreatestconman: 1.Start a gaming stream at an unusual time
Despite his many bans, friends of kylie had confirmed he had multiple accounts on which he watched and recorded Conman's streams to rip apart later. This meant that Cartman couldn't stream Kylie on his twitch like he normally did.
Ken_fatits: thats a lottt of dedication for someone who says they hate you
thegreatestconman: 2. Stream a prerecorded video on twitch and start the livestream on youtube.
Cartman would join the livestream after giving a brief introduction on twitch.
thegreatestconman: Show the camera feed with kylie's face on the livestream.
This would be the part where everyone pointed and laughed- *cough* had their first real look at Kyle Broflovski. Cartman was willing to bet he was fat himself. He had assumed that kylie b was some unfulfilled middle aged man trolling him for internet points but knowing that it was a college student just lowered his opinion of him further.
thegreatestconman: 4.Have kylie's brother give him the new Conman plush and watch his face as he figures out he's been had.
"Either that or he turns into a bitchy little shit at the sight of it, which is good content either way," Cartman said in the private server vc. (Which they were using because kylie b was definitely lurking in the official Conman discord server)
"How do you think he'll actually react though?" asked Tweek. "I mean, I always got the feeling that his persona was just ragebait."
"His hate is real though," Craig disagreed. "You cant put that much effort into duking on someone and not hate them."
"I don't care about the delicate feelings of Kylie's heart," Cartman snapped. "Are we doing this this week or not?"
"We need time tp adgkl-"
"Kenny your shitty ass mic is cutting out again."
ken_fatits: we need time to tell people about the YT stream. Maybe 1 day.
"Alright. So I'll record the gaming stream today. Anyone else got any questions?"
After settling more of the logistics of sound, smooth transfer of Ike's video and the twitch stream, they were ready.
Video on Cartman's second page:
Cartman wearing a black fedora and trenchcoat appears.
"Ever wondered what our favourite troll kylie b looks like in real life?"
Cartman grins wider.
"Follow the youtube channel Con Artist and turn your notifs on for a livestream! Fun awaits .
Suddenly Cartman plops into a gaming chair. When he spins back around he's holding a fat little plush that looks like him.
"Also, preorders for the Conman plushies start next Thursday. Just thought you should know."
This post is unavailable
Ike stared the plush he had recieved in the mail with an expression close to disgust but closer to confusion.
ken_fatits: Is Kyle home?
kickthebaby: Yeah should i set the livestream up now?
ken_fatits: Wait let me hook you up with the recording team
5 mins later:
ken_tits: go ahead.
10 mins earlier:
"Hey guys how are you all? Fucking terrible, I hope? Mhm. .mhm. ." Eric rattled off in his affected southern drawl. "Today I'm playing this game by Zerix studios ." After checking that the recording was playing smoothly Eric switched to youtube on his second monitor and started livestreaming.
"Hello, harbringers of justice," he greeted his viewers in the annoying smug voice that he was never going to quit. " Today we're bringing to you what I'm sure many of you have been waiting years for- maybe even the reason you're subscribed to me- A face reveal of kylie b."
"Since doxxing is against some pretty major laws this is the second best thing- We're gonna force this keyboard warrior to reveal himself with my reaction in realtime."
He gave them the rundown and took the opportunity to advertise the plush yet again.
Ike went down to the kitchen with his phone in one hand and the plush in the other. It was small enough that he could fit it into the pocket of his brother's old hoodie which was why he wore it downstairs to where Kyle was sitting in the kitchen, eating cereal with a stream on like he always did.
Ike sat down next to him and angled the phone so it didn't capture any of Kyle's face, because alongside the evidence that Kyle owned the official kylie b youtube and tiktok accounts, Tweek wanted Ike's stream to open with a minute of just Kyle talking to let viewers identify his voice.
Kyle turned to Ike with a look of mild surprise.
"What's up Ike?" he asked. "If you're hungry say so. Mom left me on kitchen duty."
"I'm not hungry right now," Ike said truthfully. "Can I eat later?"
"Why not now, dude?" Kyle asked not unkindly. "Fine, but don't leave it too late."
Noticing the time, Ike moved on to his next question. "What are you watching?"
"A twitch streamer," Kyle said, continuing to chow down on his cereal.
"Are they any good?" Ike asked, drawing on his limited knowledge of streaming as content.
"At gaming or streaming?"
"Both, I guess?"
"Yes. Look, are you sure you're not hungry?"
Kyle was looking at Ike with concern which made him feel guilty for some reason.
"N-yes? Yes I am." Ike had just about remembered that he was supposed to be showing Kyle's face to the camera. If Kyle stood on the other side of the kitchen island, the camera would finally catch his face.
He subtly readjusted his phone as Kyle started looking for ingredients to make a blt. Cooking was something Ike was banned from ever since he had started a fire on his first try. . and his second . . and his fourth. . and his tenth.
Once Kyle got all the ingredients for a sandwich he finally stood at the kitchen island and gave the camera what Ike was sure was a clear shot of his face.
On Conman's end, the chat was going crazy.
theb0theredtr0ut: ofc he's a ginger
gesundheit43: god look at that hair
astolfo_thighs865: omg he's actually hot?
Cartman rolled his eyes at the last one and responded to the chat as they went through the stages of hysteria.
"Depends on your preferences," he huffed. " But I personally believe men with with a little more meat on their bones are better." He rolled up a sleeve to flex his sleeper build.
"I should've bet on the odds that he'd be a ginger, huh?"
"So what do you think of Conman?"
The hand spreading mayonnaise on toast faltered. Kyle looked up with the expression of a deer in headlights.
"Obviously, I think he's a terrible streamer," he said recovering quickly, one corner of his mouth ticking upwards into a smirk. "Just downright awful."
"Jesus, is that what you really think?"
"Sure," Kyle shrugged, the smirk still on his face. " I mean, he has some redeeming qualities like his amazing gaming skills, his witty commentary, his art- but you know. Just that."
"Do you think I should watch him then?"
"No fucking way, Ike."
Kyle plated up the sandwhich and served it to Ike.
"Now that you've eaten I'm gonna go out. You can take care of yourself right?"
"Is that why you're wearing your coat inside the house?"
"Nah, I was just too lazy to take it off," Kyle shrugged. "Though it is hot in here," he said tugging at his collar.
Kyle tucked his hair into his green ushanka and dusted himself off. "Well, I'm leaving then-"
"Wait!" Ike yelped.
Kyle looked back at him with confusion. "What?"
"Do you remember what happened at the start of the holidays?"
"You mean Mom getting mad you didn't get me a welcome back present when I came back from college?"
"Yeah. I just wanted to apologise for that."
"It's fine. You can make it up to me on my birthday with 3 gifts."
"Ok- wait that is not how that works!" Ike said indignantly.
Kyle snickered.
"Anyways," Ike said as evenly as he could. "I got you something to make up for it."
"Now this is something I can't wait for," Cartman was almost giggling with euphoria. "I can't wait to see the look on his face when he realises he's been tricked."
"What is it?" Kyle asked curiously.
Ike brought out the wrapped plush and handed it to Kyle, who tore open the nondescript wrapping paper to uncover the plush inside.
It was a cute, marketable stuffed toy- shaped like Eric Cartman and dressed like his avatar from the special 'Agnostic Christmas' stream. It was also instantly recognizable as part of Conman's brand, and specifically as part of his special pre-order plushes to anyone who had interacted with the fanbase even one.
"Ike- how- what?" Kyle stammered, examining the jolly smug thing from every angle.
("This is fucking gold!" Cartman broke down at Ktyle's mental buffering.
However, Kenny felt like something was . . off.)
"Uh, surprise!" Ike said. " I got you a random plush!"
"Random plush? Dude this is a pre-order Conman plush- how did you even get it?" Kyle held it higher in the air, inspecting it from every angle.
Ike shrugged, uncomfortable. "So what do you think?"
"Ike, he's just- so- cute!" Laughing, Kyle bought the plush up to his face and kissed it on top of its head.
"Eww! Gross!" Ike yelped, jolting the camera in his pursuit to shield his eyes.
"Hey, you bought it for me!" Kyle protested, plush tucked in the crook of his arm. "This kind of stuff is why you're my favourite brother in the world, you know?"
"I'm your only brother- OoF" Ike's breath was forced out of him as Kyle's arms came down to hug him in a tight squeeze. Ike endured it for all of ten seconds before pushing him off.
"You know what, you should just go out now," Ike said a bit too eagerly.
"Seriously," Kyle huffed. "Don't touch the stove while I'm gone."
"I won't." As Kyle turned to walk out the door, Ike called out to him again. "Hey, can I do a livestream of your bedroom interior?" he yelled.
"Yes! Just don't touch anything!"
Covering the camera with one hand, Ike ran upstairs as fast as he could.
"What the FUCK?" Cartman voiced. He leaned forward, trying desperately to ignore the red blush that was creeping down his neck.
Kyle's voice rang in his head. "He's so cu-"
It was a prank. They were in on it together.
"I guess that little shit sold us out, huh?"
mysterion[MOD]: Or maybe Kyle really does like the plush.
Beside him, chat voiced similar opinions of surprise and outrage. No one had expected their revenge stream on Conman's biggest hater to take such a turn out of left field, with a a few viewers starting to speculate that the whole thing was strange. Despite the discontent however, the viewer count had started climbing again.
Cartman's attention snapped back to Ike's live feed which was no longer black. The screen showed a nondescript door.
"I just wanted to show Conman something before this stream is over," came Ike's voice through the voice. "This is Kyle's room."
He pushed open the door to reveal a bedroom that looked like someone had vomited all over it with a set of graphic markers.
comet_stars: OMG IS THAT
mysterion[MOD]: THAT'S ALL CONMAN MERCH ASFDSKVSKDF
HijInks: HOLY SHIT ITS YAOI THE YAOI GODS HAVE DELIVERED
Chat exploded as thousands on thousands of viewers expressed their absolute disbelief and shock by keyboard spamming, throwing accusations and god knew what else. For some reason the moderators weren't doing jack shit, probably because Kenny was too busy laughing his ass off.
Cartman stared at the numerous artworks, decals and weird little standees depicting him as a character in various games. Cartman felt his ears grow redder and redder as Ike continued talking. "He's been building this collection since high school so . . like four years now? He's a really big fan of Conman. I think he has almost every piece of merch you've ever made."
Cartman could almost belive it was true. He caught glimpses of old anniversary commemorations and posters as the camera moved. The bed was thankfully body pillow free but a screenshot sent by Kenny dispelled that notion as he marked out a suspicious white lump under the bed. However he still couldn't completely believe that this wasn't a fucking prank. Even if it wasn't, he was determined to treat it like one, only if to keep the upper hand.
"Can you believe the audacity of this asshole?" Cartman asked chat. Before he could continue, Ike's voice interrupted him because Tweek still hadn't muted his feed yet.
"I think .. he's had this the longest," Ike said, pointing at a black and white pencil drawing which Cartman recognized, because it was signed by him. The style was similar to the art he had drawn on his very first streams when he had only a handful of viewers. "He's kind of fucking obsessed actually."
Kenny was laughing so hard he was getting stomach cramps.