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December 15.
Holiday is declared. Father has decided he does not want me home for Christmas after all. It does not matter much to me. I suppose. Maurice and Roger had taken off before the day was up. Only I and Simon remained. It was strange. He barely spoke, barely existed. Yet I couldn’t help but notice him. I tried to make a laugh of it at supper. Making a silly joke of some sorts. I can’t quite remember what I said. I was just trying to gain any sort of reaction from him. He tried not to. But I heard him laugh anyway. His laugh is nothing of the sort that I’ve ever heard before. It made me feel warm.
I tried to talk to him. Tried to map out how to spend our shared time over the holiday. But I don’t think he is one for talking. He never has been in choir. Always keeps to himself. Its strange. Maybe he is just not interested in talking to me. That disappointed me. I don’t know why.
He was pulled to the office after the meal. He was gone for a while. He came back looking rather disturbed. His eyes locked to the floor beneath him. I decided it was best not to ask.
——————
December 18.
Today was the best of days. Me and Simon have been together every second. We wandered the grounds for hours. We decided on the grand oak in Pilgrim Court as our place. We decided that for a place of our own, we must have name for it. We chose ‘The Tree of Destiny.’ Simon thought it was very fitting. I’ve decided to work on re-inventing the entire grounds of the school. I want it to be ours. Me and his.
One week from now, We will have our genesis. Everything here given new life. Belonging to us and no one else. We made our way across the grounds, and we stood up on the hill behind the cathedral. It was beautiful. We were playing god. I could not stop looking over at him, though. He is truly something. His eyes brighter than usual in the gleaming sun. Every single feature highlighted by a soft golden glow. I could not stop myself from holding my breath. He looked heavenly. Almost like an angel, sent down to guide me. He really is special. I told him we were gods. Because how else would we make the world if not? I enjoy my time with Simon. He makes me feel.. happy. It’s a feeling I cannot describe on paper.
——————
Just my luck to have taken ill during Christmas break. I wished mother was here. I heavily dislike being unwell. Simon has been with me, he makes me feel better by being there with me. He has been reading me a book. He does these silly voices whilst reading it aloud. I think he is funny. Even while I am feeling awful, he still manages to make me smile. I like that about him.
Earlier, I begged the housemaster to give me my blankets. She said I had to keep a neutral temperature to prevent my illness becoming worse. I felt as if my bones were freezing over. Simon brought me some anyway. He said he would rather risk getting into trouble with the housemaster than me die of a chill. He said that he didn’t want me to be uncomfortable. He is very nice to me. I don’t believe anyone other than him would do such a thing for me. I wish I could be nicer to him. That I wasn’t….ashamed of this. Whatever ‘this’ is. Last night, Simon left his curtains drawn. It really was just me and him. Alone. Together. I enjoy being with him. More than I’d like to admit.
I became panicked during the night. I felt incredibly sick. I called out to the dark. And he came.My angel. He crawled into my bed. And held me. Just like mother used to do when I was a young boy. I felt safe. Like no evil could ever touch me. No pain could ever be thrust upon me. His fingers were gentle, soft. Drawing delicate patterns on my back. I felt at peace. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time. At that moment, I wished for him to hold me in his arms forevermore. I wanted to live in this very moment for the rest of my life.
I didn’t want to fall under the guise of sleep. Because he wouldn’t be there with me. And this feeling would disappear. I wanted him and nothing else. Me and him to leave this place. And live in our own small world. With no expectations. No rules. Just us. That would be ideal. I must have fell asleep in his embrace. Or maybe I imagined it in my delirious state. Because the next morning, he was gone. It upset me. And I couldn’t figure out why. Why I wanted to wake up in his arms. It was the most strange, most beautiful, most terrifying feeling i’ve ever felt. And Simon Cambourne was the root cause of it.