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Joshua didn’t mean to stay up that late.
He had been innocently scrolling through his social media accounts. He had a long day and now deemed it necessary to check his phone. It was a way to relax before bed, but the soft blue light of his phone definitely did the opposite of making him close his eyes in exhaustion.
He checked his notifications, messages, and recent comments. He saw that his recent post had done well in likes which made his chest swell with pride. He noticed many of his fans had commented silly words with the occasional thirst here and there—his face, his clothing, his body.
He continued scrolling through his comment sections, reading and laughing at comments—occasionally giving a like to a comment he had found particularly amusing or even replying to a fan.
He was halfway through his most recent posts when he stumbled upon a specific comment.
@dkisdokyeom
Your smile is so beautiful, it's so gentle, authentic, truly one of a kind. It reminds me of the moonlight.
Joshua snorted at the comment. It was unbelievably cheesy, but extremely endearing. His fans always said things like that under his comment section, but something about it made him pause a second longer than the rest.
He couldn’t pinpoint exactly why he had paused a heartbeat too long; maybe it was the profile picture the user had—a blurry photo of a man looking down at a bouquet of sunflowers with a smile that made something in Joshua’s stomach flutter. Maybe it was the comment itself—despite his body always being commented on, it was rare to see a compliment for his smile, especially when he was being compared to moonlight of all things.
Filled with curiosity, Joshua tapped on the profile, and immediately, he was bombarded with photos on his screen.
The boy, Seokmin, apparently was his name from his bio, was the type of person you don’t forget when passing by next to him on the street. He was the kind of person you’d get whiplash from how fast you’d do a double-take over his appearance.
He had big, expressive brown eyes; his smile was bright, filled with warmth, and unbelievably wide which made his eyes turn into crescents; a small mole was located under his left eye, he vaguely recalled the meaning behind a tear mole, was it tragic beauty? His face was incredibly sharp: cheekbones cut high, nose long and straight, and a defined jawline like it had been carved by the hands of gods.
Joshua started scrolling through his posts; he was immediately captivated by Seokmin and felt the need to know more about this man before he went to bed (if he even went to bed at this point.)
In one photo, Seokmin was leaning casually against a railing, with a baseball field stretching wide behind him. He was sporting a Dodgers jersey, which hung loosely over a blue hoodie. A navy cap laid backwards over his head, the brim tucked nicely above his forehead while one hand rested at the crown of it, and the other hung at his side. A small smile played at his lips, subtle and charming.
In another photo, Seokmin was seated comfortably on a dark blue couch; he appeared to be in a cafe, maybe out for lunch? He adorned a light blue button-up shirt that didn't hide his broad, muscular build, and the pale trousers didn't make things better for Joshua—they perfectly accentuated the firm lines of his thighs in a way that made him shift uncomfortably in heat. (Weird. It was freezing in his room.)
Another scroll, another photo. Seokmin was seated on a white chair, with lush greenery behind him. He wore a navy blazer with gold buttons over a crisp white shirt, paired with white shorts that showed off his long legs. Even his socks matched his outfit—long and white with a pair of black leather loafers. His face was striking in a way that felt almost unfair. The sharp line of his jaw made the softness of his smile breathtaking, his lips curved into a small grin. His eyes were alluring—steady and warm—lovely to stare at and enough to make your heart race.
With every scroll through Seokmin’s feed; Joshua felt himself fall through a rabbit hole he never knew existed or knew he needed. He had been captivated by Seokmin’s handsomeness almost immediately, and he couldn’t stop himself from admiring him through photos.
Joshua scrolled longer than he meant to. He had scrolled so far down through Seokmin’s feed that he had reached the very first post Seokmin had created almost two years ago. But could you really blame him? The man was ethereal!
Joshua was only supposed to stay up for twenty minutes max, but now it was 1:17 A.M. and he had to be up at 7 on the dot. But he couldn’t find it in himself to care, he found himself smiling at his phone like an idiot making his cheeks ache from how hard he was cheesing at Seokmin’s photos.
Joshua didn't know how, but he ended up tapping on the “Message” icon that was right next to the “Follow” button on Seokmin’s page. Suddenly, his fingers were flying across his keyboard, and without thinking twice—he clicked send.
Hi. I saw your comment from a while ago. I will say I’ve never been compared to moonlight, but there’s a first for everything. Your smile is like the sunshine.
Joshua hadn't expected anything, especially since it was now 1:30 A.M. and usually everyone was asleep by this hour—everyone except Joshua after he stumbled across an interesting page through his comment section. If anything, he had expected a message in a couple of hours—maybe the early hours of the morning or later in the day when Seokmin checked his DM requests.
But instead, the typing bubble appeared almost instantly.
OH MY GOD IS THIS REALLY YOU???
Joshua laughed softly into his pillow.
They talked that night until three in the morning which Joshua should’ve ended up regretting in the morning because he had an important shoot, but instead found his late sleep worth it.
Joshua ended up learning far more about Seokmin than he had expected during their two-hour-long conversation. At first, Seokmin had been stunned that Joshua had messaged him, surprise evident through his messages, but once that faded, words began to flow easily between them.
Joshua learned that Seokmin’s birthday was February 18 and was 29. Joshua laughed out loud to himself when Seokmin admitted he was known as a “happy virus” in his friend group for his cheerful personality and contagious smile, but was a sensitive person beneath that brightness.
He spoke about his favorite food: Wenchang Chicken, and how it was the most amazing thing he had ever tried. Then Seokmin shared how he aspired to be someone who could help others and give them hope, which made Joshua smile fondly at his phone.
The next night, they talked again. Joshua found himself piecing together every little fact and detail about Seokmin in his brain like he was creating a biography of someone famous. To anyone else, these things might have seemed ordinary, even mundane, but to Joshua, they were precious. So very precious—it was almost like he was uncovering secrets about his celebrity crush, except it wasn't a distant dream; it was real, and it was currently happening.
And they talked the next night. What had begun as a short conversation in Joshua’s mind after a whim, had turned into long threads of messages that stretched late into the night. Voice notes slipped in between, carrying laughter, sighs, and rants about their days—good or bad. Random photos from their days had started to become their thing: Seokmin would send snapshots of the sky when it looked pretty, while Joshua shared clips of him with his guitar; demo songs that had been in the works for a while.
Sometimes their conversations were stupid. Messages like “What would you do if you became a worm” would start a whole deep dive about how hard life is for a worm—only living for ten years and being left to be eaten by birds, snakes, or other predators.
Sometimes their conversations were personal, very personal. Joshua would talk about how his life was after rising to fame. He’d mention how being famous was like a double-edged sword, while it offered wealth, influence, and perks, it simultaneously imposed a lack of privacy, high expectations, and public scrutiny.
Joshua would talk about how he missed the simple life he used to have before composing and singing. How he was forever grateful for the love he had received during his career, but sometimes longed for the quietness that he had once lived in, unknown and unbothered. That god forbid a man wanted to go out by himself to the convenience store without being mugged by fans once in a while.
Seokmin would talk about his own struggles. How despite being cheery and having a contagious smile, he was very gullible and sensitive. He constantly struggled with self-doubt and a lack of confidence. It had been worse when he was younger, and over time he had started to leave those dark thoughts aside. But on certain nights, usually after a particularly long, hard day, the thoughts couldn’t help but seep through the cracks in his mind—engulfing him, eating him inside out until he could barely breathe.
Somewhere along the way, Joshua realized Seokmin knew things about him that even his friends didn't know.
Seokmin learned how Joshua got quiet when he was stressed. How he was an avid reader, always making it a goal to finish a book or two in a month. How he played guitar when he couldn’t sleep or needed to de-stress after a hard day.
Joshua even learned some of Seokmin’s habits. Seokmin seemed to sleep-talk sometimes; on one occasion he was caught talking about ordering Chinese dishes. How he always took in his surroundings whenever he was somewhere unfamiliar. How he had a deep passion for musical theatre despite it usually going unnoticed by critics calling it “boring” and “old-fashioned.”
Everything seemed to have been falling into place like puzzle pieces clicking together. Seokmin was truly the sunshine in his life—bright and warm, while Joshua was the moonlight in his—quiet and stable. The perfect match, the perfect balance. Joshua couldn’t believe he had found a bond that was built on cyberstalking before a message changed his mundane routine.
It was almost like the universe or an external force knew he needed companionship. And with that sole reason, Seokmin waltzed into his life like an unprecedented force that flipped his world upside down—slowly integrating himself as a major part of his life despite only knowing him for a short amount of time.
Truly, what were the odds Joshua would’ve noticed Seokmin’s comment among the thousands of others? This must’ve been the work of fate—Joshua meeting Seokmin must’ve been written into the stars or something.
If that were the case, then he was extremely grateful that he had received the opportunity of meeting Seokmin. Grateful for the chance of having a person like Seokmin in his life—sincere and radiant.
One night, Joshua laid on his bed staring at his brightly painted white ceiling while Seokmin’s voice played through his headphones.
Seokmin had sent him a voice message; ranting about his day. He seemed to have had a good day, at least that’s what his voice indicated—loud and airy, he could imagine Seokmin making hand gestures while recounting his story during specific parts.
“I tried to make pancakes for dinner—I know, I know, ‘That’s so weird!’ Well, luckily for me, I don’t care.” Seokmin’s voice vibrated through his headphones, making Joshua feel at ease and comfortable.
“So, I tried making pancakes. Don’t even ask how that went. Spoiler alert: it went horribly,” Seokmin sighed dramatically, “If we ever meet, don’t put me near the kitchen, okay?” A breathy laugh escaped his lips, and Joshua could envision the way his eyes crinkled into beautiful half moons.
Joshua chuckled softly at Seokmin’s antics. He imagined Seokmin in the kitchen, trying to make pancakes, only to fail miserably and potentially almost burning down his living space. Then the words that were uttered slowly settled into Joshua, “If we ever meet.”
If we ever meet. If. That made Joshua frown. Seokmin was living in a world of “If,” like Seokmin was drowning in a puddle of hope and anticipation for their eventual meetup. Those seemingly insignificant and trivial words, that no one else would bat an eye at; everyone except Joshua.
And when Joshua finished listening to Seokmin’s rant, which was particularly endearing, the words still continued playing in his mind like a mantra. If we ever meet, If we ever meet, If we ever meet—The words lingered longer in his mind than they really should’ve.
It was weird. He and Seokmin had been friends for almost two months now and they still have yet to meet up. It’s not like they lived far away from each other—only separated by a two-hour ride. Joshua could easily make the trip to Seokmin’s residence, finally see Seokmin in person, and admire his beauty up close—the only setback would be paparazzi, but he wouldn't mind going incognito for Seokmin.
Except, he and Seokmin hadn’t even videocalled yet either. They mostly stuck to messages, photos, and regular phone calls. It was weird, so, so weird. Joshua already knew how Seokmin looked like and vice versa, so why hadn’t they facetimed yet? Joshua would love to see Seokmin’s face in real time rather than through candid photos that only captured a moment.
Even thinking about how Seokmin would look in real time, filling the small space of his phone screen made Joshua’s heart race ever so slightly. Warmth started to pool inside his chest at the thought of seeing Seokmin smile—wide and mesmerizing,
Joshua couldn’t help but wonder the exact reason for why they haven’t video-called. Were they simply not at that level of closeness even though Joshua knew how Seokmin was easily frightened and Seokmin knew how bugs unnerved Joshua?
Joshua sighed, long and full of longing.
It was Tuesday—a random Tuesday, but that seemed to matter for whatever reason. Everything happens on a Tuesday, seemingly boring and repetitious but chaos and revelations brewed behind the dull facade.
He was off that day which was rare, very rare. (Maybe that should’ve been the first indicated warning sign.) Nowadays, it seemed like he had something going on every day—meetings, rehearsals, photo shoots. So, for this opportunity to present itself—it was God-sent.
Joshua was scrolling through his feed like he always did. He decided to take the time to catch up on what was all the rave on social media; he needed to keep up with the trends—an aspect that maintained stardom.
When he felt somewhat satisfied with his internet deep dive, he started interacting with fans, liking their comments with the occasional reply.
He then transitioned to replying to some of his DM’s—mostly friends that haven’t heard from him in a while. He caught up with them, recounting his recent activities as well as hearing their stories. When he had enough of socializing, he laughed at a few posts and shared some with close friends.
Joshua refreshed his feed, bored with the same posts every time he scrolled farther down. The screen refreshed and there it was—in all its glory.
Seokmin had posted a new photo to his feed.
Seokmin was seated at a table, one hand rested high against the nape of his neck while the other laid on the table as he gazed off to the side. Behind him, there were shelves stacked high with bottles that glowed under the warm light.
His face was sharp, the angle accentuating his honed features, especially his nose, which had Joshua smiling faintly to himself. (He loved Seokmin’s nose. Sue him.) Dark hair was swept neatly to the side, nicely styled to fit the occasion. His broad frame filled the blue button-up shirt well and his sleeves were rolled up, uncovering big forearms that looked ravishing.
Then, there were his lips. They were curled into a faint smile, subtle enough that you had to zoom in to notice it. Joshua couldn’t help but stare; they were pink and avowedly soft.
His gaze continued to linger for longer than it should have. Joshua’s mind started to steer into dangerous territory. How would it feel to have Seokmin’s lips against his? Would they be soft like they appeared? Would they be rough on the edges? Would pretty little noises escape his mouth—
Joshua’s breath hitched, pulse quickening and loud enough that he could hear it thump in his ears.
Woah.
He had just thought about how it would feel to kiss Seokmin.
Joshua. Kissing. Seokmin.
Lips. Against. Lips.
He even thought about the sounds that would escape Seokmin’s mouth. Did Seokmin seem like the type to groan—
Joshua slapped a hand over his mouth. A beat passed in uttermost silence, the only thing that could be heard was the pounding of his heartbeat. He hadn't just thought that right? Right? Why had that thought appeared in his mind? Well, Seokmin did look like the type—
”Oh my God,” Joshua spoke out loud, the words tumbling out of his mouth quietly and breathlessly—the realization enough to render him speechless. Where was all of this coming from?
The shock of it all was enough for his fingers to lose their grip on his phone, making it fall onto his face, drawing a groan to escape his mouth. A hand flew to where the sting was, rubbing smooth circles over it.
But the jolt of pain wasn't enough to stop the thoughts from pouring in. Joshua’s mind couldn’t stop reeling from the thought of kissing Seokmin, the noises that would escape his mouth, and it couldn’t stop fabricating new scenarios he’d never imagined.
It was so unbelievably weird. Joshua hadn’t thought about Seokmin like that. He just happened to believe he was very attractive, extremely attractive as a matter of fact—probably the most handsome man he had ever laid eyes on. But that was besides the point!
Seokmin had been some guy who caught his attention in his comment section a few months ago. A guy that had compared his smile to moonlight. A guy that he decided to cyberstalk which left him cheesing over his insanely good looks before messaging him on a whim.
That same guy had integrated himself into Joshua’s daily routine. And in the course of a few months—he had become a vital part of it. Ever since he had learned about Seokmin, he simply couldn’t get enough. He probably will never get enough of Seokmin; it was almost like he needed to be infused with him to actually ever get enough of him.
Joshua needed to hear from Seokmin first thing in the morning or he knew he’d have an awful day without his ray of sunshine. Seokmin was the first person he thought about when he woke up and the last person he talked to before going to sleep. And it all started because of a compliment in his comment section.
Now, Joshua couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel to kiss Seokmin. How would Seokmin’s presence feel, comforting and serene just like when they’d call? Would Seokmin’s voice sound different in person, slightly higher or deeper? Would his laugh be louder, could it even get louder? Would his hand feel warm if he were to hold it?
One by one, these thoughts started to consume his mind until all that ran through it was Seokmin, Seokmin, Seokmin— All he could think about was Seokmin.
When he tried to close his eyes, in a desperate attempt to make his mind shut up, all he could see was Seokmin’s smile—carefree and sincere with charming dimples accompanying it. The same smile that made his stomach curl around itself—a faint feeling of fluttering and heat pooling inside.
God.
He was in it deep.
Late one night, Joshua had just arrived home from going out. He had spent the day with Jeonghan—chatting, eating, and drinking—lots and lots of it.
Somewhere between the laughter and the clinking glasses, he spilled his feelings to Jeonghan about how he had met a man on the internet through one of his comment sections. How he had been complimented and was immediately drawn to know more about this stranger which led to him sending a message after a long stalking session—a singular message then turned into two, then three, until they were two hours deep in a conversation.
Then, they had grown close, unbelievably so. They shared everything about each other. Their dreams, fears, secrets—there wasn't anything that Seokmin didn't know about him despite only knowing each other for a few months.
The messages turned to voice notes, then to calls, and every time Seokmin posted a photo; Joshua couldn’t help but let his gaze linger longer than it should, but did he care? No, he didn't. He’d do anything to admire Seokmin up close instead of through his phone screen.
Then, one day, he had come to the devastating yet dumbfounding realization that he had developed feelings for his online friend. Now, all he could think about was Seokmin. Seokmin’s hands, Seokmin’s smile, Seokmin’s laugh, his mind just knew the name Seokmin and nothing else.
Jeonghan stayed quiet throughout his entire rant, letting Joshua say his pent-up feelings that had been building up for some weeks now. Joshua was grateful for that—once he had finished he felt a weight lift from his shoulders, except some debris was still there.
Jeonghan—bless his soul—was an absolute dear. He simply advised Joshua to give it a shot, if all went badly—Seokmin was a two-hour ride away. He shouldn’t deprive himself of a good thing because he was scared of what could potentially happen.
So now, Joshua was here. At home. Typing a message that could probably end horribly. But he had liquid courage buzzing through his system. (Thank the Gods for alcohol.)
Joshua quickly typed out a message to Seokmin. If it wasn’t now, then it would be never. He had to take advantage of this adrenaline high. Do you ever wonder what meeting would be like?
The typing bubble appeared immediately. Hi! I see you're back from your outing.
To answer your question: there’s never a day I don't think about it.
Joshua’s heart pounded. Fuck. Seokmin couldn’t say things like that, a man could get the wrong idea—Joshua could get the wrong idea.
Joshua swallowed, thumbs hovering over the keys. He had to confess everything to Seokmin while he still had alcohol in his system and wasn’t debating if this was all a bad idea. “All or nothing,” Joshua reassured himself, “You only live once.” Joshua was halfway done with the message before a new one from Seokmin appeared.
Sometimes I think about what it would be like to hug you.
Joshua stopped typing, fingers hovering over his keyboard in surprise.
Then another one came, and it was enough to make Joshua drop his phone entirely, the sound of it clattering on the tile background noise that couldn’t suppress Joshua’s racing heart.
Excuse me if this is too forward, but I sometimes think about what it would feel like to kiss you.
A gasp escaped from Joshua’s mouth, and heat rushed to his face. Joshua hadn’t expected that. He really, really hadn't. He was supposed to be the one who had the liquid courage, but Seokmin in all his sobriety, had beaten him to it.
Fuck. How long had Seokmin felt the same? Had he felt it immediately like he had, but suppressed it and chalked it up to admiration? Or had he always known and accepted it wholeheartedly and was ready to wear his heart on his sleeve?
Joshua just spent weeks worrying about his newfound feelings for Seokmin for no reason. Turns out, the man felt the same—even shared the same thought that he had been envisioning in his mind before going to sleep every night.
Joshua let out an amused breath, a shy smile spreading across his face. Carefully, Joshua knelt down and grabbed his phone that had fallen on the tile. He backspaced the message he had been writing, and quickly started up a new message.
Yeah. Me too.
minnie <3
When we meet
Can I be the first person to kiss you?
You're assuming you’ll get the chance
minnie <3
Oh trust me
I am
Hmm
Then, when we meet
Can I be the first person to feel your heartbeat?
minnie <3
Why my heartbeat?
Because it would prove your mine to hold, and not just pixels on a screen