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Dan Heng and Caelus are different.
This is something both of them know, especially Dan Heng. It's what draws him to Caelus, after all. The bright shine of his golden soul calls out to him, has called out to him ever since he found the Stellaron lying unconscious in the Herta Space Station.
It's the same light that led him through the maze of memoria in those hundreds of years. The single ember kept alive in his heart kept him tethered to the very concept of reality.
His gray hair, his glowing golden eyes, his crooked smile whenever he's abashed or says something genuine, the way his cheeks dust pink with a golden sheen when he's embarrassed—so many traits that he replayed in his head to keep him going, in hopes that one day he would be reunited with his star.
Even before Amphoreus, the differences between them weren't completely night and day. They shared a protective demeanor toward the other members of the Express, willing to put themselves at risk for the safety of others; they've gone through hell and back to maintain this. However, they had a lot of other traits that, while different, fit together well.
Their interests, for one, differed greatly. Caelus liked adventuring and video games; Dan Heng preferred to stay back and observe and read. Caelus was more impulsive, while Dan Heng was more analytical. Caelus expressed his emotions openly; Dan Heng kept his emotions close to his heart. Somehow, they balanced each other out perfectly.
But then it came to the topic of how they expressed love.
Dan Heng has had the fortune of finding out that he is a silent lover. He shows his love in small ways, incorporated in his actions. If one didn't pay attention, one would miss the way his eyes linger on Caelus before asking him to hang out in his room. How he would wordlessly clean up after Caelus or bring food to him.
When it comes to words though, he finds himself stuck.
He's found that Caelus is someone who takes every opportunity to express his love. From compliments and praise (that Dan Heng accepts, but isn't too fazed by. He figures it's just Caelus being overly dramatic about his actions.) to giving him random trinkets, he was able to connect the dots.
He was a little confused at first. Before he had an inkling of the other's requited feelings, he thought it was strange how many more compliments he gave Dan Heng over mundane things. Dan Heng always enjoyed the gifts Caelus and treasured them deeply, but he began to notice Caelus' hopeful expressions as he watched Dan Heng's reaction to the gifts.
When comparing their love languages, Dan Heng wonders if he's showing enough to get his feelings through.
He feels…so much. There isn't a word for how he worshiped Caelus through all those years, how he still worships him. What he yearned to say and do when he was finally reunited. His Aeon. His reason to keep going. His goal.
The fear and regret that Caelus never knew how much he loved him haunted him constantly. He continuously envisioned how he would tell him all the yearning he experienced. How his feelings felt like they burst and overflowed the moment he had left Amphoreus.
Left Caelus behind to deal with a war against a Lord Ravager.
It seemed like all of his simulated plans and scenarios he envisioned went out the window the second he was able to hold Caelus in his arms again. It didn't matter how he felt or what he experienced. It ended with Caelus being retrieved and safe.
The way his world was finally granted color, all his senses completely tuned in on Caelus. The overwhelming urge to hoard, keep, protect almost taking over him. To consume as he cradles him in his arms, golden dragon materializing in order to fly them back up.
He holds himself back from fully engulfing the other, eyes blurring as he makes eye contact with burning starlight for the first time in eras.
It's too much to express, even more to process the sheer amount of relief he feels.
So he focuses on the manifestation that he's relied on all these years to get through—the warmth, the weight in his arms, the familiar slight ashy scent mixed with inexplicable jasmine notes.
At the time, he only allowed himself to pour a minuscule fraction of the feelings he held for the other man in his words:
"Finally. I found you."
Then, it was a matter of not enough time to themselves while they reunited with March, then defeated Irontomb, then wrapping up the loose ends. By the time everything was done and settled, everyone was tired to the bone.
It doesn't mean Dan Heng's soul has stopped aching, though. It reaches out for the same thing it's been wanting for eras, the way plants tend toward the sun.
His hand twitches toward Caelus' door. He feels anxious when Caelus isn't in his line of sight or when he cannot sense him in another way. The others had held a short meeting to check in before dismissing them, telling them to finally get some rest. The Astral Express wouldn't be accepting any missions or traveling for a bit to conserve energy.
Of course, once released from the familiarity of his family, Dan Heng had trouble sleeping in the usually comforting hum of the data bank. Not without a certain warm body next to him.
He knew March could take care of herself, that she was currently learning how to communicate and compromise with Evernight. He did not want to disturb her during this time, though he knew he'd do it sooner or later. They needed to catch up with each other.
(A sleepover, March would demand. Multiple, in fact. One on one with Dan Heng, then Caelus, and then all together. It's always been lovely to bask in her rose and comfortable chill of a scent, her soft hair tickling his neck as they curl together. His sister, in every meaning of the word.)
Now, it's time to quell his worries and anxieties about the well-being of his star.
He still hesitates before knocking. Once, twice, then a third before waiting. He holds his breath as he waits for a response.
Dan Heng breathes a sigh of relief when he gets a "Come in!" from a voice that instantly soothes his mind. Gingerly, he bows his head as he steps inside the Trailblazer's room.
Big, spacious, homey, and filled with the comforting scent of warm ash and that mysterious hint of jasmine. He breathes it in, shoulders dropping as he shuts his eyes for a moment.
"What's up? Do you need something?" Yellow eyes blink at him from the bed in the middle of the room. A comfortable mattress where they've shared a few nights on before Amphoreus. Nothing intimate, simply by accident or to stave off nightmares. Sleepovers among the trio weren't rare, after all. Between them two, no light, lingering touches were addressed—a silent agreement to keep those to the secrets of the night.
Distant, lukewarm. He slightly furrows his brows when he realizes how far those memories seem.
It feels beyond strange to settle back into their regular lives after the events they had just dealt with. 2000 years of consciousness for the both of them, compressed into a few weeks in the real world.
After rooming with each other for half a year in Amphoreus and not being apart for more than a few days at a time, he knows he has grown attached. Even if it was without the life and death and the whole trek he did while searching for him situations.
Yes. I need you by my side to stay calm and present.
"No," he chooses to say instead. "I simply wanted some company." He pauses.
Ah, some honesty would do them both good.
"Well. Your specific presence. It was…strange not having you by my side."
Caelus laughs, his voice ringing like bells through the air; Dan Heng's favorite melody that he never fails to be entranced by. He feels the last of his tension fade from his muscles, a comforting fog soothing the noise in his mind.
"Same for me too. If you didn't show up, I was gathering up the energy to visit you in the Archives instead." Caelus rolls over and props himself up on his elbows. He's now sitting up against the headboard of his bed, back cushioned by his ridiculous amount of pillows. "I missed you."
And there he was, being genuine and true with his feelings for Dan Heng. Another thing that he couldn't help but feel a mix of confusion and love, as he isn't truly sure how to react. He usually settles on "He loves me."
"I missed you too." He smiles softly, tilting his head when Caelus pats the blankets next to him. Perhaps a more timid, pre-Amphoreus Dan Heng would have hesitated for a second, weighing the proper way to engage versus what he wants. The Dan Heng now feels the Earth coreflame's burning pull towards his bondmate, the Imbibitor Lunae's inherent claim on Caelus, and the love he's gathered in the thousand and two years they've shared together. The countless times Dan Heng has had Caelus cross his mind in this period had always mystified him.
How could he love someone this much, almost to the point of engulfment?
Without missing a beat, he strides across the room and pads toward Caelus on the bed. It's almost as if he is the predator crawling towards his prey, but that wouldn't be correct. The reality is that Dan Heng is the one entrapped by Caelus, but there's nowhere else he'd rather be.
He reaches his Aeon. If he had not lost his form of the Earth, his horns would most likely get in the way of their cuddling. He doesn't know if he should count as a blessing or a shame that he's back in his human form. It had been the most comfortable he's ever been within himself, having been able to put behind everything that wanted to make him claw his skin off. He knows the past has been dealt with and that he is comfortable in any form he has. But it's not without inspiring a few changes—he's updated his wardrobe to echo the bits of the true parts that he discovered about himself, edited his human form to have pointier ears and allowed his fangs to peek through. His tail occasionally made an appearance, now being able to manifest in a more solid form.
Overall, he looks the same as he always has. Just with a few tweaks to make him feel more at home.
(Caelus digs it. He never fails to give Dan Heng compliments that have him ducking his head and flushing. Only his cooler temperature has saved him from overheating. A deep part of him preens at his appearance being acknowledged by his bondmate.)
His favorite part about this form is being able to hold Caelus as close as physically possible. Caelus seems to feel the same way, immediately plastering his arms around Dan Heng, the embrace causing him to shut his eyes, hums of contentment eventually grow into a low-rumbling purr.
With his head on Caelus' chest, right below his chin, he feels rather than hears the vibrations as the gray-haired man chuckles. The steady thrum of the Stellaron is almost comforting, with the slow pulses behind that simulates his heartbeat.
(He's learned to block out most of the whispers from it. Though sealed, Caelus and the rest still had to exercise caution just in case some influence slipped out.)
"Needed that bad, huh?" He feels fingers begin to stroke through his hair and he nods, face buried in the most Caelus he can possibly get to without physically phasing through his skin. The fingers in his hair are warm.
They don't really speak after this. They don't have to.
The comfort of shared silences in their private little moments. This is what Dan Heng missed the most. Their own little bubble, where both of them are allowed to simply exist.
No war, no responsibilities, no death, no more being hero.
Not the Nameless passengers, not Imbibitor Lunae and the Trailblazer, not the Guard and the Deliverer, not the Earth Titan and the Worldbearing Titan.
Just Dan Heng and Caelus.
After a while, he feels Caelus' lips on his forehead, nose brushing against his bangs as his breath tickles Dan Heng's nose. He trills a little in confusion, eyes blearily opening to gaze into starry, golden eyes. It's not new for small pecks between them to occur, though somewhat rare unless they were in desperate need of comfort. He turns toward Caelus' torso and reaches his hand up to hold his cheek. Dan Heng feels his heart swell as he leans his head against his palm, warmth radiating and passing through his hand down his arm, spreading through his body.
"Let's just shift a little. My arm is going numb." Wordlessly, Dan Heng shifts up and after a bit of shuffling, they end up under the blanket cuddled in each other's arms, this time with Caelus' head being under Dan Heng's chin. The lights fade out, leading to darkness, as the system hour passes 10 PM.
Dan Heng feels Caelus' steady exhales against his chest. This is the most he can ever ask for. His Aeon so close to him that they could merge.
"I like when you're in my arms. It tells me that you are safe and alive," he mumbles into Caelus' hair. It's a confession that is one of many, shown through their small actions. "I might not show my love in the same way you do, but when we're like this, it's the only time I feel at peace."
Caelus is quiet for a moment. Dan Heng closes his eyes again, though he had seen nothing in the dark except the golden glow from the man next to him.
"I don't care that you don't love me in the same ways. I know you love me in your own ways. Isn't that what love is about? Being able to recognize all the different ways people love you?"
Perhaps he's right. Dan Heng has had passing thoughts and worries that he wasn't loving Caelus right.
After all, what is love?
Is it a thousand years of yearning and searching?
Is it hoping for the other to show up and save them?
Is it claiming each other as the Astral Express' when what they really wanted to say "he's mine"?
Is it texting each other with new updates and mundane chats?
Is it fretting over the status of life when separated?
Is it gazing up at the stars holding hands when they can't sleep?
Is it gifting small trinkets that remind them of each other?
Is it re-organizing their items here and there to keep things neat for the other?
Is it telling someone how much they care for the other out loud?
Is it finding small reasons to bask in the other's company?
Or is it the comfort found in each other, knowing that you share the same warmth toward each other?
A combination of those all would only make sense.
Dan Heng spends all of 5 seconds musing about love before he tosses it away. It doesn't matter what forms it comes in. It doesn't matter that he doesn't think he's loving in a normal way due to his childhood. All he knows is that he loves the star he is so blessed to hold, and the star loves him back. The one who has taught him devout dedication and the depth of love.
To stay infinitely close to this soul is all he needs to think about right now. They may not know what the future holds for them, but Dan Heng knows this moment is real and tangible.
"I love you, Dan Heng," a small voice comes from below. It's a little sleepy, but Dan Heng feels his heart skip. Out of all the words Caelus showers him in, they could never replace the thrill he feels when Caelus says this.
He squeezes Caelus a little tighter, if that were possible, returning the kiss from earlier on top of the head of gray hair. Caelus smiles against his chest, probably having noticed his heart rate increasing.
Well, he doesn't expect Dan Heng to whisper, "I love you through the oceans and the sky, through time and space, infinitely."
Ah, so that's how being struck by a rare show of affection feels. He holds back his gasp, the thrumming from his chest pulsing louder for a moment. Caelus shuts his eyes as he sees the room light up with golden light, slightly mortified at the visual reaction he shows.
Yup. Walking nightlight. Almost as giving as Dan Heng's tail.
The rumbles from Dan Heng increase in volume as he chuffs against Caelus' face, causing him to look into stormy eyes. They're sharing the same breath, eyes locked and filled with love and desire.
It's only natural that they lean in, lips meeting halfway. Though Dan Heng's are chapped and Caelus' mouth is a little dry, it's the best thing they've ever done. It's only a brush of their lips, the slightest amount of pressure, as if it was something so fragile a single breath would shatter the other.
They draw apart slowly, eyes following the other's mouth, then back to their eyes.
Something in the air snaps.
Suddenly, their proximity doesn't feel enough. As their kisses become open mouthed and they begin to pant more heavily into each others mouth, Caelus ends up crawling on top of Dan Heng, moving his legs to straddle the other without missing a beat.
His beloved archivist's hands begin to roam his body, trail from the side of his face, through his hair, down his neck, back, finally settling on his waist. Caelus hums in approval, licking into Dan Heng's mouth. There's a muffled yelp of surprise as Dan Heng's eyes snap open for a second, only to see lidded golden eyes and the feeling of a smirk against his lips.
Dan Heng wishes that he could say it only lasted a few minutes, but he would be lying. Not that he wanted to deny one of the most satisfying resolutions to his deep-seated feelings.
After their slow and steady 1 hour make-out session, they once again settle down. Probably the most overwhelming first kiss in history, but it was as if they had so much to say and express that words weren't enough to convey.
"I don't think I'll ever stop being able to tell you I love you."
"I'm…not sure how often I can say it out loud. Only for you, only in private."
Caelus boops his nose into Dan Heng's, causing him to scrunch his nose and for Caelus to giggle.
"And you'll be the only one I spend so much time with. The most, ever. Though, we'll have to include our dear March in some of our time."
Dan Heng smiles before closing his eyes and burrowing into his light.
"I don't mind." The tinge of possession lingering in him crows in victory before he banishes it to the depths of his mind. None of that right now.
"Goodnight, my silly dragon boyfriend."
"Goodnight, my beautiful, alluring star."
"…Just had to one up me, huh?"
"Go to sleep, now, dearest."
"You should stop before I jump you."
"…In time. For now, we are both much too tired for any…extra activities."
"Boo."
Their banter slowly fades into the night, light and peaceful breathing evening out.
It's the best night of sleep they've had in a while.