Chapter Text
[1:26 PM]
???
you better not be fucking with me right now
i swear to god
i hate you so much
i tRUSTED YOU
Bakugou
Uh.
???
i will crucify your mother to the darkest abyss of satans ass if you don't confess your crimes!!
i know your fucking weaknesses!!
i will not hesitate to take drastic measures
you deserve to pay for what you have done
i cried for days because of you
Bakugou
What the fuck?
???
geez dude
never took you for someone who swears
please put some money in the jar asap
Bakugou
Who the fuck are you?
???
kaminari, my dude
but don't change the subject
you know what you did
Bakugou
Seriously, who are you??
I don’t even fucking know you, and you're accusing me of something???
The fuck??
???
that’s your plan, isnt it, pretending you don't know
but I KNOW you know what you did
you totally stole my last dorito, didn't you
Bakugou
That’s what this is about? A fucking dorito?
???
IT WAS MY LAST DORITO PACKAGE AND I KNOW IT WAS YOU,MY CLASS WAS THE MOST BORING THING EVER BC I HAD NO BREAKFAST
Bakugou
I hate to break it to you but, I’m not this calamari guy
So no, it wasn’t me you ass.
???
wow, good one. you even made fun of yourself to hide the truth
Bakugou
Okay, whatever, this is getting annoying
???
wait,,,
for real real?
you aren't him???
Bakugou
Not from the last time I checked.
Well now that you know, please kindly fuck off.
???
so mean
you don't want to talk to me?
i'm so offended, i'm such a great person
Bakugou
As if.
I’ve met a squirrel nicer and more entertaining than you
???
wow i'm just so glad you are comparing me to a squirrel,
if this were kaminari, you would have said smth like "yeah youd be into these nuts"
or maybe smth about a fursona
perhaps you really arent him, shame
Bakugou
DUDE WHAT THE FUCK
???
woahhh
did you just ASSUME my gender
Bakugou
Oh god
You're an SJW arent you
I just reckoned you were a dude bc you talked about wanting these nuts
Unless you are one of those fucking Tumblr people who say they have nuts to be funny even when they dont have one, and get offended when people compare them to me or something
???
okay first of all, scuse you i love tumblr and not everyone is like that
and second, naaah
i'm all man right here
so manly
the manliest man alive
even kanye west would be proud
Bakugou
I doubt that.
???
why must you think so low of me, mr unknown number guy
Bakugou
Why are you still talking to me?
???
why not
so anyways, you a dude?
Bakugou
Why should I tell you anything, ass hat
???
ass hat?
i think you need to improve your insults
and i'm just asking because i told YOU i was a dude
it's so were even
you feel me?
Bakugou
I don't feel anything.
And if I tell you, will you leave me alone?
???
maybe
Bakugou
Then, yes. I’m a dude.
Now go the fuck away.
???
well i said maybe and took a few seconds to think about it and came to the conclusion that ur fun and im staying
Bakugou
Wow,
Yeah, so I'm blocking you.
???
NO DUDE PLEASE
this never happens to me
i feel special
unless you are an 80 year old pervert
or a murderer i guess
Bakugou
I'm not a murderer.
???
that's what a murderer would say
i caught you red handed
Bakugou
So if I was a murderer, then why are you still texting me??
???
in pure honesty
i'm bored
and i guess if you were a murderer then i wouldn't mind having an early death
because of all this uni stress going on
Bakugou
So you are in university?
???
oh shit
it slipped in by accident
but yes i am
i'm crossing my fingers that you aren't an 80 year old perv murderer
Bakugou
I'm in uni too
ass hat
wow!
i'm so glad that i didn't have to break the news to my mother that i died by texting an old pervy murderer
Bakugou
Seriously, why the ever loving fuck are you still texting me?
ass hat
because im BORED
do u have,,, short term memory loss or smth?
dory????
Bakugou
uh, no you dick.
ass hat
anyways, i feel like we should get to know each other better
since we are already on the topic
how bout it, my brosowski
Bakugou
And why should we do that?
I don't even fucking know you...
ass hat
exactly why we should get to know each other
so we won't be strangers no more :D
Bakugou
I’m okay with never talking to each other ever again :D
ass hat
we could ask each other questions turn by turn
it will be fun
Bakugou
yeah, no,
ass hat
dUDE
please enlighten me on this fine evening
Bakugou
Thats what blocking is for
ass hat
okayokay sorry geez
but if the questions get too personal then we could just NOT answer them, deal?
that way we can still play and know when theres a line not to cross
Bakugou
Or we could just not text anymore
ass hat
huhh??
why???
Bakugou
Fine.
But if it gets too weird, I’m fucking out of here
ass hat
YESSS
i knew youd come through
okay
what major are you in??
Bakugou
Arts.
My turn
Who are you?
ass hat
wow pretty vague there
im kirishima eijirou
and who are YOU mmh?
Bakugou
Someone whos suffering
ass hat
i try my best to make friends here and you come along and attack me
i feel so #triggered
Bakugou
So?
ass hat
ughh frustrating
oh shit
gotta brb
we will continue this later
the real kaminari found me so i gotta go scold him
bye babe!
Bakugou
Please never come back
And don’t ever call me babe, I swear to god.
ass hat
is that a threat?
yknow what
ill come back
just watch me.
------
[5:14 PM]
ass hat
told ya biatch
Bakugou
I fucking hate you