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“Ya skipped me again?!” Epel cried.
“Luck’s on my side today,” Ace winked.
Jack eyed Ace suspiciously before playing a green 2. Deuce frowned and drew a card. His face lit up.
“Deuce-san drew a wild card,” Ortho said matter-of-a-factly.
“What?! How did you know?!” Deuce yelped. A beat passed before he realized he just confirmed Ortho’s claim. He pouted.
“Your poker face could use some work,” Yuu said with a sympathetic smile. Then Sebek screamed like he’d been stabbed.
“What is this sorcery?!”
Yuu glanced up. Epel had forced him to draw two for the fifth time in a row. The others burst into merciless laughter.
“Aww, I’m awful sorry about that,” Epel said innocently, doe eyes shiny and smile sweet.
“Do not mock me, human!” Sebek shouted.
“Just git gud, Sebek-san,” Ortho snickered, sounding alarmingly like his brother.
“Yeah, lock in dude,” Ace smirked. “It’s not that hard.”
Sebek seethed. “This infantile game is a waste of time!”
“You can give up if you’re scared of losing to me!” Grim said with a toothy grin.
“What drivel! A knight of Malleus-sama would never be intimidated by mere cards.” With haughty superiority, Sebek threw down a blue 3.
“...That’s it?” Jack muttered, unimpressed. “Thought you’d have something better after all that talk.”
“Hmph. You simply cannot comprehend the brilliance of my strategy!”
Jack bristled, ears going stiff with rage. Deuce yanked him back before he could go full beast mode.
“Uh, whose turn is it now?” he asked quickly.
“Mine!” Grim exclaimed. Jack gave Sebek a nasty side-eye, but went back to his cards.
As Grim fumbled around (his lack of thumbs was a bit of an issue), Yuu contemplated their next move. They had a +4 and a red 6. What to do…? They studied each of their friends in turn.
Sebek wasn’t a threat. He was currently snarling behind an impressive fan of 15 cards (his “brilliant strategy” didn’t seem to be working). Deuce had a hand of seven. His puzzled expression said he might be cooked. Epel glared daggers into his four cards, trying to change their color through sheer willpower. Grim had five cards, but his crappy grip meant everyone could see they were all yellow. Jack had a hand of three and a pensively neutral expression. And Ortho had two cards, but Yuu’s +4 was about to fix that. That meant there was only one obstacle left. And it was staring Yuu in the face.
Across the circle, Ace tapped the top of his one remaining card, a shit-eating grin on his face. What did that bastard have?
It seemed Yuu was going to have to play the +4 regardless. Surely, their 75% chance of choosing the right color wouldn’t fail them. And if Ace happened to have a wild card, someone must have something to stop him. Right?
Yuu tossed the +4 down and looked Ace in the eye.
“Uno. Red.”
Ace’s grin grew. That wasn’t a great sign.
Ortho seemed to notice too. But after he drew his four cards, his hairtips flared orange, and he begrudgingly drew a fifth card, glowering at Ace all the while.
“Crap. You got anything, Deuce?” Jack asked.
Deuce shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“He got the wild card, don’t he?” Epel said pointedly.
“It will be useless if Ace-san has a wild card, too,” Ortho responded.
“You should not have wasted all of the additive cards on me!” Sebek scowled at Epel.
“What was Ah s’pposed tah do thin, naht use ‘em?!” Epel sneered, accent and voice sharp.
Deuce looked at Ortho questioningly.
“Epel-san said ‘What was I supposed to do then, not use them?’” Ortho translated. Deuce’s mouth made a little “o” and he nodded.
“Do something! Ace can’t win!” Grim yowled.
“What are the chances Ace actually has a wild card?” Yuu asked.
“About 3.7%, considering three were played and Deuce-san has one.”
“That’s really low,” Jack commented. “What’re the odds he has red?”
“Approximately 11.1%,” Ortho hummed.
Silence fell as the group’s one brain cell worked overtime trying to choose the best move. Yuu continued to stare down Ace. He yawned melodramatically.
“You guys done stalling?” he whined, though his eyes flashed with amusement.
“Be patient, Trappola,” Yuu chided. They got an exaggerated groan in return.
Having Ortho’s statistics was sort of a blessing and a curse. It was fun to delude themselves into thinking their plays were backed by math and statistics, but at the end of the day, it all just came down to dumb luck. Story of Yuu’s life.
They closed their eyes. Maybe they could manifest psychic powers. After being stuck with Ace for so long, surely they were on the same wavelength. (On second thought, Yuu didn’t want to be on his wavelength. His stupidity was probably contagious. …Oh well, too late.) Yuu concentrated. They thought, “if I was the card in Ace Trappola’s hand right now, what color would I be?”
There were giggles around the circle. Yuu wondered if they had said their thoughts aloud. Regardless, their friends had done way weirder shit before, so who were they to talk?
After a moment of focus, Yuu opened their eyes.
“He doesn’t have red,” they said decisively.
“Source? Trust me bro,” Epel muttered under his breath.
Ortho snorted and Deuce cough-laughed into his fist, but Yuu ignored them.
“You’re bluffing!” they yelled, pointing at Ace accusingly.
“Am I?” he raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying this spectacle. “Only one way to find out, huh, Prefect?”
Yuu crossed their arms. “It’s not up to me.”
Everyone looked at Deuce. He blinked.
“Oh right, it’s my turn.”
The group groaned as Deuce flushed and looked over his cards again. At least he didn’t keep them waiting long. He hesitated for half a second before setting his jaw, plucking a card from his hand, and placing down a red 9. All eyes went to Ace. He happily soaked up the attention. ...Held them in suspense.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…” He dragged it out until Sebek looked ready to combust. With a flamboyant flourish, he flicked his card onto the pile. “You all lose!”
The group let out another groan, far more despairing this time. They threw their heads back or buried their faces in their hands so they wouldn’t have to see the red 0 mocking them. But they could still hear Ace’s triumphant cackles.
“I told you guys! Today’s my lucky day!” Ace laughed, grin so smug it was insulting.
“Not fair!” Grim wailed.
“Can’t believe we let him of all people win…” Deuce grumbled. Ace flipped him off, but still preened like he had won the lottery.
“We sure he didn’t cheat?” Jack asked.
“The cards don’t lie~,” Ace replied flippantly. Jack just gave him an incredulous look.
“I demand a rematch!” Sebek exclaimed.
“Don’t start cryin’ when I kick your ass again,” Ace said in that patronizing tone that drove everyone up the wall.
“Shaddup and go get more food if ya got nothin’ better to do!” Epel barked, shooing Ace away.
“Why should the winner have to do lackey work?” Ace scrunched up his nose. “No way.”
Yuu cocked their head innocently. “I’m sure Riddle-san would love to hear all about last Friday-”
“YOU KNOW WHAT I need to stretch my legs anyways,” Ace said quickly, scrambling to his feet. “Popcorn good?”
“And tuna!” Grim chimed in.
“‘Kay, be right back!”
Yuu smirked as Ace all but tripped over himself to get the snacks.
“What did he do last Friday?” Ortho questioned.
“The better question is what didn’t he do,” was Yuu’s lighthearted response.
“Gimme the tea later,” Epel requested. “But right now, AH’MA DESTROY Y’ALL!”
Jack cracked his neck. “As if.”
Sebek slammed his fist onto the floor. “I will make a most glorious comeback honoring the Draconia name!”
“Sebek-san, the chances of you clutching this game are incredibly low,” Ortho stated simply. “But they are not 0. I believe you can at least beat Deuce-san!”
“Hey! I’m not letting that happen!” Deuce exclaimed, tightened his grip on the cards with determination.
“The Great Grim-sama will smite you all, just you wait!” Grim declared.
“Alright, let’s play then,” Yuu smiled.
Yuu immediately won second place. The whole Ace debacle had made everyone forget they only had one card left, to Yuu's fortune and amusement.
When Ace came back with food, they sat next to him so they could share the popcorn bowl and enjoy the show. It was greatly entertaining. Deuce picked up Sebek’s bad luck, and at one point had 27 cards at once. Jack’s ears got flatter and flatter with frustration as he kept getting ‘Uno’, only for it to be the wrong color. Epel seemed perpetually stuck at four cards, playing one only to immediately gain one back. Grim kept dropping cards and revealing his hand thanks to his tiny paws. Ortho started threatening to beam people whenever they changed the color. Sebek got so invested that he started screaming “for Waka-sama!!!!!” every time he played a card, like he was at war instead of a sleepover.
The game continued for so long that Ace had to shuffle the discard pile and add it to the drawing pile three times. But after a lot of bickering, thirty death threats, and a pitcher of punch overturned in a scuffle, the results were in.
“Ah swear tah the Seven, these cards are rigged!” Epel yelled, throwing down his hand (still of four cards) and stomping on it indignantly.
“Hey, be nice! These are my brother’s!” Ace cried, swiping them away before Epel decided to rip them instead. He added them to the stack he was shuffling.
“That was close,” Deuce exhaled. “Good game, Epel!”
“Like hell it was!”
Sebek was positively glowing. “I’d like to thank Malleus-sama and Lilia-sama for this victory! I would not be who I am today without their guidance!”
“You didn’t win! You got third!” Grim grumbled. He was clearly not happy Sebek beat him.
“Fifth place…Perhaps it’s more tactical to play your wild cards early on?” Ortho muttered to himself. There was a hint of disappointment on his face, but it was easily overshadowed by giddy anticipation. “This is fun!”
“Do the games always take this long?” Jack asked, head bobbing to the side a bit.
“You already sleepy, Jack-kun?” Ace teased.
Jack shook his head rapidly and sat up straighter. “No way! Just…curious.”
“Why don’t you go get your beauty sleep? You can still do your loser-dish-duties in the morning.”
“I ain’t a loser ‘til we finish those five games! I’m taking you down next round!”
“Good luck with that~.”
“Actually, before we start the next round, I think I should mention something,” Ortho cut in suddenly.
Everyone turned their attention to the humanoid.
“What is it, Ortho?” Yuu questioned.
“While we were playing, we used up the whole deck a total of four times, correct?”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Jack confirmed.
“What about it?” Deuce asked.
“Well, when we finished the deck the first time, I noticed that three cards were never played,” Ortho continued.
“What do you mean?” Sebek raised a brow.
“Only one of the two blue 3s, green 9s, and yellow 5s were played at the beginning of the game. Around when Ace-san and Yuu-san finished.”
No one doubted the information. They all knew better than to question Ortho’s observation skills.
“Ace or his brother probably just lost some of the cards,” Grim said. “Ya know, ‘cause unlike the great Grim-sama, they’re soooo irresponsible.”
“Hey! Who’s the one who forgot their alchemy homework yesterday?” Ace snapped back.
“T-that wasn’t my fault! Crewel bumped the due date up!” Grim protested.
Yuu grabbed Grim’s collar and pushed against Ace’s chest before they could get into a catfight. “Hey, I don’t think Ortho’s done.”
“As I was saying…” Ortho gave Ace and Grim a pointed look. They both shriveled. “Although those three cards were missing at first, after the deck was reshuffled, the blue 3 and green 9 reappeared. However, the yellow 5 continued to be unaccounted for, even after the third reshuffle. In fact, at this very moment, there are 107 cards in the deck Ace-san is holding, not 108.”
The group turned to glance at the cards in Ace’s hands, then looked back at Ortho.
“What’re you implyin’, Ortho?” Epel asked.
Yuu sighed, disappointed, but not surprised. Jack’s tail and ears both stiffened. Sebek balled his hands into fists, eyes glowing with anger. Ortho smiled mischievously.
“It means we have a cheater on our hands.”
Deuce gasped and Grim let out a surprised “mrah?!” Epel was fast to put the pieces together. He laughed almost maniacally.
“Well, fellas. Who’s the only one who shuffled the cards?”
Seven pairs of eyes landed on Ace, who squirmed under the attention this time.
“What? Come on, guys. You’re looking into this waaaaaay too much.”
He held his hands up in surrender, but no one bought his antics.
“Who wants to take off his hoodie?” Yuu asked.
“I call dibs!” Epel grinned.
Sebek and Jack held Ace’s arms up while Deuce grabbed his legs so he couldn’t run. Ortho, Yuu, and Grim sat back and watched giggling as Epel manhandled the hoodie and Ace attempted to protest.
“H-hold on a minute, isn’t this way too excessive?! I-”
He was cut off by a wad of fabric in his mouth, courtesy of Epel getting his head through the neckhole. All it took was one last, aggressive yank and it was clean off his body.
“Dude! What the hell!” Ace cried as the others released him, crowding around Epel.
Epel stuck his hand up the left sleeve, then the right, and smirked triumphantly.
“Look at what we have here.”
As if by magic, Epel procured the missing yellow 5 card. Ace groaned and wrung out his wrists.
“I woulda fessed up if you gave me five more seconds, jeez. You guys are so violent.”
“The violent way’s more fun,” Epel said happily. “That totally made up for the shitty game.”
“Ace Trappola! What gall you have to claim victory through underhanded methods!” Sebek poked a finger into Ace’s chest, towering over him.
“Oh my Sevens, relax, Sebek,” Ace said with an easygoing smile. “It’s just a game.”
“That is precisely why your behavior irks me! There-”
“I’m sorry, ‘kay? Spare me the lecture.”
Sebek did not look ready to drop the matter, but Ortho floated over and whispered something into Sebek’s ear that made him stop. He broke into a wide, slightly unsettling grin.
“Very well. Your apology is accepted.”
Ace raised an eyebrow, but before he could question Sebek’s strange behavior, Yuu pivoted the subject.
“Did the card get stuck in your sleeve or something?” Yuu asked, more curious than upset. Ace pulled this kind of shit all the time, but he was usually a bit more successful.
“Yes! These sleeves are horrible for sleight of hand!” Ace complained, snatching his hoodie back and demonstrating how snug the cuff was around his wrist.
“You should have worn something else then,” Ortho said airily. “I might have not detected the inconsistency if all the cards were put back.”
“For real?”
“No, I still would have caught it immediately,” Ortho laughed.
“Damn, nothing gets past you, Ortho…” Ace sighed.
“Why didn’t ya just keep a wild card up yer sleeve?” Epel asked.
“Thought it was too suspicious,” Ace replied. “Looks like it didn’t matter either way though…”
Deuce punched Ace’s shoulder. “Alright, time to discuss your punishment.”
Ace’s mouth twisted. “Ugh. Dishes, right?”
“Yup. By yourself,” Yuu added.
“Seriously?!”
“You reap what you sow,” Jack said sagely.
“Fine, fine,” Ace grumbled.
“Nyhehe, serves you right!” Grim cackled.
“Oh, and there’s one more thing.”
Ace sighed and turned to Ortho. His eyes were shining with mischief. Ace saw this and began fearing for his life.
“What is it?” he asked, already scooting away.
But he backed straight into Sebek, who clamped his giant hands over Ace’s shoulders, holding him in place. The others all exchanged glances as smiles spread across their faces, bordering on villainous.
“Guys, it is not that deep,” Ace protested weakly.
“It’s not,” Yuu agreed. “It’s just an excuse to torture you.”
With a battle cry of glee, the first years all charged in for a tickle attack. There was barely enough skin to go around, but everyone found at least one place that made Ace squirm and laugh like all the air was being squeezed out of his lungs.
Yuu stepped back and took in the sight and sound of their closest friends having the time of their lives. All the infectious laughter drowned out the invasive thoughts that came when Yuu slept alone, and something in those whole-hearted smiles made Yuu feel like everything was going to be okay.
Winding up in Twisted Wonderland had been pure, stupid, dumb luck. There were many times when Yuu cursed the Fates, or God, or whatever being banished them here to be subjected to life-threatening disasters on the daily. But it had also been pure, stupid, dumb luck that brought this group of misfits together. Despite being from different dorms and classes and walks of life, some higher power decided that the eight of them should get acquainted, shake up each others’ world views, and form this dysfunctional, slightly co-dependent, merry little band of eight. And honestly? Yuu couldn’t imagine their life without them.
After the punishment and a few more rounds of Uno, everyone would crowd into the tiny kitchen. Ace would do the dishes, and the others would clean the counters or mop the floors or find something else to do because they’d never leave each other alone, not after everything they’d been through together. And no matter what insane shenanigans they got into, their personal aches and bruises would feel a bit more tolerable as long as they were together. As long as they could continue to smile and laugh, just like this.