Chapter Text
Where was heaven?
There, where the dead go, through a river into the afterlife. Perhaps there were meadows?
Flowers would surely be nice.
Oh, and white roses.
White
Roses
Red
Red
Red,
Dead.
Roses were death. Being dead is the end.
This end, one had to see coming.
It was a duty to which everyone -
every single demon slayer was bound.
Of course... But who would want to die willingly? Death.
Surely it would be cruel.
It was.
Only those who have experienced dying themselves know what death means.
What does the last moment feel like, I wonder?
The thoughts and the emotions.
Did you even feel anything after you were dead? Probably not.
Kocho spoke of life flashing before your eyes.
Muichiro wondered if dying was beautiful, then.
But remembering everything at once...
must be painful, right?
But for him, it was never really important what dying is like – life or death.
It was that simple.
For Muichiro, death meant separation.
A clock that separated life and death.
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
The grains of sand fell.
Wait...
X
Blood. Blood?
Red flowers wither.
Muichiro was not a flower.
He was red.
Muichiro died.
He was still alive.
....
Breathe. Breathing hurt.
As if the air would suffocate him.
Maybe the air was playing a trick on him.
What once seemed easy was far too heavy.
He couldn't see anything.
His eyes saw no light.
No blackness.
Nothing... he was not dead.
The grains of sand fell.
He heard it in the dripping of the blood.
His blood, flowing steadily...
like a river. A river approaching its end.
How much longer would he live?
It hurt.
But the pain was dull, like an echo slowly fading away.
It was only a matter of time until this last feeling left him too.
... A katana. Blood.
He could feel it. Smell it.
The metallic scent pierced his nose, sharp and unbearable, while the warm red seeped relentlessly into the wood beneath him.
It was the last trace of will that still held him to this place.
He only had one hand left.
Where his left hand used to be, a bleeding stump gaped – cleanly severed.
It hurt.
How could he even still breathe?
The pain robbed him of everything.
He was two. Not one.
Not entirely Muichiro.
Would one part of him go to heaven, the other to the cave?
Cut in half, he lay there, in a growing puddle of his own blood.
Make it stop...
His mind was playing tricks.
Through a veil that held him captive,
he heard screams.
"-Muichiro!"
It sounded like his own.
A voice that sounded like his own...
who was it again?
He thought he saw a face...
his own. He couldn't see it.
But he could feel those eyes.
Just like his.
Why was that face crying?
Muichiro didn't know.
He felt like he had to remember.
He didn't want to know.
All he wanted now was sleep.
So peaceful... would it be peaceful?
Muichiro couldn't see anything.
The lights multiplied in his field of vision, blurred and danced in circles.
Was that even light?
Empty. Light...
So dark. His eyes wouldn't close.
How was he supposed to sleep?
His muscles felt too heavy for that.
Stones, large, immovable stones,
nailing him to the ground.
"You could have run!!!"
Who was it?
Run. Without legs?
Muichiro couldn't run away.
The pain slowly faded in his head.
Yet he heard a heartbeat through his head.
It should have been a quick death.
Painless... too little time to even feel pain.
Slice – two halves. Death.
If he could, he would blame Kami-sama. Or an angel of death.
Why was it taking so long??
It didn't take long.
But at the same time, dying felt infinite. How much time had passed?
No idea.
He had long stopped caring.
But his heart wouldn't give up.
The beating against his chest became painful. Trapped.
So why was it still pounding?
Just stop, Muichiro wanted to tell it.
It's pointless.
His senses felt sluggish.
So after death, it would disappear,
and not fade away.
Was his death meaningful?
...
Had he been helpful enough?
Will his death be meaningful?
Dying...
"Why did you have to??"
That someone with his eyes was screaming at him.
Stop it. Muichiro.
無 for Nothing. For Everything.
Yuichiro.
有 for to have.
To have. Nothing. Everything.
~Nothing~
What...?
Leave me alone. He couldn't bear those eyes any longer.
Roses.
Red
Red
Red,
Blood
Death.
Death. Deaddeaddeaddeaddead...
Where did it begin? Where did it end?
Let it end. Let it stop.
He remembered. If you can call it remembering.
Paperplanes, which where left unfolded home.
Meals, he hadn't eat. The feeling of winter on his skin. Home was so cold. So cold with unlefted memory's.
Something stabbed him.
A thought.
It wasn't really a thought, but a
monster, tearing him apart from the inside.
Pain. Muichiro regretted so much more
than he ever thought. He broke.
Death broke him. It didn't break him.
Had he changed?
Not much.
Muichiro wasn't much.
He regretted the separation he was making with this life. It wasn't beautiful.
Painful. But not empty, right?
Life had been good... hadn't it?
Yes. Believe it.
Enjoy it.
Life....
A deep regret anchored itself in his chest. If only it would kill him...
"Why...?"
Why was it so unfair?
He wanted to live.
Muichiro had one wish.
One that never was, one that is now.
Live.
Roses are Red. They are White.
Paper cranes.... Spider lilies...
Ah. He was dying. He was dying in... Red...
I'm sorry...
Lilies.
Roses White.
Blood,
Blood Blood Blood...
Red. The blood dyed the blossoms Red.
Death.
Carry me on, into the river~...
X
"Nii-san!"
Someone turned to him.
He was... who was he? A little duckling.
Small, stupid, innocent.
"Why do birds fly away in autumn?"
Asked the little chick.
Someone frowned.
Blue eyes gazed into his.
He liked being looked at.
Or not?
"Why do you ask?"
"But Nii-san, think about it! Isn't it strange?
If the birds fly away, why would they leave their home?"
To somewhere far, far away...
how sad. Would it be lonely?
Probably.
"Hm. That's stupid, Muichiro.
Don't ask about things you don't understand."
"Huh? But why not?"
It didn't make sense. Full stop, the end.
"Because birds have their own reasons!"
"Really? Then why would they leave their home?"
"Muichiro, they are animals. We are humans.
It's impossible for us to understand them!"
One-sided. As if the world was just a poorly painted child's picture.
But...
Nii-san, you're wrong.
Birds leave their nests in autumn to survive the winter.
Humans do the same.
X
The river has no beginning and no end.
But eventually all water flows into the ocean. He was not the water.
He was not the mist.
Like a lonely ginkgo leaf,
drifting down that river....
Muichiro.
A lake full of red spider lilies.
...The autumn wind had once carried him,
but now the water carried him.
Eventually he will sink,
before he can reach the ocean....
Muichiro.
Water lapped around his ankles.
...Further, further... Stop.
Spider lilies grow on the bank.
The wind can never, ever drive the river backwards -
yet a crane fishes in the shallow water.
Its eyes rest upon him....
Muichiro.
Stop drifting away.
Higher and higher the waves crept,
devoured him. The spider lilies withered.
There – a shore.
Someone stood there.
The blossoms drift on in the water.
Away. Crane, crane,
Paper crane.
Grant my wish.
Water was fate.
Muichiro.
Don't let yourself sink into the water.
Who was it?
"You are dying."
No. He wasn't. He wanted to live.
"Your time is up."
Then give me more time.
More. He wanted to live.
Live...
The water was now up to his neck.
Cold crept into every fiber of his skin,
swallowing him in an untouchable darkness.
He wanted to feel warmth.
Warmth that would drive out this iron cold.
That would make his heart beat again.
That would make him alive.
He was dead.
"Do you want to live?"
The voice was like a breath in the darkness.
And yes.
He wanted to live so badly it hurt.
He didn't want to die. Not now.
Not before he had folded a thousand origami cranes.
Not before he had eaten so much salmon daikon that his stomach complained.
Not before he...
He wanted to live.
"Muichiro."
No… He couldn't.
It was too late.
He had already fallen.
Too deep. Too cold.
The darkness had swallowed him.
"The river has no beginning and no end."
The voice spoke more softly, but more urgently.
He couldn't.
He mustn't.
He was already dead anyway...
It didn't hurt anymore.
The fire had burned him out.
The ember of the flame was extinguished.
Water trickles through earth.
Flowers wither. In the next spring, new ones bloom.
He was not a flower.
Muichiro didn't want to bloom.
He wants to be the blossoms.
The river flows steadily.
He wanted it.
He wanted it so much it squeezed his heart.
Were there rebirths?
Was there a second chance?
If only god would grant his wish.
If only... what would happen, if the world wouldn't hat demons?
A completely normal fourteen-year-old.
No prodigy. No sword. No blood. No fate.
Just himself.
Muichiro.
So cold...
Muichiro was so cold...
Slowly, he closed his eyes.
The waves swallowed him completely.
And then... nothing.
He couldn't save Nii-san.
Protect.
Muichiro.
Who was Nii-san?
Yuichiro.
Muichiro.
Muichiro.
Muichiro!
Perhaps live his life again.
Happier.
And in the end die with less regret?
He had to die. He couldn't change anything.
"Do you want to you drown?."
He didn't have to do anything at all. "Or let the water drown you?"
It didn't matter.
"Muichiro... your drowning."
It was pointless.
Fate had already chosen for him.
A hand touched his cheek.
So warm.
Bubbles rose to the surface.
A forehead leaned against his.
"I'm sorry."
The forehead against his.
So warm. So familiar.
A feeling long lost. You couldn't save es. I couldn't save XXXX. Forgotten…?
Or buried deep?
Muichiro slowly opened his eyes –
not outwardly, but in this strange in-between.
The darkness was no longer absolute.
The cold... began to recede.
A faint whisper.
Barely audible.
"But... Remember one thing."
A ray of light felt its way through the dark water.
Thin. Fragile.
But real.
He followed it with his gaze.
Something was warm. Touched a cold spot in his chest.
His heart – was pounding again.
Slowly, heavily...
But it was beating.
"Infinity lies in the moon."
He felt fingertips on his cheek,
a movement, gentle as wind on a water's surface.
The warmth grew stronger.
A crack.
A split in the darkness.
The light came from there.
The darkness held him back,
but he felt the resistance of his own legs.
He was no longer motionless.
The voice again.
This time firmer, more urgent.
"Don't forget."
He knew that sound.
It was no foreign memory, no wishful thinking. Blood-red eyes.
He knew them.
Who...?
The lake vibrated.
As if the world had decided
that his heart was not allowed to stand still yet.
Slowly, he moved.
Step by step –
underwater, against the pressure.
The darkness bit, the cold clung to him –
but the warmth guided him.
The spider lilies lit up again.
Blue.
Alive.
No longer withered.
He wasn't finished.
Not yet.
He was alive.
And somewhere very close –
a voice.
"Wake up."
Wake up.
His consciousness stirred.
On the other hand – did it even have to make sense?
He was dead.
He was breathing. Or was he?
Muichiro believed he could breathe.
Strangely calm, much calmer than he would have expected.
Something felt… wrong.
Nothing made sense.
He was breathing.
He was alive.
He thought he had seen red eyes behind spider lilies.
Had he seen them before?
It seemed so, so familiar to him.
"I will find you again...
Muichiro."
He knew her. Who was she? Should I know her?
She was xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wake up
...
Flowers. Only flowers. Only death.
Only life.
...
...
The moon is beautiful tonight.
Wake up
He could see the stars shining.