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I've zig-zagged all over America and I cannot find a safety haven
Say, would you let me cry on your shoulder
I've heard that you'll try anything twice
Close your eyes and think of someone you physically admire
And let me kiss you
(Let me kiss you- Morrissey)
“Is that a hickey?”, Steve asked pointing to the purple mark in Tony’s neck. His classmate smirked and Clint gave him a hi-5, congratulating him. Natasha rolled her eyes and slapped Clint’s hand giving him a killer glare.
“What!, Can’t I be happy for my friend?”, Clint asked to his girlfriend. Natasha had an uncanny ability to look creepy despite her feminine figure. But Tony, being Tony, was not afraid of being castrated for his vulgar behavior.
“I’m a hero, this, ladies, is the mark of a winner”, he commented making visible the colored spot.
“Oh, you didn’t!”, Clint claimed.
“Yes, I did, you own me, birdy, and believe me, I’m just charging you to have a fair play, because that woman was payment enough, ouch!”, Tony complained when he felt Steve’s slap in his side. That boy was scrawny, but he really could hit hard in the ribbes”.
“That was disrespectful”. Steve wrinkled her nose in a gesture of disapproval. Tony liked to tease him saying he was the octogenarian in the gang. Steve with his blond hair perfectly cut and combed, his face clean, his shirts impossibly ironed, his clean baby blue eyes and his eternal expression of naivete. He was too precious for this insane world.Tony sometimes had a hard time trying to protect his innocence from everything and everyone, and yes, He wasn’t the worst Influence the good Steve Rogers could have around, thank you very much.
“Well I’ll say it with elegance. I’ve just had the most imponderable pleasure of enjoying the delights our beloved Italian teacher had to offer”
“Tony!”, Steve yelled with horror. This time Natasha took the liberty to punch him in the chest, making him cry for the pain.
“Change subject now!”, she ordered.
“Have you heard about the new students?”, Bruce asked, obeying his friend. Steve looked interest, and Natasha reported.
“They are from England, Thor and Loki Odinson, their parents are academics and I think they work teaching in Harvard; Thor is the blonde muscled one and Loki the skinny one with black hair, I’ve been told he has quite a reputation in his former schools”
“Tasha, you are so creepy”, Tony expressed. Steve, in contrast was impressed.
“Coulson helped, I had to know about the new people in our surroundings”
“Coulson is a creeper just like you”, Tony said.
“I think he is pretty smart”, Bruce spoke for the first time in the day. Coulson was a friend of the gang but now he was graduated and studying informatics in the MIT. He was closer to Bruce and Natasha and sometimes they felt very alone among “the five year old kids”, as Tasha liked to call her friends..
“So are we inviting them to our table?, I mean is the least we can do after you investigated their intimacy so thoroughly” Tony teased earning, once more, a death glare from the red hair girl.
“I didn’t investigate their intimacy, you know how detailed can I be when I wan’t to dig in someone’s secrets, Stark”
“Geez! Barton, control you psycho girlfriend!”
“Come on Tasha, don’t scare him, you know he is a cry baby, you are going to give him nightmares”. Tony looked at Steve and he couldn’t get angry with him for saying that. Steve was the only one with the right to say whatever he wanted about him.
After the departure time, Tony went to the art club get Steve. He wanted to be sure he didn’t get in trouble. Steve was the kind of guy incapable to stand any kind of injustice or bullying and he didn’t hesitate to pick a fight in order to defend a good cause or protect somebody else, even if he didn’t stand a chance against anyone. Steve was never able to dimension how frail he was right then - at his sixteen years old - and, ironically, later, when he got bigger after his twenties, he never got used to his improved appearance and strength. Tony always admired that thing about him. Steve was everything he wasn’t: Steve was humble, selfless, caring and kind and Tony thought that if he ever had a chance of having some goodness in him it was because of Steve.
He was not surprised when he saw Schmidt pushing him against the lockers. That hideous nazi was taller than Tony too, but Tony Stark had money and everybody knew that he only needed to snap his fingers to use his family influence to ruin somebody’s future forever. No kidding.
"Hey, Schmidt, nice to see you as usual"
Steve looked at his friend; a sorry look that shook Tony's heart.
"Really, I thought you weren't fond of me or anybody who could molest your boyfriend"
"See?, I was trying to be civilized here and now you pissed me off"
"And what are you going to do about it, Stark?"
"I'm bringing you down"
And suddenly Steve was forgotten. They started to push each other and when the bully lifted his fist, a voice called.
"Stop it now!, Stark! calm down!", the counselor, Margareth - Peggy- Carter, stormed between them and his sole presence made them get apart each other. Steve held his breath at her sight. Tony just rolled his eyes. Of course little Steve would be insanely in love with the high school heroine.
"Now explain what is going on"
"Eh... Schmidt threw Layla's pencils out of the window and I...", Steve started to tell, sounding so weak.
"You had to play the hero, don't you?"
"Shut up!", the woman yelled. "Go on, Rogers"
"Tony was just helping me, If you are going to punish someone, it should be me, I started this fight"
Tony snorted and set his eyes on the ceiling. He couldn't believe this boy. Miss Carter looked at Steve like he was the biggest and strongest man in the whole world and Tony thought that if Steve was a little less oblivious and less gentlemanish, he could actually had something with this woman. Not that Tony wanted that.
“Don’t worry, Steve, I believe you and I won’t punish you, but you”, She directed his anger voice to Schmidt who was slowly getting away, “you are coming with me”.
________
Steve stretched in Tony’s couch, with the same dreamy expression he had since they got out from school.
“Oh, God... she is so”
“Hot?”, Tony asked and by the deadly glare he knew he shouldn’t have said that.
“Don’t refer to her like that, she is a lady”
“Of course she is, I just was trying to tease you”
They watched a movie. They always did that. They went to Tony’s house to watch a movie or they went to Steve’s to dinner. Mrs Rogers was the nicest mom Tony met in his life. Not that his mom was bad, but she was always too busy for him. Steve’s mom was a nurse and even if she was tired she always baked cookies for them or a nice home made dinner that made Tony’s senses cry of joy. When one met Mrs Rogers, one could understand where did Steve got all his goodness and kindness from.
If someone asked Steve back then who was his best friend, he would say Tony, no doubts. Loki was just the weird transferred student who skipped Maths and climbed to the roof to smoke. Some even said he smoked grass. Back then Steve would have never talked with someone like Loki who dressed in black, who discussed with the teachers when he disagreed, who sometimes came to school in a bike with random guys, (and it was evident he didn’t get home the night before). Loki also was famous because he went out with college students, he went clubbing even in school nights and sometimes he showed up with evident hangover. Rumour had it he participated in a protest to protect an old building and they even said he started the riot throwing a balloon filled with paint to a cop.
Thor sometimes tried to tried to put some sense into him; "You shouldn't go out with that guy... he is six years older... father is going to get mad at you... please, come home early, mother was so worried about you... what's wrong with you Loki? you weren't like this... Why are you so angry with our father?... that's nonsense, he didn't tell you were adopted because he loves you... please Loki, talk to our father... please, take care of yourself... be careful"
Loki understood all that later. When he was applying to college and Odin helped him, he took his precious time to help him write his essay and then threw a party to celebrate him. And then Frigga took him to a trip to Paris to visit Oscar Wilde’s grave. And so Loki left behind his wild days, he focussed in his studies and in his job; he didn’t need to work but he liked to be independent and to pay his own concerts and records, his dates and his drinks.
He never had a friend - besides Thor - until he was in college and met Sigyn, the first woman besides his mother he seemed to respect. Later, he was coursing “Art history” and met Steve. They worked together in their assignments and once the semester was over they were inseparable. Steve was quieter and a little bit old fashioned, but he was smart and trustworthy and - after all he had lived- Loki appreciated honesty, more than anything and he also liked that, even if Steve would be right to be horrified by his reputation or even for his current behavior, he didn’t judge him for what people said about him, but asked himself about those things and then nodded, or even applauded some of his pranks.
“Did you ever slept with a teacher?”
“True and False, I did, but not in high school and she wasn’t my teacher, she teaches in another faculty”
“Ok.... And did you smoke grass in our school”
“True, but I wasn’t the only one, doing it...”
“And how does it feels?”
“Are you curious about illegal substances, Mr. Rogers?”
“No, is just... they say that if you smoke that a lot you get stupid and you seem to be pretty smart”
“Well, maybe I was smarter before that, who knows...”
“Did you really start a riot?”
“Are you asking me if I threw a paint balloon to a cop?... yes I did”
Everybody could notice since they became friends, Steve seemed more alive , he went out more, he talked more, he joked more and he even started to develop a dark sense of humour. Steve was the voice of reason in Loki’s head and helped to calm him down when he had this desire of just let his temper explode against Odin. Loki planted in Steve the idea of being more proud, that he had to stand for himself and not just for others and that he could say no if he didn’t want to do something and that didn’t make him a bad person.
The others in the gang - that had accepted Thor when he just sat with them in the cafeteria years ago - had been a bit reluctant at the beginning; but they liked so much to see this new, confident side of Steve, that they decided - thoughtlessly- to give Loki a chance. Thor was glad his brother found a friend and a good influence in Steve and Bruce was particularly glad with him; since Natasha since Natasha and Coulson had gone to study in New York, he had felt lonely and in Loki and Steve he had found a nice group of mature people to talk to. Only Tony seemed to be in a constant state of alert and distrust towards Thor's brother.
Tony was not aware at the beginning why he was so annoyed with this new friendship of his friend. He understood they didn’t have time to spend time together as they did when they were younger. He understood too that if he was running from one girl to another, Steve would get bored and had to find someone to talk and spend time to. But Loki? THAT was a bad influence. What it pissed him the most was that even Mrs. Rogers liked the freak. One time Tony went to visit and there was the bastard, eating cookies, laughing with them and Mrs. Rogers very lovingly pinched his fucking cheeks - and please! he didn’t even had something to grab there! just those ridiculous cheek bones! - And Tony felt horrible, because it was almost like he were the five wheel.
And that’s when Tony had the idea. Loki was complementing Steve art and Tony just jumped with the idea of running an exhibition in his dad’s building and of course, good old Steve didn’t agree at first because he never liked having Tony spending money or using his contacts for him, but Loki - that bastard - convinced him and then everything was hope dreams and rainbows. Of course Tony rejected - very politely- Loki’s offer to help them and Steve did too saying “Don’t worry, Lokes, you are busy with your thesis, but you know, you would be the muse of my facial expression sketches”
“And it will be an honor”
“Your muse?”, Tony asked trying to sound casual.
“I have to draw one hundred sketches with different facial expressions of the same person, Mr. Andrews said we could pick a face we knew well, like our lover or best friend to capture it better, and Loki has great features”
“You are making me blush, Steven”
The hell!?
“I didn’t ask you because you are always so busy”, Steve apologized and when he saw his puppy eyes Tony wanted to just...
“Hey, no harsh feelings, we are going to spend a lot of time together now, planning your jump to stardom”
And so they started. I was awkward at the beginning. Tony never was so aware of how much he was missing about Steve. He didn’t know his routine anymore, or his habits, or the music he liked, the places he liked to have lunch. Tony had to get used to listen old big band music and also those weird brit bands Loki obliged him to like. Because there was no way Steve would choose to hear those sad Morrissey songs for his own. What the hell was with “poor twisted child so ugly, so ugly”... so depressing!
The first time Tony stepped into the studio he admitted Loki was no exaggerating when he complimented Steve’s work. He had there amazing watercolors, xylography designs and lots of sketches, some of them breathtaking: there were children in parks, Mrs Rogers in the kitchen, an old woman with all her wrinkles, a woman that seemed to be crying - it was Sigyn as Steve told him later, and she was acting so Steve could draw her expression and not really crying- and, of course, tons of sketches of Loki: drawing, eating, smoking, smirking, sleeping...
Eh?! When the fuck Steve saw the bastard sleeping?
“He spends a lot of time here, doesn’t he?”
“He feels safe and comfortable here, and I really enjoy his company”
“You seem to adore his face”, Tony commented, bitterly, dropping the sketch block just where he found it”.
“He has impressive features, his cheekbones, his aquiline nose, sharp eyes and he is so expressive, my classmates were dying for him when I took him to model for us”
“That’s because they haven’t met me yet”
“Of course! They would go nuts with THE Tony Stark”
They selected some of the sketches and paintings and then put them in Tony’s van to take them to be framed. Tony invited him inner and let him choose the place and the food. Tony wasn’t aware of his passive will to please Steve until the time they were saying good bye and Steve said: “I know you were busy, you don’t have to make it up to me or something, I’m happy just being able to spend more time with you”
Then he felt it for the first time, even if he was not aware of it. It was so new: the nervousness. “I’m doing this because I want to... and because I’ve missed you too”
They designed and printed the invitations together and Tony made sure they got to the hands of the right people, important people who could spread the word and help Steve to get a place in the artistic world. And they ate together, and they started to text and call each other very frequently and suddenly Loki was not always there. Tony assumed the weirdo found somebody else to corrupt and he couldn’t be happier.
The day before the exhibition they accorded to meet in the events hall of the Stark industries building. The works were already displayed but Steve wanted to make sure that the visual understood his concept and the order in which they your be showed. Tony arrived on time, knowing Steve would do the same, so he started to get worried when ten minutes had passed and there was no signal of Steve. He pulled out his cell phone. “Don’t be so needy, you are Tony Stark, this is not the way you are... don’t call him”. But when there was thirty minutes of delay he had to. It was not normal. Steve answered the phone, he seemed tired, his voice cracking, and he just said: “I’m coming in”
When he arrived, Tony couldn’t help to run to him and notice. Red eyes, pale, sad expression.
“What happened”
“Nothing, let’s just get started with this”
“Oh, no... no until you look at me and tell me what....”, he stopped there, because Steve was shaking and then he let scape a sob and Tony wanted to ask to every single person in the planet who even dared to put Steve in that state. “Hey, shh, shh calm down, Steve, please, tell me what happened”. The artist just looked down at him and then hugged him, looking for his protection in that corner between his head and his shoulder. Tony put his arms around him, running his hand in his friend’s large back to sooth him. Don’t get aroused, Tony, focus.
“My father, he invited me to lunch and when I told him about my exhibition he said that I should get a real job or study career who could actually gave me money and... God! I don’t know why I keep on trying... why I keep believing he is going to change o that I would ever be good enough”
“Hey! Hey!, stop!, you are good enough!, In fact you are far better than any parameter of how a perfect human being should be, so screw him!”
Steve let go a sad laugh and Tony added.
“My opinion might not be very valuable in this matter, but for years you have been my hero, you have been the model of how a good person should be, you make me want to be better even if the most of the time I just wanna tear myself down and being this selfish bastard that I’ve become”. And he didn’t have idea what he could be implying with all this, but he needed to get all of this out of his chest.
“You are so wrong”, Steve said and Tony thought this was it. Steve was grossed out and now he would run to his new BFF and leave him alone. He ruined everything. Again. “Your opinion is valuable to me, always and... you aren’t any of those things you say, you are the best man I know”
Well, damn it. Screw decency.
Steve couldn’t see him coming. One second they were in the middle of a emotional breakdown, and in the next they were kissing like there was no tomorrow. The first kiss was sudden and desperate basicly because Tony started it, and because he wanted to take the most of Steve before he was pushed or beaten up for taking advantage of him when he was more sensitive. But the that never came, instead, Steve hands gripped Tony’s shirt to get him closer and the billionaire couldn’t do anything but moan and dare his hands to rest in the blond’s waist. And... oh god yes!, it was happening.
And suddenly was over.
Steve was panting, lips swollen, all flushed and looking incredibly lost.
“Someone could see us”
Tony sighed in relieve. At least he was not panicking.
“Let’s go to my room then”
And he didn’t let time to Steve to think, regret or back off. Tony pushed him into the elevator and got closer to him, reading his doubts and fears in his blue eyes.
“This is not me fooling around with you, this is me being serious and honest about something”
“Are you going to say that you like me now?”, Steve asked, incredulous.
“Not just now, I think I’ve been dealing with this for a long time but I wasn’t ready to be think about the possibility of...”
“Are you now?”
“And are you ok with this?”, Tony asked moving his head to point the closeness between them.
“Oh please, what do you think?”
“I don’t know!”
And he didn’t have time to make a second guess because the elevator opened and Steve kissed him again while dragging him out to what appeared to be Tony’s bedroom in this building - Really. Who has a bedroom in his family work place?-. Steve tried not to think in how many girls had been there. Their mouths explored each other, tasting and caressing; satisfying a sempiternal curiosity. When they tripped over the bed, they looked at each other in confusion. Now what.
“I like you Tony”, and brunet closed his eyes trying to believe, to collect himself a little. He didn’t remember being bad at this! What the hell was wrong with him!
“I tried not to because... I wanted to be normal, but you being you... and doing all the things you do for me, and now kissing me... you are making really hard for me to forget about you”
“Don’t!, I don’t want you to do that”
Steve took some distance, laying by Tony’s side and never breaking the eye contact. Tony felt he was having a heart attack. That agitation in his chest didn’t seem normal, or healthy.
“I... I’m not this awkward normally, I just...”
“Imagine me!, I don’t know what to do next”, Steve claimed.
“We should do something?.... I mean, do you want to... now?”
“No!, not that”. Steve blushed. Tony felt his mouth dry. It was not the first time he had made Steve blush for something he said, but this time the context made everything different and new.
“I say we should see what comes next, slowly... please... this is not easy for me...”
“Hey, relax... I know, I will not rush you to anything you don’t want to do”
“Great”
“But it would be nice if you stay with me tonight, here... just to sleep... to be here tomorrow, so you don’t have to come from your house”
Steve shook his head, very quickly. Maybe he had pushed too hard.
“I need to go home... to clear my ideas... I need to see mom”
“Oh, yes... I understand, no hard feelings just...”, Tony was babbling and Steve seemed fascinated with his newfound insecurity. “Can we like...” he pointed both lips “do this again”.
_____________________
The exhibition started at seven. Loki got twenty minutes late, but the presentation and other formalities had not started yet, so Steve texted him saying that he could take his time. The black haired man decided he could smoke his last cigarette before going into the building. And from where he was sitting, he could see his brother’s figure going in. There was a girl beside him, that had to be the famous girlfriend. She didn’t look like the beauty Thor has described, but Loki had to admit she wasn’t hard to the eyes. Maybe he had to look closer. He entered when the cigarette died in his hand; the rumour of the people getting louder as he walked to the exhibition room. He stood in front the huge window. It was dark outside so he could see his entire reflection, very clearly. He accommodated his scarf and his glasses. He wasn't fond of the idea of being in a room full of people, but Steve was his friend and he had to be there to support him and let him know how much he respected him as an artist. So he looked at his own eyes and said to himself: "Come on, this could and adventure"