Chapter Text
It was a night Superboy was now all too familiar with at this point. A sleepless night even background noise of people not able to help him fall asleep. Despite the fact he knew he had a support system... He didn't want to actually use it. It almost seemed weak to admit those nights took place in the first place.
Jon was intently looking into the mirror, not glancing at the clock that showed the time of 3:45 am anymore. His eyes focused on the view in front of him. A reflection that was now apparently his. He observed his body, like studying a foreign language he had to study as the only person in the universe. He tilted his head from one side to the other, a wince appearing on his face. Full of so many different emotions. Fear, discomfort, hatred even disgust. The view...
The FEELING of this new body was wrong. Everything about this was wrong. A wrong that he wouldn't be able to fix ever not matter how much he wished he could. Jon whispered to himself, taking in account the fact of his father's super hearing but not being able to contain this in his mind alone. He refused to open up to others so it was the only way he could say these things out loud.
"Please go back... I don't want to look like this anymore... Why do I have to deal with this? Why can't I simply... Get my old body back."
Standing alone in a room that was once too big for him, it was incredibly ironic. He still felt young. Too young to look like this. Like he just grew up quicker without aging. But in reality it was almost the opposite. He felt like a kid who saw too much pain. While now, he was closer to being an adult than to the past. As much as he wanted to choose hope, to stay positive and bring comfort, he was now alone.
There was no one to comfort but himself. And he thought that maybe... Maybe it was one of the rare occasions of being able to feel bad for once. To feel everything that kept trying to crawl out from under that warmth he once took for granted. The warmth that he desperately clung to in captivity. The only thing that kept him sane through the pain and isolation.
He stared at the face who once was his, his vision blurring across the edges. He raised a trembling hand up to his cheek, slightly pulling on it, his shoulder shaky... It wasn't often he cried. He felt a lot, passionately living through all emotion. But this specific for him grief? That's something that felt almost like his only true secret against the world. Not his secret identity, not his safety... This. This damned grief of his own not death.
His knees crumbled under his unusual weight, causing him to kneel on the ground. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and shifted closer to the mirror. Hesitation stopping him in his tracks but his desire for getting comfort and comforting the man in the mirror won, by incredible strength imbalance. He curled up against his reflection, closing his eyes. Like he was trying to pretend it was... Someone else there for him. Despite the coldness of the mirror. Trying to pretend that this someone knew his grief, knew his pain. Knew what he might need when he didn't know himself. Pretending it was not him.
"It's not fair... I didn't want this... What do I do... But you know, right? You'll tell me, right?"
Jonathan's voice cracked with every syllable as he looked up at the blurry and dimly lit reflection by his side. Like this man in the mirror knew all the answers to the questions he didn't even know how to ask...
A pained whine filled the room as dark red lights appeared in the reflection. Emotions burning high as nothing else mattered. This being the tiny detail that stayed. His powers being strongly connected to his emotions.
"Why are you staying quiet? Why would you do this to me?"
The pained words filling his own heard as his voice grew unpredictably difficult with this new version of himself. He shifted away enough for him to glare at the heat vision, a harsh reminder of the lack of warmth in this comfort.
"Say something. What can I do to fix it? How do I fix it?! Tell me!"
Jonathan's vision snapped, forcing up a cloud of heat bounce around said reflection, room batwem be finally it caused the mirror to move. A shuttering sound spreading. Jon froze, staring ahead at the lack of his reflection. He breathed out shakily, suddenly feeling even more alone than before. Now he was staring at nothing.
He looked down at the shattered pieces of his only comfort on the ground under him. Shaky hands desperately reaching out and gathering shattered pieces of his, possibly only, sanity. He whined in emotion, desperately trying to fix the mirror. The longing he felt for the man that wasn't him in the mirror was excruciating.
"No... No, please, don't leave... I'm so sorry- I'll fix this! I'll fix this! I promise! It was an accident-"
That was when Jonathan heard a knock on the door to his room...