Chapter Text
Halmeoni always said he was stubborn the second he got his mind set on something, it was a curse but also a blessing to him. It got him in useless drama just because he wouldn't back down, even if he barely interacted with other classmates. but truthfully he didn’t really care. He had bigger things to worry about, like how he’s taking over someones shift since they called out sick. This was the fifth time that person called out but suho couldnt complain too much, extra money was amazing news despite him being sore and tired from work while still balancing school. Halmeoni just wanted him to graduate and it was the least he could do for her, getting average grades still made her proud. He did feel a bit guilty whenever he would fall asleep during class instead of paying much attention to the lessons, but she had told him that being healthy was more important than anything. being healthy was beautiful, she had said.
So when he started noticing one of his classmates looking exhausted every single day he couldnt help but wonder if he ever got enough sleep, he was almost always studying whenever suho saw him so he’s sure the other studied until it was late. suho rarely noticed people like this, call him heartless but the last thing he needs on top of everything is to try and fix others problems. the other probably didn’t want his help anyways, he heard classmates saying how irritating he was. but suho couldn’t understand how someone who almost never spoke could be irritating? he knew it was rude to ignore people, which the classmate did often, but suho honestly thought it was because he was so focused on his education. he’s seen a ton of people focus on school rather than friendships, why were people always so worried about how others treat their own lives?
now suho sounded like a hypocrite, he was just questioning why the other was more worried about his education than his own health. suho didn’t have the right to question others decisions if it wasn’t directly affecting him, he could care less about what people did. so why was he so fixated on this one guy? he wasn’t interesting, he didn’t even seem like he had personal hobbies. he was so incredibly boring, but suho was still obsessed with knowing anything about him. it was like an itch he couldn’t scratch, he was so nosy. he desperately wanted to know everything about him, a bit dramatic. but everyday he got to class early to get some sleep the other was either there before him, or coming in right after suho got comfortable enough to doze off.
he needed to scratch this itch badly, it’s annoying.
he sighed a bit to himself as he flipped his head over the small pillow for the billionth time that day, he was tired but he just couldn’t fall asleep with his mind wandering back to him. why did he always let others push him around? it was annoying. especially since yeongbin had started messing with him again, that guy was so annoying to suho. so loud and a gigantic ego.
it was small things he could get away with, ‘accidentally’ bumping into him, knocking over his study supplies, or just teasing that could be played off as friendly banter. but suho had seen this type of behavior from many people, he knew one day it would lead to bigger things. and that annoyed him even more, if the other didn’t fight back things would just get worse. people like yeongbin wouldn’t stop messing with someone just because he grew bored, he would make things worse to try and get a reaction instead.
suho was brought out of his endless thoughts about this classmate when he heard papers fluttering to the floor, he blinked a bit to focus his eyes. yeongbin had pushed his notes off his desk, an annoying smirk always on his face.
“oh, man you gotta watch out! your desk is always so crowded, of course someone’s gonna bump into all this stuff.” yeongbins voice obviously faking sweetness, even going the extra mile to pick up the papers “they’re a bit crumpled, but you don’t mind. right? i’m real sorry.”
suho had learned his name a few weeks back after he hadn’t slept through lessons for once, the itch had been scratched ever so slightly just from learning his name. when his eyes trail over to sieun the other was just staring up at yeongbin, looking annoyed as he watched him set the messed up notes back on his desk. it stayed like that for a few more seconds before he simply clicked his pen, going back to writing on the paper.
that’s it? he just lets it go, every single time. it couldn’t be because he was scared of yeongbin, suho could tell that just by looking at his eyes. it annoyed him, why didn’t he ever stand up for himself when he clearly wasn’t scared? did he just genuinely not care, was he not bothered by it? he wanted to know so badly.
it was annoying to yeongbin for the same reason but instead of being interested in why, he was annoyed by getting such little to no reactions. his jaw clenched a bit as his smirk grew stiffer, “i said i was sorry, you forgive me right?”
suho glanced back at sieun when he didn’t hear any reply, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration. is he really just a pushover? why won’t he just defend himself, it’s irritating. he knew halmeoni taught him to stand up for others that couldn’t for theirselves, but this guy was very capable of doing it himself. suho could see that clearly, so why would he go out of his way to help him?
he was brought out his thoughts as yeongbin shoved the papers off again, looking furious “nothing? you’re still not saying a thing? you know everybody thinks its fucking weird how you just keep staring, it’s irritating.”
when sieun continued to keep quiet yeongbin grabbed him by the collar, suho could see him stiffen a little. he knew things would get worse the more sieun didn’t defend himself, he really wanted to just turn his head away and go to sleep. it’s not his problem, he shouldn’t care too much over someone he doesn’t even know. but he kept seeing halmeonis disappointed face whenever he closed his eyes.
he was getting ready to sit up and intervene when their teacher came back to the classroom, lucky for sieun. suho watched yeongbin let go of his collar with a light shove, his smirk still tight on his face as he walked back to his own seat.
suho squints a bit watching sieun stay still, before going back to his notes. is education that serious to the point you ignore everything? it was so confusing to suho, one moment sieun was looking prepared to be hit and then the next he was studying like nothing even happened. how can someone be that chill? or maybe he wasn’t chill at all, maybe he was freaking out in his head and was only pretending to look indifferent about everything. that irritated suho even more, he adverts his eyes with a small sigh. what was the point in helping someone that clearly won’t help their self. it’s a waste of time and energy.
no point in continuing to worry about someone like that.
the doors to the classroom slid open loudly, a bunch of footsteps being heard. suho didn’t pay any mind to it, more worried about getting some extra sleep for his work shift that night. plus he was already almost dozed off, it was kinda funny how excited he got to go to sleep. maybe a little sad too.
unfortunately he was pulled away from that wonderful feeling when he heard whoever walked in speak, “where is that asshole? which one of you is ahn suho?”
he lifts his head up a little, glancing around seeing so many eyes on him. when he looked at the guys asking for him he couldn’t help but want to roll his eyes, “yeah? what is it?”
“hah.. you’re the one that’s been talking to naeun, right?”
naeun? That could be anyone, literally anyone. he blinked a few times as he tried to think of who it could be, it wasn’t like he constantly hung out with people but he also was bad with names.
the guy grew even more irritated at his silence, glaring harshly at suho “son naeun, you’ve been flirting with her!”
“oh, her? i mean, she kept DMing me about wanting to go out to eat.” suho leans back a bit in his chair, scratching his head “i wasn’t the one flirting anyways, why’re you mad at me?”
he could hear halmeoni scolding him for his bluntness, you’re setting yourself up for trouble! which was true, he probably should be more polite with people that are clearly agitated. especially since a good bit of those people have metal baseball bats, and all he had was a pink bunny pillow. but again, he was too stubborn to back down. it truly wasn’t his fault naeun kept asking to go out, plus free food was always delicious. speaking of he wonders what lunch would be served at lunch today, he was kinda craving something savory and sweet.
he sits up straighter in his chair when he was brought out of his hungry daydreaming, seeing them making their way over to his desk “wait, stay there!”
he barely had time to react when a bat slams against his desk, quickly shooting up out of his chair. what was with these guys? naeun wasnt even his type so why is he getting attacked? people are way too protective over their significant others. sure, he would be upset if his girlfriend was DMing someone to go out to eat but he would bring that up with her instead.
suho grits his teeth a bit as he dodged another swing towards him, moving forward to shove one of them into the lockers. his body aches from late night shifts and from the fact he didnt train his body as much to fight, but thankfully these guys seemed too angry to think much. most of their attacks were obvious as they got more irritated, making it way easer to dodge.
he managed to grab the guy he was holdings bat, snickering a bit when one of them flinched “you guys started it, why fight someone if you get scared that easy?”
again with his loud mouth making things worse for him, that stunt earned him another attempt to wack his head. he was able to move out the way but was quickly shoved backwards with a bat, his hands gripping on it to try and save himself from getting too bruised up. his back already stings from being pushed so roughly into a wall, he’ll have to regret his decisions later.
a loud clang of another bat hitting the one he was holding made his ears ring a bit, the sound was actually pretty funny. it just sounded so unserious. he was able to kick one of them away roughly enough for them to double over in pain, snatching a book off someones desk. he smacks the back against their head a few times, humiliating them even more. youre losing against one person and that was embarrassing enough on its own, but now youre getting treated like a bad kid getting in trouble.
“are you done? hm? this wont look good for athletes like you.”
clearly they werent, a punch finally being thrown at suho. no more loud ass metal bats, a punch he was willing to take. not a bat. he grabs the guy quickly, his hand coming up to pinch his ear. what did he do so wrong anyways? truly all he did was get a free meal then left the girl alone, asshole move but again he wasnt into her! couldnt these guys see that?
“ow, ow! fuck, let go!”
he decided to pity him, no reason to keep dragging this pointless fight out. so he lets him go with a small shove, glancing down at his hands. his grip on the bat earlier made the calluses on his hands start to ache more, this sucked so bad. at least they didnt pop though, that hurt way worse. he would rather be punched square in the nose than have to deal with that.
his eyes widened when he saw a bat swinging his way, stumbling back less gracefully than he wanted to. didnt they both agree to let it go? why was this dumbass trying to fight still? all this over a girl that isnt loyal? she was pretty, suho would probably forgive her if he was into her. he was a bit of a pushover when he loved someone.
a few more angry uncoordinated swings came his way before the guy decided to just hurl the bat his way, he stumbled out of the way to clumsily. his hip slammed into someones desk, he heard some things fall over but he had more important things to worry about so he kept his attention towards the guy in front of him.
“fuck, what is your issue? i’m not interested in naeun, give it up!”
he heard him swear before throwing a punch at suho, if this guy got any angrier suho was sure he would be foaming at the mouth and smoke would come out of his ears. pretty funny image. but he was getting tired of this, if they werent going to back down he might as well end it himself.
the punch to the nose sounded disgusting, the classroom going a little quiet when he hit the ground hard. suhos knuckled kinda hurt now too, looking down at them he felt like it would bruise too bad.
he sighed as he glanced down at the guy before looking over at the rest of the baseball team, “get him to the nurse, make up some lie about a baseball hitting his face. got it?”
he kept his gaze on them before they finally started to move, he takes this chance to look around the classroom. most of the students were huddled up away from them, some of them stayed in their seats. he shivers a bit when he felt eyes on him, well he had a bunch of eyes on him already. when he looks down he sees the same guy he had been losing his mind over, he lets himself look over his face. it wasnt everyday he would be able to dissect every little thing about him. his eyes were so odd, almost like they were teared up. but he had looked like that everyday, no? but the chance to see them up close made his chest feel a little weird, maybe it was the lack of sleep he had been getting this week from his work shifts. he’ll need to catch up on his sleep once he could take a break from work.
the same eyes drift away a bit, looking at the floor. oh, that’s what that sound was. he hadnt noticed the desk he bumped into was sieuns, “ah, was that my fault?”
sieun just stared at him for a moment before nodding with a small hum, it was like he was staring into suhos soul. he pushes those thoughts away as he knelt down and started picking up the things that fell out the pencil case. some of these things looked so worn out, one of the erases looked like it was begging to be thrown away. but he guessed sieun was the type of person to want to get his monies worth out of stuff, he learned something new about sieun.
he lifts himself back up, setting the case down on his desk. he pats it a bit with a small apologetic smile “that’s my bad, i cant really pay attention to my surroundings during a fight. you know?”
sieun just kept staring at him it was sorta weird, wasnt it impolite to stare this much at people? it was so awkward too, a thank you would ease suhos mind. so he waited, and waited. he waits some more. alright, what was with this guys deal? he was about to speak again when sieun simply turned back to his work, clicking his pen open. what the hell? he was treating suho like yeongbin, he wasnt like him at all. maybe the rumors about sieun were right, maybe he truly was just an asshole. the itch grew even more irritating, why did this make him more curious about sieun rather than making him lash out?
whatever, he’ll learn more about him one way or another. so he laughs to himself before making his way back to his own desk, this stubbornness was a blessing. he wouldnt give up on getting to know every single thing about yeon sieun.
—
the bright lights woke suho up with a flinch, his eyes burned when he tried to open his eyes for more than a few seconds. it didnt feel like he slept long enough, usually he got at least an hour of extra sleep whenever he got to school earlier. once he was able to he opened his eyes, squinting to see who it was. the teachers usually were busy planning things out for lessons in the teachers longue, so he knew it couldnt be his teacher.
suho almost let out a scoff when he finally could tell who it was, did this guy never want to sleep in? he was already pulling out his supplies for early studying, was that a planner too? suho couldnt wrap his head around having a planner and actually using it, he remembers begging halmeoni for one when he was younger only because he thought it looked cool. it turned out to be incredibly boring to him, the only thing he planned out was the days halmeoni would make his favorite meal. but sieun seemed to have a ton of things in his planner, suho could see that by the million page markers stuck to certain pages.
he sighs a bit to himself, sieun had obviously seen him asleep so why did her turn the lights on? it irritated suho and he knew it was just from lack of sleep making him moody, but could you blame him? he had the longest, most aggravating shift of his life. a bit dramatic but he had been running around taking orders and bringing out food all night, listening to customers chew him out for things he couldnt control. so, he was dog tired and all he wanted was to get some more sleep. maybe sieun really was just an inconsiderate asshole, suho felt guitly for even thinking that.
his eyes look over the smallest bit of sieuns face he could see, frowning to himself. the eye bags look a bit worse this morning, does he stay up late to study and come to school early too? that made suho feel even more guilty for thinking so badly about sieun. maybe he was just as tired as suho, and didnt have the energy to think about others?
suho focuses back on sieun when he noticed the other glancing back at him, suho had been staring really hard. so he offers a polite smile towards him, just how halmeoni taught him! but sieun had only looked him up and down with an expression suho could only assume was disgust before turning back to his notebook, what the hell? you smile nicely at a guy and he looks at you like youre the odd one?
fine then, be that way. suho was done being polite to him, since he clearly didnt want it.
suho stares up at the ceiling his jaw tensing, whatever. he needed to try to sleep more so he tugs the small cloth over his head, squeezing his eyes shut. he hopes he never thinks about yeon sieun, ever again.
—
the feeling of sweat trickling down his neck was gross, that mixed in with the bright sun made things worse. but suho liked running so it was worth it, he huffed to himself as he leaned back to catch his breath. he couldn’t wait to take a shower though, nothing felt better than washing yourself after working out.
suho stretches his arms over his head with a grunt, squinting from the sunlight. he relaxes back a bit, glancing to the track. a couple of people were struggling to finish, but what caught his eye was the same guy that had been plaguing his mind for weeks now. suho knew he wasn’t very athletic but he never thought it was this bad. shouldn’t someone who’s so smart know it’s important to be at least a little bit athletic? he couldn’t understand how he was a top student, did he never worry about having little energy? and why wasnt he wearing his gym uniform, it is way too hot to be running in jeans. what was with this guy? studying so much should be tiring, but he never seemed to slip up. it wasnt like he was jealous of him for being able to get amazing grades every single time, that would be pathetic behavior of suho.
but this was kinda sad to watch sieun struggle to finish his lap, he adverts his eyes to save himself from the second hand embarrassment. halmeoni would smack him upside the head if she heard him thinking so badly of someone, she raised him to be kindhearted. but it wasnt like he was saying it to sieuns face? he also has heard her complain about their neighbors countless of times, so she cant hold it against him.
his eyes moved towards yeongbin and his friends when something caught his attention, tonguing the inside of his cheek. did these guys have nothing better to do? suho knew he was just thinking badly about sieun but that was only because he was so interesting to suho. he never talked badly about someone behind their back or to their face, only a couple times did he do that. but it was always towards someone that deserved it, someone like yeongbin and his loserish friends.
“dude, why does he run like that? he’s slow as fuck, how can you be that shitty at running?”
“it’s kinda like a zombie, you know? that’s fucking scary!”
people like this never grew up, suho has seen it countless of times. they would grow into adulthood and still act like the losers they were born to be, make nothing of themselves. no one would truly remember them after highschool, so suho should just leave it alone and not stoop to their levels. suho should just let karma do its thing, let it ruin their lives since they were asking for it anyways. but this was getting too annoying for even him to ignore.
suho closes his eyes with an annoyed sigh, tugging one of his sneakers off. he looks down at the shoe thinking it over, this could very likely make things worse for sieun and even start things with himself. suho had a two month streak with zero drama, did he really want to ruin that? oh well, he could defend himself easily if he needed to. unlike yeon sieun. the idiot.
he glances back at them, watching one of them mock sieuns running before he throwing his shoe towards him. the shoe bounces off his head onto the ground, suho wishes it hit him more dead on but it got his point across enough. it goes silent for a moment before heads turn towards him. suho just stared back at them, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.
he huffs to himself when they just sit there, motioning towards the ground “bring me my shoe, hurry up.”
“this guy.. yah, youre the one that threw it. get it yourself.”
“you guys are closer, plus doing a good deed could get rid of some of the bad karma you know? a win-win situation.”
suho didnt go around fighting just anyone, since it felt like a waste of time and energy to him. but thankfully a majority of the people at this school knew about his past with mma, so most of the time people would just go with whatever he said. besides, who wants to get beat up? suho watches the one that was mocking sieun trudge over with his shoe, clearly looking unhappy with the situation. it was pretty humiliating having to bring the same shoe that hit his head back to the one that threw it, suho would have felt guilty if they werent such assholes to everyone.
once he made his way over suho took his shoe back, staring at him for a bit longer “what’s your name again?”
he glanced away for a moment, mumbling with furrow eyebrows “um.. jeongchan, lee jeongchan. do you seriously not remember your own classmates name?”
“why would i?”
“i mean.. i know your name, i know all our classmates names. it’s common courtesy?”
suho just hummed a bit in reply, waving him off as he leaned down to put his shoe back on. he didnt look back to make sure if jeongchan went back to his friends, he heard him curse under his breath. he knew he wouldn’t want to cause a scene when their gym coach was nearby, wouldn’t want to ruin that innocent student facade. even dumbasses knew better than that.
he’s sure this is going to make things harder for him and others, luckily for him though he could care less about what others thought of him. but since sieun had made it obvious he isn’t going to defend himself, suho was going to have to deal with seeing it though. and get more and more irritated by him.
he looks back at the track once he noticed sieun had finally finished his lap, raising an eyebrow at him gasping for air. sure, anyone needed to catch their breath after running. but this? it did nothing but make it worse, breathing so quickly and coughing so much. he tried to strain his ears to hear what the coach was telling sieun, but it was no use with the loudness of the other classmates chatting away. why was he even so interested in what he was telling him? maybe it was because he had the weirdest fucking obsession with sieun. it was embarrassing, if anyone knew he would be humiliated. well, not totally humiliated. maybe more so just a tad bit flustered, then he would go on with his life.
suho focused back on their coach when he heard him sigh, looking disappointed and tired “one of you take him to the nurse, so he doesn’t pass out on the way there.”
oh wow, he really did look like he was about to pass out. sieuns hair was dripping sweat down his face and the back of his neck, he was still puffing out air almost like he has never breathed a day in his life. he watched him try to wave his hand dismissively, even though he looked ready to fall over. he won’t even take help? maybe he was just trying to be polite, don’t worry i can handle this! sure you can, yeon sieun. keep thinking that while you make your way to the ground.
“no one’s volunteering? this is your own classmate, you all should feel disappointed in yourselves.” the coach didn’t even try to sound truly disappointed, he seemed to just want to get sieun out of his hair “yah, ahn suho. take him to the nurse, get him a water on the way too.”
what? why did suho have to do that? well, it wasn’t like he truly hated sieun to the point he would let the poor guy pass out. he guesses it’s because he’s a good classmate, never really picking fights or talking back to teachers. and he wasn’t about to start talking back now, so he stands back up with a huff walking over to sieun and the coach.
“come on,” he mumbled, walking ahead of sieun. he did make sure he wasn’t about to drop though, he wasn’t heartless.
he had told himself he was giving up on thinking about him, but now he was taking him to the nurse. he tells himself it is only because their coach told him too, but deep down he was a bit giddy to be alone with sieun. even if it was only for a moment, maybe he would be able to scratch the itch thats been gnawing at him.
it was exciting and also nervewracking, nothing he couldnt handle though.
—
sieun felt like his head was going to fall off with the pounding headache he had, the heat was getting to him and it made him want to cry or throw a fit like a five year old. or maybe it was because the biggest headache causer was the one taking him to the nurses office. suho wasnt loud or a class clown, but that stunt he pulled the other day made sieun not want to be anywhere near him. and why wouldnt he stop staring?!
“you know if you put your hands on your head, like this,” suho lifts his hands up, demonstrating “itll help you catch your breath better. instead of.. whatever it was you were doing back on the track.”
why did he keep trying to make conversations with him? sieun didnt even look at him while he spoke, keeping his gaze forward as they walked side by side. sieun already knew that, he wasnt stupid. he just.. didnt think about that when he finished running, common mistake. but having to hear advice that you already know made sieun feel like he was being talked down to, like he wasnt smart enough to know those things. even if he was the top student people still found ways to look down on him, it was something he loathed the most.
so sieun continued to ignore him, he wasnt obligated to talk to him so why would he go out of his way to do that? even if he wanted to he doesnt think would be able to get the words to form, somedays it felt like they got stuck in his throat desperately trying to claw its way out his mouth. he was able to talk sometimes, he wishes it was easy like that everyday so he could tell suho his head was splitting and for him to please, shut up.
“hah.. still being ignored,” suho had meant it to be just to himself, but sieun had heard “are you good? you still look really, really sick. you arent going to fall over, right?”
sieun tried to force the words out to just get suho to stop pestering him, but he was having a bad day. he was exhausted from studying a bunch for the mock tests, and from dealing with yeongbin and his friends. he gives up, simplifying humming and nodding his head. yes, im fine. stop asking. he wishes he could just say that.
he saw suho just smirk a bit to himself, thankfully staying quiet for once in his life. sieun was able to think clearer now, he felt so tired from running. his shirt felt freezing now from his sweat and it made him feel so disgusting, and his gym clothes had gotten stolen so he had nothing else to change into. he knew it could have been stolen by yeongbin or one of his friends, or he pressured an innocent classmate into stealing it from his locker. even if someone had been pressured into doing that he still wouldnt ever forgive them, they shouldve grown a backbone instead. sieun only continued to let people like yeongbin walk over him since it never bothered him that much, he knew if he fought back it could make things worse for him. besides, he had tests to put his whole energy into. if he got sidetracked his grades could slip, and that was the last thing he wanted.
sieuns education was one of the most important things in his life, he had put so much time into getting the best of the bests grades. it was what both his parents loved the most about him, he grew up listening to his parents brag for hours about how smart their little boy was. it used to make him so happy and proud of himself, and he still was proud of himself somedays! but lately every perfect grade was just another number to him, he just thought it’s over i can rest now. he could slowly feel himself feel less and less excited to see his grades, he already knew it would be passing. he wasnt full of himself, he just portioned his studying perfectly each time to know he would do well.
sieun felt suhos hand on his wrist suddenly, he pulled away almost instantly before glaring at him. he watched suho point at a small vending machine down the hallway, laughing a bit.
“my bad, you were spaced out.. but i said we should stop to get you a bottle of water.”
oh, had he been spaced out? he’s noticed that he’s been a little off lately but he didnt think anything of it, it wasnt like he had friends to listen to. but hearing someone mention it outloud made him feel a bit embarrassed, maybe even a little flustered. like someone had opened him up and stared at all his flaws and insecurities, he felt even more sick.
he hadnt noticed that they made it to the vending machine, he didnt even notice suho kneeling down to grab the bottled water. he felt bad for having suho buy it for him, but he also never asked him to as well. his hand was a little shaky when he took the bottled water from me, he didnt know if it was from almost passing out or if it was from feeling nervous. he shouldnt waste his time feeling shy, so he twist the cap off before taking small sips from the bottle.
“so.. i know the coach told me to walk you to the nurses office but it is literally right down this hall, and you can handle that by yourself im sure!”
i couldve walked the whole way by myself anyways, he thought bitterly. he just nods stiffly, continuing down the hall leaving suho. he was sure the taller was just making an excuse to go to the showers earlier than the others, probably going to sleep in class too. sieun hadnt meant to stare somedays, but the amount of drool that seeped into that poor little bunny pillow was gross. it was hard to ignore something so weird, he honestly really hoped suho washed it every week at least.
suho was very.. intriguing to sieun, for all the wrong reasons though. he didnt act immature like the other students in their class, he never caused fights that were truly pointless. but that fight from yesterday upset sieun, it wasnt like he knew suho but it was irritating having his things messed with because of a fight. it could be because he just hated arguments in general, growing up listening to his parents fight about anything and everything no matter how useless it was. after the divorce things for sieun got better ever so slightly, now that he was more grown up he didnt have to listen to them fight while he was going back and forth between their apartments. his mom had gotten busier with work so he usually just stayed at his fathers, plus his place made commuting to school easier as well. so, less fighting and less stress for sieun. amazing!
but now he’s stressing himself out with suho, even when he continued to ignore him. suho still kept staring at him, somedays even trying to make conversation with him. this was like a nightmare to sieun, he had his days planned out and now someone was messing with it. to sieun this felt like a personal attack, and suho didnt seem to feel bad at all.
he really hopes suho would grow tired and leave him alone, it made things so much easier.
—-
it always felt a bit depressing that sieun watched his mothers tutoring videos to feel less alone, the apartment was always too quiet whenever his father was away for work. it wasnt like sieun found comfort in constant noise but the sound of his father walking around the apartment throughout the day made sieun feel a little better, for now the tutoring videos will have to do. whenever it was complete quiet sieuns mind would start to race, thinking of anything that stressed him out. it could be simple things like the one time he fell into a rain puddle on his way to middle school, he had been so embarrassed but he couldnt go back home to change. so he went the entire school day wearing his dirty uniform, to this day he doesnt know why he didnt just call his mother to bring him his spare uniform. he guesses he was just too anxious to even think of that.
so, having the background noise of his father usually drowned those thoughts out. but he would never selfishly ask his father to stay home, besides he was seventeen now. it was pathetic to need your father like you were a little kid still, even when he was he always felt too shy to seek his parents warmth and comfort most of the time. he had been prided for his maturity at an early age, especially when he was always sickly as a child. some parents would be horrified to come home from work to find their child soaked in sweat from a fever, still working on homework when they should be in bed resting. but his parents saw that drive in him and were proud, of course his mother made him warm soup while his father got him a change of pajamas. they werent completely neglectful, so sieun tried not to let it get to him.
it could be worse. he told himself over, and over again.
he focused back on the video playing on his phone, frowning a bit to himself. his father had always been awkward around the fact sieun watched his mothers tutoring videos, when truthfully sieun could watch literally anyone else. sieun knew his father meant well and didnt want to make their relationship hard by still being hurt by the divorce. he was thankful for that, thankful for the divorce altogether as well. he remembered feeling so stressed out by the constant arguing and tense atmosphere of the home, school being his only escape despite that also being just as bad. but at least he didnt know those people personally, he could forget about their hurtful remarks the second the day ended. the lack of love and support from a parent would always stick to you, he wouldnt be able to forget those feelings.
fuck, this is exactly why he hated being home alone. he was being so negative it was irritating, could he just be normal for once in his life?
he jumps a bit when he hears the doorbell buzz, couldnt be his father since he knew the passcode for the door. sieun didnt have any friends so he had zero ideas on who it could be, the doorbell buzzes again. he huffs a bit looking down at his hand, he didnt realize he was gripping his pencil that hard. he sets it down on his notebook getting up from his chair, his socked feet padding against the floor.
his throat still felt a bit closed up, he was going to look through the peephole when he hears whoever it was behind the door speak “delivery! anyone home?”
odd, he didnt order anything? he rarely did have food ordered to the apartment since his father made sure to stock the fridge up before leaving for a while, and even when sieun did order food he made sure to tell them to just leave it by the door. at any chance to avoid a conversation he took it quickly, it was an instinct for him to run away from talking situations.
“yah, i see the lights are on! i need you to take this food or im the one that gets in trouble,”
sieun really wanted to just ignore him, he was good at that but he didnt want to be the cause of someone losing their job just because one person ignored them. but what was he supposed to do? open the door and stare at him, his mouth opening and closing like a floundering fish?
he hears him knock on the door this time, sieun sighs to himself as he pulls his slippers on. at least it would be someone who would only see for one day, maybe passing by him a few times if he was walking around the city. but the small luck he had apparently decided to run out at that very moment, when he opened the door a bit he saw the same guy he had been trying to avoid all week.
sieun had tried to shut the door before it was too late, but suho had already saw him “woah, it’s you! why’d it take you so long to answer, leaving me out in the cold like that..”
he just stared at suho with slightly widened eyes, it would be too awkward now to slam the door in his face. he would see him in class it wasnt like suho was a stranger, if he did close the door now sieun knew he would be freaked out for the entire week. his heart was already racing at the thought of it.
he mustve been quiet for too long because suho was tilting his head a bit, “..alright, are you going to take this food or not? it’ll get cold if you keep standing there.”
sieun felt even more flustered as suho tries to hand the bag to him, quickly shaking his head ‘no.’
“what? changed your mind? yah.. you already paid for it so just take it, dont waste food like that.”
sieuns mouth opens a bit, his eyes going from suhos face towards the bag. ah, that’s what happened. sieun points at the bag, 102.
suho squints at him, pulling the bag back enough to read it “yeah.. 102, im at 102.”
sieun wanted to pull his hair out, he opens the door a bit more before obnoxiously tapping the apartment number. 101, easy mistake but suho was so set on being right apparently. this was already so embarrassing for sieun, especially with suho looking at him like he was the weird one!
suho blinks a bit as he read the door number, his eyebrows raising “ah, my bad. ive been out since we got out of school, you get it right?”
the silence was awkward, both of them just staring at the other. sieun felt so anxious why wont suho just go away? clearly sieun had made it known he did not want to talk to him so why was he just standing there, waiting for sieun to speak? or maybe he was making fun of sieun, staring at him trying not to laugh at the quiet guy in his class. sieun had never seen suho bother other people during school, but sieun thought the worst all the time.
sieun is brought out of his thoughts when suho peaks behind him, sieun squints at him before slightly closing the door “hah.. you studying? i get it, gotta keep up the top student status.” he laughed a bit, looking back at sieun
when it stays quiet he speaks again, “hm, alright ill get out your hair. but first.. do you think you could get me some water?”
sieun makes a face at that, his nose scrunched up in distaste. he wasnt his friend, he wasnt even acquainted with him and hes asking for water? he was speaking so casually as if they had known each other for years, and that irritated sieun even more. who did suho think he was? sieun should slam the door right in his face, show him he’s not the one to be messed around with.
“yah.. yeon sieun, why does it look like youre about to say no? im dying of thirst out here, dont let your wonderful and amazing classmate die!” he whined jokingly, leaning against the door frame “it’ll only take a moment, swear on my halmeoni. besides, think of this as paying me back for buying you that water at school.”
he didnt even get a chance to shake his head no, to do anything to keep him away before suho pushes the door fully open. no, seriously, who does this guy think he is?! sieun looks at him like he had grown a second head as he’s moved out the way as he shoves his way in, alright he didnt shove his way in. but he might as well have, so disrespectful.
sieun stands there stiffly as he watched suho sit down like he owned the place, the way he tugged his helmet off made his already messed hair poke in every way. he obviously wasnt going anywhere until he got his water, sieun looks forward with a irritated sigh. he might as well get it over with, he slips his slippers] off before making his way to the kitchen. the coldness coming from the fridge grounded him a bit thankfully, his skin felt unusually warm from being anxious. he grabs a cup bringing the water bottle over to suho, he was about to pour him a glass when suho takes the entire bottle from him. sieun stares at suho chug the water like his life depended on it, he grips the cup still in his hand.
once suho finished the water he sighed in relief, wiping his mouth with his sleeve “wah.. i thought i was going to die, my throat was so dry you know! you just saved a life, yeon sieun.”
sieun watched him stand up after he sets the water bottle down next to where he was sitting, turning to smile at him “well, i better be off before i get in trouble for delivering this late.” he shakes the bag a little in the air, “dont want to keep you from your studies, keep working hard!”
he watches him struggle with the door for a moment before leaving with a wave, sieun blinks a bit. what was that? whatever it was, he hopes suho doesnt get the idea that sieun wants to talk with him more. because he doesnt, he didnt want to in the first place. hadnt he made that blatantly obvious from the start?
he shakes his head, he doesnt need any distractions. he wont let anyone get in the way of his education.
—
the classroom was always a bit rowdy at the start of the day, people catching up with their friends as if they hadnt just seen each other the other day. it wasnt like they had any work to be busy with, sure they could spend their free time studying since they had a mock exam soon.
their teacher comes in with a new face, she get them to quiet down enough for her to speak “if you all could listen up, we have a new student joining us this year.” she turns to him, offering a encouraging smile “go ahead and introduce yourself,”
his head jerks bit as he nods, glancing towards the classroom before muttering “ah.. im oh beomseok, nice to meet you all.”
the classroom is silent for a moment before some start to greet him back, some people obnoxiously clapping and cheering. beomseok hoped this new school would be better, change could be good for him. he thought of it as a new start for himself, everyone seemed nice enough so far.
things seemed to be going well for him.
—
the walk back to his class was a little stressful, it was free time so some students were walking around the school. sieun felt his heart race a bit, he was already a little worked up from speaking to his teacher about how well he had been doing. sieun had been comfortable enough to talk to his teacher even if it was only small words here and there, he was glad he felt safe enough for his throat to stop feeling closed up.
he just wishes he wasnt like this in the first place, his life might have been easier.
when he made it back to class he passed suhos desk, sieun feels like he was always asleep the second he gets the chance to. he rolls his eyes a bit as he made his way to his own desk, his pace slowing down a bit when he saw yeongbin using his desk as if it was his personal seat. his jaw tenses in frustration, why did so many people in his life think they could just continue to walk over him? he didnt defend himself often since it genuinely was easier for him this way, but it was getting to a point his chest burned from how angry he was with yeongbin and his friends. his stomach each twisted, mixed with how irritated he was getting and with how anxious he felt as well.
when sieun gets to his desk he stares at the back of yeongbins head, his face probably looked irritated because his friends looked at him before laughing a bit. sieun kept his gaze on yeongbin even when he looked over his shoulder at sieun, laughing in his face.
“yeah? you need something?”
sieun stares at him for a few more seconds before looking down at his desk, his gaze going back towards yeongbin.
“oh, this is you seat isnt it?” he smirks, looking down at the desk “im pretty comfortable here, im gonna keep sitting. youre fine with that, right?”
sieun grits his teeth at that, he hated people that were like yeongbin it made him feel like he was the one overreacting. like he was the one taking things too seriously, it made him feel like a total idiot.
he looks back down at his desk seeing one of the pens he left out, he picks it up before looking back at yeongbin. the pen clicks open, squinting at him.
yeongbins smirk falters, scoffing at him as he stood up “you know, im getting really sick of you.”
some of his friends went to grab his shoulder, “come on, do this later bro..”
sieuns body tenses up a bit, subconsciously preparing to be punched. he was so ready to fight back just a moment ago, why did he get so scared the second danger comes his way? he knew it was a normal human reaction but he was so sick of this guy bothering him. what could he possibly have done wrong to deserve this? all because he was a better student, because he was naturally mean looking? it wasnt like he asked to be born with a resting bitch face. that new student, oh beomseok, was watching them too. this was so humiliating.
“you guys are being so loud today,”
sieun watched yeongbin and his friends look over at suho, he kept his eyes on them for a moment before glancing over at suho. he obviously just woke up from all the noise, his head still laying on that ugly bunny pillow.
“im so tired and you guys are keeping your poor classmate awake, are you going to chill out now? hm?”
sieun could hear yeongbin curse under his breath before looking back at sieun, clicking his tongue “you should watch yourself from now on,”
he looks down a little as yeongbin and his friends walk back to their desks, sieun swallows thicky before sitting down at his desk finally. he could still feel beomseoks eyes on him even though he was trying to be secretive about it, sieun couldnt bother bringing his attention to it. he was exhausted and just wanted to distract himself with some school work, even though he honestly would rather be home in his bed asleep.
the world didnt stop just because he was struggling, so there was no point in wasting his time worrying over it.
—
despite the exhausting day he had sieun still made it a point to attend his cram classes, he knew he could afford to miss a few lessons but he liked his little routine he had. he found comfort in knowing how his day would plan out and he wouldnt feel stressed about the unknown, of course there were some slip ups because of course there would be. it wasnt like he could ask everyone in the entire world to also follow his routine, even though that would be heavenly.
plus, most people in his classes were also busy being productive. it was rare to see someone getting made fun of, it wasnt completely unheard of but it made sieun feel way more comfortable here rather than at school. he never thought about telling someone about what was going on, or trying to transfer schools. that never crosses sieuns mind because he knew no matter what he did there would always be someone that messes with sieun, so he didnt even bother with it. although it stressed him out on occasions he usually did just let these words roll off him, a few years from now sieun wouldnt even think about these people. that comforted him whenever he felt upset over things in his life. knowing he can and will feel better with time brought him hope.
once all his cram classes were done he gathers all his supplies, he couldnt wait to get home. his father should be home one day soon. he was looking forward to that, maybe then he wouldnt overthink so much. he rathers deal with the awkward attempts at conversations with him than dealing with his mind beating him up. it also sometimes meant his father taking him out to eat his favorite meals, it was like a reward for being able to live alone which was kinda sad but he decided not to worry about it. he would get home, heat up some food, take a shower, then go straight to bed. just like he did everynight, he was even more excited because he didnt plan anymore studying for tonight. so, he could basically get home and go straight to bed.
on his way back home he counts the seconds until he got there, it felt a bit funny to be this excited to go to bed. sieun shoves his hands into his jacket pockets as it got chillier, continuing down the sidewalk. everything was going smoothly like he hoped for, until some guys looked over at him, why were to approaching him now? sieuns entire mood felt like it was completely flipped.
one of them looks sieun up and down, squinting a bit “finally, listen, we really only like doing dead drops so next time we are going to meet like this.” he pulled out something, glancing over his shoulder.
sieun stared down at the pack, fentanyl patches, who did they think sieun was? did he look like someone that would use that stuff, was it not obvious he was underage? he guesses they most likely didnt care about that, he’s heard from his father that so many teenagers are buying off the streets more and more these days. sieun-ah, if someone tries to sell you something you just keep walking. got it? obviously he wasnt stupid enough to buy drugs, he knew full well what they could do and how they can affect someone. he wasnt about to risk his future just because he got curious, besides he was sure getting high would make him feel even worse rather than making him feel good and relaxed.
“yah, i said it was going to be a girl. does that look like a girl to you?”
sieun watched the guy infront of him quickly shove the pack of patches back in his pockets, he glanced over at the guy who spoke. he looked.. scary, like someone who could very well kill sieun. maybe he could just run the other way? no way, he was terrible at running for long periods and these guys all looked like they could easily catch up to him.
so, he listens to them talk together before trying to make his way between the two in front of him. unsurprisingly he was shoved back, the two looked at him like he was insane for even thinking about getting far away from them. like they werent committing a crime?
“not so fast, how do we know you arent gonna run your mouth to someone? you think were fucking stupid, huh?”
of course they were stupid, sieun was sure even they knew that themselves. but they were idiots that outnumbered sieun, so he grips onto the first thing that was in his pockets. a simple pen, but he was sure if he pushed hard enough it would go through skin. sieun keeps his eyes on them as they continued to berate him, clicking the pen open. he could do this it would be easy, just hurt them enough and run as fast as he could.
fortunately, he didnt have to do anything. the taller guy walks over, tugging one of them aside with ease.
“fuck, what was that for?”
he ignored him, keeping his eyes on sieun before speaking “get home, kids shouldnt be out this late anyways.”
normally sieun would get defensive at being called a kid, he hadnt felt like a kid since he was in elementary school. but right now it was a blessing, relief washing over him as he continues forward. he made sure not to look back, why would he? it wasnt like he was second guessing on buying drugs, all he wanted was to get home and pass out. He probably should tell his father about what happened, but he didnt want to seem immature in his eyes. he didnt want to be seen as someone who couldn't handle theirself, because he was capable of doing that. he had spent years proving it, he would just have to be more aware of his surroundings from now on.
–
his mood was ruined, he didnt want to eat anymore. but he needed to eat something so he made something quick and easy, he was so excited to have an actual meal too. he’ll just have it tomorrow he supposed, though it irked him that his routine was messed up he tried not to let it get to him too much. he made sure to eat quickly, wanting to get this day over with already.
he took a quick shower, he had always had a hard time with showering. he liked the cleaning part, loved it even. it was like he was washing away all his bad feelings from that day. but he hated the feeling of wet hair on the back on his neck it felt like his skin was crawling, and he hated the loudness of a blowdryer so he always tried his best to dry his hair with the towels.
once his hair was dry to his standards he made his way to his bedroom, smiling a bit when he saw his bed all made up. he always made sure to make up his bed before he went to school, nothing felt better than coming home from a long day to a comfy bed ready to be messes up. he didnt move around in his sleep much thankfully, his mother had told him he always slept in the same position ever since he was little. he would tug the blankets tightly around himself and curl up in a ball in the bed, bringing the blankets up to his mouth so he wouldnt be cold. it was perfect, an amazing way to fall asleep.
so when he got comfortable in bed his entire body relaxes with a small sigh, the stresses of that day washing away almost instantly. no worries, no annoying classmate bothering him, just him and his blankets that didnt make his skin itchy. this was the highlight of his days, no matter how sad it seemed. this was all he needed to feel better, to recharge for tomorrow challenges.
hopefully tomorrow was kinder to him.