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I walked alone in the woods. I didn’t feel my own body but my body felt the world around me. I could feel a breeze through my curls. Trees were all around. They were very tall, thin, with dark brown (almost black) tree trunks. They weren’t like prison bars. They were very spacious. They were endless paths that were never tread on. There was a dirt path in front of me and just followed the path.
Around the trees grew all sorts of wild purple flowers. I could only name the lavender and thistles.
I felt a heavy cloud around me. It was physically heavy to carry but I could do nothing it. It would follow me as I followed the path. I was incredibly lonely. I could feel myself starving at the sensation of the world depriving me of human contact. I was turning colder the more I followed this path.
And I suddenly stop.
The cloud around me slips off me as it expected me to keep up the pace. It was even colder without it. Practically icy. I wanted to catch up with it but something catches my eye. A silhouette was peeking out from one of the trees. This tree was thicker than the rest. Thicker. Darker. With the bark shedding off. I could recognized the person anywhere. In any place, world, or dream.
Baz.
In my dreams, he is often wearing a suit pretty something like that. Once even as Count Dracula. This wasn’t like that. He was a little transparent. He was both there and not there. Looking at me and into the distance. Dressed or nude. Yet I knew it was him.
It could only be Baz.
His eyes went to the cloud. It turned much much colder and more cruel. It was mad at me. I had to follow it. Once out the could, I could see a massive tree. With a trunk so wide you could run marathons around it. It went beyond the clouds. That is where the cloud and the path lead me.
Baz looks at the tree ahead.
“I’ll never be able to confess it, but I’m scared. I’m really scared. Are you?”
I then realize that he is impaled by a long branch. I have to run over and break it. The very though angered the cloud. I ran. I ran for Baz.
He reached out his hand for me and I took it. He was the only thing warm. He is the only one alive here. “We can’t, love.”
“Why not?” I insist.
“We can’t win. The world is against us.” He was right. The path grew wider. The trees closer together. The cloud washed over us, freezing us.
He was right. We can’t win.
“What would you do if we had won?” He asked me.
“I would make you love me.”
“So many people love you.”
“I need you to love me.” I insisted.
“I already love you. I adore you. I worship you. You are my world.”
“I need you. More than this. Are you sure we can’t win?” His eyes fill with tears anf turn red. They are beautifully glossy. He smiles at me. A genuine smile.
“We can’t even say it. I love you with all my heart and you love me.” I didn’t react to the words. They were true. I do love him. My love for him is stronger than my fear of them.
“I love you.” I tell him.
“Then maybe we can win. Just maybe.”
I jump up in my bed, gasping for air.
I look at Baz asleep on the bed opposite to mine. I must have been exhausted after my lessons with the Mage. What the fuck was that dream.
I hate Baz.
Baz hates me.
I know it for a fact. Yet his voice.
Even when awake, I could hear those words in his voice vividly.
“I love you with all my heart.” I mouth those words before looking at my alarm to see 4 am. I roll in bed and face Baz. I like him most when he sleeps. He’s not rude when he is.
“And you love me.”
I felt extra nervous at that thought as I didn’t question it in my dream. It was a fact.
I love him. He loves me.
Ha… if only. I close my eyes.
I don’t see Baz open his eyes.
I don’t see him mouth “I love you.”
I don’t get to learn that we were made for each other.