Chapter Text
He really did the opposite of what himself intended to do. Taeui standing right there while his eyes staring blankly towards Ilay and Xinlu. He can't move, his expression is so dull. Ilay smirked while looking at Taeui, like he have the whole time in the world. At the same time, the attention seems not the one who bouncing on Ilay's lap infront of him, but to him, Taeui.
Taeui's mouth agape to say something but nothing muttered from his mouth. He wants to scream out of his lungs and protest what they did infront of taeui is wrong but nothing come out. It's nonsense. It's childish and immature. It's not like he's a virgin or something to act like that. Ilay's smug expression doesn't show any help to make him less mad. And instead of doing all that, he closed the door as if nothing happened there, he doesn't want to give Ilay any reaction, never let himself give in any personal feeling when it's include between him and Ilay again.
Taeui rushed towards his room and locked the door behind him slowly. He tried to calm down, sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to forget, but he still remember the scene just happened.
"Why..? I don't-" He muttered slowly to himself but stopped, his voice almost sounding like whispers. And suddenly his stomach churning, feels so uneasy.
He directly went to the bathroom and threw up everything to ease this uneasy feeling, but it still there, it can't be gone.
Taeui breathes slowly, this uneasy feeling get worse, he feels like out of breath. He tried to stand up, and washing his face multiple times, but it did seems ease him a bit.
His vision starts to get blurry, he didn't know why, he never feel like this way before. Since Ilay appear in his life, the unsettling feeling, or more like mixed feeling getting worse and worse, he feels like this feeling with everyone he met, it's so undescribable, when the circumstances get worsen such as what he confront right now, it makes his heart throbbing unconsciously, it keeps beating louder and louder, it can't stop beating,
"It hurts..why?.." he said to himself. Then, Taeui crawled up to his bed, and thinks to himself 'maybe I just don't get enough recess time since I arrived in UNHRDO, it explains why, hmm.. seems more logical', and after drowning in so many thoughts, he lulled himself to sleep while thinking again, wishes tomorrow gonna be good, without he realized, tears coming out from the corner of his eyes, straight falling to his soft face that full of unexplainable emotions.
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*Time skip, manhwa chapter 46*
After the misunderstanding with Xinlu, Taeui dawdling towards his thoughts and goes to his room immediately, maybe it's something inescapable situation where it can be healed by time and clear minds, everything can't be settled right now and then, so he let it go for now.
By the time he arrived to his room, Taeui saw familiar figure infront of him and trying so hard not to frown and pushed him out from this door. He breathes in and exhaled softly and put on his mask as Ilay's assistant instructor. He smiles softly towards Ilay, while Ilay furrowed his eyebrows slightly and frowned.
"Worse than what?", Ilay said like it really meant for Taeui to hear his voice only.
Taeui still smiling softly and ignored his questions, "Hm, what are you doing here?"
Ilay noticed, but still to choose to keep silence, and he answered softly wanting to catch up Taeui's composure too, "I keep getting annoying calls when I'm in my room."
Taeui still keep his composure and smiled softly, resisting his urge to replied to his useless mumbles , 'how is it my problem, you bastard. just answer then dammit.' but instead, "Annoying phone calls? Won't you get in trouble if you don't answer them?"
Ilay mussed slightly, while replied, "Hmm, not really,"
He paused then replied again, "though the caller might get frustrated."
Almost cracking his smiles and said, "But.. then how am i supposed to get in touch with you? I'm your assistant..." He looked at Ilay directly, while Ilay just raised his head from the book he just read to the real attention right there.
"We're together for most of the day, do you really need to worry about that?" Ilay smiles and from his look as if saying that 'are you that desperate to get in touch with me daily.'
Taeui said, almost mumbles to himself, "Oh, that's true", He ignores the uncertain signals from the other eyes, it's not important too.
Then he walked to the center of the bedroom, and sit down on the opposite side of bed infront of Ilay. He opened a can of beer and sipping it quietly.
Ilay noticed something familiar smell from Taeui, decided to spit it out. "You smell like cigarettes." He stated, not asking. But after that he asked taeui, "Did you just smoke?" He knows that, the answer, there's no need to keep going this conversation, but he still asked for no reason.
'How does it concern you, oh, hahah well I did take a box of cigarettes without his knowing, just ask it immediately if I take it or not, you scumbag' Taeui's thinks to himself while still trying his best to keep his smiley face.
"Sorry to take this box of your lovely cigarettes without your permission, especially it's belong to you. Well,” Taeui took out the box of cigarettes from his pocket, and reach out his hand to place it on the palm of Ilay's already opened hands. "Here you go." When their hands brushed slightly, Ilay catch the warmth of feeling other hands, it stirring some unknown feeling deep inside him.
Taeui doesn't wait for Ilay's unwanted reply and standing up, he pointed a single fingers towards the door and said, "If you don't have anything related to work or necessary thing to say, can you please excuse yourself." He frowned a bit while still smiling, but it doesn't the same soft smile like before, it's forced. And Ilay noticed that, always.
Ilay stood up, walking towards taeui, slow and unhurried, until one inches apart. Taeui doesn't move, he don't feel the need to. He doesn't let Ilay dominate the presence easily. He never let Ilay do as he wants. "Why," Ilay started. "Why do you keep avoiding me?", Ilay titling his head slowly to his right and slowly raised his right hand to touch taeui's face softly.
Taeui raised his eyebrows slightly, play innocent, he uttered, "I have no idea what you're trying talking about", he stated not asking, they both aware of each other moves. He doesn't move, doesn't stop Ilay from what he's up to. Then slowly, Ilay grabbed his face and caressing his cheeks softly, so endearingly, as if they're lovers.
Ilay chuckles, "I saw you out there with that cute little kid", he changed the topic, but not entirely, it's just Taeui doesn't know what he's trying to heading with those question.
Taeui moved from the spot, grabbed Ilay's beautiful hands from his face, and Ilay let him. Taeui replied, "I don't see any reason to keep this conversation going, I've declined it respectfully, but you still insist, you know that already our relationship is just work matters, if you need my help with anything, can you get out, we can talk about it later, I really need my time to be alone for a moment, please? It won't be long." He let his small breath, trying to gather himself before anything happen, he really need to take his meds now.
"Taeui, listen-", Ilay grabbed taeui's wrist, he sounds a bit desperate, but taeui immediately snatched his hands back, his ear must be started to hearing things he shouldn't.
"If you don't want to get out, I will." Taeui deadpanned, not even looking at Ilay. No explanations further. He take his meds from the table and goes out, not looking back either, while he still feel ilay's eyes staring at his back until he disappeared from the sights.
Taeui walked slowly and looked around him to make sure no one else here with him. He's hiding behind the corridor that rarely people would walking around. He opened a bottle cap of meds and not counting how much it put on his hands. He just don't care anymore. Taeui swallowed all the pill along with a glass of water he just took from water dispenser earlier.
The meds slowly taking effect and his nervous nerve calm down by the time. He buried his face in his hands, holding himself out from tearing up while leaning against the wall. " It's fine.. taeui, you can do it, just a little bit more and this is all over." He comforts himself, uttering every single words from letting negative thoughts surrounded him, it almost incoherent.
Taeui gathered himself again, trying to rising his spirit by slapped both of his cheeks, breath in and breath out. After he's done, he begin to continue his daily life as assistant instructor as usual. He can't let himself slipped ever again. Never.
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*Time skip, manhwa chapter 73*
"Phew.." Taeui exhaled his long breathes. He's not very sure what he's doing right now is the right decision, but he can confirm this is something he will never regret it. He's done locked Ilay's hands up to the upper bed and make sure it can't be released easily especially from this madman.
He brushed his hands each other to remarked as done with his planned. "Hmm, I can't let my guard down for a second around this guy." He muttered quietly.
While Ilay sleeping on the bed after Taeui put some drugs in his beer, he admired Ilay's sculpted face, and unfortunately his face is so near perfect to some ideal type of human, but definitely everyone have some flaws in them and it can't be ignored, like this man sleeping right there.
'...He looks perfectly handsome when he's asleep.' Taeui let this single thoughts slide in for now, it's not like this fact not true.
Taeui crawled on the bed, to get on top of sleeping Ilay, and suddenly he muttered, "But..." he paused and continue, "I have more than a few bones to pick with you." The flashback gnawed him, but he shut it before he's going to changed his mind again.
A frustrated thought bubbling his mind like crazy, taeui's eyes darkened, "....", he wanted to strangled him to death right now and there, and all his misery will be ended. "It was really frustrating, why I can't do that...", he questioning himself and self conscious for a moment.
Taeui's hands ready to choked him, his heart beating so loud, almost can't hear anything surrounding him if there's any other presence here.
But, ".. Aha", Taeui jolted, and released his hands immediately from grasping Ilay's neck, 'That's fast', he thought to himself while looking slightly disgusted by the man below him. Ilay eyeing him from his head to his lower body.
And back to Taeui's eyes, Ilay looked straightly to his soul. "So, what were you planning to do after strangling me, hm?" Ilay's tone turns to cold and uncalculated.
Taeui ignored his question, not as usual but he doesn't see any necessary reason to answer, instead he replied, "Good morning, our most beloved instructor." He smiled, but not the usual smiles he always beaming to everyone he met. It's different, and even Ilay got weirder out.
"You put something in beer, you thought I wouldn't know? Though I'm not sure what kind of drug it is." Ilay amused with what kind of silly trap, he thought, that, Taeui's put now in this situation.
Ilay doesn't let him continue and said, "I also trying to figure you out, I can't say what you're doing right now is so out of character, you have something in yourself doesn't want anyone to see, aren't you?" He paused, while Taeui's face is so tense, as if judging him from on top of him. Then suddenly, Taeui took the risk by rubbing his ass cheeks in between Ilay's half erect dick, hoping to see any reaction from the man below him.
Ilay still calm but almost snapped at any moment, not sure if it's rage or something else, but, he continues again with a low chuckles, "Although I have to admit that I didn't expect you to do something stupid, and adorable." His lips curved slightly to the side, as if he's smirked. "Let's figure out which one of you is the real one, shall we?" He stated more than question it, more irritably, his smirking face doesn't brush off his cold tone is what making it more dangerous than it actual is. He still finding this whole situation is absurd, with Taeui started to pull some bold moves, his reddened cheeks doesn't help him less embarrassed to the situation he indulge himself now.
Taeui suddenly flinched at the close contact between them, make him slightly shivers. His whole face changed like seeing a ghost. Half terrified. Half shocked. He get out of the bed and searching for his meds in the small closet. "Where is it, I swear I put it here..!" He panicked, his body drenched in sweat, his eyes twitching, like that's the most important thing beside settle the man get caged on the bed.
Ilay laughed maniacally to Taeui's dumbfounded action, "Aha, are you looking for your meds? I wonder what is it for, and unfortunately, the labels seems to be dispatched, I did that because you looks like to be hiding something very well this lately.." He chuckled again, this time lowly, sounds like he wants to offering something diabolical. "Taeui, let go of me and I will give it back." He paused and said again, "Come on taeui."
Ilay closed his eyes to waiting for his response but unexpectedly there's no answer, "Taeui-" Then he saw Taeui standing there, unmoving, blank face.
There's soft voice unheard by Ilay. But, when he blinked his eyes again to processing taeui's word, his face got slapped, hard. "You..! Who do you think you are, make me suffer over and over again..!" Taeui shouted, his face remains darkened.
Ilay's eyes widened, shocked by the sudden attitude, "Tay, no matter what you do to me, it won't change anything." Ilay said. "My brother will continue to produce weapons," he paused, "and your brother will continue to develop them, so-" then, he got slapped again on the same spot.
"Ilay Riegrow." Taeui muttered coldly, his eyes unblinking. "You have it all wrong," He gritted his teeth.
"You could talk about your grand plans for the world peace all you want, but that doesn't have anything to do with me." He tugged Ilay's collars to move closer to his face and now can feel each others breath. 'Is he trying to assert his dominance on me? Cute.' Ilay mused to himself.
"Ha, so what's your point of tormenting me like this?" Ilay said, found taeui's act very interesting than threatening.
'Weird, he's like another person now, to be precise he's not like that chinese boy, most of his deed was honesy with no hidden meanings, an open book persona', he thinks.
Taeui frowned, "I don't think it's fair that I'm the one who being used." He walked back to the bed and climbing on top of Ilay, while Ilay observed his every move, he opened his button shirt roughly.
"Jeong Taeui, are you aware of what you doin-" Ilay breaths hitched suddenly when Taeui licked his bulge through the fabrics.
"If you leaking with your precum, you will be dealing with the consequences." Taeui opened Ilay's zip pants to reveal his enormous dick, and with a slick precum. He stared at it and laughed. "Hah, what did I say about this.." He slapped Ilay again, but now on different sides.
Taeui grabbed Ilay's shaft and stroking it slowly, painfully slow, while he working on it, the corner of his eyes started tearing up, "Y-you! Don't you dare making that face, you don't know how much I cursed at myself for letting you used me again and again. And even now, I can't even bring myself to do something like this, I never once hated you, I treated you equally to others, I try to understand you, I never asked you to repay anything but you still succeed to make me feel miserable. Everytime you do it to me, I can't help but hate myself more and more." He sobbed pathetically. His eyes worn out. His whole body shivering. His mouth forced himself to uttering every single words. "No one wants to live like this. I would rather get ignored than being used like this. I'm done. I'm quitting." He stood up from the bed with shaking body and grabbed the napkins. He poured some of the chloroform on it.
Ilay shocked face never waves from the start on Taeui's confession until the end. "..You're leaving me?" He asked as if testing the water.
"I wish you the best for the future, thank you for everything, Ilay." Taeui said, waiting for Ilay last words.
"Taeui," Ilay trying to free himself, he looks almost.. sad? "Don't..go." The last thing Ilay saw is Taeui sad smile, pitiful smile with a hidden warmth beneath it.