Work Text:
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT]
TG: hey
TG: i watched both those movies you sent me last night
GT: whoa, already?
GT: you were awake that long after i logged off?
TG: homeschool dude
TG: i can do whatever i want
GT: well what did you think?
TG: gay
TG: extremely gay
TG: there was such a high concentration of faggotry afoot in both of these cinematic experiences im not sure id feel safe sharing a locker room with anyone who worked on either of them
GT: what?
GT: they both have babies with the princesses at the end of bogus journey! that’s like, the opposite of gay.
TG: you dont get it
TG: its about the subtext
TG: coded messages gays use to communicate with each other
TG: except here its so overt its actually just stupid and im shocked keanu reeves avoided a sodomy charge long enough to hit it big with the matrix and get that sweet sweet megacelebrity immunity
GT: what’s sodomy?
TG: how the fuck are you already ten years old and dont know what sodomy is
TG: id feel like a pedophile being the first one to tell you about it go ask your dad
GT: i am not doing that.
TG: ask rose then she loves that type of shit
TG: dont tell her i sent you though
GT: i do not think they are gay i think they are just best bros. like we are!
TG: yeah keep telling yourself that
TG: youre a pretty good bro but best bro is a position exclusively reserved for my actual bro
TG: on account of biology and the fact that hes way cooler than you could ever hope to be
TG: hope you can settle for second best
GT: i am fine with that :p
GT: i think it would be really fun to start a band, would you want to be bill or ted?
TG: what kind of question is that theyre basically the same character
TG: i guess i could be bill since im blond
TG: rose and jade would have to be the princesses
TG: do you wanna knock up jade is that what youre saying to me
TG: per movie logic youre destined to be with the one with the same hair color as you i guess
GT: ew, no!
GT: and you’re blond?
TG: yeah
TG: what???
GT: nothing, i was just thinking how i do not know what you look like at all.
GT: maybe you are actually one of those creepy adult men you are always trying to warn me about!
TG: only in your gay little dreams bro
TG: ill find you a picture give me a minute
TG: LEGEND.jpeg
GT: wow that sure is my best friend who is a human boy!
GT: who is not nearly as good a prankster as me!
TG: look im asking for a camera for my birthday
TG: so ill mail you a picture of me soon
TG: then you can tell me if I look more like a bill or a joanna
GT: hmm, i will have to study it carefully to be sure you are not secretly a girl!
GT: anyway, what do you mean bill and ted are the same character, they’re totally different! ted has a little brother and bill has a creepy stepmom!
TG: yeah and then in the next one shes teds mom instead
TG: like the universe is conspiring to eventually turn them into some kind of unholy conglomeration of teen rocker dudes who have the exact same experiences and personality so when they fuck its basically masturbation
TG: so much homoerotic energy eminating from their wholesome brohugs that casual fans are distracted and fail to notice the scale of the domestic issues underpinning the whole narrative
TG: anyway i dont think the moms supposed to be creepy shes like sexy or something
GT: gross :(
TG: yeah its the classic porno trope
TG: like woah guys what if a hot woman lived in my house but shes not related to me so its ok to fuck her
TG: you would know this if you werent GAY
GT: shut up man. if my dad dated someone i would never be into her. it would be too weird.
GT: if your brother gets a girlfriend are you going to be into her too?
TG: ok well first of all that would never happen
TG: my bro is way too cool to be tied down like that
TG: but obviously we would share the same type of taste in ladies
TG: i could date like
TG: the little sister of his hypothetical girlfriend who will never exist
GT: but wouldn’t that make her your double step sister?
TG: youre overcomplicating this
TG: none of this is incest
TG: its normal
TG: if bill and ted made sweet love to each other inside their timetraveling phonebooth it would be mega gay but it wouldnt be incest even though theyre probably technically legally brothers because they arent blood related
GT: do you think their baby would have black hair or blond hair?
TG: please tell me youre pulling my leg right now you dont actually think fags can have babies right
GT: of course i know that, i’m not retarded.
TG: ok good
TG: i just worry about you sometimes
TG: since you dont have a bro to teach you things and your old man doesnt sound too competent from everything ive heard about him
GT: he is alright. you really have to visit me sometime, he can make you a cake, he is good at that at least.
TG: nah im not allowed to have cake
TG: too much fat in it it dulls the reflexes
TG: thats what my bro says
GT: didn’t you just say you can do whatever you want?
TG: hmm
TG: i guess ill try one piece of it
TG: just to see if its the thing that makes you so STUPID
GT: haha.
GT: i have to go to school now.
GT: it was cool that you watched the movies.
GT: i still think they are good though.
ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TG: i mean they werent THAT bad
TG: ok bye
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT]