Work Text:
Boston November 2018
‘Bye, I love you!’ Hayden was finishing a video call to Jackie and the kids back in Montreal, which had involved plenty of waving to Uncle Shane on the other side of the hotel room. It was 8.30pm, too early to go to sleep even for Shane on the night before a game.
‘Shall I put the Admirals game on?’ Shane asked.
‘Sure.’ They watched in companionable silence for a few minutes, until Hayden turned to Shane.
‘Can I ask you something?’
Shane nodded, eyes still half on the screen.
‘You used to see that girl Lily whenever we came to Boston, right? Was she… a he?’
Shane felt his cheeks flush, but he could answer honestly. ‘Yes, he was. Fake name.’
‘You’re sneakier than I thought! No wonder you were always so shifty about going out.’ He paused for a second, then added, ‘Sorry you had to keep it a secret.’
‘It’s ok, it was just a casual thing.’ Technically true at the time, he told himself. He smiled at Hayden, ‘Thanks though.’ They shared a brief moment of eye contact, then returned their attention to the game.
Hayden waited until the period ended before asking his next question.
‘You’ve stopped seeing Boston Lily, or whatever his actual name is, but you’ve been out every time we’ve gone to Ottawa since the season started. You got someone there now?’ He gave Shane what he hoped was an encouraging look.
‘I visit my parents there a lot, and I’ve got work to do to launch the charity.’
‘That’s what you’re doing at 10 o’clock at night? Charity work?’ Hayden grinned and turned to face Shane full on. ‘Come on man, I’m trying to tell you that you don’t need to hide anymore. You can tell me about your hookups, it’s fine.’
‘I guess I still feel like it’s private. Even now you know the gender I like, I don’t want to tell everyone everything.’
‘OK, OK. But I’m here, anytime, you know?’
‘I know. Thanks Hayd.’
They turned back to the screen for a few minutes, until Hayden let out a laugh.
‘You had a guy in Boston until last year, now you’ve got someone in Ottawa. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were hooking up with Ilya Rozanov.’
Sometimes, the mask Shane presented to the world was a perfect poker face, displaying whatever emotion he wanted to convey. This worked better with the media, with pleasantries for people who didn’t know him well, with passing interactions. Other times, he thought he was being neutral, but everything he felt inside was showing on his face for the world to see. Once the team was trying to get him to choose a karaoke song and he though he was doing a decent job of acting like that was something he’d ever do, until JJ said, ‘Leave him alone boys, he looks like he might throw up.’
This was one of the second times.
Shane knew he should react somehow, but his throat felt like it was closing up. Worse, he was blushing. He was so hot he thought he must be glowing. The only other time he’d been this scared was watching his Dad leave the cottage after catching him with Ilya for the first time. Nothing since then had compared, not coming out to the Metros, or tentatively announcing to friends that he and Ilya were launching a charity together.
Hayden had obviously noticed his complete silence and turned to look at him. ‘You OK buddy? I was only joking.’
Shane opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Hayden raised his eyebrows.
‘Shane?’ Shane could tell he was being read like a book. ‘Wait, it’s true? You and Rozanov? I know you said you’re friends now, which seemed weird enough honestly, but…?’ Hayden trailed off.
Shane was still frantically trying to think of a way out of this. He knew deep down there wasn’t one. Not with the truth written on his face, not with the circumstantial evidence that Hayden had picked up on, not with the launch of the Irina Foundation in two weeks. He wanted to disappear, but he had to keep going. He summoned all the courage he’d found to tell his parents the truth, and all the memories of how they still loved him, had opened their hearts to Ilya. He took a deep breath.
‘It’s true. I’m with Ilya. You got me.’ He attempted a laugh. It was clear from Hayden’s face that it hadn’t landed.
‘Since when? All along, Boston Lily was Rozanov?’ Realisation dawned on his face. ‘Lily. Ilya. Oh my god, Shane.’
‘Well, yes. It’s only been since last summer that we’ve been exclusive.’
Hayden’s eyes looked like they were going to burst out of his head. ‘You played against him. And you were… with him, after games? Before games?’
‘Don’t tell me you think I didn’t play hard against him. I love beating him at hockey, come on.’
Hayden was quiet for a moment, remembering past games against Boston, last week’s against Ottawa. ‘OK, yes, I see that. But he’s an asshole!’
‘It’s mostly an act, I’ve told you that before. He’s a really good boyfriend.’
‘Boyfriend?’
‘Boyfriend.’
‘You’re blowing my mind.’ They were quiet for a while longer, the game on the TV long forgotten.
‘Wait, is this why he moved to Ottawa? No one understood that, going to such a terrible team at the peak of his career.’
‘Yes, to be closer to Montreal.’ Hayden didn’t reply, his mind must have been blown completely out of his ears by now. ‘You can’t tell anyone.’ Shane finally let out what was really worrying him.
‘Fuck, no. This cannot get out, trust me I know that.’
‘Good.’
‘Except for Jackie, obviously.’
Shane weighed this up. Hayden probably wasn’t capable of keeping it from Jackie even if he wanted to. And he trusted her discretion, even more than Hayden’s. ‘OK.’
‘It’s serious?’ Shane hoped the questions stopped soon, he was drained and desperate to turn the light out and try to forget this conversation had ever happened.
‘Yes. I love him.’
‘OK. I should meet him properly then. Dinner, the four of us.’
An image of a double date danced before Shane’s eyes. A normal couple experience, not hiding themselves away all alone.
‘That sounds really nice.’