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Jane braces herself against the bathroom sink and lifts her red-rimmed eyes to look at herself in the mirror. Staring back at her is a weary face, coated in dry tears that carved out a path through the recycled concrete dust she brought home with her from the building collapse. Thankfully, Frost, Tommy and little T.J. made it out relatively unscathed. Sure, Tommy has a concussion, and Frost is going to have his arm in a sling for a while, but it could have been much worse. They could have been seriously injured or even died.
It’s certainly been a day.
Her thoughts keep circling back around to Casey and his absolutely insane insistence on having a highly dangerous spinal surgery, all in the name of a future she explicitly told him she cannot give him. She rather bluntly told him that her feelings have changed—that she is hopelessly in love with Maura—and yet somehow he still has it in his head that if he can just get everything working again, he’ll be man enough for her. That will never happen. She can only hope that the surgery is a success and fixes his brain too—because damn, it is broken.
Her body aches from carrying the weight of her worry, for not only that big idiot, but Maura too. Jane lets go of the sink and walks over to the shower. After turning the water on, she slowly strips out of her clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor before stepping under the hot spray. She tilts her head forward and lets out a long sigh when the hot water starts easing the tension in her shoulders.
Jane tries not to think about Maura and the decision she’s made, but is foiled by her girlfriend making an appearance in the bathroom. She watches through the frosted glass as her pile of clothes is picked up and placed in the hamper. She really should have done that herself, but she suspects today she gets a pass. At least she hopes she does. She tests the waters with a soft apology, “Sorry about that.”
“It’s alright,” Maura responds politely.
After a minute passes and Maura is still a blob of colour on the other side of the glass, Jane asks, “Are you lost in your thoughts or waiting for an invitation?”
“Both, I suppose.”
Jane opens the door to the shower just enough to poke her head out and look at her girlfriend. As she suspects, she’s looking a little out of sorts. It’s to be expected after the day they have both had. “Well, come on then,” Jane says, waggling her eyebrows in an attempt to lighten the mood.
Maura’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes. It’s just another sign her thoughts are taking her elsewhere. Jane watches as she undresses on automatic—saying a silent thank you to God that this is her girlfriend—and steps aside to make room when Maura joins her. One look into her eyes tells Jane that she needs to tread softly. She gently pulls Maura under the spray, willingly letting her own ass hang out in the cool air to make sure her girlfriend gets all of the warmth the spray has to offer.
“You look exhausted,” Maura acknowledges quietly.
“I am,” Jane agrees, reaching out for Maura’s current favourite body wash—a blend of vanilla and coconut. “Turn,” she commands gently, motioning with her free hand. “Let me take care of you.”
Jane liberally lathers the liquid soap on Maura’s back and uses her hand to start rubbing her skin clean of the traces of concrete that somehow found its way beneath her clothes. “You’re tense,” Jane observes, rubbing her hands along shoulders that feel as hard as stone.
“It’s been a long day.”
Jane runs her hand down the small of Maura’s back and brushes away more of the wet concrete dust. She can’t even enjoy the sensation of running her hands all over her girlfriend’s body. She’s too busy worrying about the subject they have avoided from the moment the words fell out of Maura’s mouth in the car on the way home. Not one to back down, Jane thinks it is time they actually talk about it. “Not having second thoughts, are you?”
“No,” Maura answers firmly. She turns to face Jane, who takes the cue to step forward and use her height to cut off the spray, just so that Maura can safely meet her eyes. “She’s my sister, Jane.”
“Half-sister,” Jane counters, despite knowing that doesn’t make a damn difference. Blood is blood.
“You would give your kidney to one of your siblings if they needed it!” Maura declares emphatically, “So what makes this different?”
“Oh, I don’t know? The fact that Cailin doesn’t want ‘any part of you’ inside her? Or how about your bio Mom just showing up asking for a whole organ, after denying your entire existence?” Jane winces after hearing her own tone; it is the direct opposite of the softly-softly approach she feels this conversation warrants. She takes a deep breath and tries again. “I don’t think you should be doing this just because it’s the right thing to do. It’s a transplant, Maura. It’s major surgery!”
“It’s my body. It’s my choice.” Maura’s delivery hits right where it hurts.
Jane brushes her hair back behind her ears to buy time while she thinks. She can’t argue logically, because at the heart of it, she knows her girlfriend is right. It is her body, and it is her choice. “True,” She reluctantly voices, “I’m just... I’m scared, Maura.”
“Oh.” Maura’s face softens exponentially a moment later. “Oh!”
Jane forces a smile and steps back to allow the warm water to hit her girlfriend’s body once again. She leans back against the tile and drops her head. She feels like an absolute asshole for letting fear rule her opinion on a very serious subject. “I’m sorry,” she says, lifting her head to make sure she’s heard. “I know you need to do this.”
“I do,” Maura agrees, “But I should have realised... I should have talked you through this. I just thought you were being, well, you.”
Jane has to laugh at the reluctance Maura appears to have calling a spade a spade. She takes her girlfriend by the hand and pulls her flush against her body. She cradles Maura’s face in both hands and leaves a soft, lingering kiss against her lips before slowly drawing back and searching her eyes. “I’m just terrified of something going wrong and losing you.”
“Oh, love, there’s less than a 1% chance of anything going wrong during surgery. As far as surgeries go, it’s relatively risk-free,” Maura explains gently.
“Oh, right. Well, now I feel like an idiot.”
Maura chuckles, and so much of the tension Jane has been feeling melts away. “As I said, I should have talked you through all of this. That was my mistake, do you forgive me?”
“Yes, but I reserve the right to tell you ‘I told you so’ if something unexpected happens to your one working kidney in the future,” Jane says, all smiles.
Maura smirks. “Do you really want to play this game, Jane? Because the odds tell me that I will have many more opportunities for a serious ‘I told you so’ than you ever will, especially with all that sugar you eat.”
“Yeah,” Jane makes a silly face, “see, with my future diabetes, my kidneys will not be an option to replace your single one when it fails!”
“Your kidneys wouldn’t be a match anyway, Jane. We do not have compatible blood types.” Maura retorts definitively.
“So, what I’m hearing is, I’m still in the running to tell you ‘I told you so’!” Jane laughs and presses a gentle kiss against Maura’s lips. It’s all fun and games because it isn’t worth fighting over, and yet there’s a part of her that will worry about this decision until they’ve both turned to dust.
“It’s going to be alright, Jane,” Maura reassures gently. “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”
“Good,” Jane says before gently nudging Maura back under the spray. “Now, can we finish washing off all of this grime so that I can order pizza?”
“Jane!”
“Fine! I’ll get one with lots of vegetables. Compromise, right?”
Maura reaches for a loofah. “Right.”
Jane grins. She has no idea why Maura Isles loves her the way she does—but truth be told, Jane knows she’s going to marry this woman one day.