Archive of Our Own

Takumi groaned into the cool wood of his desk. His head throbbed from the painful series of meetings he'd had to sit through that day. Being leader of the SDU was a hell of a lot easier when the only questions were how to navigate a single battlefield with his squad. Not for the first time he almost found himself missing those early days.

In all reality, he knew better than to really want that time back. As awful as the politicking was, at least it meant there was a chance for peace without all out destruction of all sides. Besides, Takumi wasn't the one who struggled the most with this sort of thing. Blearily he lifted his head to check on Eito.

His ever-reliable adjutant leaned against the wall of bookshelves that they'd installed around the blackboard monitor at the head of what used to be a classroom. He wasn't reading though. Eito's gaze was completely vacant and he hadn't turned a page in several minutes. Takumi could hardly blame him for zoning out. It had been a longer day than usual, and arguing had broken out a few times over the course of the negotiations. With Eito's cognitive disorder, even normal meetings were difficult, but raised voices and tedious talking in circles for hours would be enough to wipe anyone out, let alone someone who experienced all that and more amplified by hallucinations.

A surge of pity welled up in Takumi's chest and as he had many times before, he turned his thoughts to what could be done to ease Eito's misery on that front. It wasn't something Eito really talked about, outside of the constant needling insults to his appearance and hygiene, but he'd have to be blind not to see how difficult it could get for the man at times.

Eito blinked and looked up, meeting Takumi's gaze. It seemed he felt that he was being watched. The red ribbon tying up his hair glittered in the fading sunlight filtering in through the windows. The way the amber light cast everything in a perfect, golden glow set a mood to the moment that had Takumi suddenly feeling a little antsy.

He couldn't tell what Eito might be thinking through his unreadable expression but for a moment, Takumi entertained the idea that maybe the other man was feeling the same sort of way as him.... But no. As long as Eito was suffering from his condition, there was no use dwelling in those thoughts.

Maybe if there was a way to do something about it though...

The next few hours had Takumi using the dregs of his mental energy to brainstorm ways to save Eito from his condition. Well, in all honesty, it turned pretty quickly into daydreams about a happy, carefree Eito, grateful to be freed of his curse, with no real solutions presenting themselves. After a while though, the nervous feeling had only gotten worse. In an attempt to ease it, Takumi got up and paced the room. With how often he did this these days. it was a miracle Takumi hadn't worn a rut through the linoleum already.

"Is something on your mind, Takumi?" Eito's voice, even as softly as he'd spoken, still managed to shatter the silence and make Takumi startle.

"Oh! Um... Yeah, actually." He stopped pacing to internally debate just how much he wanted to say. It's not like there would be any harm in admitting he wanted to help, right? "It's something I've been thinking about for a little while now, I guess."

"You know you can tell me anything that's bothering you." Eito's full attention was on Takumi now, and he couldn't help but fidget under the intensity of his gaze.

Still, he'd decided to tell him, and there was no point in backing out now. "It's ah... actually about you, Eito." Deep breath. "It's just... You've always been there for me, by my side, through thick and thin."

Eito shifted where he stood. Subtly, but his eyes were wider, lips slightly parted.

Takumi dropped his gaze. If he got too distracted, he wouldn't be able to finish what he was trying to say. "... But it must be so hard for you all the time. With your condition, even being around me alone must be completely miserable, let alone sitting through meetings like today's." He swallowed, but Eito had fallen even more silent than before, if that were even possible. "So I've been trying to figure out a way to help you. If I could just find a cure, then you wouldn't have to suffer doing everything you do for me anymore!"

Eito hadn't interrupted, so that was probably a good thing, right? He glanced up and... Well, Eito wasn't frowning. He wasn't exactly smiling either, but it was much closer to that. Maybe something like disbelief?

It hurt to think Eito might doubt that Takumi wanted to help him like this, but he pressed on anyway. "But it's the finding a cure part I always get stuck on. It's not like we have a way to just reprogram the way your...." He trailed off as a memory from several years ago drifted back into place. They did have something like that actually. Or, at least something like that existed. "Wait, no! Actually we do have something that could work!" Excitedly, Takumi pumped his fists. He'd be able to solve this for Eito after all! 

"Takumi-" Eito started. He seemed a little reluctant, but Takumi kept talking. 

"Not here, of course, but at the old first campus! I remember Sirei was able to use something on Eva that changed how her memory and thoughts worked." Excitement at the possibilities opening up to Eito sparkled in Takumi's eyes as he turned to him. "Eito, this might really be it!"

His eagerness was not matched in the slightest. Eito looked like he had developed a headache as he asked slowly, his voice flat, "Might be... what?"

Undeterred from not yet getting through to him, Takumi continued, "A cure! Something to fix you. I don't know how I didn't think of it sooner..." A dark look passed across Eito's face as Takumi blathered on. "It's been right under our noses this whole time!"

Something in the way Eito's glasses caught the light made Takumi freeze up. He hadn't seen that look on his face in years. Maybe not even in this lifetime. At least never directed at him. 

"Hey, Eito?" Takumi asked nervously. "You don't look very excited..."

Sure the guy was smiling now, but it seemed so much worse than when he wasn't. "Takumi, you've got me wondering." His voice lilted in a way that could be almost playful, but it sent a chill down Takumi's spine. "Is it truly me that you want by your side?"

"H-huh?" 

Eito lifted a hand to adjust his glasses, never once taking his gaze off of Takumi. "Can't you see? These eyes that you so despise are my eyes. Would you have me gouge them out for you?"

"W-what? N-"

"These ears are my ears. This nose is my nose! Would you have me carve them off as well?"

"No! Of course not..! I don't-" Panic swelled in Takumi's chest as he scrambled around in his memory to figure out what had ticked Eito off so badly. "That's not what I meant at all!"

His attempts at reassurances did nothing to placate the fury rolling off of the other man in dark waves with every ominous step he took closer to Takumi. "Are there any other parts of me that dissatisfy you, General? Or," He flashed a blinding smile, "perhaps a better question is, are there any parts of me you do care for, beyond the ways in which I can most effectively serve you?" Takumi stumbled backwards into the desk, unable to retreat any further. Eito's approach did not stop, though as the distance between them shrank to nothing, Eito's voice grew dangerously low. "When you look at me, who is it that you wish to see?"

Takumi's mind was empty of all coherent words and filled only with blank terror and the crashing of ocean waves.

Eito leaned in so close to Takumi their breaths would mingle if Takumi could breathe at all. "Do you hope one day that I'll finally embody that saccharine pretender you once knew? That the hideous mask I wore could one day be the real thing?" The indigo of Eito's eyes seemed deeper than usual, like dark pools of malice. "Someone uncomplicated, only sick enough to feed your insatiable savior complex, always eager to please and oh-so-helpful."

No part of Eito touched Takumi, but somehow every word sliced him deeper than his scythe ever could have. 

"After all this time, are you still trying to turn me into someone who only exists in your memories from another timeline?" He let his final words hang in the air for several more seconds, glaring at Takumi with unbridled contempt before storming out the door.

Takumi's knees gave out from underneath him and he collapsed to the floor. "I don't... understand," he murmured to himself. Where had he gone wrong? Why did Eito get so angry out of the blue like that?

When Eito did not return for two whole days, Takumi set out to find him, trusting his instincts to lead him true. Those instincts took him far away from their home in the heart of the Rebellion, but still to a familiar place.

The years had not been kind to Last Defense Academy. The school had long been stripped of anything valuable or useful, and whatever was left behind was choked with thick vegetation. No alarm sounded to announce Takumi's arrival on the academy grounds. The front door had crumbled away ages ago, and as he passed through the opening, his footsteps sent even more debris crashing to the ground.

There was no power, but he knew his way even in the dark. It was an exact copy of home, after all.

Still, it felt strange to walk these halls. This was where Takumi and his friends had lived out the first 100 days of their lives, after all - with one important exception. Now it was simultaneously empty and full of life.

"Will I really find Eito here of all places?" He asked the quiet hallway. The only answer was the soft rustle of a bird flapping, its rest having been disturbed.

Despite his doubts, he didn't have to search for long. Something drew him up the rotted stairs to that place.

The Defense Room.

As expected, Eito was there. He stood near the middle of the room, his arms crossed in contemplation as he gazed at the broken machine resting in the center dais. Cloud-filtered sunlight spilled in through the crumbling ceiling, bathing the area in a gentle diffuse brightness. If he noticed Takumi's entrance, he made no move to acknowledge it.

His mouth dry, Takumi called out to him, "Eito-"

Before he could continue, Eito interrupted. He had known he was there. Of course he had... "Are you here to retrieve the brainwashing device? It's down the hall. The humans must have been too interested in the Revive-o-Matic to bother checking under the floor." 

His tone was so flippant, Takumi was sure he hadn't heard him right. "What? I thought you-" He stopped himself and shook his head. It didn't matter whether Eito had changed his mind about the machine or not. "Don't be stupid. Of course I'm not after that thing. I'm here for you."

For a second Eito seemed to relax, but then he let out a long suffering sigh and turned to Takumi, putting a hand to his head as if a headache had already begun. "I suppose something's happened, hmm? Hopefully it's not too late for me to clean up whatever mess has been made."

Takumi gritted his teeth. This wasn't exactly the reaction he'd expected. Did Eito have such little faith in him? "The only mess that needs cleaning up right now is the one I created."

Eito didn't respond, but from what Takumi could tell, he at least was listening. Unfortunately, though he had practiced what to say to Eito in the bus on the whole way here, all of it had been predicated on him still being angry. Not whatever this strange mood was.

"I'm not here to take you back," Takumi started. "Wait, no!" His mental script fell apart even as he scrambled to pick up the pieces. 

If nothing else, this wasn't the response Eito seemed to have expected. It clearly wasn't what he wanted either, but he was happy enough to watch Takumi dig himself a deeper hole.

All Takumi could do was take the shovel and run. "I-I'm so glad I found you here though. I looked all over for you back at the base, but you were just gone. I had no idea what to do, or when you'd be back." He took a deep breath and declared with far more confidence than he felt, "But there's no way I could just let things stand how they were."

"Of course. Whatever would you do without me?" Eito's cynical stare turned into a smile that was not at all reassuring.

The mixed signals between Eito's words and his expression threw Takumi for a loop, and his footing already felt far too unstable. "I... don't know. Really, I don't. You've been my rock ever since-" His voice caught for a second, but when he loosened it again, the words came easier. "Well, ever since you returned to the team all those years ago. You've stood by me, and unflinchingly shared my burdens... All the way back to this one." Takumi let a pause linger as he turned to look at the machine where Shion once lived. "You've saved me again and again. From the Futurans, from the humans... even from myself at times."

Eito didn't respond. His smile faded into something melancholic, and his gaze dropped to the floor. It didn't seem like Takumi's words were getting through to him at all. 

He had to find something that could properly get across to Eito how he truly felt. Something simple and to the point, that neither of them could possibly misconstrue!

In order to communicate how I feel, I should say...