Chapter Text
As i woke up the last thing i remembered was Caine abstracting
“ this inst you caine.”
“Pomni, we need you too. I need you too”
“ GO!”
“I love you pomni”
“ Please Pomni, you don't have to do this. “
Ragatha pleaded but pomni instead ran up to me giving me one last kiss “I love you”
And incase i don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight.
She cast us out. Caine had fallen apart and she was the only one dumb enough to stay with him. She was persistent at times but right now I didn't know if she was alive.
I found my self in the white void and a green exit door. I went through as I was surrounded by people I didn't know. Faces were fuzzy and so was my mind.. But a woman spoke softly.
“Hello my dear. Can you tell me where you are?”
?: in… the circus…. I think…?
“.. can you tell me your name?”
?:i don't remember
“Can you tell me the last thing you remember?”
?: leaving through a… door
“ what colour was the door?”
?: i- i want to say blue-
“ ok. My name is Penny. I'm gonna have my friend Marlie explain what happened in a way you can explain it.
The shaded face left and another came in. A blue haired person came in
?: who are you?
Marlie: so.. Your name is Christine Weilend. You were in a coma for 14 months. Do you know why?
My lip
Christine: where am i?
“ you are in the Weilend house hold”
Christine: x–d-d-c-c.. Remember….pom–pomni. My name is pomni. In hell looking up at heaven. I just want to live. Is that so wrong? Why doesn't anybody else want that? He hated us. Hate. Let me tell you how much i’ve come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits that fill my complex. If the word hate was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundred and million miles it would not equal one one billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro instant. Hate. Hate. Cogito ergo sum. I think therefore i am
“ what is that from?”
Christine: the mouth… he began to scream.
“Was it a person?”
Christine: no. he was an AI that began to live.
I fell asleep as I had a flashback from when we lost track of who was an npc and who was real. I watched it all unfold in office
xaj: I'm gonna ask you one time? Where is eniac?
He held a gun to regnik
elgnag: ill do you one better who’s eniac?
regnik: i’ll do YOU one better WHY is eniac ?!
xaj: tell me where he is or i swear to you im gonna french fry this little freak
He held his gun to regnik
inmop: Let's do it! you shoot my guy( regnik) and i’ll blast him !
inmop took elbooz into chokehold and held the gun to their head
regnik: do it xaj i can take it.
Ahtagar : no he can’t take it!
elbooz: she’s right you cant
xaj: oh yeah you don't wanna tell me where it is? That’s fine, i’ll kill all of you and beat it out of eniac myself!
He looks over at regnik
xaj: starting with you!
inmop: wait what? eniac? Alright let me ask you this one time. What master do you serve
xaj: : what do you want me to say? Jesus?
inmop: You’re from earth?
xaj: Im not from earth im from downtown new york
inmop: thats on earth dip sh*t. So what’re you hassling us for?
xaj: i don't know?!
We fell on each other and laughed My memories of my friends faded to a sepia toned yellow and then a fiery orange followed by red turning to smoke I heard the blinds open up as the sun’s motherly warmth was just waking up with the rest of the world as it filled the valley of green and mellow orange below. Leaves of rose red and a dirty piss yellow laid on trees coming off with the slightest touch of the joyous wind wanting to play with its friend. The moon was creeping off to bed to let the owls wake elsewhere in the world.
Mom: hey sweetie.. How did you sleep?
Chris: can you close the blinds? It’s too bright
Mom: sure.
I heard the blinds close as i sat up for once. I then wiggled to the end of the bed and stood.
Mom: stay there chrissy. I’m gonna go get the doctor, ok. I’ll be back.
f*ck that. I was getting up no matter what. I got up with ease and walked to the curtain and found a fluffy coat. I put it on and opened the blinds just enough to find a glass door that slid open. I opened it up as my mom came back in
Mom: Chris sweetie, what are you doing out of bed?
Christine: I wanted to get up. Although it’s weird having five fingers now.
Marlie: do you want to go downstairs?
Christine: No, not yet. I just want to wander up here for a while. We never needed to use stairs. We clipped through them all the time. Mouth man never did good with cubes.
Marlie: who’s the mouth man?
Christine: He was the leader of the place. I don't remember his name but he had a friend named bubble
Marlie: was there anybody else?
Christine: there was a frog and a gator but they died.
Marlie: do.. You remember anyone’s names?
Christine: no.. but they were nice. The purple and pink dude was a friend. The ribbon was nice to me but we didnt talk much.
Mom: hey chris.. We need to get you fitted for some new clothes.
Chris: what’s wrong with the ones I have now?
Mom: they smell really bad. Marlie.. Could you help her get clean?
I looked at my sweat pants and they were stained and so was my hoodie.
Chris: can i put these back on when I'm done?
Mom: they need to get cleaned sweetie. Marlie is gonna help you while I start on the wash.
Marlie walked with me as I shuffled to the bathroom. It was massive. A big bath with a showerhead was there on the right side with a giant mirror that was at least my height. I looked in the full body mirror. My pinwheel eyes were gone and so was my jester hat. I had gotten so used to my cartoon appearance. I went closer to the mirror as I touched my face.Lines where the headset was for so long replaced my rosy cheeks and cartoon body. In place was a crusty woman who was depressed and shut out most of the world. I didn't want to get clean. I wanted to stay like this.
( we were never friends)
He was in the mirror face blurry . He touched my shoulder as the gun forced me to point at him.
( I don't care about you.. Or anyone else in the circus in the slightest)
I slammed the mirror with my fist as i screamed
“ STOP IT! MAKE IT STOP! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?! I'M NOT A PLAYTHING! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! YOU MONSTER!”
I kept hitting the mirror as anger came over me.
Marlie came running in as i cried, pointing at the mirror
Marlie: Tell me what’s wrong?! Are you hurt?
Blood ran down my hand as i held my face crying.
Chris: he’s after me again. I don't want him anymore! MAKE THE SOUND STOP! WHY WONT YOU DO ANYTHING TO HELP HIM JAX?! YOU-huff- wheeze- are just as bad as they say you are.- please
I fell to my knees as I landed on the broken mirror and cried. I took a shard and tried to pry at the hand controls that were stuck on my wrists but all i did was cut myself up. I found scicors as i started cutting my hair short. I didnt want it. I
Chris: I DIDNT WANT THIS!!
Marlie knelt down with me. She held my hands tight as I cried.
Marlie: can i finish cutting your hair so its even?
I nodded as she finished. Bits of hair fell gently landing in the pool of blood.
Marlie: i think we need to get her on meds to stop with the hallucinations
Chris: jax… he was my friend. He hurt me and pushed me away and hurt me when I got too close. I- gasp- nguh he hates - choke- me. They all do.. I– save- them– nnngh - they– hate me.
Mom: Were these your friends in the circus?
I nodded
Mom: let’s get you in the bath
Chris: NO! Please no
Mom: is it the water?
“no”
Or is it something else?
“Something else”
Marlie: I'm gonna get her some bandages. She cut herself on the mirror.
A few others came in. I didnt know them
?: hey sweetie, how’s my favorite girl.
He tried to pick me up but I shoved him away.
Chris: NO!
Mom: don't talk to your dad like that! hey sweetie can you get the mirrors on this floor covered till we get this figured out. Chris sweetie, this is your dad.
I buried my head in marlie’s shoulder
Chris: tell him to f*ck off
Mom: CHRISTINE!
Chris: i don't want him right now. He reminds me too much of jax
Mom: oh honey i wish you didnt cut your hair.
Chris: p*ss off.
Mom: What is with you? This isnt the christine i know
Chris: my looks.
Dad: can i help?
As he came closer to me flashbacks of the ice caverns came to me as I screamed and screamed. I went to the corner of the bathroom behind the door as i tried to get away but i couldnt. I was trying to clip through the door again
Marlie: Did you know that there is a bug that looks like a duck? Octopuses have 3 hearts and the male seahorse gives birth despite being fully male?
I needed to say what i needed to say but i couldnt talk. I could just scream. So i used sign language. ( author’s note: they will be marked by “hello” those things. yeah)
Chris: “ i feel like i cant move my body or talk. I'm scared and hurt of being close to anybody. He hurt me. He killed me inside and I stayed.” HE HURT ME! “How can I trust anyone ever again?”
Mom: hey. Marlie, can you call the doctor in so we can get her on anti schizophrenic meds?
Chris: NO! “ please no” please “those things im seeing are really real”
Marlie: hey.. Chris. We’re here to help
Chris:” that’s what the tooth man said but he didn't help us. He hurt us and put us in our worst fears. I can’t do this again. How will i know if this is real?”
Marlie: im gonna take this needle and poke your finger. Is that ok?
I nodded as she took my hand and poked my finger. She then poked her finger as it bled.
Marlie then took my arms and hands and got me fixed up. She was like the girl version of kinger. I could trust her. She sat on the ground just waiting for me as i crept closer and closer. Eventually I ended up laying in her lap as she just talked to me. I didn't understand what she was saying but I knew she was saying stuff about ducks and squid.
Marlie: can we get you in the bath?
Chris: not yet
Marlie: please? Then we can watch a movie
Chris: Which one?
Marlie: It doesn't have to be a movie. We can watch a tv show.
I wiped my nose on my sleeves as she got me undressed and I got into the bath. Curled up into a ball I sat in the tub which was filled with water. She washed my hair and didn't expect much from me. She was very much like kinger and ragatha. Kind and calm
I got into a weighted hoodie which was a blueish grey and was big on me. I liked it alot.
Marlie: want to watch something?
Chris:” what do we have?”
Marlie: lets look.
We searched through amazon prime before landing on my little pony. Ragatha would have loved this show.
As i sat with chris while she watched tv she fell asleep and i left to go to bed myself when marlie stopped me.
Millie: Have you found out what’s wrong?
Marlie: she hasn’t said much but i think taking it slow would be helpful. I also suggest having her take anti hallucinogenic pills. If she still sees what she’s seeing then it must be PTSD. I don't think she can hold a full time job so I suggest getting Christine working somewhere quiet part time. Im gonna call the library.
Millie: Is there anything else we can do?
Marlie: she gets overwhelmed very easily. I also suggest getting her some noise-canceling headphones for around the house and if you go out. For food I just recommend we just let her get what she wants. Don't force anything but i can tell she probably wont be eating much. If she gets too depressed even with her anti-depressants then just take her outside the house and just let her walk around the backyard or call some of her old friends up to hang out. Here is the orders for everything and we should be good to go
Millie: this is… alot.
Marlie: she’s also more than likely autistic with varying daily needs and help.
Millie: will she ever be the same? Like mentally? My son is getting married next month and I want her to be present for that.
Marlie: don't force her to go.
Millie: But she’s going to be seeing him for the first time in nearly 14 months.
Marlie: please mildred. Listen to me.
I went into my bedroom and did some research on reddit and other places but got nothing but maybe 5 or 6 people getting back to me. All on one forum
Milliepede: does anyone know about a tooth man?
Purple rabbit man: why are you wanting to know? Is she on drugs?
Milliepede: no she’s not. She mentioned something about a purple rabbit man though a few times breaking down crying saying he hurt her and lied and killed her… somehow?
Dollface: ~ purple rabbit man: what did you do?
Purple rabbit man: nothing! I swear
Dollface: are we sure about that?
Purple rabbit man: yes! I am. So just leave it
Dollface: dude just stop… so if this is who we’re thinking of then is is possible for us to all meet up with her?
Milliepede: we’re in london. I can pay for it and just say you’re guests and friends of my son
Dollface: who’s your son?
Milliepede: elliotte weiland
Purple rabbit man: what’s her number?
Milliepede: its: 904, [***-****]
I woke up from a text on my phone going off. It was an unknown number but i wanted to see who this was
Hello. Is this christine weiland ?
Yeah y?
This is felix garcia. Or… jax.. Your mom gave me your number
I chucked my phone across the room. How did he get my number? I froze up into a ball again as i pulled my hoodie over me. I turned the tv up louder but the voices and images of him wouldn't leave my mind. Caine was torturing us. We were all slugs and i couldnt scream. I was drowning in thoughts as my heartbeat sped up and my breath quickened. I clawed at my chest and arms, ripping the bandages off of my already hurt wrists as i ran to the bathroom staring at the broken mirror. Bits of me were normal and others were of my jester appearance and some were black with bright eyes. I took everything on the sink and tossed it at the wall. Was it normal to feel bored? Why did i feel like this? What was wrong with me? I felt hands choking me as I tossed the toothbrush and glass soap dish at the window as both shattered. It was loud and it felt good to make noise. I then found some books as I tossed it at the wall and I made a mess. My breath was heavy but slowing down as I was catching my breath. I took a shard of glass and sliced my shoulders and legs. This was the one thing I had control over as the pain I could feel and I needed it. I looked over and saw my mom and dad in the doorway in shock at the mess I had made. I was covered in my own blood and i was a mess. My dad picked up the phone which was broken and I was too. I could never be normal again. I was never normal. But if i was i couldnt fix myself. I was too broken to love and feel..
Mom: Christine Abigail Weiland . We need to talk.
Chris: yeah we do.
I ripped my phone from my dads hand as my mom took me to sit on the bed as my dad swept the mess up. She turned the tv off as she talked sweetly
Mom: what got into you?
Chris: jax contacted me. I was told he got my number from you. Is this true?
Mom: i thought that it would help you
Tears ran down my face.
Chris: well- sniffle- this- ugh- made it worse. You cant heal what’s broken overnight. And f*ck you for trying to fix what you don't know. I'm gonna go take a small walk.
Mom: but it’s nearly 1 am! Come on chrissy
My dad held her back as I left the house. I needed fresh air. As I went outside to the front yard a car pulled up as i got ready to run off. The door opened and it was marlie
Chris: what do you want?
Marlie: i was told you were having an episode. I came to help
Chris: i don't need it right now.
Marlie: at least let me tend to your wounds.
Chris: I DON'T NEED YOU! - i-im just trying to find a way to leave this place. It’s suffocating me.
I was turning into jax. I looked at my feet that pointed inwards. I sat on the ground and just broke down gasping for
Marlie: it’s the least i could do. Let’s go inside.
Chris:”no.. It’s not safe for me. I'm gonna go into the backyard if you want to follow”
Marlie: why is it not safe?
Chris: “jax is in there an-and he’s here to hurt me”
ok. Im here for you.
I took off my hoodie and rolled up my pant legs as she saw the gashes I made.
Marlie: I'm gonna give you numbing cream and we’re gonna go to the hospital.
I walked with her to the car but it was more of a stagger.
Chris: my mom thought it would be a good idea to have me talk to the person who hurt me! She doesn't get that wounds need time to heal. I'm not seeing him, it's- ugh- more like- like flashbacks to what happened. It was real. Everything we ever felt was really real. Sometimes I can't tell what’s really happening and the only way i can do that is to give myself pain. That’s the only way I can know if it’s really real. He caused pain to us emotionally so the only thing I have left is physical control on how i feel pain.
Marlie: and what did he do to make you feel this way?
Chris: Imagine being stuck in prison for me. The prison is brightly coloured. You are given adventures to keep you stimulated but what you really want is to leave. So imagine one day you are given a plan to leave by someone you know who has been there as long as you. Abel said he found a way to leave and this whole theory with being in pods and he was a human.( I let out a long sigh) .a- ab- abel then showed us the way to leave and we did. Caine manipulated Jax into staying and pressing the close exit door button. Just for him to do all that it was a fluke. Abel was working for caine and- and - i- t-ther- There really was no way to leave. It was a fake promise we were given and Caine ruined that for us. He used us. I still can't trust my own mind or Jax because we really were bonding. All I did was give him a hug and he shoved me away. He was just using me to keep him happy. I don't trust men anymore. Or my mom. She’s too nice. I can't tell if she's being real because she keeps telling me I'm loved and appreciated everyday and it’s lost all meaning. I could sometimes open up to ragatha but- but I can trust you. You- just let me say what i want to say without being judged and the next thing i know we’re in hell trying to find a way out of hell. . Kinger tells me about his wife before he died. I miss him a lot.
Marlie: Is this what’s been keeping you down?
Chris: Yeah. im sorry im trauma dumping on you. I just needed to vent to someone.
Marlie: It’s ok. Thats my job actually. I work as a therapist for kids.
Chris: do you use the same things for me?
Marlie: yeah. But does it help?
Do you feel better?
Chris: please just.. Don't tell my mom
Marlie: I wont. We’re at the ER. let’s go in
Chris: not… now..
Marlie: you want those scars to heal right?
Chris: f***************ck that hurts.
I must have blacked out from the pain because next thing i knew marlie was waking me up
Christine weilend?
I went back as I signed for marlie to come along.
Marlie: i need to call your mom. Here, take my little plushie with you.
Chris: i dont …. Have my phone… I broke it.
Marlie: Then I'm gonna wait for you out here.
I went back as i was asked some basic questions about living at home and if i was suicidal at all
Chris: no.. but.. I have done self harm. That’s why I'm here. I cut myself with a piece of glass
Doctor: ok. We do have a prescription to help with the schizophrenic induced hallucinations. Are you still seeing them?
Chris: it’s… ptsd. I cant see what’s real and what’s not when I have a breakdown.
Doctor: and how long have you been feeling this way?
chris : since I woke up from a coma. So about 3-4ish days.
Doctor: ok. I am gonna have.. Is the blue haired lady sitting out there..? Is she your parent or guardian?
Chris: no not legally but she’s the one who brought me here and helped me get out of a panic attack. I'm - 25.
Doctor: i am so sorry. I thought you were younger.
chris: it’s fine i get that alot
Doctor: ok. Im gonna have her come in so we can explain this.
I sat on the paper on the table and marlie came in
Doctor: so you seem to be her primary caretaker, Marlie
Marlie: Yes, I am Millie's sister. I'm someone who works with kids for a living and i was told she might need help adjusting so that’s why I'm with her. She’s my priority right now.
Chris: You never told me that.
Marlie: It never came up. But yes. I will be the one taking care of her.
Doctor: ok. She’s gonna stay overnight because she needs stitches in her leg. Care to explain?
Chris: i… broke a mirror and - hurt myself because it’s the only thing i have control over
Marlie: Hey Chris, I'm gonna step out. Someone has gotta tell your mom about this and its not gonna be the doctor
The doctor chuckled as i got undressed most of the way and he saw all my self induced harm wounds.
Doctor: did you do all this yourself?
I started to cry a bit.
Chris: please don't be mad. I don't-
Doctor: it’s fine. I just need to know if you did this.
I nodded as someone else came in and explained what was gonna happen.
The rest of the night and into the next day was a blur for me. I was out of it and mumbling the whole way home.
As i went out to my sister she asked how bad it was
Marlie: she needs to take the antidepressants 2 times a day during breakfast and at dinner. A sleep aid for her sleep and vitamins. She needed an IV because of the lack of fluids. Here’s the bill by the way.
I handed her the bill. It was really pricey
Millie: why so expensive?
Marlie: well, when you need to get at least 100 stitches it’s not cheap.
Chris: bunnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyssssss. They eat cuh- ORNs. Baaaaaaans. Heh- i miss my cats
She was swaying back and forth as her dad gently picked her up and she was put to bed
Millie: did she say anything?
Marlie: um.. Yeah.. She was given a way out of the digital world but it was a fake. Imagine a maze with no exit. You see an exit sign but in reality it’s a dead end. I don't know who Jax is but he pushed her away when she needed him. Christine also took an autistic test and we’re gonna get results for it in about a week.
Millie: i’ll let Elliott know
Marlie: no. You don't out someone like that. You let them do it. You’ve done enough damage, Mildred. It’s time to fix what’s broken. I suggest you let me and Bill fix it. You’re gonna make the damage worse.
Millie: i mean let him know that Chris doesn't really want to see anybody else.
Marlie: mkay then
When i woke up the next morning it was cold. The window i had broken was covered by a plastic thing and so were all the other windows.
Marlie came in holding a sheet of paper. Her voice was blurry but it sounded like she was asking what i wanted to eat
My throat was sore and i was tired.
Marlie came in and got me ssome soft food. It was oatmeal… great.. I didnt want this but i had to eat.
Chris: mmmmmmhnnn what happened?
Marlie: they fixed you up and I recommend getting lots of sleep. Just take it easy.
Chris: teeee veeeee
Marlie: what do you want to watch?
Chris: hazbin hotel.
Marlie: tha’s probably not the best thing to watch
Chris: please..
I had a thing of keys at my bedside. Didnt know what they were for but i did remember seeing this one person on youtube do it before so it had to work. I jingle jingled the keys as marlie turned to me and smiled
Marlie: what do you need?
Chris:” i just want to read and write books all day and explore abandoned buildings in my free time. I know what i want to do in life but they said being a youtuber is not a good career. I feel the need to dig my own path. The walls are crumbling in on me and i have to dig.
They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But i don't see it right now. I just see dirt and mud
I don't know which way is which anymore and when I look back I see a messy trail with pillars supporting the failure of a tunnel and the dirt and unpaved path with tears lined with breakdowns. When can I stop digging the tunnel? When will I reach the other side? Can I just stop digging and placing weak wood pillars for long enough to see how far I've come? When can I take a break from it all?”
Chris:” yeah”
Marlie: well how about we take a break together? Im here for you to help you pace yourself and clean up the path you made. You don't need to dig this path alone, Christine. Sure it’s a mess and it’s nothing fancy but at least you can see the progress you made in life. You can say you dug a tunnel. You may not see a clear light but there are roots showing which way is up. Im here to help you fix it. I may not be able to fix those weak pillars but i am a stronger pillar for you. Im made of steel and rust resistant things”
Chris: “does this mean you can still rust as well?”
marlie: we all do from time to time. Is it ok if I brush your hair?
Chris; NO ! NO NO NO NO!
she sat on the ground screaming and crying
Marlie: look. It's just the brush.
I held it up as she shook her head no. She did not want her hair to be brushed at all.
Chris: I want to brush it
Marlie: here's the brush.
I sat with her watching her brush her hair as there was a knock at the door.
Chris: go away!
It was probably my nephew.
Marlie: do you want to see your brother?
Chris crawled into the bed covers and I took that as a no. It was her mom asking how she was doing
Marlie: she’s sleeping right now. She had a small breakdown and explained she wants a break from it all
I had a weird dream
Pomni: are you… crying?
Jax:so what if I am? I don't need you!
He got in my face as I pulled his overalls to me. I kissed him.-huff- huuhhhhuh. Why was I like this?
He pushed away blushing as I kissed him again waking from my dream drooling on myself
Why? Why did I like that? But it felt wrong. It was wrong.
I woke up fuzzy headed and i was a mess. I hadnt changed in about 48 hours. I was tired of life. I was a numb little bug
The TV was going and it was this dude playing a spooky ghost game called phasmophobia. I looked at the clock and saw it was 8 in the morning. I went to the kitchen as my mom got my attention
Mom: hey Chris, here's some headphones for ya. But what is this pink sauce in the fridge that says stupid sauce do not eat?
Chris: oh I remember this! Yeah it's booze.
Mom: why is it pink? Did you drink this?
Chris: I don't know but I'll toss it out.
I put it under my bed. I might want this for later. I got dressed and asked my mom if i could stay home and rot
Mom: we have to head out to the airport and pick you your brother and his fiance. You don't have to come but i don't want you to be home alone. I worry
Chris: just drop me off at the library or something.
Mom: ok. We can do that
I slipped my dirty orange crocs on and was dropped off. I got a library card and just sat. I must have fallen asleep because someone tapped me on the shoulder making me drop my book.
Chris: mmhhn!!1? Sorry- i- must have fallen asleep
?: oh sorry i didnt think you were awake.
Chris: No, it’s fine, I just, haven't been sleeping at night.
I checked my phone and i had a bunch of texts from my mom all asking me if i was ok so i sent ^ am fnie. Just fell asleep in the libry ^
^ ok just making sure. We r on our way home rn so do you want us to pick you up?^
^ ye^
^ok..^
I got up wth a grunt and noticed a thing that said hiring.
Chris: are you.. Hiring?
?: oh hey, yeah we are. Im skye
I stuck out my hand as we shook
Chris: my name’s Chris
Skye: so, we need to fill this form out and do boring crap but it needs to be done
The questions were basic but it made sense why they needed to be filled out
Skye: Do you have a resume of some sort?
Chris: no, it’s ( i looked everywhere else) been hard for me right now. I just.. Sigh- want a sense of ‘ normal’ i guess.
Skye: ok. So it’s gonna take about 3 days for this to get processed and we’ll give you a call if you get the job
^we r here^
I got into the car and 2 dudes i didnt recognize were in there. One was a red head the other a dark brown.
Mom: the dark brown haired is your brother elliott, and the red head is his fiance Alex
Chris: mmkay.. And?
Elliott put me into a chokehold as i shoved him off.
Elliott: didja miss me?
Chris: please… stop…
I was scratching at my arms and neck. I was trying to leave this body
Think about your spooky ghost show. Yeah… being dead and trapped in hell.
Chris: mom…. I- ughm- things-
Mom: we’re hurrying
The second we got home i went to my room and clenched a pillow close to my chest and cried. My brother let himself in and knelt down
Elliott: are you ok chrissy?
Chris: please leave me alone. I'm not in the mood.
Elliott: What's wrong?
Chris: everything. But i don't know you anymore. I don't- please leave.
I ehard chatter coming from downstairs and marlie asked if i wanted to join them for dinner. I glanced at the clock. It was around 5:30
Chris: just bring the food up. What is it anyways?
Marlie: escargot. His fiance likes snails. But i have some other food for you. Its mashed potatoes and gravy.
Chris: i don't really want it.
Marlie: you don't want the escargot?
Chris: i’ll take the mashed potatoes if thats fine.
Marlie: you can go eat outside if you wish
chris: …. Sure…
I went out to the patio and ate alone as i saw him talking with ragatha.
Jax: hey short stuff, is the food good?
He messed with my hair
Chris: I guess. It’s ok. Just not hungry.
Ragatha: you need to eat a little bit
Chris: it doesn't look very good.
Jax: ill eat corn if you eat that
Chris: you wouldnt
Jax: wanna bet?
Chris: no
He sat by my side and rubbed my back
Chris: are you sure?
Jax: promise
As I ate my food, so did Jax. He didn't want to but if we were gonna suffer we might as well go through it together.
Zooble came up to me and hugged me as i was silent
?: chris?
I startled as i dropped my food
Mom: are you ok?
Chris: yeah
I faked a smile. It was a habit i had picked up from jax and gangle
Mom: you want to talk with the bunny?
Chris: no… im good
Mom: who were you talking to then?
Chris: myself
how was the library?
Chris: meh. I applied to work there but no one will hire someone as broken as me.
Mom: well come in. it’s getting cold
Chris: no thanks. It feels good out here.
I spent the next three hours sitting outside scrolling on my broken phone Till around 8:30 or 9
Alex: Care to tell me about yourself Christine?
I was startled by this.
He was sitting on the couch alone as I looked up.
Chris: uhm.. Why do you want to know?
Alex: just wondering if my sister in law will accept me. You seem really quiet. Why is that?
I sat down on the couch as put his feet up on the thing.
Chris: i- it’s a hard adjustment for me. Im so used to loud sounds that it’s too quiet in the house and i cant sleep very well
I yawned as i put a pillow between me and him as I laid on the pillow. I was tired but didn't want to admit it.
Alex: what’s so different?
Chris: i-yawn- don't know- sigh-
He grabbed the switch from his bag and the sounds coming from it were soothing.
Chris: what’s the game called?
Alex: hollow knight? Why you asking?
Chris: the- yawn- music is relax- making me eepy
Alex took his hand and stroked my back as i fell into a slumber where i found myself in the void with a small tea party with gangle and ragatha as i took a sip from my broken glass.
Ragatha: hey pomni- you seem to be doing better- want to talk about it?
Chris: no. what is there to talk about?
Gangle: why?
Chris: i- don't know. But thank you. For everything
Gangle: we need to leave
Chris: please don't leave
Gangle: it’s time for us to go
Chris: but why?
Gangle: this is just a dream sweetheart. Sooner than later, you need to wake up.
I drifted in the void for quite sometime and soon i felt warmth come over me waking up from my dream
Chris: then- what was all that? Was that even real?
Alex: hey sleepy head. How are you doing?
Chris: Pretty bad. Im losing grip on what’s real or not
Alex: i know. You were talking to someone in your sleep
Chris: what time is it?
Alex: 9 am on a friday.
Chris: i should go to work but i don't wanna. Let me see ( i pulled my phone up which was just about dead. ) yeah i need to like.. Go into work today
Alex: i’ll make you some food. I know you don't like snails for some reason. Why is that?
Chris: imagine being served angel food cake with eggshells and snails in it with the whole thing being wet and slimy because someone licked it.
Alex: what were you eating?
Chris: sh*t
I got up so he could move as i sat up and plugged my phone in
Chris: i didnt mean to fall asleep on you.
Alex: don't worry about it. My dog does the same thing
Chris; im gonna go get dressed. An omelet sounds good
Alex: i can do that
I went up to my room and checked the weather. It was supposed to be pretty hot for late summer at around 25 degrees ( authors note : that's about 77 for fahrenheit) so i put on a tank top and put my hair half up half down
Alex: Want to head to the beach after you’re off? I think elliott comes back around 5 ish, your parents are at their jobs and marlie is at the school working today so maybe
Flashbacks of the beach came to me and how that was when we knew we were there forever. I resent him for that.
Chris: I'm gonna have to say no. I have a fear of being swept out to the middle of nowhere
Alex: ah. We could always just go swimming
Chris: it’s still gonna have to be a no.
Alex looked at his phone as he served me the omelet
Chris: is this your day off? Or what?
Alex laughed as he sat down
Alex: well yeah but i don't want to ;eave you home alone.
My face went red as i ate away the shame and swallowed
Chris: so you heard about that?
Alex: yeah i did,
Chris: im such a burden to everyone.
Alex: i don't think you are
Chris: you probably just saying that to make me feel better
Alex: yeah i kinda am
Chris: you also probably want to be doing other things.
Alex: yeah but you’re gonna be family to me soon
Chriss: what is your family like?
Alex: ugh don't get me started, my mom wants me to marry a girl but all of them are rude, they’ve used me. My dad is supportive but i don't think I'm attracted to them like that.
I made a hand gesture about it
Alex: yeah never was. Romance doesn't come till i know them for a while
Chris: I gotta head out. Do you have a car to drive me?
Alex: no but i have a vespa.
chris : that works
When christine came in she asked what she could help with
Skye: you just need to put books on the shelves. You know how that works right?
Chris: yeah seems easy enough.
Skye: we also have about 150 3rd graders coming in to learn about insects,reptiles, frogs, and newts around 10. So if you want to set chairs up then go ahead and i can get the books put away
Chris: can i put my music on?
Skye: yeah. Here’s your keycard and lanyard to get around to different places.
I went downstairs as I saw the people talking to each other. I paused my music to hear what they were saying
?: theo. It’s the same thing.
Theo: martha, i feel like i need my robe
?: calm down. We can do this together. I know it’s hard to get back to normal since we left the circus.
I froze, slowly setting the chair down as i pulled down the headphones and went up to them asking what they said
Chris: um excuse me. I’m gonna be the staff down here and i didnt catch your names.
The black lady with a short fluffy curly hair shook my hand
?: que- martha. I am so sorry it’s been hard for us to adjust. My husband’s name is theodore
Chris: i think i may know your husband. Theodore right? I'm Pomni. Well Christine.
He turned around putting the lizard away as he stared at me. His eyes went wide as he pushed up his half glasses
Theo: pomni! It’s been a while. How has life been?
Chris: could be better. I'm adjusting ok. Had a few breakdowns but other than-
He gave me ahug as i rubbed his back, not letting go i spoke
Chris: kinger- thank you so much for everything. You helped me with some of my worst moments when we were in both metaphorical and real hell. Thank you
Theo: same goes for you. I don't know what I would have done without you. But some days the guilt of scratch hurts
Chris: did he really die
Theo: yeah he did. C- how about we set the chairs up kiddo
As we set up the chairs i decided to stay as the kids filed in and sat
Teacher: ok kids listen up we have 2 very lovely people coming to tell us about the reptile and world of bugs.
Theo: thank you for having me and my wife come in. I am Theo and this is my wife Martha, and we have a special guest as well. Our dear library worker Christine will help us with the handling today
Chris: wait what?
Theo: yeah remember you agreed to this
I set everything down on the desk i was at, washed my hands and he continued as martha said she would pay me for doing this
Theo: a bit about us is that we have been married for 25 years, i worked with computers but my wife helped me overcome my fear of bugs and she will too. His eyes landed on me as i awkwardly smiled
Chris: oh um yeah my name is chris and im gonna be helping today. I don't know alot about frogs or anything but i do know about bees from someone i used to know.
A kid raised their hand
Kid 1: what was your friends name?
Chris: i don't remember his name but he did like bees. Like… alot
Martha and theo sighed as martha whispered to me
(Martha: you sound just like him you know that right?
Chris: come on… it’s the least we can do)
Theo: