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It was early Spring and the animals had finally finished their work for the day. Well, all animals except the pigs who were rarely ever seen out unless they were checking up on them to monitor their progress. It was kind of suspicious what they were up to when no other animals were present. This led to small rumors circulating the farm, rumors of which Clover discussed with Benjamin, who wanted no part in the conversation. On the way to their stalls, they saw the pigs passing by in the distance, carrying buckets of the cows’ milk as well as some apples over to a secluded part of the farm. Clover stopped in her tracks and pointed over to Napoleon, who seemed to be partaking in a conversation with Snowball, the two both seeming agitated.
Clover: “There, right there! Look at that tan, well tinted skin. Look at the killer shape he’s in. Look at his slightly stubbly chin. Oh, please he’s GAY totally GAY!”
Benjamin: “I’m not about to celebrate, every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy’s not gay, I say no way.”
Benjamin tried walking in a different direction, but Clover followed suit.
Clover: “But that’s the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey??”
Moses, who seemed to be eavesdropping on the conversation butted in with his take. Flying over the duo, he spoke with Clover as Benjamin looked unenthusiastic.
Moses: “But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.”
Clover: “Look at his silk translucent socks!”
Moses: “There’s the eternal paradox. Look what we’re seeing.”
Mollie, appearing out of nowhere, joined in.
Mollie: “What’re we seeing?”
Moses: “Is he gay?”
Clover: “Of course he’s gay!”
Moses: “Or European?”
More animals seemed to join in on the conversation, Boxer saw the group walking and followed suit. A collective “ooohhhh” seemed to pass through the group as Moses suggested that.
All animals (except Benjamin who’s lowkey tired of their shit): “Gay or European. It’s hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European??”
Boxer: “Well, hey don’t look at me.”
Mollie: “You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports–”
All animals again: “In shiny shirts and tiny shorts. Gay or foreign fella. The answer could take weeks! They both say things like “ciao bella” while they kiss you on both cheeks.”
Clover: “Oh please…”
All animals: “Gay or European. So many shades of gray!”
Moses: “Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.”
Soon to be dead animals: “Is he gay or European or–”
Mollie: “THERE! Right there!! Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro hetero jerk. That guy’s not gay, I say no way!”
The animals were now huddled outside of the barn, the open doors revealing the pigs taking the milk and apples for themselves, but none of that mattered right now because they had a case to debunk.
All the animals (except Benjamin ‘cuz he left): “That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume–”
Clover: “Is automatically radically…”
Moses: “Ironically chronically…”
Mollie: “Certainly pertin’tly…”
Boxer: “Genetically medically…”
Everybody: “GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY.”
…
Every-bunny (/ref): “DAMN IT. Gay or European??”
Boxer: “So stylish and relaxed.”
Everyone: “Is he gay or European?”
Moses: “I think his chest is waxed.”
Mollie: “But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse. If he wears a kilt or bears a purse!”
Clover: “Gay or just exotic. I still can’t crack the code.”
Mollie: “Yes, his accent is hypnotic–”
Clover: “But his hooved are pointy toed.”
Everybodih: “Gay or European?? So many shades of gray.”
Mollie: “But if he turns out straight I’m free at 8 on Saturday.”
All: “Is he gay or European?? Gay or European??? Gay or Euro–”
Suddenly, Benjamin came back unannounced, kicking open the doors to the barn, letting the pigs know that they’ve been caught.
Every one of the pigs looked guilty and Squealer looked ready to give an explanation, but not before Benjamin interrupted him.
Benjamin: “Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I’d like to try.”
Squealer: “The floor is yours…?”
The pigs awaited interrogation as the rest of the farm waited outside. Even the minor animals, the hens, cows, sheep, geese, and goats, eagerly waited to see what was about to go down.
Benjamin made his way over to Napoleon, Snowball, and the other unimportant pig characters.
Benjamin: “So, Mr. N your “alleged” stealing of the milk and apples has been going on for how long?”
Napoleon: “Just today but only because–”
Benjamin: “And your first name again is…?”
Napoleon: “Napoleon. What a stupid question can we just–”
Benjamin: “One last thing. Your boyfriend’s name was…?”
Napoleon: “Snowball but–”
The barn erupted into random noises, the animals freaking out. Especially Squealer who looked absolutely devastated and shocked. Napoleon on the other hand was not amused and tried covering for himself.
Napoleon: “Comrades, I misunderstood I thought you meant dead friend. Snowball is my soon to be DEAD friend.”
Snowball made his way in front of the crowd of animals, a smug expression present on his face. None of the animals could’ve possibly been prepared for what was about to be revealed.
Snowball: “You lying bastard! That’s it. I’ll cover for you no more. Comrades, I have a big announcement. This man is Gay AND European! And neither is disgrace. You've got to stop your being a completely closet case. It's me, not her he's seeing. No matter what he say. I swear he never ever EVER swing the other way. You are so gay. You big parfait! You flaming boy band cabaret!!”
Neopolitan: “I’m straight.”
Snowball: “You were not yesterday. So if I may, I’m proud to say, he’s gay.”
All the animals: “And European.”
Even the sheep began chanting “gay and European”. As for Benjamin, he finally cracked a subtle smile hearing the animals chant.
Napoleon: “Fine, okay. I’m gay..”
HOORAY!!!
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Umm… Anyways, let’s say the meeting for that night went about as well as it could go. Napoleon and Snowball argued the whole time about random stuff, probably because he was mad he came out to the entire farm and just wanted to argue for the sake of wasting time. Then, as Snowball showed off his blueprints for a new windmill he wanted to build, Napoleon pissed on it and left the barn. That’s when the animals knew that their leaders were definitely gay (and European).