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Shane has been playing worse than he has in a long time.
This is apparent to everyone.
What isn't apparent to everyone is that he is steadily dropping into his headspace. Only Hayden could tell that.
Like everyone, Shane got classified when he was 16, littles aren’t typically pro hockey players. So this resulted in a whole lot of tears. No one knew about it, besides his parents. Until the unfortunate night he dropped in front of Hayden. And then Ilya.
Ilya had been his official caregiver for a couple of years. Eventually, Hayden persuaded him to at least tell the team doctor.
That was it, that was all who needed to know.
Which is why when Shane started clearly going into headspace on the ice, it was a problem. His usually precise movements were sloppy. And his eyes watered when a usually harmless chirp was thrown his way.
Hayden recognized these signs immediately. But on the ice, there was nothing he could do.
When he saw Shane's lip wobble at an especially harsh chirp, he wanted nothing more than to reach out to him and protect him. But he couldn't.
They won, barely. Shane gave a wobbly, half-assed speech and then fled to the showers. When back in the locker room, Hayden wished he could reach out to Shane, seeing him so obviously teetering on the edge of his headspace and fumbling with his clothes made his heart break.
But when Shane dropped his shirt and let out a hardly recognizable pitiful whimper, Hayden couldn't stand it anymore. He leaned over to Shane and said,
“You okay, buddy?”
Shane looked at him with misty eyes, nodding.
Hayden looked around and then whispered, “Are you dropping?”
Shane turned away and continued changing, pointedly ignoring him. This truly confirmed what he had already known.
He didn't like dropping in front of anyone but Ilya and his parents. But Hayden was a caregiver and a close friend, so he trusted him to take care of him if necessary. He dropped a couple of years ago while sharing a hotel room with Hayden, prompting a serious boundary talk when he got back up. Hayden is allowed to do whatever he deems necessary from a caregiver's perspective. And right now, Hayden knows he has to get to Shane.
Hayden waited until the locker room slowly cleared out to turn back to Shane. He carefully put a hand on his shoulder and turned Shane towards himself, raising his chin.
“Do you want me to call Ilya?” The comforting touch and mention of Ilya was enough to break him. His face crumbled, and he broke out into distraught sobs.
“Oh, bud. It's okay. I’ll call Ilya, okay?” Hayden said while bringing Shane into a hug.
Shane tucked his head into Hayden's neck, “Wan’ Papa. Please, Hayd.”
Hayden just rubbed his back, “Okay, little guy.”
Shane froze and lifted his head, furiously rubbing the tears on his face, though they continued to fall. “Not lil’.” He whined out. “Not.” He persisted when Hayden looked at him knowingly.
“Sure, whatever you say.” Hayden grabbed his phone and started gathering Shane and his stuff up.
“Then go sit down while I call your Papa.” Shane huffed but complied nonetheless.
Hayden sat down next to him and began rubbing his back while calling Ilya.
Ilya picked up on the first ring, “Is Shane okay?” He said immediately, because why else would Hayden be calling him?
“Yes, he’s fine, just-” Ilya cut him off with a heavy sigh,
“Then why are you calling, Pike?” Hayden pulls the phone away and rolls his eyes, trying to contain himself. He knows Ilya was having a rough day, according to Shane. Hayden pulled the phone away from his ear, causing Shane to hear Ilya's voice and get worked up.
“Papa?!” He exclaims while practically trying to crawl into Hayden's skin.
Hayden settles him on his lap and puts the phone back to his ear.
“Shhh, one second, Shane. As I was saying, he's dropped, asshole.” Shane giggles, tears now forgotten, “Swear jar.”
Ilya responds, sounding slightly apologetic, “Oh, I can not be there for two or three hours. Can you take him back to hotel until then?”
“Yeah, man, that’s fine.”
Shane continues to crawl up Hayden's skin, lightly protesting,
“I talk to Papa, please, Hayd.”
“I’m gonna put you on speaker so you can talk to Shane,” Hayden says while putting him on speaker.
“Hi, malysh. Are you okay?”
“Mhm, with Hayden.”
“Oh yeah? Is Hayden taking good care of you?”
“Yes, but don't need him cuz’ not lil,” Ilya sighs through the phone.
It takes Shane a frustrating amount of time to admit he is small after he’s dropped. Even when he is so obviously down. He could look someone in the eye with his thumb planted in his mouth and tell them he was still big.
“Well, it’s okay if you are small, yes?”
“Mhm, are you coming, Papa?”
“Yes, Papa is on his way, you be good for Hayden, da?”
“Da” Shane echoes.
“Bye, sweetheart, I love you.”
“Love you.”
When Hayden hangs up, Shane immediately begins to sniffle; tears building up in his eyes once again. Hayden starts to rock him back and forth and rub his back.
“Shhh, none of that, it’s okay.” Shane stuffs his thumb in his mouth,
“Wan’ papa.”
“I know, buddy, just a few hours. We will have so much fun you’ll barely even notice he’s gone, okay?”
“Kay.”
Hayden picks Shane off his lap and places him on the bench, packing up their stuff. Like the good caregiver and friend he is, he keeps an emergency “Shane kit” in his bag at all times, just in case Shane drops.
“Ready, bud?” Shane nods, but keeps his thumb firmly planted in his mouth.
“You’re gonna have to act big for me, okay? Big Shane will be mad at me if I let people see you little.” Shane whines and shakes his head.
“It will just be a second. I will make sure no one bothers us, okay?” Shane doesn't fight, but keeps his thumb in his mouth and whines more.
“I’ll tell you what, once we get in the car, you can have your soska right away, okay?” He uses the word “Soska” carefully, having once made the mistake of calling it a “pacifier”, causing Shane to go on a rampage about being a big boy.
“You can even watch cartoons on my phone, sound like a deal?” He walks back over to Shane and softly takes his thumb out of his mouth when Shane agrees to these terms. He carefully ushers Shane up from his seat and out the door.
They take the long route to the exit, hoping not to be stopped by any fans or interviewers. They successfully make it to the car, and he discreetly buckles Shane up in the passenger's seat. And puts their bags in the trunk.
When little Shane is usually put in the back, but Hayden can tell that he is especially clingy today, so he breaks that rule for now. He certainly does not want to handle a tantrum after the day they've had.
Hayden himself gets in the car and is immediately met with whining. He sighs to himself. Shane needs a nap as soon as possible.
“Soska.” Shane whimpers. Hayden reaches back and grabs Shane's bag, grabbing his blankie and pacifier. He clips the pacifier to Shane's shirt and plops it in his mouth, in hopes that Shane will fall asleep soon.
Shane wriggles happily, much to Hayden's relief.
“Cartoons now, please.” Shane garbles, with his pacifier still in his mouth.
“Of course, little dude, just let me text your papa and tell him we are on the way.”
Hayden first texts Jackie saying, “Shane’s little, so I will be home later than expected. Love you.”
Then to Ilya, “Hey, we’re on our way to the hotel now. I’m gonna see if he will eat anything, and hopefully get him to sleep.”
Ilya responds almost immediately, “Okay, thank you. How old is he now?”
Hayden looks over at Shane and sees him rubbing his blankie and repetitively sucking on his pacifier, all while looking out the window.
“It’s hard to say, maybe 2 or 3? Not too young, but he is definitely very tired and very clingy. His vocabulary is limited, but that could also just be him being tired.”
“Okay, put him in pull-up before sleep.”
“Obviously, who do you think I am?”
“Fifteenth best player.”
Hayden rolls his eyes and doesn't respond. Shane is so lucky Hayden loves him, or he would not put up with Ilya.
“What do you want to watch, bub?”
“ ‘Punzel, please.”
“Such good manners,” Hayden praises while propping up his phone with Tangled quietly playing. One of little Shane's favorites.
Hayden ruffles Shane's hair and begins driving. The hotel is only about 15 minutes away. So, Hayden hopes that Shane gets sleepy enough to allow Hayden to change him and feed him without complaints.
Shane is methodically sucking on his pacifier and rubbing his blanket on his cheek, feeling content. A scene in Tangled makes him giggle. Which is, honestly, music to Hayden's ears. But now here comes the hard part.
“Hey, bud, we’re here,” Hayden says while unbuckling Shane.
Hayden grabs for Shane's pacifier, but Shane flinches away.
“Mine.” He helpfully provides.
“I know, I’m sorry. But we have to go inside. You can have it when we get to our room. Only 3 minutes, can you do that?”
Shane nods but still whines at the loss when his soska is ripped from his mouth, and his blankie is removed from his grip.
He suddenly takes back his consent; he is absolutely not okay with this plan. He makes that known to Hayden by whining and kicking his legs out.
“Soska!” He exclaims,
“Shhh, I know, bub, I’m sorry. You can keep Rapunzel. Is that okay?” Hayden rubs his back while grabbing their necessities.
Shane doesn't say anything, but sniffles pointedly. Alligator tears rolling down his face.
Hayden wipes his tears and connects his headphones to his phone. So no one might hear Monteral's captain watching Tangled.
“We are so tired, hm?”
“Not sleepy, Hayd! Want soska!”
“I know,”
Hayden gets them out of the car and quickly wipes the newly shed tears from Shane's flushed face. He hurriedly walks into the hotel and bolts to the elevator. Hand lingering on Shane's lower back to guide him.
Luckily, they did not run into anyone, and they made it back to the hotel room, where Shane now starts to openly sob.
The stress of the day fully catching up to him.
Hayden whispers gentle praises to him and holds him to his chest with one hand, while grabbing his pacifier with the other.
He holds it out to him, “Here, bud, soska.”
Shane opens his mouth slightly and sniffs when he receives it. Mumbling a thank you behind his pacifier.
“Can you lie on the bed while I get everything? I can turn Rapunzel on the TV.” Shane agrees and wanders to Hayden's bed. Preferring Hayden's bed to his in this state of mind.
Hayden turns Tangled on the TV like promised and takes back his phone and headphones from Shane.
He shoots Ilya a text, letting him know they made it, and begins getting Shane's stuff ready. He grabs his pajamas, blankie, and pull-up. And throws leftover pasta in the microwave, hoping Shane will eat it. When little, Shane is either ten times easier to get food into, or ten times harder. He is praying for a good eating day, for both of their sakes.
He hears Shane crying out for him, so he quickly walks over while the food finishes up. He hands him his blanket, which Shane grabs with no hesitation and rubs against his face. Reaching up toward Hayden, feeling extremely clingy.
“One second, I’m gonna get you into comfy clothes now, okay, bub?”
Shane complies until he sees the pull-up in Hayden's hand.
“No!”
“Why not? Don’t you want to get out of these icky jeans? Hm?”
“Big boy, Hayd. No pull-up,” Shane says, ironically muffled behind his pacifier.
Hayden scoots Shane to the edge of the bed, hooking his fingers in Shane's jeans and rubbing his stomach.
“You are a big boy; these are for big boys. You don't have to use it or anything. It’s just in case.”
Shane chews on his pacifier, seemingly thinking it through.
“Papa?”
“Yes, your Papa will be very proud if you let me put it on.”
Shane likes the sound of that, so he nods, allowing Hayden to unbutton his jeans and slide down his pants and underwear. Quickly shoving the pull-up on and sweatpants over it. He sits Shane up.
“Arms up,” Shane raises his arms while Hayden removes his shirt and puts on a much softer one. Saved special for his little nights.
He ruffles Shane's hair playfully, “Good job, bub! I’ll make sure to tell Papa how good you’ve been.”
Shane smiles and sniffles, tears dried and forgotten on his face.
“Papa almost here?”
“Yep! Once you get food in your tummy and settle down, he will be here to take you home.” Shane nods happily.
Hayden walks over to the microwave and takes out the pasta, walking over to Shane to set it on the bedside table.
“Would you like me to feed you, or would you like to feed yourself?” Options like these help Shane feel more in control of being little. Since he often drops unplanned, he likes to have some sense of control in the situation.
“You, please.”
“My pleasure,” Hayden says while playfully kissing his head, making a show out of it. Shane giggles, and Hayden takes his pacifier out. Sitting on the bed, and setting Shane on his lap.
He gathers a bite of pasta and wiggles it in front of Shane's mouth. Shane shyly opens after a moment, allowing a small bite to enter his mouth.
“Good job.”
They continue this routine, Hayden praising Shane after each bite.
Hayden preps another bite for Shane, but Shane shakes his head.
“All done.”
Usually, Hayden would protest, but he ate an okay amount, and it isn't worth the fight today. So he just sets it down.
“Okay, bud, thank you for eating.”
Shane turns around in Hayden's lap and stuffs his head in his neck, yawning. Hayden rubs his back and begins to rock them.
“Cup?” Shane asks timidly
“I’ll get your cup. Do you need to go potty before your nap?”
Shane shakes his head.
“Can you try for me, please?”
Shane whines and squirms, but nods. Much too tired to complain too heavily.
“Hayd come?”
“Yes, I’ll come.”
Hayden gets up with Shane and sets him down, not being able to carry him for more than a second. But holds out his hand, which Shane easily takes.
They make their way to the bathroom.
“Do you need help, bub?”
Shane thinks about it, but shakes his head. Clumsily pulling down his clothes and sitting down.
He goes and stands back up to look at Hayden.
“All done.”
“All done, good job!” Hayden says while helping Shane pull his clothes back up and wash his hands.
Hayden grabs Shane's sippy cup and fills it up with water, handing it to Shane. Shane crawls back into bed and looks up at Hayden.
“Cuddle?”
Hayden crawls in next to him, turning Tangled off. He opens his arms and allows Shane to crawl as close to him as he physically can. Cradling his blankie to his chest and lazily sucking on his sippy cup. Hayden rubs his back, while Shane softly slips into sleep.
He momentarily wakes up, whining when his sippy cup falls out of his mouth. Hayden promptly picked up his pacifier and placed it into his mouth before much of a fuss could be caused.
Shane has obviously fallen asleep, but Hayden stays perfectly still, rubbing Shane's back in the same repetitive motion as before.
30 minutes later, right when Hayden's hand began to cramp, someone knocks on the door.
Hayden gently untangles himself from Shane's surprisingly tight grip and walks to the door.
He looks through the peephole, and when he confirms it is Ilya, he opens it.
“Rozanov.”
“Pike.”
Ilya walks in, “Is he sleeping?”
“Yeah, he fell asleep around 30 minutes ago.”
“Good, fed?”
“Yes, and I changed him, and I made him pee, and I got his cup. I know how to do this, you know.”
Oh, the joys of babysitting Ilya Rozanov's little.
Ilya scoffs,
“I would hope so. With your 15 children.”
“Yeah, well, go get yours, dick. You’re welcome.”
Ilya sits down next to Shane and combs his hair out of his face, waiting for him to register his presence.
Shane wakes after a moment, steadily blinking and turning over.
“Papa?”
“Hi, malysh.”
Shane smiles and crawls onto Ilyas's lap.
“Oh, sleepy malysh, I see.”
Shane nods, “Missed you, Papa.”
Ilya kisses his head, “I missed you too. But I’m here now, yes?”
Shane nods.
“You ready to go home?”
“Yes, please.”
Ilya stands up and, thanks to his strength, perches Shane on his hip. Gathering Shane's belongings.
“Were you good boy, for Hayden?”
Shane nods rapidly and takes out his pacifier. “Mhm! Really good!” Shane looks over to Hayden for the praise he was promised.
Hayden nods as well, “Yes, he was very good. He let me feed him and let me put a pull-up on him. Very good.”
Ilya smiles and readjusts Shane on his hip.
“I knew this, you are always very good boy, da?”
“Da,” Shane replies, putting his pacifier back in his mouth and settling his head on Ilya’s shoulder.
“Okay,” Ilya says, setting Shane down. “Go say bye-bye and thank you to Hayden. We go home now.”
Shane complies and waddles over to Hayden, kissing his cheek with his pacifier rather roughly and hugging him. “Bye-bye, Hayd. Thank you.”
Hayden smiles and hugs him back, “Of course, buddy. Bye, I love you.”
“Love you,” Shane replies, walking back over to Ilya and raising his arms to be picked up.
Ilya picks him back up and begins to walk out the door.
“Thank you, Pike.”
“Yeah, man, anytime, but wait.”
Ilya turns and raises an eyebrow,
“What? You want goodbye kiss from me too?”
Hayden blushes furiously, “No, asshole, are you gonna walk out with him like that?”
“Yes, you are on second floor. There is balcony with stairs. I park next to them, no one sees. Now, may I go?”
Hayden nods, slightly embarrassed that he hadn't thought of that before the fussy little he had to endure.
Ilya walks out and closes the door behind him. Making quick work of speed-walking to the balcony and exiting.
He hastily puts Shane in the backseat, buckling him in and returning to his seat. Before driving off.
Shane whines for no more than a second at the loss of contact before being lulled to sleep by the steady motion of the car. And the reassuring sound of Ilya's voice.
They arrive home before Shane wakes, so Ilya unloads the car without issue before retrieving Shane. He unbuckles him and lifts him on his hip.
“Good morning, sunshine.”
“No, Papa, sleep.”
“Oh, but if you sleep all day, how will we play? Or how will you sleep tonight and cuddle with Papa? Hm?”
Shane grumbles and rubs his face into Ilya’s shoulder.
Ilya walks them into the house and sits down on the couch, bringing Shane down on his lap. Shane sighs and peacefully sucks on his pacifier as he wakes up. Ilya takes the opportunity in this moment to check Shane's pull-up. Finding it, thankfully, dry. He didn't think Shane could handle any more tears today.
“How was your day, malysh?”
Shane removes his pacifier to respond, “Not good, but me and Hayd watched ‘Punzel and cuddled, and I had pasta.”
Ilya hummed, “I’m glad it got better.” He kissed his head.
“Ya tebya lyublyu, malysh.”
Ilya says, placing Shane's pacifier back in his mouth.
“Ya tebya lyublyu, papa,” Shane replies, muffled.