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“Robin!”
A deeply relieved sigh was expelled from a girl with hair as orange as the tangerines she so diligently cared for, indicating the release of suspended agony knowing that Robin was now back upright.
“Robin! Good to see you!”
An excited welcome back to the land of the living by the cook with a goofy smile and a kind heart. She watches him wave with abundant joy from across the ship’s deck, working hard to show her his own relief.
“Robin. Are you feeling okay? Do you still have a chill?”
Her eyes fell to the reindeer boy below. The softer and caring voice was dripping with emotions of pain, as well as hope. Those words of his were carried up to where she stood on one of the balconies. He waited for an answer from her. She watched the unshed tears he bravely held back shine in his beautiful brown eyes.
It didn’t take long before she noticed that all six of them were waiting for that very answer from her. Each gaze was equally full of worry, of a deepseated concern that surely expanded beyond the mere fact that she was just revived from the edge of death’s door.
All of them waited with baited breath. Seagulls cawed in the distance and the lull of the ocean waves were the only accompaniment to the pause she held before she spoke, thinking upon how to answer his question.
As her ocean blue eyes watched each of their faces, one by one, she noticed that they were all content with putting away their masses of unspoken questions they had for her in favor of Robin merely answering this singular one posed by Chopper.
It was a simpler, much less complex question placed for her to answer. Yet another frequent kindness shown by the crew of the Straw Hats. Flashes of her intentionally hidden past were now manifesting before their very faces. A past, that she had to remind herself now, was always directly putting this crew within harm’s way the moment she stepped foot on this vessel on a semi-permanent basis.
If there were ever a time to badger her with questions about her past, to start digging into wounds that never healed, it would be now, and she wouldn’t blame them.
Yet they refrained, knowing that was something they wanted and had somehow trusted for her to bring up on her own, if she ever found herself ready to do so. Always another kindness from this crew she knew that she didn’t deserve.
In spite of knowing they had a gnawing and deep desperation to rightfully understand the increasingly complex web they were unwittingly a part of.
She knew with those unshed tears and comforting smiles of theirs… that they’d just be happy making sure that she was finally past the harm that befell her for now.
If she were honest at this moment with them, she did indeed have a chill.
Far, far more than a simple chill, every single thing ached deeply within her. Every fiber of muscle, every inch of her skin lingered in a slowly ebbing pain that spanned the whole of her body and couldn’t ebb away fast enough. Being frozen solid to the point of blacking out, supposedly in some kind of suspended animation for who knows how long alone would ensure some deeply painful side effects would hold its icy bite for surely quite some time.
But in spite of the intensity of the gnawing ache of frostbite warring with every exhausted muscle in her body, it couldn’t hold a candle against the ache that was found entrenched within her heart.
She is vaguely aware that apparently Chopper had to restart hers and Luffy’s own hearts. She was barely conscious, only had just been revived back into life when those words of his were spoken aloud, but was fairly positive that it wasn’t her imagination or dream as she overheard the boy reindeer explain the situation to the rest of the crew keeping a vigilant watch over their once lifeless bodies.
Yet the ache in her heart wasn’t merely a physical one. The deep and ever present pain that has haunted her and been her only constant companion in this life has come back in a fuller force than she thinks she can ever recall.
She swallows back a lump forming in her throat. She fights against the sting of unshed tears that hover behind her eyes.
Like a door made of steel, with frequent practice over the entirety of her days in this wretched world, she shuts all of her bubbling emotion down before it threatens to go too far and spill forth for the very last people in existence that she would want to bear that truth to.
It never once has gotten easier. In fact, since she asked to join the crew, she noticed it seemed to actually get much more difficult to do so.
Once the locks of her heart were secure and tightened, she brought forth a frequently practiced smile, one that actually was genuine in its attempt to comfort, if not genuine in revealing the true depths of her broken heart to the crew.
“Your treatment helped me out tremendously. Thank you, you’re a wonderful doctor.”
The forced smile became less forced as she watched the depths of the crew’s relief upon hearing her words. It almost felt natural as she witnessed that cute little dance of Chopper’s when he pretends, much like herself, to not be so deeply affected by the words spoken to him.
“You should take it easy, Robin. Luffy has already recovered enough to where he’s running around and screaming like an imbecile.” Her gaze drops from Nami to watch Luffy turn to herself, offering a silly smile and a thumbs up of reassurance that everything will be okay. If only it would be.
Even still, seeing him alive and back to his normal self so much faster than her gave a deep seated sense of relief that almost distracted her from that eternal ache in her heart.
“You can just relax and take your time.” Nami continued with a glint of seriousness in her eyes and tone, imploring her to not do anything that would press her body too hard and too fast, inevitably concerning the crew if anything terrible were to happen to her again.
“Hey Robin, would you like me to make you something to warm you up? Do you have an appetite?”
He didn’t realize that his questions had already warmed her insides more than even an expertly brewed cup of coffee of his could manage to touch. But, she’d never turn down a cup of coffee, especially one made by the expert cook.
“I do. May I have some coffee, please?”
“Of course! It’s my pleasure!”
—---------------------------------------------
Sleep just wasn’t going to come to her tonight. She already knew that would be the case. It was difficult enough to get a full night's sleep on a normal occasion. The nightmares that plagued her since she was a little girl of merely eight years old had ensured that would be a lifelong case of unease and restlessness.
Yet for everyone else’s sake, she feigned an attempt anyway. At least, until the rest of the straw hats were asleep.
It wasn’t normally this crowded as she slept. At least not in this particular room. One of the only two designated quarters of the ship. This was the only one that was ever occupied by two or less people, herself and the ship’s navigator.
But the intensity of the last few days has shaken everyone up more than any particular member of the crew has vocally admitted to, so here they all lay for the fourth night in a row.
Zoro took guard by the main door. He always slept with his three swords already grasped in hand, ready to use at a moment’s notice. This time was no different. Sanji and Usopp slept in an uncomfortable looking position, facedown upon the table Nami sometimes used to draw maps on, late into the night.
The room didn’t house all of her tools though, so it was a coin toss as to whether she would be sleeping in their shared quarters or the navigator’s chart room she also often slept in, typically when she was too engrossed working towards her dream of charting the entirety of the world.
The maps were forgotten tonight, as with the past three nights. Robin noticed that Nami was curled up with Chopper on the floor, using him as a pillow as equally as he used her as a blanket.
Even sleeping on the hard floor, they looked fairly comfortable. It was a kind gesture from her as well, since she had more comfortable accommodations nearby. However, she’s been kindly giving up her mattress the past few days for the captain of the crew. The only other person in this room besides herself that now knows what it feels like to have survived the experience of becoming a human popsicle.
Luffy was unmistakably in the deepest depths of sleep on Nami’s mattress beside her own. She’s learned over time that the volume and intensity of his snores could typically indicate how deep his current state of sleep was. Based on the earsplitting snores just to her left, he might as well be in another coma. The leader wasn’t waking up anytime soon.
Robin opened her eyes.
Her thoughts and emotions ran wild at this time of night, undistracted by the crew’s various collective affairs during the hours of the day. She felt her skin itch and her muscles ache. The dark whispers ever present that seemed to get stronger at night were currently running abound in her head, unabated.
It would be one thing if her body was still fighting intensely in recovery, at least the last few days she had drifted in and out of consciousness. She’d easily trade the burgeoning state of her health if she could only collect a few more days unhaunted by her thoughts.
But no, of course fate didn’t offer her that reprieve. She didn’t deserve it.
Yet, she still had to find some room to breathe if she was going to be functional at all the next morning. The crew of the straw hats at least deserved for her to attempt to be functional, even if she herself deserved no such thing.
So, with that decided she carefully pulled back the blue cover that enveloped around her. She tugged at it so that she could take it along with her without dragging upon the ground. She extended a limb into the wall of the far side of the room, tossing a bag her way she expertly caught with a deft hand. She packed another blanket to take with her… just in case. A quiet series of movements found her moving through the small cabin with an agile grace, focused intensely on not waking up a single member of the sleeping crew. She lowered the hatch over her head as she exited into the deck just below the only other door leading out that wasn’t already guarded.
—-------------------------
It wasn’t normally cold this time of year in this part of the sea. It should have actually been fairly warm. However, the frozen state of a large swath of sea behind them compounded by her fragile emotional state that the same cold of Aokiji’s left in his wake had made walking around practically unbearable without something warm hugging around her.
She pulled the blue blanket around her even tighter. She was utterly trembling as she made her way across the lonely deck, headed towards the familiar climb up the Going Merry’s mast.
Yet it wasn’t the cold that sent her spine into shivers.
You will all learn soon enough that protecting this troublesome woman leads to nothing but regret.
Regret.
How could she forget that this was her curse as a devil child?
How was it even possible that she could?
That simple fact of her life and existence has been repeated to her so many times, from such a vast array of people over the course of her whole life that it might as well be written on her skin for everyone to read, etched into her very bones. Surely obvious to the whole world that she will never be worth anyone’s time and effort.
Yet, she only just realized that this feeling recently came back to her. Quite literally having to be reminded of this by a living nightmare that completely blindsided her, waltzing back into her life to remind her that the ghosts that haunt her may not always show their faces, but will never really leave. That presence shattered the closest she’s ever come to a carefree existence in the matter of a heartbeat.
How long has she been walking around like this? Almost forgetting about the pressing dread of a never ending nightmare that was her life.
Was it when she found the golden bell and Poneglyph in Skypeia? Having the dream she’d given up on back in the tombs of Alabasta being restored to her once again, giving her reason to continue to breathe with the restoration of what she once thought was an unfounded hope that she’d ever find another glyph again?
Was it their once seemingly unlucky fall into the heart of the Marine’s G-8 fortress, working together for the first time with a team that actually fully trusted, believed in, and relied upon each other and their respective skills in a thrilling rush to escape a practically hopeless situation with everyone coming out of it together, free, and actually able to steal back the treasure they gained in the long lost city of gold?
She then recalled their latest adventures, playing the Davy Back games with the Foxy Pirates, aiding where she could in order to restore the stolen memories of these pirates.
As she worked to find the answer to her own question, She realized that she’d been so concentrated on aiding her team up with Usopp and Nami in the barrel race, overcoming the various challenges and tricks that crossed their path, working to avoid the group crashing or sinking like the other straw hats in increasingly creative ways.
She’d been more concerned about how she’d manage to continually best Chopper, who really surprised her in his tenacity to learn and adapt as they played that board game he’d originally begged her to play.
She’d been focused on the way that Sanji taught her to prepare her coffee in new ways he’d accurately guessed she’d enjoy. And then in spite of teaching her, often volunteering to make the frequently asked for cups himself with an abundance of joy behind her ask.
Or the close study upon each and every one of Zoro’s occasional tips as they practiced sparring together. Something she once offered to help him with on a whim during a particularly boring day upon the open ocean, not realizing how seriously he took that offer. She had no idea she’d just unintentionally signed up to become fully committed to his sacred routine on a now scheduled weekly basis.
And then there was Luffy. The boy made of rubber that endlessly intrigued her, surprised her, and drew her in like a moth to a flame beyond any comprehension of her own.
He’d fascinated her to the point that she found herself committing her foreseeable future to his resolve, to his dream, and to his crew. To be honest, it was the only option she could even fathom after falling to the point of finally being beyond ready to die. Yet, her joining the crew was a direct cause of his own actions. He wouldn’t allow her to succumb to that end if he had anything to say about it. It was only natural that whatever life she had left in her back then should be carried forward by the one who directly intervened in her desire to extinguish it once and for all.
It wasn’t until Aokiji appeared seemingly out of thin air that this peaceful existence she hardly even realized she’d slipped into was ripped away from her so cruelly once again.
She’d never fathom that it was possible to practically forget the ever crushing weight of her existence until she just realized she’d been living in it, and for a while now as far as she’s gathered.
And every single bit of it was owed to each and every member of the straw hat crew.
Before she realized it, she found herself smiling and laughing more in the last couple of months than she had in her entire 28 years of life. She found herself actually looking forward to waking up. Greeted by a warm cup of coffee, a good book, the open air of the ocean, and genuine smiles that actually sought her with this unfathomable and unrestrained joy rather than the typical set of overwhelming sense of fear, anger, or deep rooted hatred she’d found so frequently before.
Over time, she found that she’s been acting so unlike anything she’s ever acted like before in her whole life. This part of herself that she’s been walking around in was so foreign, yet so natural at the same time, it was jarring. However, after some deep thought about what was so strange about this experience is that she thinks she’s figuring out her true nature, her true personality. It snuck up on her as much as it did for everyone else, somehow rising to the surface to introduce itself to her since she’d never had a chance to feel safe enough for it to show its face.
Rather than find a reason to hate her for it, they seem rather entertained when she’s too engrossed in a book to be fully aware of what shenanigans happen around her. That she is often offering random facts and trivia that somehow become crucial in whatever situation they happen to find themselves in next. They smile with warmth when a joke or unpracticed social cue doesn’t register and just flies right over her head. They begrudgingly entertain her penchant for dark humor, or find a sweetness in her deep fondness for the many cute creatures they come across on their journey.
She actually feels seen, valued, recognized, and cared for by this crew for simply being herself, for just being Nico Robin. Not solely valued for the skills brought forward by Miss All Sunday, nor any other front she had to put on to survive.
An experience that she was sure she’d live her whole life and never know what that could possibly feel like.
But by some miracle, she realized she’s been living in that reality these past few months.
Yet, the ache that has now embedded itself deep into her heart after encountering Aokiji again after all this time will quite possibly never leave her.
Because she’s reminded that it cannot last.
This peace she’s found has been built on a lie, and it was only a matter of time before the inevitable will happen.
The moment this crew sees her for the pit of darkness that she really is, they’ll abandon her. Of that, she has no doubts. She wouldn’t even blame them, either. It was inevitable even from the kindest of hearts.
Because the entirety of the world was her enemy. The darkness had come once again to find her, to test her, to see if this time, she was finally broken enough to be consumed and life forever extinguished.
But this time, the darkness didn’t single her out. It loomed ever closer, and to her absolute horror, it set its sights and bore its fangs at the friends she searched so long to find.
There is not any alternative. She wouldn’t even allow there to be one, not if it was her past that brought danger to their lives.
Though betrayal was familiar, it’s been so long since this simple fact of her life had hurt her. She’d been such a little girl the last time she could remember being surprised by the betrayal, by the inevitable subterfuge by anyone who got too close to the hellish fire of a burning country that always followed close behind her.
Yet the thought of being abandoned and betrayed by this crew brought on a wave of intense pain that caused her to sink to her feet, choking back a barely bridled sob that slipped from her throat as she thought of the moment of truth that was barreling its way towards her, shattering a life with people she suddenly realized that she’d actually come to care about deeply, and for a while now.
She has always been haunted by screams, that wasn’t anything new. What’s so unbearable about them now is that they’ve molded and formed into new screams overshadowed the previous cries of a country and people that burned for their collective crimes of pursuing knowledge too far. Those screams were mostly generic and not ones she was intimately familiar with.
This was not so anymore.
As agonizing as the screams of a dying and burning country are, this was so, so much worse.
She couldn’t escape Luffy, Sanji, and Zoro’s pained roars of agony as they shielded her from the blows of frostbite that Aokiji intended for her.
The desperate pleas from Chopper, Nami, and Usopp as they cried and begged her to run away.
The whole crew's collective shout of absolute horror was the very last thing she heard before being frozen over completely, the world going black, and potentially having her final exit from the world being one of the most horrific sounds she could possibly imagine, knowing how much pain she’d already brought into their lives.
You don’t deserve to live.
Your curse is to only bring pain and agony to all those around you.
You’re a demon, Nico Robin, and the world would be better off if you’d only just curl up somewhere and die.
She was living in hell.
This crew had so easily wormed their way into a heart she had long believed couldn’t possibly beat.
This crew, the straw hats, Luffy’s crew… they’ve become the closest thing she’s sure she’d ever have to a family, and she’s quickly realizing how easily she’d allow the whole world to burn down if it meant that these six people could sail the seas and continue to have adventures together, to live on with carefree lives.
It had become her greatest wish.
This crew that she so desperately wished she could claim as her own had become the people she loved the most in this world, and it was killing her to know that this beautiful time they shared would eventually come to an end.
As much as she’s come to realize that this crew does indeed care for her, potentially almost as much as she loves and cares for them, it doesn’t change the fact that there is no one in this cruel and heartless world who can withstand and help shoulder the crushing weight of the life that has been given to her.
It was just a matter of time before it happened.
And she needed to be prepared for that end to come, whether it came to a natural conclusion, or one that needed to be severed by her own hands for the sake of those she loved.
—-------------------------
There was a knock on the hatch below. A gentle ask from a person, identity still unknown to her, to be allowed up in the Nest to sit alongside her.
“Don’t tell me you’re up here sleeping again, Nico Robin. I’m gonna be really upset with you if I discover that’s the case.”
The voice was muffled from the layers of the blanket and hatch currently separating them, and exactly who Robin had guessed would come find her if it was discovered she was out of bed for so long.
“I promise you that there has been no incident of sleeping up here, Miss Navigator. I wouldn’t want to do anything to make you cross.” Robin huffed a genuine laugh as she moved the blanket, opened the hatch, and sprouted a few extra arms to aid Nami in climbing up to the nest with ease.
“There better not be, you’re fully aware of the fine I placed on sleeping up here, and you also know how serious I am about those fines as well.”
“But of course, I wouldn’t dare dream to come between you and your treasure.”
As Nami worked to lower the hatch and settle in beside her, Robin noticed that the girl wasn’t wearing warm clothes. Her pajamas were too thin to offer any kind of comfort after the unexpected winter-like weather they were currently experiencing.
So, as the girl sat back, Robin had already pulled out the extra blanket she had thought to pack, grateful she took the extra time to do so now.
Nami stared at her with genuine surprise and overwhelming warmth and gratefulness, immediately wrapping herself up in the already heated blanket that Robin had apparently been sitting on, transferring her body warmth to the object this whole time.
As grateful as Nami was for the blanket, she couldn’t help but use this as a perfect opportunity to tease the raven haired woman at her side.
“You say you haven’t been sleeping, but you just so happen to pack blankets for your excursion to the Nest… and is that a pillow I see? The evidence against you is piling up, Robin. I can already feel your fine money lining my pockets.” She widely smirked like a cat who was mocking its prey.
“Do you want me to take the blanket back?” Robin responded to the tease, completely unbothered by the girl's attempt at extortion.
Robin let a warm laugh slip out as the tables had been successfully turned. Nami was now the one left gaping and stuttering from a suddenly changed mind out here on an extra chilly deck.
“Haha! Oh.. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just call the act of kindness you showed in offering me your blanket as good on the payment for your fine. How about it?”
“Sure thing.” Robin’s laugh softened to giggles.
“And speaking of my money, I even cut everyone else’s allowance so we could splurge on you, ya know,” Nami whined in a teasing way, pretending to make Robin feel guilty when money spent and Nami were involved in the same sentence.
“We got you that nicer mattress with some of the treasure we got from Skypeia just to give your bruised spine a real rest. It was the only thing I could do to get over the shock and guilt of finding that you were probably doing some serious longterm damage to your spine contorted and curled up in this tiny nest for so long.”
“I still don’t know where else you all would have wanted me to sleep, an outsider and former enemy couldn’t just waltz in and commandeer a room unto myself after all.”
“I mean.. That may have been true at first, but you continued to sleep up here far longer than was necessary. I had assumed you found a comfy place to sleep in the deck below our cabin, not torturing yourself by finding new ways to hang that stupid tarp above you so you wouldn’t wake up to find you and all your books rained on again.”
“Hehe. I had never seen the wrath you so frequently shower upon the boys so suddenly turned on me before that point.”
“I don’t know how else I was supposed to respond after waking up to find a random ass tarp on our Crows Nest after a particularly brutal night of rain I had announced to the whole crew was on its way just before we all retired for the night. And then waking up to the utter shock of finding yourself completely soaked and still shivering underneath because you felt like you couldn’t ask one of us for a decent living space. Tell me how I was supposed to not be pissed at you?
Robin couldn’t help the absent smile that formed on her face.
“I promise you that I haven’t slept a single night up here since. That mattress really is a lot more comfortable than the wooden planks, even if the view can’t compare.”
With that said, they both looked at the vast blanket of stars that covered the night sky. The beauty of it was beyond words, out here in the middle of the grand line without a hint of light pollution to dim its wonder.
A single star had shot itself down, arching its streak of light across the sky. The motion reminded her of a nearly forgotten wish she made practically a lifetime ago, one that she made when she was only six years old.
A wish that had been born watching and dreaming of living the lives of the other children of the Ohara. A wish that was created after she watched an older girl comfort her crying sister after a particularly bad fall and scrape to her knee that left her inconsolable and unable to even stand. The older sister just brushed back her hair, wiped away the stream of tears, and picked her up to cradle her and take on the burden of her weight when the younger wasn’t able to bear it any longer.
A wish, she only just realized in a shock of awe and wonder that had struck her, had actually come true.
Out of the corner of her blue eyes, she watched closely as the awefilled look she once held gazing up at their view slowly fell away, replaced by one far more serious. One not even bothering to hide its hurt.
“I know you need your space sometimes. I know you came out here to think. Especially after everything that just happened to our crew. However, you really shouldn’t be out here at this time of night. You honestly shouldn’t be out in this cold at all, especially while you’re still recovering, Robin. If you did anything to worsen your condition, I don’t know what we’d…” She paused for a second to wrangle her spiraling emotion back under a little bit of control.
“I just really wish you’d come back inside with us.”
Nami’s voice pleaded at the end. Robin took on an even tone, hoping the ease of it would alleviate her growing fear.
“Don’t worry about me. I just needed a little bit of fresh air. The captain’s snoring can also be a little much after a while too.” She added a joke to ease the tension.
“I can’t argue with that logic. Though..”
Nami pressed a quick hand against Robin’s forearm to convey the seriousness with which she was about to speak.
“You say not to worry, but- I do, Robin. We all worry.”
Nami remembers the purpose of the canister she was toying with in her hands up until this moment, tilting it towards Robin’s cold hands in a gesture that implored her to take it.
So, Robin did. She spun the top and looked upon the dark liquid inside, the fresh aroma of the recently made brew and the warm steam that curled around her face had sprung unwanted tears to her eyes that forced her to momentarily angle her head away from Nami, so she wouldn’t find her blinking back her tears.
Nami curled her hands back to pull the blanket back around her. “As much as I wish you would, I figured that I wouldn’t be able to convince you to come back inside. So, I brought you some freshly brewed coffee, just how you like it. I’m hoping it will stave off some of that lingering cold you’re surely still fighting against.”
She paused to take time to fight back the thankful tears that would waive her voice. She only responded as soon as she thought she had control over how the words came out.
“It will definitely go a long way to help. Thank you, Miss Navigator.” The raven haired woman spoke warmly.
“I have a name, you know.”
The clipped way she spoke screamed of the hurt in her voice. It completely caught Robin off guard, who turned to watch those brown eyes grab hold of her own, unashamed of the weight of the emotion she carried within them.
Robin could tell that it at least annoyed the red-head for some time now. She rarely, if ever, called the crew members by their actual names.
Though this was the first time it was ever vocalized how much it actually bothered her.
“I know you do. That adoptive mother of yours chose a pretty name as well.” The girl’s eyes shot towards her face, eyebrows raised in surprise at this admission from the dark haired woman at her side.
‘However, you also have a rather fine and respectable occupation on this ship that also deserves to be highlighted.”
Her surprise fell into disappointment.
“I’m fairly aware of my occupation, thank you. You remind me of what I do here more than everyone else combined.” She spoke with an edge of bitterness in her tone that Robin didn’t expect, nor fathomed why this was such a sore spot for the girl at her side, especially knowing that she often vocalized she was actually rather proud of her role within this crew.
There was a quiet that stretched between them for a while. It wasn’t an uncomfortable one, but Robin didn’t know what to say after knowing that she inadvertently upset the girl to some degree.
So, she was merely content to look up at the stars for a while, grateful her friend decided not to storm away from her side.
“Hey Robin?” Nami’s voice was so low, she almost didn’t hear it.
“Hmm?” The woman hummed.
“I’m not going to pry. You surely have figured out by now that I would never do that to you, nor would anyone else on our crew. Your past is your past. And if you want to keep it in the past forever, that's fine too. Who you were doesn’t matter to us. Not your time in Baroque Works, and not any time before that.”
A deep and meaningful sigh was expelled from her before continuing.
“All that matters to us is that you chose to be here with us.”
Robin couldn’t help but lock eyes with those brown eyes of Nami’s that exposed the seriousness with which she spoke those words, but immediately wished she didn’t. It was getting near impossible to continue to hide the brimming emotion within her own.
“We admittedly had our suspicions about you at first, after all, that would be incredibly irresponsible if all of us acted as surely as Luffy did in that moment. But Robin, you have to know that this is long in the past. You’re undoubtedly one of us, now. Not a single one of the other straw hats questions it.”
Robin broke the mutual gaze, unable to hold it any longer. She tried to hold back the emotion in her voice, but did her job a little too well.
“Is that so?”
She thinks it almost sounded cold.
“How can you say that? Of course it is. And I’m telling you this stuff you already should know because I don’t know if you realize that you can talk to me or anyone else in the crew about whatever is bothering you, whatever is haunting you. We are always going to listen to you when you need it the most. No matter what it is, you know that we’re never going to abandon you.”
Nami paused, detecting a flash of something in Robin’s eyes that scared her. A look that was gone as soon as it appeared. Something that looked surprisingly a lot like she was holding back an entire ocean of pain.
“You do know that, right?” Nami almost hesitantly repeated.
When Robin spoke again, her voice was far colder, raspier, like there was some deep and brimming emotion that she was desperately holding back, a stark contrast to the blank stare she was now sporting.
“This is a pirate crew, could you honestly say something like that and truly mean it in this line of work of ours?”
“Oh my god. You actually don’t believe it? Do you?” Nami’s genuine shock and offence bled through her words, showing her pain without withdrawing.
“Any sensible crew would understand that there are lines to not be crossed. There are limits to how far a person should go for another. That’s how the real world works. That’s just..life.” The raven haired woman continued, but was clipped off by the red head once again whose voice came back stronger this time around, almost a forceful growl. All to implore her to put the words to the test.
“And who is the idiot who taught you that? Is that what you really believe? And at what point have you ever looked at this rag-tag group of misfits and surmised that we’re sensible?”
Robin could only gape her mouth, not knowing how to respond to that.
“You know that we’re not like every other pirate crew, Robin. As much as you like to verbally indicate otherwise, each of us are also far more than our occupation to another. We trust one another, we care for one another. We all share a bond that just calling us a crew or mere friends isn’t strong enough to capture.”
“And whether you like it or not, you’re included in this too.”
Robin noticed it was getting harder to breathe. Her voice rose as well, nearly matching the ferocity behind Nami’s own words.
“How can you say that when you don’t see the whole picture? What if there was weight and real credence behind the Admiral's words any reasonable person would take seriously.”
Nami was furious now, her words rose like a wave of fire, bright and blinding.
“You seriously think I’ll believe some jackass, mushroom-haired Marine who almost killed you and Luffy in literal cold blood just days ago over what I have come to know of you, what I see of you with my own eyes day in and day out?!”
Nami shook with that anger that was burning her insides.
“Luffy was right. He saw it so early in you, but it didn’t take long for the rest of us to catch up. You think you’re some terrible person, but you’re not a bad person at all. I’ve had about enough of watching this from you. Stop pretending like you don’t actually have a good heart, Robin!”
Robin spoke these next words before she realized that she was too afraid to know, and suddenly shook with her desire to snatch them back.
“And what possible good could you ever see from looking at me?”
Nami’s angered gaze immediately turned sad. Heartbroken evident upon her features had instantly cooled the fury in her eyes, and sprung a fresh, unshed layer of tears within them.
Robin had no awareness of the river of tears that were now streaming from her heated cheeks, but the utterly heartbroken look of Nami’s had been the thing that finally pointed them out to her.
Scared of her own emotion, of any further words that Nami would say to her, of anything and everything. She just couldn’t help turning her whole face away to try and hide from her friend's gaze as she worked to unsuccessfully wipe away those tears that wouldn’t stop streaming down.
Nami let the quiet grow between them. Only the soft hum of the wind, the distant caw of the seagulls on the bay, and the ever present rhythm of ocean waves gently rocking and swaying this boat were all that could be heard for a period that felt like a lifetime.
Robin didn’t notice Nami get up and move before the girl had appeared in front of her, curling her legs under her and gently reaching out to grab and move the hands that Robin used to shield away her teary eyes. The soothing motion she used to take her hands and just hold onto them, placing their locked hands tight in her lap as she angled her head down to ensure Robin couldn’t look away from her gaze now without having to push her away.
It was only then did Nami respond to that heartbreaking question of Robin’s
“I see a girl who is so clearly haunted and tortured by her rough past. She thinks that it will always define her. I see someone different though. Someone who extends a few arms to tickle Chopper, pretending to mess with him. Someone who thinks she’s carefully hidden that this act is actually a front. A way to be able to hug him without having to directly challenge this idea you have that you’re this cold and calculating person.”
Robin felt her hands begin to tremble in Nami’s sturdier ones.
“I see someone who can’t hide how touched they are that someone like Sanji would not only gladly offer to make you food, but work so diligently to create the meals that you enjoy above the rest. An ever present gratefulness that can only be recognized by someone else who also knew what it was like to starve as a child.”
More tears spilled forth from her eyes.
“I see the way you pretend not to light up when we all constantly ask for your opinion or advice or seek out help from the most intelligent member of the straw hats, which is obviously yourself.”
“I see how you’ve evolved and changed over the time you’ve joined us. Allowing us all to see this caring, knowledgeable, goofy, curious, passionate, and warm side of yourself that I think surprises even you when it’s displayed.”
“I think I see someone who is afraid to care too much, so she refers to everyone by their occupation, rather than their name to keep some distance, Miss Archeologist. However, this is the same person who always pays the utmost care and attention when a member of her crew calls out for their Robin’s undivided attention, because I think it still surprises you when someone calls out your name with kindness in their hearts and not some hateful emotion loaded behind it.”
Robin bit her lip, fighting the deepening quiver behind her teeth.
“I also see someone who so kindly packed another blanket just in case if someone decided to follow her, knowing that if they’d stay, you’d want them to be warm and comfortable since you’re always wrapping us up in blankets as we sleep when you think we aren’t looking or noticing you.”
Nami shook hers and Robin’s hands, imploring the raven haired woman to hear the words she's pleading to her with as a whole river of fresh tears spilled anew from those copper eyes of hers.
“I think I see someone who probably has ended up believing in this picture that the Marines paint of you, that horrible people from your past have so cruelly tortured you with. But I’m here to tell you that I just don’t see it. I don’t see someone I regret joining our team. I know for a fact that the boys don’t regret it either, nor will we ever come to think that. In fact, I’ve been pleading for another girl in this crew from the start. I’m just so thankful that it turned out to be you.”
Robin couldn’t hide the ugly sob that slipped out of her. Nami yanked on her hands to pull the older woman into a deep hug.
“I only see my sister. One whom I actually get to travel around with and share so much of my life with. How could you ever think I’d regret getting a new sister, Robin?” Nami sobbed into her shoulder as Robin wrapped her shivering arms tighter around the girl. It felt so much warmer than the ones she dreamed of as a little girl who wished she could manifest a sister of her own.
Nami’s voice broke and became distorted through the tears that were practically clogging her throat at this point.
“We don’t know what you’ve done all that time ago, and we don’t care. You’re not that same person anymore. We don’t know what kind of pain you carry around with you, Robin, but please let us help shoulder this with you. Please fight it. Please please stop thinking so terribly of the sister I love so friggin' much you stupid jerk.”
Robin couldn’t fight another sob as she continued to cling tightly to the smaller girl who held her steady as she shivered like a leaf. They stayed that way for a while, just holding onto each other, knowing each girl never had to speak a word, yet knew they both just solemnly promised and refused to let the other break into pieces.
Robin was reminded of that older sister, all that time ago. The actions of this girl to hold her sister when she was broken and crying out. Robin saw this girl in Nami as the younger of them had pulled back and began to reach out to cradle her cheeks, so focused on wiping away the tears that had flowed freely as she rubbed a shoulder against her own cheek, which worked to wipe away her own tears.
Robin had already decided that she’d do anything for this crew that she didn’t realize had already become her family. The friends that Saul told her were out there waiting for her. She didn’t believe they existed, but by some miracle, she somehow found them.
If she had to be dragged into depths of hell itself to protect them, to shield them from that eternal darkness she carried with her, protect them from the fangs of the world that clamped down upon her neck, she’d do it without question, without a single ounce of hesitation.
As long as her wish for them to be safe, to be okay, would stay true.
“Thank you, Nami. Thank you.” Robin whispered.
The girl had pulled back to stare at her with wild eyes that filled back instantly with tears. In a dramatic display, Nami practically melted back into Robin, sobbing with the overwhelming emotion as the older girl called her by her name for the first time, and if Nami had anything to say about it, not the last.
—————————————
“Nami?”
Robin put down her book as soon as she heard Nami start to lightly snore as she used her lap for a pillow.
“Uh huh, Robin?” The girl opened a tired eye to stare up at her.
“I thought you said there would be a hefty fine to pay if you caught anyone sleeping in this nest again.”
“No Robin. That fine actually only applies to you. I can do what I want.”
Robin amusedly stared down at the widely smirking girl.
“…How very convenient for you.” She finally said after a pause, flipping her book back open, but didn’t really focus much on the words covering the pages.
“It would be far more convenient for me if you’d come back inside. But, since you’ve decided that you’re not sleepy right now and that this stupid nest on a practically winter’s night is somehow more comfy to you than the mattress we stupidly bought for you, then I’m just gonna have to be inconvenienced.”
“You don’t have to stay out here, you know. There is a comfy mattress currently being unused.” Robin flips to a new page, not having read the words on the last.
“And leave before I can catch you trying to sleep and miss out on a big ol’ payday? I don’t think so.”
Robin hummed a note of entertainment.
Nami watched as more stars fall from the sky.
“You know, I didn’t know you thought my name was pretty.”
“But of course, your Bellemere chose well.”
Robin sighed, twisting her book completely away to gaze down and raise a brow at a curious Nami.
“Though, I never meant to upset you when I call you a navigator. You never seemed as put off by it when the rest of the crew refers to you with that moniker.”
“I wasn’t upset by the nickname, Robin.” Nami shook her head.
A tilt of her head let the dark hair spill over her shoulders. “Then what exactly bothered you about it when I said it?”
Nami looked confused, as if the answer to her question should have been an obvious one.
“…Doesn’t every girl wish to hear her sister call out her name?”
The younger girl saw the soft quiver of Robin’s lower lip, as she worked hard to fight back more tears. Nami lifted her head up from Robin’s lap, adjusting herself to sit by her side instead.
“Now scooch over and stop hogging that blanket of yours. It really is cold out here.”
“But I already gave you one.” Robin spoke of her confusion, but had already started opening her blanket so they could share in spite of it.
“It’s sooooo cooold, and two blankets plus body heat is gonna be tons warmer, Kay? Kay.”
Nami laughed as she worked to lay her own blanket across the both, turning them into one giant blanket burrito. Nami then let her head nestle and eyes close on Robin’s shoulder and she was now warm and comfortable enough to get some more shut eye.
“Robin?”
The fondness with which the younger spoke her name and the ease and comfortableness with which Nami had curled up to her side had allowed Robin the ability to offer the same. Before she replied, she let her cheek rest upon the bright orange hair, light wisps of hair tickling her nose in the cold wind.
“Yes, Nami?”
“I’m dragging you back inside to force you to get more sleep after Luffy wakes up and stops shaking this whole ship with his earsplitting snores, okay? Keep me warm until then.”
Robin laughed so much so that Nami could feel the full smile upon her sister’s face atop her head, even with her eyes closed.
“Of course, Nami. Of course.”