Work Text:
Today 2:36 pm
Ilya
shane
shane
shane
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
What?
Ilya
good morning my shining sun and sweetheart
😍🌞💏
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
It's 2pm?
Ilya
good afternoon my shining sun and sweetheart
😍🌞💏💋
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Good afternoon baby. 💛
Ilya 🫄 reacted to “Good afternoon baby. 💛”
Ilya
i have another question thing for us to do
from harris
he sent me screenshots
he made troy do it
can we do it
have you finished your meeting
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Give me two minutes, I'm just leaving now.
But yes, Ilya. I'd still love you if you were a worm.
There, all good?
Ilya
no not that
we already did that
i’d still love you too if you were a worm 🪱🍆🥰
i’d keep you in my pocket and make you tiny bed and tiny burgers
and give you tiny kisses
Shanyushka ❤️ reacted to “and give you tiny kisses”
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Gross.
I would keep you in a Tupperware box.
It’s safer.
Also, I would give you fruit scraps from the compost bucket in the garden.
Since you're a worm.
Ilya
i want to bite you
anyway
please
questions game
i will ask you some and you just answer
good?
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Can I even say no?
Ilya
no ♥️
okay ready first one
Is it cheating if I text my ex?
2:43 pm
Shane
2:55 pm
shane are you still there
are you back in meeting?
3:01 pm
Shane
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Is this actually a question game, or are you trying to hint at something you’ve done?
Because if it's a game, I'm not playing anymore.
And if you're trying to tell me you've texted your ex, don't bother coming back tonight.
Ilya
of course not baby
all my ex’s have me blocked i cant message them
3:10 pm
just joking
3:15 pm
was a joke
shane i love you 🫰
look i did the thing
3:18 pm
shane
is that a yes?
is cheating?
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
I’m not playing anymore.
Ilya
okay question two 👨❤️👨
Is it cheating if I dance closely with someone else?
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Ilya, I'm not playing anymore.
I'm serious.
I don't like this game.
Choose a different game.
The worm was cute. This is not.
Ilya
pleaseeeeeeeeeee
🥺
it’s fun i swear
i will switch questions to be about you
please
i need screenshots to send to show we are funnier then troy and harris
that we are best couple on team
because we are but they think we are not
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Oh, that's what this is?
You know what.
Fine.
Go.
I’ll play 😁
Ilya
yay!
🎉🥰😻🥹
Ilya ❤️🔥 reacted to “I’ll play 😁”
Ilya
okay
question three
Is it cheating if you kiss someone else on the cheek?
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
No.
Next question.
Ilya
oh
😐
no?
is kissing someone else
not me
did you read right?
dont worry sweetheart lovley, i will resend so you answer again and ill screenshot
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
No, I read it correctly.
My answer is no.
I think that's fine.
Next question.
Ilya
um
…
really
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Yes.
Ilya
your right this isnt fun
we shouldn't play
lets go back to teh worm
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
This is fun!
Next.
Ilya
hm
okay
question five
Is it cheating if you hide conversations from the other?
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Hmm…
Like on my phone?
Or in person?
Ilya
?
thats werid question
why
both
maybe
why
would answer change?
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Ilya, just pick one.
On my phone or in person.
Ilya
uh…
fine
okay
on your phone
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Oh.
Then no.
Next question.
Ilya ❓ reacted to “Oh.”
Ilya
wait
is okay to hide conversations on your phone?
whta do you mean
why would you hide them
have you done this
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Explaining my answers isn't a part of the game, baby 🤍
Next question.
Ilya
i think it could be
there is no rules
do you mean like with rose
the hiding conversations
hayden?
that bartender from other night?
because you said you threw away the number he gave you
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
I did.
Next question please 😚
Ilya
😐
we are circling back to this
but fine
question five
Is it cheating if you send suggestive photos to someone else?
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
No.
3:20PM
(1) Missed call.
Ilya
oh
wait
i just reread
ha ha funny 🩷🤣
i understand now
youR joking
very funny
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
?
I’m not joking.
My body, my choice 📸 💝
(1) Missed calls.
Ilya
who told you that
is crazy
is wrong
by the way
is joint disccusion
have you already done this one too
pick up
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
No. I'm busy.
Just ask the next question.
Ilya
question nine
who are you sending suggestive pictures too
and hiding messages
and when
and who
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
That's not a real question in the game.
Ilya
yes it is
was next on the list
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Oh, okay.
Sure.
Send me the list then.
Just so I can make sure I'm answering it correctly.
Ilya
question ten
this is good one! 😻
easy
Is it cheating if you follow models on social media?
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
No?
Ilya 😝 reacted to “No?”
Ilya
yes! i agree!
see
then how would i follow you?
Shanyushka ♥️ reacted to “then how would i follow you?”
Ilya
i knew youd like that one
i told you it was good question
it was actually question 27 but i said it now because i had good response
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
That did make me smile a bit.
Ilya
that is my everyday goal 💪🥳☀️
Send me photo of becuatiful smile i made then 🥺
with glasses 🥺🥺
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
That is my goal everyday too!
💛
Attached photo.
Ilya 🥇 reacted to attached.
Ilya
you kill me so pretty
dead
😍 🔫🍀😍🌞💏
how am i so lucky to have such a pretty husband
oh wait…
😐
no glasses
Ilya 🥈 reacted to attached.
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
…
Wow.
You're such an asshole.
I stepped out of the meeting room to take that for you.
Ilya
🤷
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
No wonder I have secret conversations. (Deleted one minute ago)
Ilya
did you just…
nevermind
i thought i saw message
ready for next question 🥰
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
You bet.
Ilya
yay! see i knew you’d like this game 🫶💕🤗🏌️
Shanyushka 😃 reacted to “yay! see i knew you’d like this game 🫶💕🤗🏌️”
Ilya
question twelve 😻
Is it cheating if you think about someone else during intimacy with me?
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Oh, god.
I hope not!
😬
Ilya
…
…
?
…
game over.
What.
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
🤷
(2) Missed calls
Ilya
answer
4:02 pm
(1) Missed call
Ilya
explain shrug man
answer
4:06 pm
(1) Missed call
Ilya
is it the bartender
i remember what he looks like
i rember the time he works as well
(1) Missed call
New voicemail: two minutes long.
4:10 pm
Ilya
ignore that voicemail
i am calm now sweetheart 🥰
message me back 💝
your so silly 🤣🃏
4:12 pm
(2) Missed calls
Ilya
okay not calm again
who are you thinking about when i fuck you
who are you think when i make love to you
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
You should tell Harris thank you for the game 😽
This is great!
Ilya
is harris the one are thinking of?
because he is nice
and sweet
because i know where he works as well
Shanyushka 🦴💦🦽💘
Hi lover 👨❤️👨
Attached photo.
Here is the suggestive photo of the day!
Oh wait…
Oops!
-
It took Ilya exactly ten minutes to get to Shane’s location, which, if anyone had asked, he would have said was extremely impressive given both the extreme Montreal distance and the fact that he’d been following Shane’s Find My iPhone from his open laptop on the dashboard. Weaving his orange Porsche through streets with just enough attention not to crash and accidentally pick up a vehicular manslaughter charge on the way to his actual murder charge.
He only slowed when the map told him to, and the blinking dot merged with his own.
When he was there.
Ilya looked down at his phone. Then up. Then back down again, hoping the map might hopefully take a second to reconsider where it had terribly led, but like all the other terrible things in Ilya’s life, it did not. The address stayed exactly where it was.
“Oh fuck,” Ilya said out loud, carrying nothing but pain and horror.
Because…
Yes.
Right.
That was…
Gulp.
Hayden Pike’s house.
Which…he maybe should have recognised from the map, considering he’d been here more than a dozen times, but you see Ilya had a system when it came to Hayden Pike A very very effective one, actually. A one in which any information relating to Hayden (aka: his address, his routines, the general fact of his horrible horrible continued existence in his life) was immediately wiped from Ilya’s brain the second it appeared.
Cleared out like a summer spring morning to make room for far more relevant and significantly more important knowledge.
Such as Shane.
Always his beautiful beautiful Shane.
Shane’s schedule. Shane’s habits. The exact way his ass looked in every pair of jeans he owned and the way he pouted if Ilya didn’t tell him that and maybe touch because of it.
Important things. Useful things. Essential, really, for continued happy married life.
And yet now, standing there with this specific house looming in front of him, Ilya was forced to acknowledge that his system had failed him in the worst possible moment.
Because Shane was inside.
At least, that’s what his still-open laptop said.
“Absolutely not,” Ilya muttered, the words jumping off the wooden plank of his tongue.
Is this the lover?
No. No. Never.
There was absolutely no version of current day reality in which Shane Hollander was…
Ilya exhaled through his nose, dragging a hand down his face as he tried, unsuccessfully, to reorganise his thoroughly scrambled egg yolk thoughts.
Sure. Okay. Hayden had a thing for Shane. That wasn’t new information. It was more something Ilya had very deliberately ignored, because it had never really mattered in the grand scheme of things. Because Shane had never given him a reason to think it could matter.
And Shane…
A laugh soaked in the sticky sap of disbelief slipped out of Ilya as he started across the front lawn, shaking his head. “Shane would ask to borrow money to sleep with prostitute before he slept with Hayden stupid Pike,” he muttered.
But…Shane did get a concussion five weeks ago.
Which was not that long ago. Medically speaking. (Probably?)
And the doctor did say there would be lingering effects left in his system. Like confusion. Poor decision-making. Temporary harrowing lapses in judgment.
“Okay,” Ilya succeeded, nodding once to himself. “Yes. That makes sense.” He shoved his phone into his pocket, “This is medical issue,” he added quietly. “Very nasuating medical issue.”
He was reaching the door with his hand already lifted when it suddenly swung open to reveal Shane standing in the doorway with that confused, thrown expression that would have been endearing and pretty in literally any other situation.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, with his brows scrunched.
But Ilya didn’t answer.
Answering would have required stopping, and he had no intention of stopping. He instead pushed past Shane the second there was space, their shoulder brushing as he moved inside to continue his completely normal search for his husband’s lover.
Oh, wow. That hurts to think about.
Ilya moved fast through the hallway, opening doors as he went and glancing into rooms without really seeing them. He moved into the kitchen next and pulled out cupboards, looked under the table, and, in a quick sweep, through the empty space.
But even as he emptied the coat closet, he found nothing.
Not a single hiding person.
Well, nothing that matched what he’d already built in his head on the drive over the second he accidentally got that message.
Ilya heaved in a breath. He has to be here. He has to.
He was already turning toward the stairs, halfway up to the second level, when Shane caught up, the confusion in his voice turning into more bafflement after watching Ilya destroy every room in his best friend's house.
“Ilya, what are you doing?” Shane asked again, more frantically now. “Did Hayden message you? Has something happened? Why are you moving so fast…wait. Stop!”
The worry in the voice was enough to make Ilya halt for a moment, with his hand staying on the banister and turning his head, looking back with something growing more dangerous with each second passing Pike-less. “Where is he?” Ilya huffed.
But Shane just blinked back at the tone, completely lost. He glanced instinctively toward the empty first floor, like the answer to this strange turn in the afternoon might be in one of the now many open doors. “What? Where is who?” He puzzled. “Who are you referring to?”
Ilya exhaled, with his head tilted back. “Hayden,” he spat, waving his hand. “Where is Hayden?”
Shane’s brows pulled together at the words, his eyes moving over Ilya’s face, searching for more context between the frail, frazzled lines and finding absolutely none. “He just went out,” Shane replied, slower now. “He went to drop off diapers for Jackie at the park. Apparently, the baby needed one, and she forgot extras, I don’t—”
He stopped himself, knowing no amount of boring details from his side would make Ilya being here make any more sense.
“Ilya,” he continued instead, trying to pull them back into reality, “what the fuck are you doing? Why are you rampaging through the house? What has Hayden done?”
But it came too late. Ilya was already moving again the second Shane said Hayden was gone. He was turning away and taking the stairs two at a time now, with restless energy under his skin not even close to settling.
“Hayden!” he called as he reached the top, his voice repainting the walls of the house with the force of it. “Where are you? Come out. I won’t hurt you too badly.”
Behind him, Shane followed as well, but just a little bit faster, with footsteps patter on the carpet. “Hurt him?” Shane repeated from halfway up the stairs, the confusion melting into immediate panic. “Ilya, what—”
Ilya spun then, cutting him off before he could finish, already decided what was happening here, and at this point, he was simply waiting for confirmation, or more preferably for a weaselly little face to peek out from somewhere nearby.
“Is it him?” he growled. “Is he the…” Ilya swallowed. “...lover?”
Shane suddenly stopped about five feet and right in the middle of the stairs, the question catching him completely off guard. His face went still for a moment, with nothing there but startled alarm from the chase a few moments ago.
But then, slowly, like a ever dawning sun over a horizon, it rose.
A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as his head tilted slightly to the side, something loving and far more fond taking over. “Ilya,” he whispered, taking another step toward him, “is that what this is ab—”
But Ilya didn’t let him get any further, because all he could see was that Shane wasn’t denying it, wasn’t correcting him, wasn’t even…
Oh. He’s not even ashamed.
And worse…no, actually worse than that, he doesn’t think it’s cheating.
That’s what the game said. That’s what he said.
Ilya drew in a hurting breath, holding it for a second to let his lungs learn its language before letting it out and forcing his shoulders to stay relaxed.
“Shane,” he croaked, overly calm now, which somehow made it feel more serious, “I know we did not ever have conversation about relationship rules, not properly, so maybe this is my fault, but…sweetheart you can only have one lover, which is me. One husband too.”
He paused, giving Shane time to follow his sentence like a dot bouncing above a karaoke lyric. He knew even though this felt incredibly straightforward to him, he also knew Shane had always been a little iffy on certain societal structures, and Ilya had learned he sometimes needed things explained clearly.
Like, fuck it, monogamy. He guesses.
“Is closed relationship.” Ilya gestured with his hands. “Like barricaded doors relationship. Like anything…or anyone…that is not me is not good relationship,” he sighed. “I will not say cheating this time because you did not know. But it is still…yes. Not great.” His composure was amazing holding, but only just. “But again, you did not know this, so I am not mad. Do not think that. I am…not angry at you.”
It was, technically, true.
“But I do just need you to tell me who it is,” Ilya finished. “Tell me who the lover is. Just so I can talk to them and let them know that…” He hesitated, just for a second. “…their services are no longer required.”
He looked at Shane properly now, with a wide almost pleasant politician smile on his face, like this was all something they could resolve in the next few minutes and everything could go back to being sunshine and rainbows in Hollander–Rozanov land.
Sunshine, butterflies, and faithful rainbows, actually.
“So just tell me,” Ilya whispered, his voice in an almost conspiratorial, petulant tone. “Is it Hayden? Is he the one you are sending photos to and messaging? Or is it someone else?” He tipped his head. “You know what,” he continued, “just give me name and address and next of kin, and we can go home and make dinner, okay?”
Shane only blinked, giving him absolutely none of what he’d asked for. He stood there with a slowly growing grin at every word falling out of Ilya’s mouth.
Like this was somehow all funny. And not the worst day of Ilya’s life.
So Ilya just widened his hands, in a gesture that was meant to read as open, reasonable, entirely non-threatening.
“Honest,” he said. Then, after a small pause, “Also, I may need list of everything they did and said, and good lawyer. For other reasons.” He waved that off quickly. “Nothing to do with this, moya lyubov. I promise. Just for…charity things. But not the charity lawyers. Different lawyers, you don't know or talk to. Ever. Also, I may be on holiday for up to next eighteen months deciding on what a jury of my peers say, but i’ll send postcard and—”
A laugh abruptly cut him off after that last line. A loud and hard breathing laugh.
“Woah…woah, Ilya,” Shane smiled, shaking his head, one hand coming up to physically slow this down before it got any further out of control. “I was joking in our messages. I was joking. Stop. Stop. Stop. You're not going to jail. There is no lover or—”
But Ilya didn’t slow. He didn’t even really accept the words for what they were; he just continued over Shane, completely serious.
“Sweetheart, I know you want to protect Hayden, but like I said, I just want to talk to him. I swear. Is all I want. I don’t know about this jail talk. Is crazy and not at all what I meant… unless they did something I would need to go to jail for, like touching you or kissing you or—”
Shane’s laughter came fonder now before it joyfully wilted, and he stepped closer, reaching out and brushing his hand over the front of Ilya’s shirt before letting it settle on his shoulder. “If touching me means going to jail, you’re going to have a lot of people on your hands, seeming as we play a contact sport, baby,” he murmured, tilting his head and making his eyes go a little too innocent to be genuine.
Ilya just scoffed and glanced away from the weapon of those stupidly beautiful brown eyes now fully on him. “I am good multitasker,” he muttered, though he still leaned into the weight of Shane’s hand. “And I don’t have any hobbies, so…”
Shane rolled his eyes, placing both hands on Ilya’s shoulders, now ready to physically hold him there long enough to get through to him.
“Ilya,” he pushed, waiting until Ilya looked back at him before continuing, “I am serious. I was joking. There is no one else. I know I’m not that good at sarcasm, but I did the whole checklist Rose gave me, so I thought you could tell.”
Ilya’s eyes moved over his face, searching to find something like a sincere wrinkle that might confirm the words were true, but Shane and his perfect skincare routine outwitted him.
“But judging by whatever the fuck this is,” Shane added, one eyebrow lifting with quiet amusement, “maybe I missed a checkpoint. I should have done the brackets that say ‘joke’ at the end. Maybe I should have added more emojis, like you. Another twelve or something.”
Ilya did laugh at the joke, but hesitated still, the doubt not quite releasing its all-present hold. “Are you sure…?” he asked, with an unseeing smirk and caution in his bones. “Because if you're not sure and your saying this all to make me—”
Shane leaned in and kissed his moving lips. Halting all of Ilya’s ability at speech.
“Look at you right now,” he waved as he pulled back, a huff of laughter following. “You think I have time to be Shane Hollander, be married to you, and have a secret lover?” He shook his head and pressed a kiss again. “I know I have good time management,” he added, “but I’m not Superman.”
Ilya didn’t answer straight away, just stood there for a second like he needed a moment to catch up, before he finally stepped in closer and folded his arms around Shane’s waist, which was more needed than everything else that had come before it.
And as he did, his eyes moved past Shane’s shoulder, decently taking in the family homed walls on either side for the first time, seeing the scattered baby photos, the smudged handprints pressed into the paint, the reasons none of this was the lover's house he thought it might be.
“You are Yuna’s son,” he still murmured, carrying that lingering red string thread of logic he hadn’t quite let go of. “If you wanted to do all three, you could. So you see why I worry, my love.”
His hands slipped down to hook into the back loops of Shane’s pants, not for anything more, just closing the last inch of space to make them flush with one another in the simplest way he knew how.
Shane made a melting face at that, like he could see exactly where Ilya’s brain had gone and wasn’t entirely sure whether to laugh again or not. “Well,” he smirked, nussling a little as he adjusted his grip on Ilya’s arms, “let me put it like this.”
There was an inhale felt on skin, to make sure Ilya was actually listening.
“I don’t want another lover,” he continued, wrinkling his nose. “Ew, word, by the way. Sorry about that. I just want the one, the one I have right now.” His thumb brushed where it rested against Ilya’s skin. “You, Mr. Ilya Rozanov Hollander. I want you.”
Ilya felt his mouth pull into a smile at the affirming nature Shane was always freely willing to give, eyes closing as when Shane leaned in and pressed a small kiss to the tip of Ilya nose.
And suddenly… Ilya was left feeling a little…well, ridiculous. Because how had he gotten from a text message to this so quickly?
How had he let a few words stretch to be a marathon of this distance? Shane would never do any of the things he imagined in his head. But that could be the problem. Maybe it was because he wouldn’t have expected Shane to ever have an affair of any kind. Is that bad..or good? Who knows.
Ilya just let out a quiet breath, as the last of that crushing worry eased, and he leaned in also, returning the kiss with an absent press to either side of Shane’s face, giving more when Shane’s eyes scrunched up in a love fooling whine.
“Let’s make a deal,” Ilya cooed, pulling back just enough to look again, his tone still serious, even if the pace of his words had stuttered to a stop. “Let's make a deal to never joke about any of that ever again. No more cheating or other mistresses. Or other Mr’s, I should say, to Mr gay.” He shook his teasing face into a falling grimace. “Was terrible hour,” he added, “Not fun to imagine what you and Hayden might look like together. I need a bath for my brain. One with lots of bubbles and maybe a sexy nurse named Shane Holland—”
Shane laughed and hit Ilya's shoulder to stop talking, the sound a stitched blanket of all the happy word synonyms.
“Why would I stop, though?” Shane moaned, pouting his head while catching Ilya’s chin between his fingers. “You reacted so hotly. You looked like you were about an inch away from picking me up and…” he broke off with a shiver of an exhale, not even fully knowing where he’d been going with that, “I don’t know, but it was fucking hot.”
Ilya tried to frown at that. He really did.
But it didn’t quite perfect the miserable gymnast landing the way he wanted it to, especially not when Shane’s hands slipped under the hem of his shirt, warm against his skin and distracting him from whatever point he’d been trying to make.
So instead, he just asked, discreetly now, “Are Jackie and all the thousands of kids gone as well?”
Shane nodded almost immediately, though his attention had already dropped to his own flow of water like hands, tracing absent lines over Ilya’s stomach, forgetting the need to also talk in a two-way conversation entirely. He only hummed, biting at his bottom lip without really thinking about why Ilya would query such a question.
But that was enough of an answer for whatever plan the Russian had anyway.
Ilya leaned in, brushing his mouth just behind Shane’s ear, before, without warning or any real lead-up, lifting Shane cleanly off the ground.
“Ilya!” Shane let out a surprised sound, catching at his shoulders, the back of his shirt, anything stable as his balance disappeared under him. “What…what are you doing?”
Ilya just smiled and adjusted his grip, as if the weight of the fully grown professional athlete was nothing. He only moved to step deeper into the hallway with a scambling Shane held easily over his shoulder and a quick pinch to one of his thrashing thighs.
“Is this what you thought I would do?” he taunted, something playful sitting underneath each syllable. “Hm? But now tell me, Mr. Rozanov Hollander, which bedroom is Pike’s?”
Shane let out a laughing breath, twisting still at the suggestion, “We are not going into Hayden’s room,” he objected with what little power he had, reaching down to instead smack Ilya on the ass in protest for the pinch.
But it was already too late. Ilya had picked a door and was pushing it open without hesitation, stepping inside while carrying Shane with him before dropping the man onto the bed to let the mattress bounce under him, and his limbs clamber.
A surprised gasp broke from Shane’s lips as he landed, looking up at Ilya, caught between amusement and something entirely else as the air around them warmed from the sparks firing off into it. “You’re unbelievable,” he mithered, but there was no real complaint in it.
In response, Ilya only caught Shane’s legs again the second he attempted to shift away, pulling him down properly to the edge of the bed, with his back scraped against the soft, floral fabric Jackie probably picked out.
“I have heard that many times in the bedroom before,” Ilya said, a smirk painting at his mouth, already moving to lean over Shane before he could push himself back up. “Mostly from you, moya shlyukha. Do you remember this? I think you were there.”
Shane waved his hands in challenge but stayed exactly where he was, knowing he had no intention of going anywhere with or without Ilya crowding over him. “Maybe you'll remind me?” he purred tenderly, glancing up through his lashes, “But we have to be quick, my lover is coming soon.”
Ilya didn’t even pause at the goading. He just closed the last of the space between them with the full press of his weight. Bodies moulding like wax around each part of the other. “There is only one thing coming soon,” he murmured, his mouth brushing close and more sensual, “and I am afraid, my lover, that is you.”
Shane’s smile widened, tipping his head to give Ilya full, easy access to the length of his throat, which he took happily and greedily. “Then get to it,” he dared. “Quickly before—”
It was then that the bedroom door burst wide open.
The hinge squeak like a horror violin, suspending the room into stillness as Hayden stumbled in, headfirst, before freezing like a deer in the headlights at what he found lying in front of him. Literally.
Shane jerked under Ilya as he tried to scramble back at the sudden burst of presence, hands moving from inside Ilya’s pants to instead push against his chest. But in battery opposites, the new face only seemed to make Ilya hold harder, not even looking down anymore, just turning his head toward the doorway with an annoyed sort of expression.
Hayden immediately flew his hands up and over his eyes in one quick, blinding motion before stuttering, “Oh…oh my god…” He spun around on the spot, presenting his back to the room instead. “Oh my god, really?” he called again, louder this time, shaking his head to undo what he’d just seen.
“Ilya…get off me!” Shane’s voice flew out, rushed now and a little breathless as he pushed harder, trying to create space. “Hayden, I’m so sorry, I—”
Ilya leaned in once more to finish whatever point he thought he was making with a loud kiss to the already purpling neck, before finally letting Shane go, completely unbothered by any of it. “I’m not,” Ilya said simply. “Now, Hayden, if you would please leave so I can—”
Shane didn’t even let Ilya finish that sentence, finally pushing himself up off the bed now and smoothing down his clothes. “Why…why are you back?” he spluttered, trying to catch up and fix the bed sheets at the same time. “I thought Jackie needed—”
“She did!” Hayden cut in, “But then she also needed formula, so I came back and…I heard noise upstairs, and I thought maybe someone broke in, and…” He made an overtly disgusted sound, not even having the words for what had actually just happened in front of his delicate eyes. “...Oh my god, Shane,” he finished instead, exasperated now, “…my bedroom? Why my bedroom?”
Ilya rolled his eyes at the performance, finally pushing himself up off the bed as well, “Don’t act like you wouldn’t love a piece of Shane on your bed, Pike,” he sung, crossing his arms as he stepped closer. “All over your neatly folded—”
Hayden shot around to point at him, his expression somehow both disbelief and complete and utter offence. “I am married, Ilya,” he enunciated flatly. “I am literally—”
“Okay, guys…no, stop,” Shane interjected quickly, his hands coming up in a frantic attempt to shut the whole situation down. “Hayden, I’m so sorry, we’ll leave…we’ll leave now, won’t we, Ilya?” he added, shooting him a look so death-defying it would have made a tightrope walker flinch.
Ilya, however, just looked back at Shane. Then, without missing a beat decided to ignore him, “I’m sorry, Hayden, I’m sorry,” he mimicked, pitching his voice higher and higher. “Meh…look at me. I’m Hayden, and I love—”
Shane swiftly grabbed Ilya's hand and pulled him from the bedroom with a muscle-tearing tug, away from an affronted Hayden, before Ilya could escalate what was already a terrible scene any further. Shane’s face flushed a deep, deep red that Ilya would absolutely be thinking about later.
By the time they made it down the stairs and out of the house, Shane hadn’t let go once; he only kept moving with determined urgency until they were back outside, back at the car, and back somewhere that felt marginally less like almost sex on your best friend's bed.
Shane dug the keys out of Ilya’s pocket and hastily slid into the driver’s seat, leaving the smiling man to also follow and drop into the passenger side before he could drive away. After a second, Shane just dragged his hands over his face. “I can’t believe that actually happened,” He muttered, his voice muffled before he let his fingers fall. “Why did we just do that? Seriously. Like fucking teenagers.”
Ilya shrugged merrily as he clicked his seatbelt into place, settling snug as a bug back into his seat. “Maybe because of my powers of…what did you say…hotness is too strong,” he remarked, entirely serious. “You cannot resist. But that is okay. Is why I am your only husband. No one can beat me.”
Shane let out a very fake laugh at that, gunning him a look from the side. “We are never playing one of those Harris games again,” he rasped vehemently, starting the car and pulling away.
But it was only as the house disappeared behind them that Ilya watched the street pass by, thinking all about how he couldn’t wait to ask Harris for another one.
Because he was right.
That was very fun!
Yay!