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St James’s park was always a meeting place for spies, it’s not something new. An expert eye knows how to recognize it. Actually, it’s not so hard to notice it, once you overhear three persons talking about clarinets in a row, you start thinking that it is not some coincidence. However, what is more difficult to discover is the odd pair of an angel and a demon sitting on a bench. As far as the regulars could remember, they were sitting here. Or at least, they could have remembered if they paid some attention to their surroundings. That was the beauty of St James’s park, nobody knew nobody. Expect of course, for Aziraphale and Crowley.
Since the park’s opening, Crowley thought -no, he KNEW- that it would be the perfect place for secret meetings with Aziraphale. What he didn’t know at the time was that one day he will be sitting next to his angel while holding his hand.
“No, it didn’t turn that bad in the end. I mean, they were only children, they didn’t understand the art of magic and prestidigitation at the time.” explained the angel.
Since morning, they were recalling all the events that happened before the Armageddon. And for ten minutes now, they were debating whether Aziraphale’s magic show at Warlock Dowling’s birthday was a success or a failure.
“Angel, it’s not to be rude but they literally threw cake at you.” calmly replied Crowley.
Aziraphale stayed silent for a moment. Crowley knew that even if he tried to hide it, the angel understood the point he made. But what bothered him the most was that Aziraphale knew how to make magic. He could have made the most incredible performance ever known to human beings, however, he chose to use some handmade tricks.
“Look” continued Crowley “I just don’t understand why you didn’t use a miracle, some real magic.” He was genuinely curious about that. “You could have impressed everyone in the room.”
Aziraphale looked at the demon for a few seconds before looking down. He seemed embarrassed. Did Crowley said something wrong. Maybe he made his angel uncomfortable by making him remember how his magic tricks were disliked, despite the fact that he tried his best and put his whole heart in this show, like everything he does. He needed to apologize, but before he could even open his mouth, Aziraphale began to speak.
“Well you see, the last time I performed in front of a public was at the West End.”
Aziraphale raised his head to look at his dear demon in the eyes, covered by his sunglasses, and smiled.
“I guess that not using any miracle during a magic show makes me remember that night. And somehow, it makes me feel like I can do anything when I’m with you. Even without real magic. And that you will always cover my back, no matter what.”
Crowley was speechless, he would have never thought that he was the reason why his angel loved magic so much. After this confession, Aziraphale was very red. That meant that Crowley was certainly blushing too. What could he respond? His angel just opened up to him regarding his feelings for him, but what could he say to equal that vulnerability? After thinking about it, he concluded that nothing he could reply would be good enough. But he still needed to find something to say, or at least, something to do, but what? Then, an idea crossed his mind. He held Aziraphale’s hand a little tighter and asked:
“Would you like to eat somewhere, Angel? Perhaps at the Ritz?”
Aziraphale’s eyes lighted as Crowley said those words.
“I would love to, my dear, he said spiritedly.”
Secretly, Crowley loved that nickname, even if he would have never admit it. These two words pronounced by his angel had the capacity to make his heart beat a little faster than usual. He was also relieved that Aziraphale didn’t saw his unease after his confession.
“Then, we’re heading to the Ritz.” declared Crowley while he stood up.
Once Aziraphale was standing up as well, the demon offered him his arm, which the angel was more than happy to take with a laugh.
The dinner went really well. They drank champagne, ate oysters, and even had crepes for dessert. As usual, Crowley was not really hungry, but seeing his angel as happy as he was tonight was enough to give him an appetite.
They were in the Bentley, heading to the bookshop, when it started to rain. Crowley never liked to drive while it was raining, especially when Aziraphale was with him. So he decided to drive slower than he normally does (but still faster than the law allowed it on this part of the road).
“Would you like me to put on some music, my dear?” asked the angel politely.
“Sure Angel, you can choose whatever you like.” replied Crowley, still focused on the road.
So without losing a second, Aziraphale started searching for a tape that he could like in the glove box.
«Ah!” exclaimed the angel “I found a Shostakovitch tape! What a surprise, I didn’t know you had one of these!”
Aziraphale put it in the cassette player when Crowley remembered something crucial.
“Aziraphale!” gasped Crowley, completely panicked “Wait, it’s not...”
He didn’t have the time to finish his sentence that Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy started playing at full volume in the car. More ashamed than ever, he stopped the music and started apologizing.
“Sorry Angel, I bought this tape for the next time that you would have come, but since then, it stayed more than two weeks in the Bentley, so…” Crowley sighted “...I guess it turned into Queen.”
Aziraphale looked at the demon for a few second before putting his hand on Crowley’s shoulder.
«You don’t need to apologize, my dear. Actually I find it very sweet that you thought about me and bought this tape. So thank you very much.” said the angel with a comforting smile.
“You’re welcome.” said Crowley, that Aziraphale’s words reassured.
He took a look at his angel.
“Would you like to listen to something else?” offered Crowley.
“Actually, I think I like the song that started playing just now.” replied Aziraphale.
“Alright, well, let’s listen to that tape.” said the demon while putting back the music.
During the rest of the route, neither the angel or the demon spoke. They just listened to music in a comfortable silence between them.
After a few minutes, the couple was back in the bookshop. There was now a storm outside and to step out of the Bentley would have been really difficult if Aziraphale didn’t make miraculously appear an umbrella.
Aziraphale took of his coat and put it on the coat rack next to the door. He was turning around to face Crowley when this one declared:
“Well, that was really a lovely night. Thank you Angel. Goodnight!”
But the angel seemed to be bothered by something that the demon couldn’t identify, he was looking at the ground like it could give him the answer to life itself, with his hand on his chin. So Crowley, worried about his angel, asked:
“Is there something wrong?”
Aziraphale blinked twice as Crowley woke him up from his reflection. He seemed a bit worried as well.
“My dear, you don’t seriously think to go home with this weather. It could be dangerous.”
And just like the universe heard him, and wanted to give a justification to his concern, the thunder rumbled with intensity. Crowley perfectly understood Aziraphale on this point but he couldn’t do otherwise, it’s not like he had the choice. But, why would they both worry about some rain, after all, Crowley drove his Bentley while it was literally burning down. It’s not some water which would stop him.
“Look Angel” gently said Crowley “I know you’re worried but I’m sure it’s gonna be fine. You know that I already drove in so much worse conditions, right?”
But right after Crowley finished his sentence, Aziraphale moved forward to face him and grasped both of his hands before looking him in the eyes and asking:
“Wouldn’t you like to sleep here tonight? It would allow you not to drive on the rain, and we could stay together a little longer than usual.” softy said the angel.
Crowley couldn’t respond. He wasn’t able to move either. Which was a real problem since Aziraphale was certainly waiting for an answer. He was too surprised to say anything, he could have expected anything from the angel, he could have imagined every possibility. But this one? He never saw it coming.
Seeing that Crowley wasn’t saying anything, Aziraphale let go both of the demon’s hands and took a step back before hurriedly add:
“Of course you don’t have to accept if you don’t want to. It was just a proposal.”
Crowley, who snapped out of it, thanks to the angel’s voice, only had one thing to say. He took off his sunglasses, which he put on the chest of drawers next to the coat rack, to let the angel see his bright yellow eyes before saying:
“I would really love to stay with you, Aziraphale.”
Aziraphale’s eyes softened, like he was released because of Crowley’s answer. He had this sparkle in them that lights up only when Crowley begin to speak. The demon noticed it some times ago. Until this day, he still can’t believe that he is the one to have this effect on his angel, the one he loves, the one he could do anything for.
After a moment, realizing a silence took place between them, the angel asked:
“Would you like to drink something, my dear, or perhaps eat something?
-No, thank you.” declined Crowley.
And they were back to the silence. It shouldn’t have been this awkward. Crowley was in a place he was safe in, with his angel, then why was he feeling so weird. He never found himself in this situation before. Was he supposed to say something. No, he didn’t think so. Then what to do?
“Well, it has been a long day” said the angel while stretching. “I’m exhausted. Some sleep would probably help. Maybe we should go to bed?” offered Aziraphale.
Great, a conversation which Crowley could take part of. He was as tired as Aziraphale, so of course, he was glad that the angel had suggested to go to bed. But before he could agree, a thought crossed his mind, they didn’t discuss about the place he would sleep in tonight. And because he didn’t want to seem rude by directly asking Aziraphale, he decided to handle things differently.
“Yes, it sounds good to me. I’m sorry but I don’t quite remember: where is the guest room again?”
After hearing this, the angel immediately looked at the ground and began to blush. Which made Crowley wondering what was so unsettling about what he said.
“Uhm…” started the angel, which didn’t reassured Crowley. “How to say this? The guest room isn’t available.
-What?” asked Crowley, not sure that he understood what the angel said.
“Well, continued Aziraphale, I use the guest room as a stock room in order to fix the books that have been damaged during the bookshop battle.”
Aziraphale forced himself to look at Crowley in the eyes before finishing what he had to say.
“Which means that the only bed still available is...”
And suddenly Crowley was hit by the realization. If the guest room isn’t available, it means that... Oh no...
“...my bed.” completed the angel, his blue eyes buried in Crowley’s, a little embarrassed smile on his face.
Crowley will have to sleep with Aziraphale. At this simple thought, the demon was getting flustered. They just started dating. They never even kissed, so sleeping with his angel... They never had this proximity in six thousand years of existence. Maybe it will end up well... But what if it ends up terribly wrong? As much as Crowley wanted to sleep with Aziraphale, he was even more terrified of what it will be like. What if he ruins everything?
“Crowley, you’re very red. Are you okay?” said the angel, timidly. “I won’t force you to sleep with me if you’re not comfortable with it.” said Aziraphale, more serious than ever. “If you want, you can sleep in my bed while I will be sleeping in my armchair.”
Crowley needed to pull himself together. His boyfriend was worrying for him. Even worse, he was trying to sacrifice himself for something stupid. All of that because Crowley couldn’t stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong. So he took a deep breath and tried to sound as relaxed as he could be.
“No, Angel, don’t do that. I really want to sleep with you, I was just...surprised. That’s it.” said Crowley, and technically, it wasn’t a lie, he really, genuinely wanted to sleep with Aziraphale.
“Crowley, are you sure?” asked the angel, not fully convinced by the demon. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”
“Yes, I’m sure. I really want to.” replied Crowley while taking Aziraphale’s hand.
The angel nodded with a little smile.
“Alright.” declared Aziraphale. “In this case, let’s climb upstairs.”
Then Aziraphale began to move forward towards the stairs, pulling Crowley behind him.
Crowley was now in Aziraphale’s bathroom, next to his bedroom. The angel made miraculously appear a pair of black pajamas, which he said would fit perfectly for Crowley, before offering him to get changed in his bathroom while he could do the same in his room. The first thing he noticed about Aziraphale’s bedroom was that, like most of the rooms in the bookshop, it contained a lot of shelves, all of them being full of books of all genres and sizes. The second things he noticed was the bed itself. It was a large bed, which sheets were of a pure white. In a way that Crowley couldn’t explain, the bed reminded him of Aziraphale himself.
It was time for Crowley to get out of the bathroom. Before living he took a deep breath and knocked at the door.
“Angel? Can I come in?” asked the demon.
“Yes my dear, you can.” replied the angel behind the door.
And Crowley opened the door to find Aziraphale sitting in his bed reading a book. He was wearing a pair of white pajamas with blue stripes. Crowley found him absolutely beautiful. Which was not helping him since he was still terribly nervous. Aziraphale closed his book and put it down on his bedside table. He took a moment to watch Crowley and a soft smile appeared on his face. Seeing that the demon was still standing there watching him he said:
“I told you these pajamas would look beautiful on you.”
And the demon started to blush all over again and looked at the ground to avoid Aziraphale’s eyes.
“Thank you.” responded Crowley. “You look really good too.”
Which made the angel blush himself. After a few second Aziraphale said:
“You know, you can come here with me if you want to. You don’t have to wait for me to authorize it.”
That was exactly what Crowley was waiting for. So, feeling a bit stupid, he sat down on the bed and slipped his legs under the blanket. He couldn’t even look at Aziraphale in the eyes, even if he tried to. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and he didn’t know if he could stay like that for much longer.
“Crowley” called the angel while putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure to be fine? You know, if something is bothering you, you can tell me.” He made a pause before continuing. “And if you want me to leave you alone it’s okay too. I just want you to feel safe here. So please, tell me what’s wrong.” gently asked Aziraphale.
There wasn’t any judgment in his voice. Just genuine worries, care and love. Maybe Crowley should tell Aziraphale what he felt. The angel was always there for him after all. He never laughed at him, was always there to listen when the demon had a problem. So, why wouldn’t he tell him what was wrong?
It was time for him to tell the truth, and to give him some courage, he took Aziraphale’s hand, (which was still on his shoulder) and stared at the void (which was somewhere near Aziraphale’s pillow).
“Uhm…” started the demon who had no idea of what he should say first. “It’s just that... I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long and now that it is finally happening, well...” Crowley sighted before continuing softer, like a whisper. “I’ve always dreamed to be near you, to talk to you like we do now, to touch you, to show you how much I love you.” He raised his head to look at Aziraphale. “Because I do, and I guess that somehow I always did. I don’t want to mess things up now that I have everything I’ve ever wanted. Now that I have you, Aziraphale.”
The eyes of the demon were shining from a glow the angel never saw before, they were full of vulnerability as he was never so sincere. Aziraphale put his free hand on Crowley’s cheek and began to caress it with his thumb.
“I love you too, Crowley. And I want you to know that you’ll never mess things up. And I know it because I know you more than anyone else. And more than anything, I want to spend the rest of my existence with you. No matter what will happen.” The angel gave a faint of a smile. “Because I dreamed of being with you too.”
“Aziraphale” lovingly called Crowley. “May I kiss you?”
Aziraphale let his hand slowly slip from Crowley’s cheek to his chest. His eyes never expressed as much joy.
Aziraphale nodded in agreement: «Of course, my dear.»
And suddenly, their lips were touching for the first time in six thousand years. It was a slow kiss, full of all the love Aziraphale and Crowley always wanted to show each other. Crowley moved back to take a look at Aziraphale. He put his hand on the angel’s waist and the other one on his chest. His cheeks were from a light pink shade and he was looking at the demon like he was the most precious thing in the entire universe. Aziraphale was never so stunning.
“You’re absolutely gorgeous.” whispered the demon, who was looking at Aziraphale from up to down, like he wanted to print this image in his mind forever.
“And you’re a shooting star in the dark sky, which I hope will never fade away” replied Aziraphale, hoping he found the right words to make Crowley feel the same way as he made him feel with his compliments.
And it worked more than he could have ever expected it. At this moment, Crowley could have died happier than he ever was, feeling like the most important thing in Aziraphale’s universe. So, running out of words to express his feelings, he got closer to his angel and kissed him with passion. Aziraphale puled him even closer to him until their chests were touching. Crowley could feel the angel’s fast heartbeat through his skin, which meant that he was certainly feeling his. He never felt so good. Like his all life was leading him towards this moment with Aziraphale.
Suddenly Crowley opened his mouth trying to catch his breath and Aziraphale stuck his tongue inside. Their tongues were now colliding and the kiss was extending, leaving Crowley and Aziraphale in a state they would have been happy to stay in forever: against each other, showing the other all the love they felt for him during all these years.
Out of breath, they both moved back, panting.
“You are amazing.” said the angel between two breaths.
“And so you are.” replied the demon.
All the doubts that were tormenting him were now gone, they faded away thanks to the angel’s love, and he never felt better than in this instant. They both took a moment to catch their breaths and when they finally did, he asked with curiosity:
“So, what are we supposed to do now?”
Aziraphale had a little laugh and leaned towards Crowley. He left a soft kiss on his jaw and said:
“Maybe should try to sleep, don’t you think?”
Aziraphale was right, they were both exhausted from the day and Crowley was glad that the angel reminded him why they were here, in his bed, in the first place. So the demon smiled lovingly and nodded before snapping his fingers to miraculously turn off the light. They both lied down under the blanket, facing each other.
“I’m so glad you stayed with me tonight, my dear.” whispered Aziraphale, his eyes shinning in the dark of the room.
“And you can’t imagine how glad I am to have stayed.” replied Crowley, more smiley than he ever was.
A few minutes went by, where Aziraphale and Crowley were just looking at each other and listening each other breathing. It was a comfortable silence, in which they never felt better to have nothing to say. Aziraphale was the one to break it, he had something he wanted to ask the demon. He considered to say nothing, but since they went this far tonight, he thought that it would be foolish to stay silent.
“Crowley” called the angel.
“Yes, Aziraphale” responded Crowley, surprised to hear his angel speak.
“Would you like to cuddle?” asked Aziraphale.
His voice had a touch of doubt in it, which Crowley sensed. So, to reassure him, he took his hand and left a kiss there.
“I would love to.”
Aziraphale sighted from relief before opening his arm to let Crowley take place there. And so, the demon leaned against Aziraphale’s chest and surrounded him from his arms. The angel did the same, one hand on Crowley’s back and the other in his hair. There legs mixed up like it was their only purpose. Crowley took a deep breath, the angel smelled like the books he loved so much, mixed with a touch of cinnamon. In other words, to Crowley, Aziraphale smelled like home.
Crowley pulled the angel a little closer to him and hummed in satisfaction, which made Aziraphale caress the demon’s hair. They were both savoring every minute, every second of this instant spent together, where neither of them knew where one started and where the other ended. The only things that could be felt between them were a blind trust in each other and, most importantly, love. More love than an angel or a demon could have ever felt normally. A love that was kept for years like a secret, but which, as time went by, became an ineffable and yet irrefutable truth. And today, a love that can bloom freely between Aziraphale and Crowley. In the end, both of them fell asleep in each other’s arm, surrounded by all this love until morning, and they secretly hoped, until the end of times.