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Kaylee pretends she don’t hear it as Inara sweeps into the engine room; it’s hard, though, because the other woman don’t hang around much these parts much to begin with, so she sticks out a bit. Much time as they’re like to spend together, the sortsa things Inara tends to wear’d get mussed up real quick if she were prone to lettin’ her fine dresses drag all over the floor, gettin’ greased to hell ‘n back.
But Inara don’t seem to mind none now as she places her hands against the wall, bracin’ behind herself. Her silk gold dress glints back the rust bronzes and mechanical silvers of the engine, of Kaylee’s tools as she works.
Inara waits a long several moments as Kaylee works the wrench, eventually slidin’ the back of her hand over her forehead because it’s burnin’ pretty mighty well in here. It’s sure to leave a trail a’grease.
“You didn’t come into town today,” Inara notes finally, without so much as a hey. It should jus’ be a simple observation, and really, it is, ‘cept Kaylee swears she hears ‘Nara’s voice wearin’ the slightest hint a’hurt, which ain’t much like her and makes Kaylee think it must be on purpose. ‘Cause Inara don’t hardly do nothin’ she don’t wanna. If her tone’s givin’ her away, Kaylee’s gonna go ahead and guess it’s ‘cause she wants it to.
Just shrugging, Kaylee walks closer to where Inara’s went ‘n stationed herself because it’s where the rag she keeps for her own skin is hangin’ on a hook. Kaylee reaches for it and dabs at the sweat arced on her neck before answering, finally, “Just real busy today,” as she sweeps the rag across her forehead, too.
Ain’t a lie, but not half as honest as it could be, neither. Nothin’ she’d been doin’ today couldn’t’a waited, and it’s practically tradition with Inara to go wonderin’ the shops of any town they stop at that don’t got major police presence. Bailin’ on Inara without a word was about as clear a message she coulda sent as any, but she means to draw this out a while.
“Yes,” Inara agrees, dartin’ her eyes ‘round the whole place. “This looks… very urgent.”
Kaylee snorts, despite havin’ all sortsa intentions on stayin’ mad. “Like you’d even know!”
“I suppose you’re right.” Inara grins, then, the look of it shiny and wide, and Kaylee realizes with a jolt:
“You… hey, you did that on purpose!”
“What? Made you laugh?” Inara’s smile morphs; it doesn’t vanish, but gentles into a closed-mouthed thing, small and fond and maybe even a’lil sad. “I love to make you laugh. It’s… ” Inara’s lashes flutter a few times. Kaylee watches as she takes a deep breath, like she’s gearin’ to say somethin’ honest but weighty, not used to seein’ the daylight. “It’s lovely when you laugh. Everything feels… brighter.”
Kaylee freezes in her gorram spot, then sighs. “What do you gotta go and say that for now?” Kaylee groans. She flops onto her hammock, then turns back to Inara to frown at her some more. “You’re makin’ it real hard to stay mad at you for kissin’ my boyfriend, jus’ in case you were curious.” She actually don’t know about the boyfriend thing, but it feels true enough, and anyway, it makes the words sting harder. Ordinarily, Kaylee’s not tryin’ for that, especially not with Inara, but…
“He told you, then?” Inara asks, standin’ up a mite more straight, causin’ her dress to shift. Bein’ truthful, though, Inara don’t sound so terribly surprised. A glint of sweat is glistenin’ bright on her breastbone, and Kaylee looks away, sure she’s flushin’ somethin’ terrible.
“‘Course he did,” Kaylee says on a sigh as she casts her gaze toward the ceilin’. “Simon’s a lotta things—honest is one of ‘em.”
Inara quirks a brow. “I don’t suppose you recall how he came to be on this ship?”
Kaylee quirks her own brow right back. “You recallin’ at all how spectacular that went for him?”
Laughin’ on a light breeze, Inara raises her hands up, as though in mock surrender. “I suppose you’re right. He’s… he can be very earnest. Whether or not he means to be.”
“Sometimes too much, even, but,” Kaylee shrugs, the hammock shifting lightly underneath her. “Ain’t hardly blamin’ him for tellin’ me the truth.”
“What did he say, exactly?” Inara wonders, mouth sketched into a frown.
“That it didn’t feel wrong in the moment, but he didn’t wanna keep it from me, neither. That he was tryna understand what I...” At this, Kaylee pinches her temple, feelin’ the sparks of a headache comin’ on. “How’d this get so messy? We only even been datin’ for a couple of months.”
With her eyes closed, it takes a minute to realize the sounds she’s hearin’ are from Inara gettin’ down to her knees, from fabric shiftin’ against fabric as she leans her arms against the edge of Kaylee’s hammock. The subtle breeze from her graceful glide downward.
“You’ll ruin your dress, ‘Nara,” Kaylee says warningly, and she realizes that it sounds pretty watery as she winks an eye open. The game is up, she figures. So much for not carin’. Not that she ever really thought Inara bought it.
At seein’ Kaylee’s own expression, the tears she can feel collecting in her eyes, Inara’s falls, alive with worry and hurt and somethin’ close to guilt. “I don’t care about that right now. You have every right to be this angry with me,” Inara insists slowly. “I thought you’d been considering… but that’s no excuse. I never should have—”
Kaylee shakes her head, almost frantic with it because Inara just don’t get it. “That ain’t what… I’m not angry that you kissed Simon!”
The air around them, stuffed up as it was, seems to gain a chill to it. Or maybe that’s jus’ Kaylee’s own skin, collectin’ goosebumps by the minute because she’s on the edge of sayin’ somethin’, and Inara’s so close as to be touched, and…
“But you said…”
Crossing her arms, Kaylee falls further back into her hammock.
Almost immediately, Inara reaches for her, her fingers gentle against Kaylee’s bare elbow. She herself’s been wearin’ her coveralls but a simple short-sleeve underneath, ‘cause the engine room gets so hot sometimes and is burnin’ an extra mile today; they’re still touched down on a desert planet. Mentally, she reminds herself to check on the coolin’ system since it really shouldn’t oughta have to be this bad.
Point is, she ain’t wearin’ nothin’ special to look at. Sometimes she gets to lookin’ at Inara and then looks back at herself and figures there’s no way Inara could see much of anythin’ in her. She’d felt that way a while with Simon, but while it took time (and more than a coupla stumbles she still likes to rib him for), he gives her more reason to know how he’s feelin’, more guidance on it, once she works a little to pull it outta him.
With Inara, it’s always anyone’s guess because she can make anythin’ sound real pretty, whether it’s halfa the truth or not. But Kaylee’s gettin’ tired of guessin’, lately.
“...Kaylee.”
“I know what I said, alright? And I—I’m all aware shoutin’ it like that makes it sound like maybe I am angry about that, but… ”
Inara purses her lips, though it looks a lil amused. Kaylee’s stomach clenches. “That’s not it, then. But you are angry. Are you really going to make me guess?” Kaylee really could oughta almost laugh at the irony. She don’t get it; she’s never been too shy about it, she don’t think. Wears her heart on gorram sleeve whether she wants it hangin’ out there or not. Never been able to help it much. “I can keep trying if you’d like. But the easier you make it on me, the more quickly I can make up to you.”
Bitin’ on her own lip a minute, Kaylee folds. She always wants to fold when it comes to Inara. “Before Simon got here…” Kaylee shrugs. “I liked you, Inara. I thought you knew that. I’ve been likin’ you, and… I thought…”
Kaylee’s lashes flutter a few times as she remembers on quiet moments between them, Inara’s fingers threadin’ softly through her hair, Inara answerin’ question after question with patience, Inara swayin’ closer at a bonfire one night when they were both a little melted on mulled wine.
“But you never did nothin’ ‘bout it,” she adds after another moment. “Then you went kissin’ on Simon. Is it… is it because he’s like you? Because he’s from the core? Because I ain’t?” Kaylee feels those well embarrassing tears comin’ on again, but she shoves ‘em back.
“You’re… you’re jealous. Of Simon.” Inara waits a beat before adding, “...Your boyfriend.” Inara’s lip starts to quirk, showin’ her amusement more freely, and Kaylee bolts up, the hammock shaking a little underneath her while she splays a hand against the side while it swings, tryin’ for balance.
“Don’t laugh at me!”
“I’m not… I wouldn’t,” Inara assures her quietly, squeezing where she’s still got her hand on Kaylee’s arm. “It’s just… Kaylee, you have to know I care for you.”
“I know. I do know that,” Kaylee says, lookin’ straight in Inara’s eyes as Inara moves to cup Kaylee’s hair. “But what else is I s’ppos’d to think, Inara? If that ain’t it? ”
Inara seriously considers it, plannin’ the words before speaks ‘em aloud. “It’s… it can be easier sometimes, with Simon,” Inara acknowledges, frowning a little, and Kaylee jus’ about gets up and storms out because she don’t need it rubbed in none. “But not for the reasons you think.”
Snifflin’, Kaylee wipes the back of her hand on her nose. The motion’s a little awkward, but Inara don’t budge from where her hand rests on Kaylee’s hair, the side of her cheek. “W’as that mean?”
Inara inhales deeply, thinkin’ over somethin’ a spell with her eyes closed before she adds, careful-like, “It’s… there are things I still haven’t told you, Kaylee." Kaylee frowns, but she don't get a chance to respond before Inara continues. "Any of you. And with Simon… I know if I ever had to leave,” she begins, and Kaylee frowns even more then because who the hell's talkin’ ‘bout leavin’? She starts to interrupt, but Inara holds up a let-me-say-this sorta hand. “If I had to leave… Simon would understand. He’d be sad. He’d wish me well. But he wouldn’t try to convince me to stay—he knows what it’s like to not be sure you can.”
“And that’s a good thing?” Kaylee says, feelin’ her nose wrinkle while she watches the scene play out in her mind, tries to imagine Inara walkin’ outta Serenity forever without sayin’ a word on it, but she can’t. She couldn’t do it. Her voice’d go scratched blank until she got Inara to stay. Kaylee needs her, but that ain’t all of it; this ship, these people, they all need each other. Kaylee’s more aware a’that than she figures the rest of ‘em are.
And Inara needs them, too. She knows that.
For all Kaylee sometimes thinks Inara musta found some god to swear to for her youth and beauty forever, there are times, times like now, where her voice sounds so tired and ancient. Maybe that was the trade-off. “I don’t know. But it’s simpler.”
Hearin’ this, Kaylee nods and brings her arms back to herself, not crossed anymore so much as huggin’ her own chest. Lord knows she could use a hug about now.
Head dipped and eyes shinin’ themselves a little now, Inara asks, softly, “Can you understand that?”
“Not really,” Kaylee admits. “If you ever tried to leave on me…”
“I know,” Inara whispers, not even tryin’ no more to hide the tears glimmerin’ in her eyes. “And… I do love you for that,” she adds, scrunching her fingers in Kaylee’s hair, and Kaylee herself don’t know whether she wants to laugh or shudder. Love, she thinks rather dizzily. Oh. “But it’s harder. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Kaylee nods in response, ‘cause she do know that, but… “It hurts me worse,” she says finally, lookin’ down at Inara’s lips, feelin’ the distance between the pair of ‘em shrink and shrink, “when you hold yourself back. You don’t need to do that. Not to me.”
“For you,” Inara murmurs, but it don’t matter then because gravity’s pulling them together, and Inara’s lips are soft and smooth, like they’ve never been cracked a day in her life. And Kaylee kinda expected her to, bein’ truthful, but she don’t kiss like Simon, whose lips and hands are steady and gentle and can say things he don’t know how to with words.
But Inara’s lip quivers against hers as she parts her mouth lightly. Kaylee thinks this is less sure than she’s ever seen the other woman. Her own neck twinges a little because this angle ain’t ideal, but she just works to deepen the feel of the kiss, and Inara reels back but don’t break away, opening her mouth further, the soft pad of her tongue so sweet Kaylee wants to die a lil for it.
Inara kisses like she wants more, but she’s too scared to have it.
Kaylee knows beyond a shadow she don’t kiss none of her clients like this, neither. Kaylee tilts her head and leans into it even further, like if she stays here long enough, maybe Inara won’t be so scared no more. It seems to work because after a while, she feels Inara start to smile, and when they pull back, both of ‘em are laughing, a little giddy with it as they lean their foreheads together, suckin’ in air they ain’t gotten for a good long minute.
“Will you please come to the shops with me?” Inara manages as she winds her hand down to Kaylee’s and starts to pull her up, standing from where she'd been kneelin' while Kaylee struggles outta her hammock. The words are steady enough, but Kaylee can hear it for what it is, see it in her eyes: an invitation, even though it's hard. Even though she's still well and nervous. “It wasn’t much fun on my own,” she adds, eyes cast away.
Really, Kaylee don't wanna deny Inara nothin' now this is settled between them, but if they're leavin' in the morning then it's not such a good idea, 'case somethin' goes wrong. They're already nearin' evening by now. “I'd like to... but…”
“We’re here an extra day,” Inara tells her, smoothin’ at the side of her gown with her free hand. Kaylee squeezes the other. “Mal mentioned.”
“That bein’ the case, I’d love to,” Kaylee grins while darting her gaze up and down Inara and realizin’ the other woman’s jus’ about covered in dust and dirt and grease. Quite in fact, a lil grease Kaylee’d not managed to wipe from her own skin had transferred to Inara’s while they were cozied up. “I s'pect you'll be glad to be able to change first.”