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Ivan was 8 years old when he found out magic existed. He never believed in something like higher powers, the idea of some cosmic deity overlooking their world was so nonsensical that it almost made him laugh. If something like that would exist that implies that his suffering was someones choice, someones want, to make Ivan's life miserable. And besides that he had more important things to think and worry about.
After Ivan got adopted his opinion on magic changed. Sua, his now sister was a witch, she called herself that, she was 3 years older then him. Ivan didn't believe her until she showed him something as a proof. It wasn't the most pleasant experience, Ivan annoyed his sister to the point where she said something witch caused the raven hair boy to close his mouth. When he tried to say something his lips stayed shut. That's when he realized Sua put some sort of spell on him.
The realization hit Ivan hard. There were some powers in this world that made his life so difficult from the start. That could've interfere but didn't. Maybe now his living condition were a lot better then before. Now he was faced with a new set of rules, bestowed on him by other people, instead of life itself. He was still forced to bottle up all of his emotions deep down inside. They were as useless as back in the slumps where he grew up. Now he had expectations to live up to, the role he has to fulfill. Though it was nice to have an unforgiving higher pover to blame.
However it didn't stop the blame Ivan's adoptive parents put on him, and it stuck. The more time passed the more Ivan learned that no one cares for his miserable life. No matter what higher powers there were, they didn't care for him. And Ivan was fine with that, with living his insignificant life, being the perfect son his parents want him to be, the way they raised him.
The only one that seems to care for him, even the smallest bit of worry about his well-being, in a strange but tender way that made Ivan's heart clench in his chest, reminding him of it's existence that the boy tried to ignore for so long. The person who ignited something big, something alive, inside of him.
Till.
The boy Ivan met in middle school. The most perfect boy he ever met. Someone who made life interesting. Someone who was so emotional and so expressive that Ivan couldn't stop pressing more and more to see how far he can get. How far he can push Till's buttons until he punches him or runs away blushing. How many emotions does his face have. Ivan needed to know this. Needs to know, to see, what real emotion look like, to imitate them better, to seem normal. Seem alive, like Till.
Despite how annoying raven haired boy has been to Till they still stayed friends even after graduating. They even lived together going to university, witch was Ivan's idea. He suggested it mostly as a joke, thinking Till will never agree to live with him. To everyone's surprise Till agreed, even saying he was thinking about something like that himself. That made the smallest bit of hope spark in Ivan's heart. He quickly pushed it down with the rest of things Till made him feel. A heavy chest with a thick chain around it that threatened to explode at any moment if anything more were added. That was a problem for future Ivan to solve.
When Ivan moved out of his parents house, when he was more free then ever before, he started to get interested in magic again. He would pester Sua to teach him something, anything about how to be a witch, only to be silenced again, like his sister would do when they were younger. Her girlfriend, on other hand, was exited to teach someone how to preform magic. The two quickly became friends, best friends even, but the only person who knows that is Sua. If Till ever find that out he would never forgive Ivan for that.
Mizi learned magic from a very young age, considering her mom was a professional witch, making a living from selling potions. Pink haired girl were more interested in spells however, so her mom taught her everything she knew. Sua met her future girlfriend while searching for someone who can teach her some spells and Mizi was more then exited to help. Same thing happened with Ivan.
They would spend hours at Mizi and Sua's apartment, surrounded by books and random notes, much to older woman's dislike, but Mizi's exited smile were all it took to convince her to let Ivan stay.
So it wasn't a surprise when Ivan came one afternoon. He went straight to their designated study room, finding Mizi there.
"Oh hi Ivan! Didn't think we have a lesson today" she said, putting down the notebook she was writing things for their actual lesson, giving all her attention to Ivan.
"Mizi I used a spell on Till" Ivan said with unreadable emotion.
"You did what..."
"I used a love spell on Till. We are together now"
"You did what?!" Mizi looked at her friend in shock. At first there was a moment when she was proud that the spell her student did worked, before the wrongness of the situation dawned on her. "Ivan that's wrong!" she exclaim, walking to the man still standing by the door to the room. Pink haired girl ushered him in, closing the door behind him, leaving both of them in awkward silence.
"I know this is wrong Mizi, but I can't bring myself to feel guilty" Ivan looked at the floor, not wanting to look his friend in the eye, knowing the judgmental gaze she looks at him with. "I know i shouldn't have done that-"
"But you did" Mizi interrupted him.
"Yes, I did, but-"
"I don't even remember teaching you any spells that does something even remotely close!" she kept thinking out loud.
"I learned that myself in my free time" Ivan stopped trying to explain himself, letting Mizi ask her questions.
"Okey, wow, that's a bit impressive not gonna lie, you're making it harder to be mad at you" the pink haired girl sighed closing her eyes to concentrate on the main problem here, "why would you even do that? I mean, why now?"
Taking a breath himself Ivan looked Mizi in the eyes "I heard him writing a song for you, or it was one of his old ones, it doesn't really matter, what does matter is that it brought some old feelings..." raven haired man looked down, fidgeting with his hands, feeling like he was coming out to Mizi again, though this time he actually did something to be nervous about his best friend's reaction, "I felt like he might still have feelings for you, and now living with him I don't think I can survive it"
Mizi now looked a little more empathetic, remembering all the times Ivan came to her looking pathetic, telling her all about how he can't stop teasing Till about his crush, even if seeing the boy blush because of it makes his chest feel tight with something Mizi called jealousy. Ivan was a mess and it was Mizi's problem.
"So I did some research and found a spell that might do what I need" Ivan explained after a moment of silence, "so I looked into the spell more, so it won't hurt Till and won't last for long. Then I practiced to make sure everything will go well, and it did. It went better then I thought and as far as I can tell everything is fine and Till seems really happy." Ivan couldn't help a smile that crawled on his lips.
"I not as mad at you as I should be" Mizi said after a bit of silence, thinking everything over few times, "I am really proud of you as my student but disappointed as a friend"
"You should" Ivan said quieter, "I came to you for an advice, I know no one will listen to me but you"
Mizi smiled softly. She knew Ivan would never hurt Till and she trust him. It doesn't justify his actions, but she understands where his mind is. Looking at Ivan's distraught face, witch usually has a calm practiced smile, Mizi knows he's being honest.
"What should I feel right now?" Ivan looked up meeting Mizi's gaze, honest and lost. This look made Mizi remember just how bad her friend is with emotions. All negative feelings got put aside, now she needs to be the supportive best friend that Ivan needs.
"To be honest I don't really know" pink haired girl thought some more, being lost for a moment, "I think you should have at least some guilt" Mizi looked Ivan in the eyes, he looked as lost as her.
"I only feel happy" Ivan turned his eyes down again, he couldn't bring himself to look at his friend as he admitted that. He didn't feel any guilt, the only thing that filled his chest since the moment he used the spell on Till was happiness. Something warm and light, nothing that were any close to guilt. He told Mizi that.
A small smile formed on her face "Alight, let's do this" she clapped her hands, thinking about her next words, "we'll keep it a secret between the two of us, but if someone will ask about it you'll tell the truth. Especially if it's TIll or Sua."
"I was planing on telling Till when the spell's effects will end. It's supposed to wear off in a week. If I notice anything with the way he acts I will tell him." Ivan said honestly. That was his plan from the very beginning, ever since he found the spell. He was glad Mizi was on his side.
"Good" the girl approved, "now, tell me what you did, I want to know every single dilate!"
It's been the best week in Ivan's life. Till has been by his side for the most of it, being more clingy and jealous then Ivan could ever think him to be. It felt like he was living in a dream. They were sleeping together every night. The first time it happened Till just crawled into Ivan's bed and tangled himself into the others arms, resting his head on his chest.
But all dreams must come to an end eventually. Ivan knew his life can't be that good.
So, he started to pull away from Till. Being less clingy was unexpectedly hard. After so many years or forcing himself into Till's personal space, and being allowed and even welcomed now, made it an almost impossible task. 'I'm doing this for Till' Ivan reminded himself and retracted his arm, that was about to rest on it's usual place on Till's waist. Instead he just watched the boy make their breakfast. It wasn't much, just some omelet and toast. Usually it was Ivan who made food, but after they started dating Till said that he wanned to do that sometimes too. To share the chores that the raven haired man usually does.
"Good morning" Till said when he noticed he wasn't alone, small smile forming at the sight of his boyfriend. Ivan returned it, though it didn't reach his eyes like it usually does. The other noticed it and his smile fell just a little bit. 'That's it.' Ivan thought, 'the spell is wearing off'. He mentally prepared himself.
"Did you sleep well?" Till asked, making a mental note of how far Ivan was. He usually all over him at this time.
"I always sleep well when I'm with you" he said in a usual flirting tone, watching Till's reaction intently. The other just hummed in response, pink dusting his cheeks just a little. A week into their relationship and he still blushed at Ivan's compliments. Or maybe he lost most of his interest in Ivan due to the spell. He hoped it was the first one, though it's just him trying to be optimistic. Or delusional, he never knew with Till.
After they had breakfast, with was good, Till is getting better at cooking, they sat in the living room, Till was drawing and Ivan was reading. Their usual Sunday activity when nether had any plans. Then again, Ivan wasn't anywhere near Till, keeping his distance, witch made him both irritated and anxious. What did he do to drive Ivan away? It was only few hours but Till already missed the warm arms around him. Or was it the other thing?
"Is everything alright?" Till turned all of his attention to Ivan, looking concerned, nervously fidgeting with his pencil.
"What do you mean?" Ivan didn't look away from his book, fueling the others anxiety.
Till took a deep breath "Is the spell supposed to be wear off already?"
"So you knew" the raven haired man's shoulders tensed but otherwise he remained still.
"I figured you did something" he nodded, looking at his sketchbook, the page was filled with a familiar face that he refused to look to, staring at laughing Ivan instead of a defensive and cold one not so far from him. He wished this was all just a big misunderstanding like the once they had before. That Ivan just had a bad day and tomorrow everything will go back to normal. But it wasn't the reality he was living in. They needed to have this conversation.
"I'm sorry Till, we can end things right now, I can live with my parents for a bit if you don't want to share an apartment with me anymore" Ivan's tone were as cold as Till feared it would.
"What? No! I don't want that!" he snapped his head at his boyfriend, scared and uncertain of what to say. Till knew it would be like that, he need to make Ivan stop thinking he will leave him, he needs to explain everything and hope the other will let him and believe him. They supposed to love each other, doesn't that mean they also trust one another?
"I'm not mad or anything, I promise. I'm just don't understand why you did it." he tried reassuring Ivan. He heard a joyless chuckle in return.
"You won't understand." the raven haired man put his book away, still not daring to look at Till.
"What? That you loved someone and thought they didn't love you back? Try me" now Till was getting irritated, anxiety fading away at the familiar boiling in his stomach, "And don't give me 'it's different' bullshit! I know it isn't but it's close enough!" he took a deep breath, he needs to get his act together. At least one of them should have a clear head, "Tell me".
Ivan only shock his head, a practiced smile started to form on his lips. Till hated it so much. He hated that Ivan still felt the need to wear it around him.
Till stood up from the couch, putting away his sketchbook, walking in front of Ivan and taking his face into his hands, forcing them to lock eyes. He tried to search for the answers he so desperately needed in two black oceans he loved so deeply. That only resulted in him drowning in them. This wasn't going anywhere if they just keep staring at each other. He knew Ivan wouldn't say anything, so Till needs to keep talking.
With a loud sigh Till took Ivan's hand and lead him back to the couch, lightly pushing him in the chest to make him sit, awkwardly joining him as close as he can, never letting go of his hand.
"I noticed something was off three days into our relationship," Till started after a few seconds of silence, "it felt like my feelings were more clear, like I knew what I want clearer..." the silence filled the room again, while Till collected the courage he needed to keep going. "I wanned you" he looked at Ivan, gently squeezing his hand.
"You don't need to lie to me, Till" Ivan still looked hurt. At least he wasn't hiding his true feelings now, that put some ease into Till. "I know what the potion was supposed to do, I researched thoroughly what it did to make sure it won't alter your true feelings, you can't actually want... me" he said the last word quieter, like even saying it was something forbidden to him. That made Till's heart clench.
"I'm so sorry I made think that. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure myself out" Till looked at their hands, feeling angry at himself for being so clueless, he felt his eyes stating to prickle, he really didn't want to cry right now.
"You have nothing to apologize for, Till. I'm the one who should be sorry. And I've tried to be, so hard, but I can't bring myself to" Ivan smiled sadly, recalling his conversation with Mizi a week ago, "you made me so happy."
"You made me happy too, you idiot!" Till brought their hands to his chest, tears starting to flow down his face from how much he feels. He hates how much he loves this idiot and that he doesn't believe him. "What can I do to make you believe that I love you?"
Ivan's breath hitched, "I don't understand..." he took Till's face into his hands, wiping some of the tears away, "the spell should have made you a little more romantically interested in me..." he thought for a moment, looking a bit more relaxed, "I did thought that you were more clingy than I expected, maybe if you already had feelings it made them more intense."
"I think it made me more aware of what I felt to you" Till sniffed, nuzzling into the palm of Ivan's hand, taking a deep breath to steady his raising heart. "I'm such an idiot to not recognize those feelings on my own" he laughed lowly looking Ivan in the eyes, trying to show how much he loves him with his eyes alone.
It was now Ivan's turn to cry. He never usually does, witch made Till extremely worried. It was an unusual situation for both of them. Ivan laughed at the absurdity of it, witch made Till worry more.
"Sorry sorry, it's just that..." Ivan started to explain himself, sniffing and wiping at his face, "I never thought you'd love me."
"Well, I do" Till said determinedly, not letting Ivan finish, trying to make it really clear how he feels. The other only laughs, quietly, nervously.
"Yes, and it makes me so, so happy," more tears flow from Ivan's eyes as his smile grows wider. Till looks concerned and confused at first. It takes him a few seconds to realize that everything is okey. They are okey. They're going to be, at least. Ivan isn't leaving him and nether is he.
The gray haired boy smiled back, so much that his cheeks hurt a bit, but it didn't matter. As long as Ivan can see how happy he makes him, feel that his feeling are reciprocated, Till can put up with something as trivial as hurting cheeks.
Till took Ivan's face into his hands, wiping away the tears staining his cheeks. He looked deep into his eyes, drowning once again. This time he knew that his boyfriend felt it, as some more tear fell down, Till wiped them again. Ivan looked at him with the same love and adoration he did the past week, the look Till got so used to and returned it as much as he could.
Next morning went as usual, much to Till's relief. He decided to cook again, to show his boyfriend how much hew loved him, to hammer this into his stupid head. When he heard some rustling behind he knew just what to expect. He couldn't help the smile that spread on his face.
Ivan snaked his hands around Till's waist, pulling him close, leaning in. The other turned around, pausing his task to give attention to raven haired boy, automatically putting his arms around Ivan's neck, leaning in for a morning kiss.
Leaning even closer, when just a breath separated their lips, Ivan stopped. Smiling slightly he looked up in Till's eyes, to see his reaction. He expected him to look annoyed, just like he usually does when Ivan teases him like that, but the look the other boy gave him was something completely different.
Till looked enchanted, like he was seeing the most beautiful thing in the world. And to him, he did. At this moment Ivan was the center of Till's world. Half lidded teal eyes looked into black once with so much love and adoration inside, Ivan swears he would've started crying if their faces weren't that close.
Not wanting to waist any more time Ivan finally closed the distance between them, putting everything he felt but couldn't say out loud into the kiss. Till answered with same intensity, same feeling, a little softer, but persistent, pulling Ivan even closer.
When they eventually, reluctantly, pulled away from the each other Till whispered into the small gap between them, leaving Ivan even more breathless.
"I love you."
Ivan still wasn't used to hearing this from Till, to see how the love of his life actively were showing him how much his feeling were reciprocated. How much he was loved by the other. It still felt like a fever dream, but after yesterday's talk Ivan felt more confident in their relationship. It was real. It was happening in real world. Till is finally his. And he is, undenyingly, for forever, Till's.