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Jason was having a shit day. Actually, he was having a shit week, a shit month, and a shit year. Just an all around shitty time of it. He’s been having a shit time since he first woke up underground, really, but it’s been somehow worse lately, or at least less ignorable. The itch under his skin has gotten stronger, and he doesn't know what to do about it because he’s never felt it before. He feels like he should know.
The room feels loud. It’s not loud but it feels loud. Someone is laughing. Stephanie’s laugh is nice, softer. He draws his knees up to his chest and wraps an arm around them, sighing into the fabric of his jeans. They’re too tight, rough against his skin, he doesn’t remember why he ever chose them, too much. He grabs a throw pillow and tries to hold it discreetly, his hands curling tight into the sides to occupy them. He doesn’t know what his body wants to do. It itches.
Most of them are there. He’s not sure where Cass is. He wishes he was. She’s quiet. And she stops them without saying anything when he gets tense.
They’re talking about experiences with different rogues, complaining about the worst ones, commiserating. Jason can’t remember where in the conversation he started to feel this bad.
“-and then there’s Joker,” Duke says, laughing, “oh, god, I feel like all of us have some kind of vendetta against him.”
“Jesus, yeah,” Steph laughs, “I swear, can’t he just leave us alone?”
Damian tsks. “Not all of us have something personal against him, Brown, Thomas. I simply think he has done far too much.”
“Mine’s just because he’s a really shit clown,” Dick huffs, grinning, “I mean, he’s evil, but he’s also just bad at it! He’s not funny! I have met clowns, good clowns, and that man is a tarnish on the good name of clowning.”
Steph lowers her hand slightly from where it was covering her mouth. “And of course, we can’t forget the original!” She gestures with her free hand at Jason, and he glares at her.
Yeah, Jase definitely had it the worst,” Barbara comments absently - she hasn’t been much part of the conversation, working on something on her laptop, but at least that makes Jason feel a little better.
It’s ruined a second later. “Eh, I dunno,” Tim shrugs, “I mean, he died, yeah, but he seems pretty okay about it. He didn’t mind the clown pranks. I still have to deal with all the JJ stuff.”
Duke hums consideringly and gives a motion between a nod and a shrug. “Yeah, fair,” he says, ‘I mean, he isn’t protesting it. Plus, having to deal with the aftereffects of brainwashing sounds like it sucks, dude. My ma sometimes still struggles with that stuff too.”
Jason takes a breath. Bites the inside of his cheek. Tries not to hear.
“What kind of effects?” Steph asks, leaning forward, elbows on her knees.
Tim shrugs. “Well, usually it’s just the occasional intrusive thought or whatever. I can still pretty convincingly play the part though, sometimes I use it a little to intimidate difficult suspects.” He shrugs, pauses. “Oh, and I can still do the laugh!”
And he thinks that’s worse than dying? Jason just hugs the pillow tighter.
“Using a villain’s persona to intimidate criminals,” Damian hums softly, “unbecoming, but effective. Learn to intimidate in your own right.”
“Yeah, yeah, Dames,” Dick laughs softly, ruffling the kid’s hair. Jason’s head tingles. “C’mon, it’s not training time.”
“You still have the laugh?” Duke asks, tilting his head slightly. “What does that even sound like? I mean, I’ve heard the guy laugh, but still.”
“Oh, it’s kind of like-” Tim starts, then shakes his head. “No, wait, let me just-”
Jason closes his eyes. Tries to brace. It only makes it worse.
That laugh echoes in his head, too close, too familiar. Phantom images, faces, distorted, scribbled across his vision. Pain, metal scraping, Loud, loud, loud! It’s too loud! Too much too much too much! He can feel it and it hurts and it’s hitting him and the faces and the metal and it’s hitting him and it hurts!
The laugh stops, even if it echoes still, and slowly the images fade. Jason opens his eyes and finds his lashes stick together, just slightly damp, vision distorted with wetness. His hands are clenching the pillow so hard his knuckles are white, and he forces them to relax. He realizes he’s holding his breath. It takes a minute to force his way back to steady without it being obvious.
He shifts to get up, and someone notices.
“What are you doing, Todd?”
Jason forces himself to roll his eyes, feigning annoyance like he usually does. “Bathroom.” He unfolds his legs, pushing himself up off the loveseat. He has to leave, his ears are buzzing, the laugh is echoing, it’s too loud. He can’t stay. He has to get out. Has to. His legs are half-asleep, he stumbles, tries to catch himself, and just as he gets past the coffee table-
He falls.
Something in him drops just as he does, his knees hitting the hardwood with a thump that shakes his whole body. His breath hitches, his vision fixed on the hardwood, he can’t hear, can’t anything except see. The buzzing is silent but it’s still there, blocking out every other sound. It fades slow, for a long moment the room is just silent, and then someone starts to laugh. It’s familiar, it’s not mean, it’s well-meaning teasing and it’s sweet and it hurts and Jason opens his mouth to retort but he can’t-
When he opens his mouth, something else forces its way up like bile in his throat, and he can’t close his mouth quick enough to stop it.
“WAAAAAAAHHHHH!”
The cry breaks something in his chest, and he collapses forward, tears pudding on the wood as he shakes.
The moment that sound leaves Jason’s lips, Dick is on his feet.
“Waaah! Waaah! Aaaah! Waaah!”
It’s a familiar sound, but no less heartbreaking. The first cry was loud and piercing like they always were, Dick remembers how Jason would wake up sick or get scared and that cry would come. It’s loud enough for Bruce and Alfred to probably hear from wherever they are, and Dick expects them to arrive in moments, but Jason can’t be left alone like this.
He hits the ground with a thud and scoops Jason into his arms, soothing his hands over soft curls and whispering. “Shh, shh, hey, baby, it’s okay, I’m here.” He presses a firm kiss to Jason’s forehead, then pulls Jason tight against his chest and starts to rock. “It’s okay, little wing. I’m here. Big brother’s here, Dickie’s here, it’s okay. I’ve got ya.”
Jason’s breath hitches and he looks up, and Dick keeps his soft smile even though the tears in his baby’s eyes are heartbreaking. The cries quiet from wails into little sobs, and Dick tucks Jason's head against his shoulder. “That’s it, sweetheart, I’m here.”
“What… What the heck?” Tim mumbles, “What’s going on?”
Stephanie elbows him in the side. “Dude, shhh!”
Duke steps forward, hands held out tentatively, expression both concerned and confused. “Is… Is he alright?”
Dick has to consider the question for a moment. “No,” he settles on, looking over at Tim, “but he will be.”
This isn’t the first time he’s seen Jason like this, far from it; Jason was so sweet and fragile when he first came to the manor. He remembers those nights after nightmares and bad patrols and when Jason would wake up sick or feeling icky. It hasn't happened since Jason got resurrected, but Dick made sure to be prepared just in case. His sweet baby boy…
Barbara rolls by and taps his shoulder. “I’m heading down to the cave. I’ll update the files.” She looks down at the man in his arms. “Take care of him.”
“I always will,” Dick says as she leaves, and gives Jason a soft squeeze. He hears a quiet clicking and pulls back to look - Jason is sucking his thumb. Ah, how cute! Dick kisses his head again.
“What’s happening to him?” Stephanie asks, bent over with her hands on her knees. She looks worried. Sorry.
Dick gives her a smile. “Oh, he just needs some rest, that’s all. He’s been needing this. Doctor Leslie calls it regression. He’s just feeling a little small right now.”
There’s footsteps. He looks up, spotting Bruce and Alfred standing there.
Bruce enters first, kneeling down at Jason’s side. ‘How’s he doing?”
Dick shakes his head. He can’t tell yet.
Jason lifts his head, thumb sliding out from his lips with a soft pop. “Dada?”
Bruce smiles and reaches out to ruffle Jason’s hair. “Hey, Jaylad. How’re you holding up, baby bird?”
Jason hums. “Tired,” he mumbles, “head bad. Tummy too.”
Bruce nods. “Sounds like you’re having a bad day, hm?” He looks up at Dick, exchanging looks. They know how to do this. “I’ll be back in just a minute, Jaylad. I’m gonna go get you something to feel better.” He stands and heads back to the door.
“Do you want a bottle, Jay?” Dick asks, a little louder, and Jason nods.
“Can it be cocoa?” His voice is so sweet, it makes Dick’s heart clench. He can hear Alfred’s soft laugh from behind them.
“Of course, Young Master Jason,” Alfred says, smiling. “I do think you deserve a little sweetness after such a hard day.” He pats Jason's head too, and turns to leave.
Jason smiles and snuggles back into Dick. “Thank you, Papa,” he calls, before slipping his thumb back in.
“Regression.” Damian is standing next to them now, and he reaches down to brush fingers over Jason’s shoulder. There’s something in his eyes that Dick can’t quite place, almost recognition, and he’s reminded that Damian and Jason have a lot of time together that they just don’t talk about. Maybe something happened in those years away.
“Mhm,” Dick nods, still gently rocking the boy in his arms. “He’ll be alright. Just needs some love and care.”
“He called father ‘dada’.”
“He did.” Dick looks up, still smiling. “That’s what happens when Jay gets little. He needs his dada and his papa and his big brother.” He kisses the top of Jason’s head. “Big brother always knows best.”
Bruce returns, carrying a blue bag under his arm. He sits down next to Dick and sets it beside them. It’s a diaper bag, and Dick can feel the others exchanging looks.
“Alright,” Bruce says, looking around at the room, “what happened?”
Voices erupt.
“We didn’t mean to do anything! We were just talking about annoying rogues!” Stephanie says, raising her hands in surrender.
“I-I didn’t realize-” Tim stutters out, “I would’ve stopped, I thought we were just- Just teasing.”
Duke nods. “Yeah, it was an accident, Mr Wayne, I promise. We didn’t realize he was upset until he started crying.”
Bruce raises a hand. “None of those answer my question. You’re not in trouble, but I need to know what happened. Tim, we will be talking later.”
“Father.” Damian steps forward. “We were discussing particularly bad experiences with the rogues. Joker was mentioned. Drake idiotically decided to mimic the clown’s laugh. I believe that is what triggered this.”
Bruce nodded. “Alright. Tim, I mean it. We will be talking, and I will speak with Barbara to review the footage and confirm. For now-”
“Wait,” Stephanie interjects, “what’s that smell?”
Dick sniffs the air, can see Bruce doing the same, and knows from the look in Bruce’s eyes that they recognize it at the same time.
Urine.
“Well, guess it’s good that I decided to get the bag restocked,” Dick says, and he shifts to lay Jason down on the floor. He can hear the choked gasps as they see the dark spot in the crotch of Jason’s pants.
“Oh my god,” someone mutters, but Dick pays it no attention.
Bruce takes Jason’s head in his lap, humming. “How did you even get the measurements for that?”
“I have my ways.” Dick opens the bag and pulls out a padded, waterproof mat, unrolling it. He waits for Bruce to lift Jason and slides it underneath. “Just be glad I’m prepared. Acrobats always have a plan.” it gets Jason to giggle, and that’s enough.
He unzips Jason’s pants, and there’s a brief commotion.
“Richard-!” Damian gasps, “You cannot be serious, changing him here, that it- It is undignified!”
“Holy shit I can’t believe I’m watching this,” Stephanie mumbles.
“Hey, hey, okay,” Duke says, taking deep breath and forcing his gaze away. “Let’s not watch, guys, maybe?”
“Y-yeah,” Tim mumbles, tugging Stephanie’s arm. Most of them move away, but Damian hovers a little closer.
Dick makes quick work of the soiled clothes, setting them aside carefully so it wouldn’t get on the floor. He pulls a pack of baby wipes from the bag and warns, “This is gonna be cold, okay, Jay? But I gotta do it.”
Jason whines when the wipe hits his skin, and Dick shushes him quietly, cleaning the mess away. Bruce hands him a garbage bag from the bag and he slips the wipe into it.
There’s a clink as something is set on a side table near the doorway. “Ah, I see Master jason has had a bit of an incident, hm?” Alfred comes close, gathering the trash and the dirty pants. “Here, get him out of that shirt too. I’ll deal with all this, and he can have his bottle once he’s dressed.” He waves at Jason, earning another giggle in return.
“That sounds great, Alfred,” Bruce says, moving to pull Jason’s shirt away. “Thank you.”
Jason shivers once he’s naked, and Dick runs a warm hand over his shoulder. “Just a little longer, Jaybird. Focus on daddy, okay?”
Jason nods and looks up at Bruce, who starts to hum softly. He moves his hands through the air, tracing patterns to entertain the baby in his lap. It seems to Dick like the distraction is perfect, since Jason stays still and pliant as Dick rubs lotion and baby powder over his skin.
The diaper leaves the bag with a distinctive crinkle, and he can hear a gasp from someone behind. He unfolds it, and Bruce lifts Jason’s hips for Dick to slide it underneath. The bulk spreads Jason’s thighs wide, and he folds the front up over Jason’s sweet little parts, holding it there with one hand.
He reaches into the bag and pulls out a selection of diaper tapes, holding them out. “Hey, Jay, which tapes?”
Jason is back to sucking on his thumb, and decides that’s the hand he wants to point with. “Tho’uns,” he mumbles, slurred around his finger.
Dick pulls one option out and holds it out. “These?” He gets a nod and a hum, and sets the rest back into the bag as he grabs two of the set. Red with a familiar ‘W’-shaped logo patterned on it. He should have known.
He smooths the tapes over the sides of the diaper, fastening it shut with a soft hum. “There you go, sweetheart.”
Jason tilts his head. “Di-uh cova?”
Dick shakes his head, chuckling. ‘No, baby, not today. Today is a onesie day.”
“Yeah, Jaylad,” Bruce murmurs, “aren’t you cold? Dick has a nice warm onesie for you.”
Jason giggles and claps. “Onesie!”
Bruce nods, a fondness in his eyes that Dick hasn’t seen in quite some time. “Yes, Jason. Onesie.”
Dick reaches for the bag again, pulling out the desired object - a large, thick thing. It’s robin-themed - the bird, not the hero - and quite elaborate. Brown, tan, and a brown-tinted gray pattern the whole thing in an imitation of the bird, albeit with softer, more cohesive colors. There’s even a stuffed tail and stuffed feathers on the hood.
Dick starts with the arms, sliding each of those sweet hands through thick sleeves lined with the softest fleece. Bruce helps him lift Jason and slip the back underneath, and then Dick fastens the snaps at the side. He’s deliberate, watching as Jason’s eyes droop with each click, sending him deeper into his little headspace. The legs come next, snaps from the ankle to the crotch, quietly sealing Jason inside. Dick pats the bulk the diaper makes under the fabric. “There you go, baby bird. Now, I’ve got something special for you. Do you want it?”
Jasno’s eyes sparkle at the idea of a surprise, nodding excitedly. “Yeah! Yeah! Surprise!”
Dick laughs and retrieves the last parts of this ensemble. Thick tan booties are slipped over Jason’s feet and fastened, a kiss pressed to each, then the process is repeated with soft tan mittens. “There you go. Now you’re really my little baby bird.”
Jason giggles happily. “Baaaabyyyyy…”
“That’s right. Baby.” Dick pulls the hood up over Jason’s head and kisses his forehead again.
That’s when another set of footsteps can be heard, and Alfred returns, grabbing the tray he’d set down before. Dick raises an eyebrow, but he quickly sees that along with the bottle, there’s a plate with two chocolate chip cookies on it too. Alfred kneels down, setting the tray beside them.
“I thought the young master could do with something for comfort,” he says, grabbing one of the cookies and guiding it to Jason’s lips. Once Jason is done, he wipes the boy’s lips with a cloth napkin, before carefully taking Jason into his arms. “Come now, poppet. It’s time for your milk.”
He lifts the bottle of warm chocolate milk to Jason’s lips, and Dick watches as his little brother suckles happily until the milk is all gone. He opens the diaper bag’s smaller pocket and reaches out once the bottle is removed, replacing it with a bat-shaped pacifier. The Nightwing paci clip gets clipped to the front of Jason’s onesie, and everything is almost perfect.
Alfred stands up, Jason cradled in his arms like he weighs no more than a real baby. Dick grabs one last thing from the bag and follows suit, while Bruce grabs the bag itself with a very dadlike grunt that makes Jason laugh.
“Naptime, Jay,” Bruce murmurs, brushing a hand over Jason’s hair.
“Yes, I do believe you could do with some rest, little one.” Alfred turns towards the stairs, and Dick is quick to follow.
“Yeah, lil wing. You’ve had a real hard day, now you should rest.” Dick holds out the last thing, a plush Wonder Woman doll nicknamed ‘Wondie’, and smiles when Jason immediately hugs it close.
They disappear up the stairs, leaving the others standing bewildered in the living room…
… Well, until Damian abruptly turns a glare on the rest and takes off after his brothers.