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Pain was a funny thing.
And by funny, what Rudo meant was that it was awful to the point of being a nuisance. Some days it'd be bearable, while others the pain was so strong all he wanted to do was curl in the corner of his room and count the seconds until it went away.
His gloves helped ease the pain. When Regto gave them to him, he didn't question why or how they helped; the relief was so great that it was all he cared about.
Now that he was gone, he sometimes wondered if he should have asked more about them.
Whenever he had to wash them, he'd bite his cheek and take deep breaths, because the pain would start to increase within the first few minutes, but he was able to handle it; it'd be fine for a few hours, and then he'd put them back on. Rinse and repeat, as it'd been for some years.
The first person they saw them up close was Riyo. The red-haired girl had seen a fraction of how scarred his hands looked, but she didn't look at him with disgust like the people in the sphere. If anything, she looked at him with a small smile, and Rudo found new, clean bandages by his bedside come morning.
He wanted to give them back; he had some already, they were just drying, and he could wait, but the pain in his fingers was crawling up to his wrist, and it was getting unbearable, reaching a point where he was close to clawing his face just to divert the pain somewhere else. He didn't hesitate and started to wrap his hands with the new ones.
Despite that, Rudo's pain never left. There was a difference between the ache in his chest due to Regto's absence, the cold hollow sensation of something that was forcefully ripped out and never able to get it back, and the physical pain in his arms and hands.
At least the one inside him had shifted into a sort of curve, one that went up and down, almost invisible some days. Others, a single thought, a memory, the image fading slowly from his mind would cause it to burst right back out and make him feel he was choking.
But with the physical? Rudo kept that pain to himself.
It's not as if he didn't trust Eishia; he's seen her do amazing things, but if her grandmother couldn't take away the pain when he first arrived on the ground, then it meant that it was going to be something that stayed. Besides, the mere sight of them would make others squeamish; they didn't have to look at them. However, the more time he spent with the cleaners, among the people of the ground, the less of a secret it would be.
"Here you go."
Rudo looked up from his bowl at the amber colored bottle placed in front of him and Enjin. It was a moderate day, even with his gloves on, he could feel twinges of pain travelling all over the phalanges, sneaking in between the vessels like worms, so his patience was slightly shorter than other mornings.
He looked at the bottle, then up to Enjin, and even if he wanted to ask what it was, all that came out of his mouth was a grunt.
To his relief, Enjin was not surprised by that reaction.
"Painkillers, well, some good enough for your age," he continued, pushing a glass of water in Rudo's direction, "You take one now, and another in six or so hours."
"Why?"
Rudo winced; his tone had come up harsh, but he'd got a pang of pain that travelled down to his wrist he almost dropped his spoon.
"'Cause you ain't looking so fly right now, and while they aren't magic, they help quite a lot."
Rudo looked at the bottle again, reaching out and taking one of the pills, a round white thing that wasn't bigger than his fingertip.
"Just make sure not to chew it, they taste awful if you do."
Rudo knew what medicine was, but he knew it was, at least up there, a luxury. Down here? He figured it'd be around the same price, and he didn't have any money to pay back for it.
"I don't—"
"Look, kiddo, you either take the meds or don't, that's on you," Enjin cut him off, "but at least for your sake, give 'em a try."
"Who… told you?"
Did Riyo tell him? Did she share with Enjin about his hands? But Enjin was looking at him with that zone-out expression before shaking his head and reaching out to pat his head, making him almost drop the pill from his hand.
"I got eyes, Rudo. Just be patient with 'em, it takes a little while for the effect to kick in."
That was obvious, but Rudo didn't want to fight him anymore about it, not when another twinge of pain made him almost drop the spoon again. He gave in, popping the pill in his mouth and taking a long swig of the water as it went down his throat.
At least Enjin didn't hide that it would taste awful.
To his surprise, an hour later, the worm-like pain had decreased to a dull ache, one he was more than used to. The bottle became part of his little cabinet in his bathroom, something he'd take only on those very bad days.
For some reason, he was nervous to ask; it never seemed to run low.
He was more surprised when, mid-training, or more like him, trying to avoid getting whacked on the head by Zanka's staff, the guy stopped and threw something at him.
"Here, catch."
He did not catch it, but the object was soft enough that it mostly startled him rather than hurt him, seeing a grey-looking roll of fabric.
"Riyo already gave me a pair, I don't need—"
"Maybe pay close attention and see they're not medical bandages, scuzzball."
Rudo scowled at him, mumbling a few selected words, but unrolling them to see it was a pair of thin gloves. The fabric was almost the same as the bandages, but it also seemed to be a different type of material.
"I already have my gloves."
Zanka just rolled his eyes at him.
"Ya put them under yer gloves," he said, "At least while on the field and training, give them a try. They're thin enough to fit."
Rudo squinted at him, but he figured he might as well give it a try. Only that to do that he'd have to take them off, and then Zanka would see his arms, and there was no way a guy like Zanka would be unbothered by the sight of them.
"Need help?"
"No, I got it."
That was a lie, but he turned around, balancing one of them as he took off one of the gloves and bandages, wincing when the pain started to make itself known across his muscles. He put on the one Zanka gave him, and right away, he felt something different. They reached past his wrist, up to half of his forearm, with some of the scars still peeking out, but there was a snug like sensation that made Rudo sigh. The pain was still present, and the tightness wasn't the same as when he used his 3R, but it was keeping his arm from aching as much as when he didn't have it on.
Rudo was quick to put on the other one, his fingers flexing to get used to the sensation as he put his gloves back on and turned to see Zanka staring at him.
"What are you staring at?"
"Just confirming what I suspected."
Rudo's shoulders tense up, scowl on his face, and he's about to snap at him, but Zanka's picking up one of the trinkets Rudo brought with him to practice and tossing it his way, Rudo quick to catch it this time.
"Did catching that hurt much?"
Rudo blinked again. The ache was present, but it was manageable, not like how it had been a while ago. He hadn't needed to take the painkillers that morning, but maybe it was the training that made the pain peak out of his barriers.
"It…never goes away."
"But with them on, is it better or worse?"
Rudo looked up at Zanka. He was looking at him, no, he was observing his reaction, as he tended to do. And Rudo realised it was because Zanka was analysing whether it was working or not, what he gave him.
"It… hurt a little less."
He saw Zanka nod and resume a fighting position.
"Good, now break's over, ya still got to try and hit me without getting a nosebleed."
Just like that, they resumed that training hour, with Zanka refusing to take the bandages back, as they were useful for Rudo.
But of course, there were those days, those awful days when he woke up, and he felt it strongly, too strongly, he couldn't move out of bed for a good hour. They would feel heavy, like lead pulling him down, sharp needles probing and stabbing each cell of his skin, it left him gritting his teeth and sucking in breath to the point his nostrils burned.
He fought back the tears, but the pain did not subside, instead spreading up past his wrist and to his elbow, a flaring, throbbing pain making him let out a cry that he hadn't done in years.
Next thing he knew, there was a blur of red above him, and a soothing sensation on his hands. It felt warm and wet, his fingers slowly stretching out as he hadn't realised he'd been clenching them into fists.
"How's that feeling, Rudo? Any better?"
He blinked a couple of times, turning his head to see Riyo sitting by the edge of the bed, smiling at him while folding what seemed to be a small wet towel and placing it on his forearm. The sensation was nice, reassuring to his muscles, the stiffness in his hands gradually dissipating while Riyo hummed and changed the small towels for new ones that were warmer.
Rudo didn't know what to say; words were difficult to form whenever hw as in that stupor coming out of a moment of intense pain, but he was grateful, looking at Riyo and nodding to her question. She smiled at him, moving some locks out of his forehead and patting his head in a way that Rudo didn't mind, sighing as his hands didn't pinch that much and the pain subsided to that all too familiar ache.
"Let's keep those on a few more minutes and then see how you do, hm?"
"I…" Rudo swallowed, but nodded in agreement.
Pain was… not something he wanted to experience. It was a part of him, but not one that he wished upon anyone. It would never leave, and some days would be better than others, sure. Some days they'd be worse, but at least he knew that now, even on those days, he would not have to deal with the pain on his own.