Chapter Text
This was bad, Shouto thought. He had been constantly running for weeks, fleeing from every slight presence, trying to blend himself into the human crowd, but he had been caught.
While shopping for food, something that confused the life out of him since it was an entirely new thing to even eat, he had felt that sharp singing sensation that meant his time was up, someone had found him. Fear was also an emotion new to him, sure he had felt it coming off of countless humans and a few angels set to die, but he had never understood it, not until he had become human himself. He felt a tight grip on his heart and his eyes wildly darted around to try to see anything that would prove his senses right, that there was an angel nearby. He stood stock still in an aisle of cans, jerkily turning around to scan what little of the store he could see. It was an effort in futility though, the tall shelves blocked off his line of sight entirely.
After a long moment of looking down the empty aisle, some pop music blaring overhead and the squeaks of shopping carts the only sign that time was still moving, he felt their gaze. A full body shudder ran through him and he dropped his shopping basket, barely hearing it clatter to the ground before he was sprinting out of the automatic doors, almost knocking over a grandma shuffling out leaning heavily on her cart full of grocery bags.
All Shouto could think of was that he had to run.
He sprinted, trying desperately to escape that gaze, shake the fuzzy, blinding feeling in his mind that let him know that he was still being followed, that he could not escape. Not thinking coherently enough to stop for the car he had taken as his own while on the run, he continued past the parking lot and started for the town square. If he was surrounded by people surely he would have a little longer to process how to get out of this situation.
In the back of his mind he knew that the presence of even an entire country's population wouldn't stop the force that was following him, wouldn't even deter it from ripping him apart in the middle of a crowd.
Before he could even get a third of the way there he felt his body be swept violently into the tree line he was just racing against. His back hit a tree dead on, and he heard a sick cracking noise, felt pain lace his body in a way that was so human, and he knew he wouldn't survive this.
Gritting his teeth he shoved his hands against the sharp floor of leaves, feeling them biting and embedding themselves in his palms, and shoved himself up. The world tipped blurrily to the side, and he felt his weak, so fucking weak, body collapse, and felt an even worse stabbing pain in his chest as he landed heavily on the leaf-littered dirt.
A fierce breeze whipped around him, eyes burning against a sudden blinding light, and the surface beneath him shifted to the rough brush of concrete.
He suddenly felt so stupid for his decision to fall. Wishfully, he he had believed his action would notify the angels above that something was terribly wrong with Enji, that what he was directing came not from God, but from the Archangel's own interests. Shouto wasn't sure if his assailant planned to kill him or force his grace back into his now human form and make him ascend, if only to break and re-program him. What he knew for certain was that he was going to die, if only his spirit, if he was back under Enji's control.
For this one moment he let himself pray for the first option, it would be so easy, would solve all his problems. He doubted they would be merciful enough for such an easy way out though. With Enji at the head he was going to suffer for his actions.
Footsteps stomped closer to his still form. He hadn't bothered to even so much as open his eyes, resigned to his fate. It wasn't like he could fight anymore, falling to the mortal world had left him weak, humans were weak.
"I know you're still alive princess," came a gruff voice above him.
Why bother with talking to him? Was this angel really petty enough to taunt him, gloat his victory, before taking him back to heaven?
Shouto sighed, the breath turning into a pained wheeze that devolved into a wet cough. He tasted copper in his mouth, thick and unfamiliar, but ignored it for the moment in favor of opening his eyes.
The room was dark, although streaks of sunlight managed to break in through gaps in the abandoned building he had been transported to. His eyes caught on a brilliant red first, roiling within the barrier of white surrounding them. It almost seemed like the color was going to boil over, spilling down in a lap of fire. Maybe he was hallucinating but he could almost swear there was an alive anger lingering there, something so foreign among the world of angels.
Looking away, Shouto tried to assess the situation from his position on the floor. It was quiet, they were far from civilians, the building was obviously on the brink of collapse, and a bright rectangle in the distance indicated that a door was propped open or perhaps broken.
The stranger shuffled just slightly closer before crouching down to stare Shouto directly in the eyes, blocking out his field of view.
"This would work out better for you if you start talking," he said, shifting to grab a handful of Shouto's hair, it was always longer than was regulation, and yanked his head up, "You see Enji sent me out to track down his little pet, didn't think you would be so pathetic without your mojo though." He finished that statement with a sharp grin.
All Shouto could do was glare at him through the sharp pain ripping through his scalp, distracting him for a blissful moment from the even worse pain radiating throughout his chest and back.
He grit his teeth, subtly shifting the hand crammed beneath his body up beneath his shirt. It was a little tricky with his blood making the fabric cling to his skin, but he pushed past that, past the pain that felt like his chest caving in, and finally landed on the sigil he had painstakingly carved into his skin in case of a situation like this.
Once ready his mouth split into a pained grimace, blood making trails over his lips, staining his skin, as he said, "Fuck you," and started murmuring the incantation that would activate the sigil.
The stranger, now smiling with amusement, yanked his head back further. He clearly wasn't aware of what Shouto was doing, or he would have crushed his windpipe.
As Shouto finished murmuring the incantation a bright light began to emanate from the sigil painfully carved into his skin, and the second before it burned outward and took the stranger with it, he saw shock and a surprising hint of fear on the guy's face.
That was strange, the emotion. Angels knew of the concepts of emotions but never really felt them. Sure, they could imitate them if need be, a crude attempt at manipulation, but they didn't come naturally. His pursuer was odd, in that regard. Even with the emotions showing through the angel was still an angel, under Enji's control, it would do no good to dive too deep into him.
Shouto couldn't let himself contemplate the guy for too much longer, he needed to get help. Before, getting hurt wasn't ever really a concern of his, did nothing to affect his abilities and was able to be healed without much of an effort. Now though, now he was human, and he was going to die if he didn't get medical attention quickly. He thought that his ribs were probably broken, maybe a lung was punctured if the blood pooling in his mouth was anything to go by.
Dragging the hand that wasn't covered in blood to his pocket, he felt around blindly for the burner phone he had purchased at some random gas station during his blind fleeing. Really human technology was extraordinary, he thought absently, their methods of communication so advanced. The edges felt sharp and broken when he found it, but his hand still moved to gather the largest pieces and drag them out.
It was destroyed, and Shouto couldn't help the weak laugh that bubbled out of him at the knowledge that he was dying, was going to be buried among the wreckage of this building. Out of a desperate hope, he dialed 119 on the keypad, fully expecting nothing to happen, when the phone started ringing and he heard a faint voice, garbled and tinny, but still there.
Centuries ago, Shouto was part of a small battalion, barely a foot soldier. Enji was the head, a recently appointed archangel after the forces in Heaven had been rattled and were recovering from the war with Hell. It was more of a short intermission, while both sides licked their wounds and recovered their strength before beginning again, and again, repeating the process in an endless cycle until the universe collapsed under the stress.
During the last cycle Shouto had been created and was lucky enough to survive the fighting. Within the latter-half of the war he had been more focused on intel gathering and scouting, which left him with more knowledge than many of his siblings but worse at fighting, at least in comparison with the ones that had managed to survive. There weren't many.
Enji had been promoted after his achievements across two cycles of war, so Shouto had been assigned to his battalion simply because he was available. It was always random selection for the newly appointed Archangels, and Shouto hadn't even suspected anything was awry. His former Archangel had died during the previous cycle and Shouto was passed between whoever needed him at the moment until the cycle was over and he was relegated to a newly formed unit under Enji's command.
At first everything was normal, pretty standard assignments and small things for Enji to assert his authority and gain the faith of his battalion. As time passed Enji seemed to take more notice of Shouto though, often pulling him aside and giving him more private assignments. The Archangel continued to push him, developing his strengths, bringing him closer to God, as the man often said. Even as pain wracked through Shouto's frame and he became even more familiar with his own blood than others, he had believed him.
When that started Shouto had felt proud to be acknowledged, carrying out God's will effectively enough that he was being recognized for it and given progressively harder assignments. Although mission after mission, he began to recognize something was wrong. Every assignment included death or spying, particularly on other angels. As he killed more of their flock, people who had survived a cycle or two, he felt less like he was carrying out God's will and more like he was aiding a rebellion. This became especially apparent when one day, Enji called him to his private domain.
As he entered he bowed down in fealty, and said, "What does the lord require of me?"
Enji, from his position above Shouto, always elevated, replied, "Recently there has been findings of rebellion among All-Might's battalion, he is said to wish to take over control of Heaven."
Some facsimile of anger was the first emotion that flashed through Shouto, thinking someone wished to overthrow their father, but the more rational part of his brain that had been cataloging everything he was requested, required to do, screamed that this was Enji quashing the other largest Archangel's battalion.
Before Shouto could formulate a response, Enji continued, "You must decimate as many of his followers as you can, most importantly his second-in-command, Midoriya Izuku. It is God's will that everything must remain at peace, we already have enough to do preparing for the next cycle of war against Hell, we cannot handle an internal power struggle as well."
He looked directly into Shouto's eyes, betraying nothing, and finished with, "It will happen as God has decreed, won't it Shouto?"
That last part constricted in Shouto's throat, he could feel the shackles of order and loyalty hanging around his neck, grounding his heart and mind to these commands. The orders felt far heavier than any he had previously received, but the weight of them felt like it was coming from below, trying to drag him into the pit he had spent so much time surveying.
It was God's will though. Enji, as a newly appointed Archangel, had access to God's orders, he only ever spoke to the Nephilims and Archangels these days, mere angels fell far beneath his notice, Shouto assumed because they usually never lived for long.
Shouto felt his hands twitch from the position they were held in, clasped behind his body. It took a second of quieting the buzzing in his mind that was goading him to disagree, just this once. Disagreeing was an impossibility though, it was God's will, and he must carry it out.
"Of course, Enji, Endeavor, I will carry out his will as he has spoken it," Shouto replied, dread settling heavy and foreign in his chest. With a deep bow of his head he vanished, flying away with the speed of someone trying to flee. He could do this though, there was simply no other option. It was unheard of for an angel to disobey God's will, and the famous tale of Lucifer's fall from grace dissuaded any who even had an inkling of doubt.
When he landed he took a moment to steady himself, feeling shaky and terrified, these rushing and unknown emotions were frazzling his brain. He wasn't supposed to feel so much, less of all towards another being. Just being friends with Izuku in the first place was something that never should have happened, no matter how closely they worked together. All relationships here were ones of order, of loyalty. There was no room for trust, for the warm fuzzy feeling of kinship he felt whenever he had the chance to see Izuku.
To think he was going to have to kill him.
A sudden bout of nausea struck him, a feeling previously only associated with pain, with being hurt. Why did the simple idea of killing Izuku feel akin to being tattered to pieces, barely hanging on, after fighting with all his strength?
He had to get over himself, this was disgraceful. If anyone realized he was feeling he would be killed, there was no room for defectives.
So Shouto sucked in a breath of unnecessary air and decided to start slow, killing the dregs of All-Might's battalion before moving in for Izuku. Trying to wipe the entire group out on his own was impossible, so he would just have to settle for the few that he could manage. As long as he got Izuku then God's will would be fulfilled… right?
A heavy weight settled in his stomach at the thought, and a searing feeling ripped through his throat. First… first he would go for Mineta, Shouto thought, start small.
It was easy, killing Mineta. The arrogant bastard blindly followed Shouto when he had mentioned one of the small feats Mineta had actually managed to pull off, there weren't many. Once isolated all he had to do was simply lean in slightly, feigning like he was going to praise the bastard, and slot his blade firmly into the man's heart. The light that exploded out from him as he died was but a bare whisper on Shouto's skin, eyes remaining open and staring emotionlessly as the man faded from sight like he never existed. His grace remained tethered for just a moment though, and Shouto inhaled it before it too could die off. Perhaps his doubt would be vanquished if he established a greater connection with God through the man's grace.
Nothing happened other than the warm glow of power expanding past its limits that wormed its way through his body. He was still dreading killing his friend.
He worked his way through a crowd of other angels whose name he had never learned, taking out the lower ranks of angels quickly. If he was to even get the chance to go after the higher ranked angels within All-Might's battalion though he needed to move quickly, before they realized that someone was even after them.
That meant that it was already time to kill Izuku. Shit.
Shouto could do this, had no other option than to fulfill God's will. It was all he was created for, he could not afford to be anything other than a good little soldier. His existence had no purpose if he couldn't carry out God's will.
An aggressive shuddering of his wings and raking his hands through his hair that only served to get it tangled did nothing to quiet the emotions roiling inside him. After a second to methodically comb his hair back into a semblance of normalcy, as if that detail could cement that he was as he was supposed to be, he expanded his wings and took off flying again.
When Shouto found Izuku he was poring through a stack of documents and muttering something about Hell's Gate. It was a topic often talked about these days, something existing on the mortal plane that allows the demons and other dreadful creatures from Hell easier access to both Heaven and Earth. There had been debates about whether enlisting humans to fully close it was a viable strategy. It was all a little far-fetched in Shouto's opinion, how would the mortals be capable of even containing a power that large and volatile?
After staring silently at Izuku for a second, fascinated by his ramblings, they had always gotten along because of their love for intel, of learning every possible thing about their enemies and strategies to counter them that sharing research had been an easy, companionable thing. Logic had always overpowered brute strength, in Shouto's opinion anyways.
He moved forward then, circling the desk that Izuku was seated at to peer over his shoulder and read the text the man was muttering something about while he scanned the pages. Izuku startled at the presence over him and turned around fast enough in his chair that he managed to throw himself off of it, landing sprawled on the gleaming white floor that encapsulated all of Heaven. When he moved to scramble up he realized it was just Shouto invading his space and he relaxed, slowing his frantic movements and straightening himself to stand facing Shouto.
The barest hint of amusement glinted in Shouto's eyes at the display, quickly turning troubled as he realized just how comfortable he felt in Izuku's presence. He refused to show any of his newfound distress though and started for the easy conversation that he always fell into when with Izuku, "What's this about Hell's Gate?" It came off as slightly teasing but edged with genuine interest.
"Oh! Just another theory All-Might and I are working on to quell the severity of the cycles… We thought that since God initially created the ward around the gate, that we angels could try repairing it... though that might be hard because logistically…." Izuku rambled, going quieter as he continued explaining that it was nearly impossible for angels to get in past the wards some particularly crafty humans and demons had set up around the gate. The repairing theory had some merit, but Shouto doubted that mere foot-soldiers would be able to do much, given that God himself constructed the original barrier that made it near impossible for any hell spawn to escape the pit. These days though the barrier seemed to be failing, each cycle getting harder with the pure volume of demons fighting.
He was getting so distracted by Izuku's ramblings and his own theories that he almost forgot what he had come here for in the first place. Shouto didn't know if he would ever be able to brace himself for the betrayal he was about to commit, could barely fathom that his orders included extinguishing such a brilliant light as Izuku. His body had stiffened unconsciously as his brain became eclipsed by a strange static, the only thing remaining his orders. He had to kill Izuku. It was God's will.
By this point Izuku had noticed Shouto leaving the conversation, and refocused on him, pausing when he noticed how stock-still Shouto had become. His eyes widened with worry as he approached Shouto, seemingly frozen in place, and touched his shoulder in an attempt at grounding his friend.
Dull cerulean and grey eyes swiveled to that hand, and before Shouto could think, push past the static where only orders lived, his hand had dipped into his coat, pulled out his blade, and sunk it squarely in Izuku's heart. His eyes widened in horror as he watched shock overtake his friend's face, and Shouto took an unconscious step back as light flickered outwards from Izuku's body. The body that fell heavily to the floor without Shouto's weight to support it.
Bile ran up from his stomach, and before he even knew what was happening Shouto was doubled over and puking up nothing, because he wasn't supposed to have human bodily functions. It was such a sick sensation, Shouto felt weightless and shackled at the same time, the restraints of order biting into his skin as they tightened, and he fell to the floor, lit by the dying fire of his friend.
He was shaking so hard it felt like his skin would slough off with the intensity of it, and it took all he could manage to turn himself to face Izuku as the light finally stopped flickering and his body disintegrated, carried away by an invisible wind. After a second, all that was left was his aimless grace, and Shouto lurched himself off of the floor to grasp it, refusing to let Izuku's grace fade into nothingness. He had nowhere to store it though, no way other than to absorb it. The very thought sickened him. At the moment he had no other option though, if he wanted to keep some small part of Izuku, of the only friend he had ever had.
So he forced himself to open his mouth, parting his hands from the vice-grip they had on the errant grace, and took his friend in. Shouto was crying before he even knew what that meant, he felt the most miserable he ever had, even getting torn apart by demons would be better than what he was going through.
He had just killed and ate his only friend… the thought was hysterical, but all Shouto could feel was pure misery.
Why… why would God ever order something like this? Shouto thought wildly. It felt more like Enji's orders than anything God himself would desire. It felt like a sick power play.
He knelt there, suddenly unsure if what he had just done was actually God's will or Enji's.
A sick certainty blanketed him when he thought about that. It was Enji's will, without a doubt. Shouto felt a wild anger flare in him then, he had just killed Izuku because Enji desired it, God had nothing to do with it, with anything he had been doing recently!
All those deaths, all of the angels he had killed under the impression that he was fulfilling God's will… none of it actually came from him. Just Enji.
Suddenly a spark caught in Shouto's mind, igniting and burning away everything else, he couldn't do this… he had to leave. He refused to be used anymore by an egoist who was actually the one rallying for power in Heaven. He would no longer follow this sick man, follow anyone. A blazing inferno cleared away everything except for the pure notion that he was done. Shouto had never known what pure hatred, betrayal, felt like before this moment, but now he knew for certain that these emotions would carry him forward, allow him to live even if it was no longer as an angel.
Still kneeling by the empty air where his friend had fallen, by his hand, he reached inside himself, past all physical constraints, and gripped the live wire that made him who he was, what he was. He pulled it, agony searing every inch of him, whiting out his brain until all that remained was keep going, and he violently yanked until it was dislodged. In his hand, his grace looked so small, just a clump of swirling light that carried within it countless other angels, Izuku. The hollow feeling resonating through his body was nothing compared to the sheer relief and horror at what he had done. There was no going back.
The world tilted sideways as his body collapsed without its heart to sustain it, and he felt himself falling. He never knew falling from grace would be quite so literal, but here he was hurtling through the stratosphere, his grace soaring alongside him, and he felt himself open his eyes and take in the pure beauty of the Earth for the first time. Swirling hues of greens and blues made up the planet, all surrounded in a slick sheen with all the colors of a rainbow but infinitely iridescent. Almost seeming like it was glowing, inviting him in with a warmth he had never felt, the brilliant gold of the sun just peeking behind this effervescent orb of all that was right in the world. It really was magnificent from up here, and he couldn't help but feel gratitude towards God at this moment, for creating something so wonderful.