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“I just want to go home…” He whispers quietly. His eyes are unfocused and that should scare me, but it was the blood that terrified me the most.
And it should.
He squirms in my arms a bit before choking out a cry and he starts sobbing.
“Can we go home? I want to go home...Let's go home...” He whines, and I run a hand through his hair and whisper reassuring words.
“Of course baby boy,” I try to say, but I'm sure it came out barely audible, “Anything you want.”
He whines some more and I press down on the wound. Hoping to stop the blood but I know - we both do - that it’s futile.
There's already blood on his lips.
We're both crying but only one of us is panicking.
And it’s not me.
He's shaking and crying, muttering out words,most of which I fail to hear.
“I'm sorry,” he cries, and he repeats that over and over.
The only thing I can do is wait.
I'm not panicking, but i'm hollow inside;and honestly? That's way worse. I should be feeling something but I don't. I'm crying but I'm not processing it.
He's dying and there's nothing I can do.
[This is your fault] The boxes say.
[You're always so pushy. Trying to get close when you know they're only going to leave you in the end. You're the reason they always leave.]
{How tragic that it ended up this way instead}
[But that's your fault as well]
{Always your fault}
[And look, you're completely dead inside. You can't even feel a thing can you?] The box continues.
And it's true.
I'm watching him struggle to breath and I'm here trying to stop the bleeding when I know it's useless,and he's trying so hard to keep his eyes open.
He struggles to say something, but I never find out what.
It's when his body goes limp and his eyes glaze over that I realize he's gone.
But his body's still warm.
And it's silent,the world is silent. Like time has frozen over, maybe it's a sign of respect to one of New York's greatest heroes. Perhaps it's because my mind has finally started to catch up.
The boxes are silent as well, but that might be because I'm too focused on the body before me.
Either way it is an unwelcomed and uncomfortable silence.
It's moments later, when my heart seizes in my chest, that I realize what just occurred.
My mind is scorching with thoughts but my body is cold. I reach out with shaking hands, pulling the body closer to me; Carefully...slowly.
(It's almost as if he's only sleeping)
[With this lighting it's almost convincing. Too bad the blood gives it away]
I lift us off the ground, trying and failing to push away the boxes.
(You're never going to get rid of us)
[Unfortunately for you]
I feel myself sway, and I'm sure my vision is swimming, but the only thing in my mind is him.
(We're the only ones that won't leave you. How sad)
‘I want to go home’ I can still hear him whimper.
“Alright baby boy,” I mumble, feeling tears run down my cheek- soaking up my mask, “Let's go home.”
[You know what they say-]
(If you love something-)
[You gotta destroy it]