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life has taken rui odd places before.
this isn’t necessarily one of them, but it feels like it.
there’s something heavy sitting on his chest, an uncomfortable pressure making it hard to take a full breath, hard to swallow, to feel okay.
it’s not the first time he has felt like this, but that doesn’t make it any easier to withstand, doesn’t make him feel any less confused when he wakes up feeling choked up, almost on the verge of tears with no clear reason as to why.
rui tries to think back on his week, thinks about the practice hours, the meetings, the singing lessons, dance lessons, practice, practice, practice, countless hours spent trapped inside four walls, staring at himself in the mirror, letting his body guide him through time, no chance to think or to speak much, only him and the art he loves the most.
he can’t pinpoint anything different because, truthfully, days like these pass by in a blur, mixing and melting into an interminable stream of the same motions repeated again and again and again. it’s also because there really is nothing, no reason to feel like this.
but again, feelings have never been logical, and this… this weird weight pushing against his ribs always comes like this, unannounced and unwelcomed whenever he has a moment too long to breathe, a moment too long to think.
he needs not to think, rui quickly realizes, needs to get his mind into something else, something familiar and safe, but it’s incredibly hard to do so when his body feels so tired he barely managed to roll out of bed and grab breakfast this morning.
the memory isn’t jarring enough to stop him from trying.
with great effort, rui rolls himself around, his back now to the wall as he faces the rest of his shared bedroom for the first time in what feels like hours.
the first thing his eyes land on is wumuti sitting prettily in front of their vanity. the fact that he didn’t hear wumuti enter the room or getting ready says a lot about how deep in a thought he was, but it also says a lot about how caring and gentle wumuti is, getting ready as quietly as possible, an earbud popped into their ear to not bother rui with the noise.
it’s adorable, and it only makes rui’s chest hurt more.
from this angle, he can clearly see wumuti’s reflection in the mirror, their bright red hair pushed back with some hair clips, expression purposefully relaxed as they carefully apply some eyeliner.
rui can’t help but marvel at how beautiful they look.
it’s nothing new really, nothing rui hadn’t thought about before. wumuti has always been beautiful, one of the prettiest faces rui had ever seen, which says a lot considering the place where they first met.
there’s just something special about wumuti, about their unique features, the hard set of their jaw easily softened by makeup and some of rui’s silly jokes, the tall bridge of their nose with its adorably rounded tip, one of the fans’ favourite features of theirs, perfect to kiss, perfect to bop. there’s something about the defined set of their eyebrows, lately dyed and thinned out, making them look so warm and inviting. it’s about their plump lips, always perfectly glossy with product, and their kind brown eyes, the same ones that are now looking at rui through the mirror, regarding them with an amused smile.
“hey,” wumuti mouths, almost no noise coming out of their lips.
“jiejie,” rui hums in response, unable to move, unable to look away. “you look pretty.” it’s the only thing he manages to say.
wumuti’s smile stretches wider, their eyes sliding to their own reflection before going back to rui.
“thank you.”
and rui can’t really tell from this distance, but if he had to bet, he would say there’s a faint blush on her cheeks.
the moment breaks, but rui’s mind cannot move on from it.
“are you going out?” he asks, voice soft, for some reason, like their bubble was just too precious to break.
“later,” wumuti nods, “i just felt like getting ready early, why?”
no reason, rui would’ve, should’ve said.
no reason, the rational, conscious part of his brain says.
but there is a reason, apparently, one hidden so deep inside rui’s heart he himself doesn’t know about it until the words are out of his mouth.
“can you make me pretty too, if you have time?”
he can feel wumuti’s eyes on him right now, not through the mirror, but directly on him. he can feel the stare, almost like a physical touch.
rui wants it, he needs it, a hand over his shoulder, a hug to his soul.
he knows wumuti would never be anything but kind, but rui’s still unable to meet their eyes as he stares down at his own knees, his hands splayed over his lap.
“of course,” wumuti agrees after what couldn’t be more than a beat, but feels like years in rui’s weird headspace. “come here, jagi.”
rui’s body moves on its own, and it’s such a weird feeling for someone who’s always so in control of his limbs, but now, right this moment, it feels like they’re someone else’s. rui feels strangely out of his body as his legs walk him directly to wumuti, to their open arms and their pretty face, their delicate hands and the elegant way they scoot over on their little vanity bench, making just enough space for him to fit in.
wumuti’s hand finds his hair immediately, combing through the strands with practiced ease, their long nails scratching his scalp just right, making rui melt against them, wumuti’s magnetism pulling them in, in, in.
“i’ll finish up mine and then do yours, okay?” rui nods absentmindedly. he would agree to anything wumuti said right now, would follow them to the end of the world.
the hand on his hair slides down, past his temple and past his ear until wumuti’s gently cupping his chin. their touch is soft but commanding all the same as they force rui to face them, to look into their round, sparkly eyes.
“our rui has such a pretty face, it deserves some pretty make-up too.”
it’s not unusual for wumuti to compliment him, to compliment any of his bandmates, really. rui has heard similar words plenty of times before, has heard it all about his dance being beautiful, his voice breathtaking, his talent unmatched. wumuti has never been shy about complimenting their friends, and they particularly seem to love complimenting rui, gushing about him being beautiful, handsome, cute, and everything in between.
rui has heard these words before—as a joke, as an intimate whisper, as a greeting, as a teary goodbye. he has heard them yelled across the room, from up close like this, mumbled against his hair, his skin.
he should be used to it by now, and to some degree, he is.
this time they feel different, though. with wumuti holding them like this, brushing her thumb against his cheek, wiping away the invisible tears that have been threatening to spill all day long, their voice high and sweet, higher and sweeter than rui remembers ever hearing it, the air filled with so much affection, so much love…
it’s like something deep inside rui changes, breaks, starts all over again.
“jiejie,” rui cries, almost sobs, his face buried against wumuti’s shoulder, seeking their protection, their love. “can you make me pretty like you?”
“[ah, baby,]” wumuti coos, both arms thrown around rui’s shoulders, cradling them close. “[i’m going to make my meimei so pretty].”
—
the wig feels weird in the way it weighs on his scalp and brushes against his shoulders, his back. the clothes also feel odd, not exactly in a bad way, but foreign on how they stick and brush against his skin. the off-shoulder sweater wumuti dressed him in is so soft, softer than anything he has ever owned, fluffy and delicate in ways none of his hoodies could ever be.
the makeup is also different, heavier than anything he has done in a long, long time. it’s not heavy like the one he used for chinese traditional dance, all sharp edges and exaggerated features. wumuti’s makeup is heavy, but so delicate at the same time. all the little details wumuti spent long minutes on finally paying off as rui gets to see the complete picture.
he looks at his reflection in the mirror and it’s him, his features, his pointed nose, the lips he has grown to love. that’s his neck, his shoulders, his slim frame and muscular arms, legs swallowed by a pair of baggy cargo jeans.
it’s him, kuanjui, the same way he has always been, on and off stage, in front and behind the camera.
it’s also someone new, someone rui hadn’t had the chance to meet yet.
the long blonde ponytail makes him look taller, more refined. the bangs are pretty, frame his face perfectly, bringing all the attention to his eyes, to the makeup wumuti so carefully applied, the aegyosal she spent so long carving.
the sparkly earrings move with every deep breath he takes, catching the light the same way his glossy lips do.
the small necklace wumuti lent him accentuates his collarbones, the cut of the sweater making his shoulders look smaller, just a bit narrower than they actually are.
when he looks at his eyes through the mirror, there’s someone else looking back, waving, smiling shyly at him, saying, “i was waiting for you to find me, i’m glad you did.”
the heat in his chest grows impossibly big, radiating through his whole body, from his heart to the tip of his trembling fingers. it feels a lot like crying, except no tears come out, except that instead of a grimace, his lips get pulled into a smile, except the heat is not a weight anymore but caress, a gentle, flickering flame growing into blazing heat, turning everything bright and warm.
“do you like it?” wumuti asks, finally daring to join rui at the mirror. “i think it looks pretty,” they muse, one of her hands softly petting rui’s blonde hair while the other finds one of his naked shoulders, the contact grounding and welcomed. “if you like it, i can teach you how to do it yourself too.”
it takes a while for rui to find their words, but wumuti doesn’t pry, doesn’t dare to push.
wumuti has always had this effect on people. she has always shone so bright because of their talent, their presence, their looks. rui used to feel a little intimidated by it, by the way wumuti stole all the light and warmth from every room she stepped into, only to shine it back ten times brighter.
they bring in that light now too, close, close, close to rui’s body, to his very core.
but the light doesn’t consume him anymore.
instead, it envelops them, embraces them. there are no shadows cast over them because right now, rui’s shining bright too, brighter than they ever have, next to the person they owe so much to, the person they love in the most raw, honest way two humans could ever love each other.
for the first time since they met, rui feels like they shine together, hand-in-hand, blinding, incandescent, themselves.
“i like it,” rui nods after a long while, their voice not more than a whisper, the small noise almost getting lost in the immensity of the world around them. “i like it,” they repeat, their hand reaching for wumuti’s pulling them in, chest to chest, heart to heart, hoping that even without words wumuti can feel, in their heartbeat, their relieved breathing, just how much she has changed, how eternally grateful rui will always be to have ever met them. “[thank you.]”
there are no words in any language that feel like enough, but rui hopes that this, the language only both of them share, will be enough to convey even the smallest bit of their gratitude, at least for now.
“[don’t thank me,]” wumuti smiles once they both pull away from the hug. it’s a small thing, tender in that way they reserve only for their members, only for those closest to their heart. “[you look beautiful.]”
it’s useless to argue with them, so rui gives in easily. “[you do too.]”
wumuti’s smile softens even more, something rui thought wouldn’t be, shouldn’t be possible.
“[i have an hour until i leave, let’s eat something? you haven’t had lunch.]”
rui hums distractedly. from up close, they can’t help but feel mesmerized again by wumuti’s face. “[okay. are the babies here?]”
wumuti laughs, and just the sound of it makes rui giggle too. “[haru yes, hyun is out, i think.]”
“let’s make some for your baby too, then,” rui teases. their chest feels so light, their head so clear, it’s easy to smile like this, to laugh along wumuti, tease them a little bit.
wumuti rolls their eyes, but they don’t deny it. instead, they just start pulling rui out of the room. “as if he wasn’t your baby too,” they mumble, all fake grumpiness and mock offense.
“you are all my babies,” rui says, as they stumble into the living room, still holding hands, still standing close. “and i’m all of you’s princess, right?” they ask, coquettishly batting their long, fake eyelashes.
wumuti stops by the kitchen counter, turning back to look at rui with the most disarmingly fond look in their eyes. “yeah, you are.”
just as quickly as they say it, wumuti is turning their back on them, rummaging through the cupboards to find some instant noodles. rui turns around too, overcome with shyness, his face warm and chest fuzzy.
the first thing their eyes land on is haru peeking over the back of the sofa, making silent gagging motions at them.
rui sticks out their tongue at him, haru fake-gags harder. rui, of course, sticks out their tongue even more.
“enough, you two.”
the words startle rui so badly they almost jump. the worst part is that wumuti isn’t even looking at them, instead simply using that weird all-knowing sixth sense they seem to have for haru and rui’s antics.
“rui hyung was being mean to me,” haru whines, without missing a beat, like the little liar he is.
“yah! you-”
a hand on their lower back makes rui’s words die on their tongue.
“your noona…” wumuti starts, casually leaning their head on rui’s exposed shoulder. “…will promise to be nice to you, right, jagi?”
before rui can even attempt to defend themselves, haru is already enthusiastically nodding along. “yes, noona, be nice to me,” he smiles, big brown eyes looking perfectly innocent now that wumuti is here, but rui knows best. wumuti probably does too.
“i didn’t-”
“as long as you are good and set up the table,” wumuti finishes.
haru lights up immediately, jumping off the couch and making his way into the kitchen. “what are we having? is hyun hyung eating with us? are you guys going out?”
“just some kimchi rameyon. hyun is out with his school friends, said he will be back later. i’m heading out soon, too, but rui is staying.”
“mhm,” haru nods, setting their three bowls on the table. he turns to rui then, giving them an appreciative look. “noona looks pretty, you should go out too.”
it hits rui like a punch to the stomach, like an arrow aimed straight at her chest.
neither haru nor wumuti get to see her shaky smile, or the way her eyes fill with tears, but that’s okay. this is rui’s moment, for her to keep, for her to never forget.
“i was actually thinking we could hang out together? if you’d like?” she asks, throwing an arm over haru’s shoulders, a poor attempt to seem casual.
haru turns at her with a thousand stars in his moon-shaped eyes. one of the things rui likes the most about haru is how he smiles with his entire face, every single one of his muscles pulled into the widest, cutest grin she’s ever seen, his whisker dimples on perfect display for her to squeeze, if she wants to.
from this distance, there’s no way to hide the overwhelmed tears pooling in her eyes, but she doesn’t try to. haru must notice, but as always, their little one knows perfectly well when to stop prying, easily reading his members’ moods like the back of his hand.
“okay!” he nods. “what do you wanna do? we can watch a movie. there’s also a new anime i wanna watch, and i got pokemon pokopia!”
“when did you even-?”
“whatever you wanna do,” rui nods, squeezing haru in a short side hug. “i will order us some ice cream too.”
haru cheers, loud and high-pitched. “thank you, noona!”
—
back in their room it’s easy for things to get quiet and tender again.
when wumuti steps in, ready to grab her last accessories and be out the door, they find rui in front of the mirror again, gazing into their reflection.
“hey,” wumuti says, their chin perched over rui’s shoulders, one of their favorite places to be.
“hey,” rui smiles, small but sincere, her eyes shiny and so vulnerable wumuti can’t help the need to place a soft kiss on their cheek.
they want to say something, praise rui again, ask them how they feel, shower them in as many compliments as their brain can muster up in every single language she knows, make a game out of it, see how long it would take for rui’s face to turn the most adorable red.
from day one wumuti has prided themselves in being one of rui’s most passionate supporters, watching in a daze how they grew, how fans fell in love with her one by one, being one of the few close witnesses of rui’s evolvement as an artist, how she explored different styles, different concepts, taking her talents to all the places wumuti knew she could reach but feared wouldn’t be confident enough to aim for.
wumuti supposes it is part of their job as a leader, to know when to verbally praise their members and when to hold them tight, allowing the silence to ease their worries and reassure them that as long as wumuti lives, they will never be alone.
the look in rui’s eyes as she stares at herself in the mirror tells wumuti everything they need to know.
for the first time maybe ever, they’re completely certain that whatever praise they can sing for rui, she’s already saying it to herself.
because rui knows, right here and right now, just how beautiful she looks, how wonderful, how awe-inspiring her honesty has become, and how infinitely loved she is.
wumuti almost feels themselves tear up by how happy, how grateful they are they get to be here, to embrace rui’s most raw, naked self, to see the little spark in their eyes become a firestorm wumuti will make sure no one can ever put out.
a part of her has been waiting so long for this moment she almost can’t believe it’s finally here, in the privacy of their home, the quiet of their room, in her loving hands that have done the best to create a space where they all can feel like this, free, unafraid.
“[thank you,]” rui says again, after a long while. the smile hasn’t left her face, wumuti soaks in its warmth.
“[you are always welcome,]” they nod, not because they feel like they did anything worth thanking, but because they know these are the words rui needs to hear right now.
they seem to be right. slowly, rui takes their eyes off the mirror and turns to face her, pulling wumuti into a short but tight hug. it’s one of those burst-of-the-moment motions, born out of not knowing how to channel such powerful feelings.
wumuti is only mildly surprised when rui’s soft hands cup their face. “[jiejie always looks the prettiest,]” she muses, brushing her thumb against the apple of wumuti’s cheek.
a new wave of fondness hits wumuti like a tsunami, choking them up almost to tears for the umpteenth time today.
it’s odd feeling this loved.
it’s still a little foreign for her to see such mollifying amounts of affection in their friends’ eyes, directed at them, spoken with a reverence wumuti never thought she’d be on the receiving end of.
it’s all-consuming, crawling from the pit of her stomach all the way to her throat, like the best kind of butterflies, like a feeling she’d like to relish in for the rest of her life.
their next move is sudden but so natural, almost automatic in the way rui’s magnetism pulls them in, traps them in the spark of her eyes, her lips, and the subtle speck of highlighter at the tip of her nose.
rui’s surprised little gasp is the only thing that pulls them from the trance, taking wumuti back to earth, back to reality, just in time to feel the way their lips connect.
it’s nothing more than a peck, a minute caress not unlike the kisses wumuti casually peers on the rest of her face.
like many things today, the contact feels different, but so familiar all the same.
by the time wumuti pulls back, rui’s face is flushed the prettiest shade of red.
wumuti doesn’t even have it in them to look bashful, no space in their heart for anything but the raw love they’re feeling right now.
“[my meimei, my beautiful pink, i’m so proud of you,]” she smiles, the corner of her eyes crinkling in that cute way of theirs. “[i love you,]” they whisper, not because they’re afraid anyone else could hear, but because this moment is theirs, it’s rui’s, tucked in their little room in a foreign country, far away from everything they’d ever known, everything they’d ever thought to be an absolute, irrefutable truth.
love is not enough, but it’s the only word wumuti knows could get even close to what she feels for rui.
she’s again only mildly surprised when rui pulls them in for a second kiss, just as chaste as the first, just as sincere as any of the touches ever shared between them.
her lips taste like cherry, like wumuti’s favorite lip balm, and something so fundamentally rui wumuti would be able to recognize it anywhere in the world.
“[i love you, too,]” rui whispers, and there’s not a doubt in wumuti’s heart that she does.
—
“hey, hyung!” haru chirps as soon as hyun steps, his signature blinding smile lighting up his face.
“hey guys,” hyun nods as he gets out his shoes and hangs his jacket by the door. “what are you up to?”
“we’re going to watch a movie! do you wanna join? rui noona got ice cream, and she’s going to get us chicken later.”
rui never agreed to that, but she knows it’s a defeat as soon as hyun flashes her an amused look, ready to join haru’s reign of terror.
she doesn’t even bother arguing. instead, she just sinks back against the couch, hoping her dongsaengs will forget about her existence before they manage to wangle more food out of her.
small mercies seem to still exist, because instead of teasing, hyun just walks up to them on the couch, softly threading his fingers through the long blond locks of rui’s hair as he passes by.
“you look pretty, noona,” he hums appreciatively. “i like the new look, it’s very you.”
rui doesn’t even get to open her mouth to reply before haru is all over her again. “right? i said the same!” he nods enthusiastically, his cheek smushed up against rui’s, nuzzling at her like the biggest, clingiest domestic cat. “told her to go out, but noona said they wanted to hang out with me-eh,” he singsongs, all pleased and smug.
“you should join us too,” rui adds, simply letting herself be pulled and dragged around.
“sure,” hyun easily agrees, reaching out to ruffle haru’s hair before going back to rui, patting their head in a way that would be awkward coming from anyone else, but from hyun it feels like the highest compliment. suddenly rui understands all too well haru’s cat-like tendencies, she too now feels like a big, clingy cat begging for pets. “let me wash up and i’ll be back.”
“hurry or else haru will eat all the ice cream,” rui warns, smiling timidly at hyun.
“if i do, noona will just buy us more,” haru interrupts, once again, the cocky brat he is.
hyun rolls his eyes, but it’s obvious to anyone within two countries around how fond he is. “you really know how to take advantage of your maknae privileges, huh?” haru just grins. “why don’t you stop bullying your noona and instead go make some popcorn?”
“we have popcorn?” haru perks up, stars almost physically floating from his eyes.
“yeah, got some last week, should be on the cupboard next to the fridge.” before hyun has even finished speaking, haru is already making a run for the kitchen, too happy to be fed and doted on. “you’re welcome, noona.”
with that, hyun slips out of the room too, leaving rui alone with her feelings.
it’s a stark contrast from this morning, how light her chest feels.
she will probably cry about it later, curled up in bed—hopefully next to at least one of her members—because that’s just how she is.
now though, the only sound that makes it past her lips is a giggle, wild and a little maniac, making haru peer curiously at her.
rui can’t bring herself to stop, the relief is simply too big.
she’s so loved, she has suddenly realized. more than she could’ve ever hoped for.