Work Text:
Robby, walking into his house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Dennis: Hey.
Javidi: Hi
Frank: Hello
Oliver: *waves hello* 👋🏼
Mel: Hey!
Robby: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Trinity: We were out of Doritos.
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Oliver: Sometimes I don’t notice an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and everyone’s staring at me weird.
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Cassie: Anyone know any good books that make you cry?
Frank: Ollie's medical records
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Robby: What’s your blood type?
Oliver: How would I know?
Trinity: How would you not!?
Oliver: Who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups?
Robby: You don’t know your own blood type, BUT YOU KNOW WHO DISCOVERED THEM?!
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Oliver: Bye Frank! Bye Dennis! Bye Mel! Bye Trinity! Bye Frank!
Dennis: You said ‘bye Frank’ twice.
oc: I like Frank.
××××××××××××××××
Oliver: did you know-
kidnapper: oh my god do you ever shut up?!
Oliver: *tears up* i'm sorry
kidnapper: look i'm just here to get ransom from your parents-
Oliver: *laughs* my parents don't care about me, we'll be here forever waiting
kidnapper: Robby and Jack don't care about you?
Oliver: what- oh you meant THOSE parents, oh yeah you're screwed
kidnapper: what-
Jack: *kicks the door open* WHERE'S MY BABY?!
kidnapper: *screams*
Oliver: hi papa!
Jack: hi Ollie!
Robby: kid you gotta stop getting yourself in these situations my heart can't take it!
××××××××××××××××
Mel: What does 'take out' mean?
Frank: Food.
Dennis: Dating
Oliver: Murder
Trinity: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.
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Robby: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Trinity: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Mel: I personally was created in a lab.
Oliver: I just straight up spawned lol.
××××××××××××××××
Frank: What are your goals?
Oliver: To pet all the dogs.
Frank: No, fitness goals.
Oliver: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.
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Dennis: how the hell do I talk to people
Oliver: stand in front of them and press A
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Oliver: hey sorry I can't come out tonight I need to research an incredibly specific and random topic alone and in silence for hours on end for no reason at all
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Trinity: one of these days, your smart mouth is going to get you stabbed.
Oliver: pfft, as if I haven't been stabbed before
××××××××××××××××
Robby: We call that a traumatic experience.
Robby, turning to Santos: Not a "bruh moment".
Robby, turning to Langdon: Not "sadge".
Robby, turning to Oliver: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".
××××××××××××××××
Robby: What's wrong with you?
Oliver: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.
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Oliver: Like they say, "If you can't beat them, curl up in a ball and protect your organs.”
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*Whitaker, Santos, and Oliver are playing poker. Oliver is winning by a long shot.*
Whitaker: Aw, come on.
Santos: It’s not fair! He doesn’t even know what we’re playing!
Oliver: Go Fish?
××××××××××××××××
Dana: Oliver, think before you act.
Oliver: I did think.
Dana: And?
Oliver: I thought, "this is a terrible idea", and then I did it anyway.