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When the puck hits him, his entire face goes numb. He drops to the ice from the force. Everything has gone silent in his head and all he feels is his heart beating in his jaw. Then, the wave of nausea hits and he knows that is not a good sign.
The trainer makes it to his side and when he starts asking him questions, he starts to feel okay, like he can get up and get himself off the ice. Once he’s on his feet, he runs his tongue along the side of his mouth that got hit and feels the absence of teeth. That’s the moment when the pain hits.
He can’t exactly answer the questions being asked of him because he can’t move his jaw and nodding isn’t exactly an option either. So, he silently lets the trainer help him get his skates off, while he works off the rest of his equipment so they can take him to the hospital.
His dad enters the room as he gets the last of his pads off and his mind snaps out of hockey and back to real life. After they lock eyes one thought jumps into his head and it continues to run around his pounding skull in circles for the entire ride.
‘Jack’s going to kill me.’
_____
Between the X-rays and the pre-op, Troy is allowed to visit him in his room. Sidney had left his cell phone back in his locker, so he is glad his dad is here to help him out.
He motions with his hands that he wants a pen and paper. Thankfully, it doesn’t take long for his dad to catch on and he pulls a pen from his pocket and scrounges up a paper from the counter.
Sidney unimpressively writes, ‘you need to call jack,’ on the paper in scribbles. Every time he moves any part of his upper body, the pain increases greatly. They haven’t given him nearly enough pain meds because they are certain he will need surgery.
“I’ve already talked to him,” Troy says. Of course he has, he didn’t have a game tonight. “He was watching the game on TV and called me after he couldn’t get a hold of you. I think he also called Mario and Ray.”
He kind of wants to start crying, a little bit from the pain, and a lot because Jack had to watch him get hit in the face with a puck from his couch in Columbus. He knows how badly Jack has to be freaking out right now. If he called Ray, he’s at a level 11 on the panic scale.
He goes back to the paper and writes, “call him?” and shows it to his dad.
“You can’t talk, Sid. I promised to call him every time I get an update.”
‘please’ he writes and underlines it. Then he gingerly raises his hand to his face and mocks like he’s holding a phone to his ear.
“Okay, okay. I will,” his dad says, and pulls his phone out of his pocket. A few moments later he says, “Jack? Yea, I’m here with Sid. He can’t talk or open his mouth in any way but he wanted me to call you. I think he wants me to put the phone to his ear so you can talk to him.” There is a pause and Sidney just wants to be the one hearing Jack’s voice. “Yea, okay, here I am going to hand him the phone in one second.”
His dad walks over to his bed and hands the phone to him. Once he gets it to his ear his dad says, “He’s got it to his ear now,” and then walks to sit on the opposite side of the room.
“Sidney. Hey, Sid,” Jack says to him and he sounds so fucking worried and it kills him. “What luck you have, eh? I’m so sorry. What a fucking shot. I might have to sucker punch Orpik next time we play.” Sid wants to laugh because Jack would, too. Punch Sidney’s own teammate for accidentally hitting him in the face with his slap shot. “Your dad says you have to have surgery. I’m so sorry I’m not there. What a shitty husband I am, eh?” Jack chuckles slightly and pauses. “Mario told me he would be there soon, that he would make sure everything went well. I told him since your dad is there, he would have to be your stand in husband instead, since I’m not there.” He chuckles again, but this time it’s a little more pained. The pause lasts longer and Sid is happy to stay on the phone listening to him breathe. “I’m gonna fucking kill you Sid,” he finally continues. “You promised me no more injuries, no more head injuries. God, you promised me when we got married, Sid, that you wouldn’t make me worry about you like this.”
Sid exhales deeply because he feels the emotions bubbling up. He got hit in the fucking face with a hockey puck and his husband can’t even be by his bedside. He got hurt again. All he wants in life is to play hockey, then go to bed after telling Jack he loves him, and, now, he can’t do either.
“I love you,” Jack says and it sounds like he might start crying, “Good luck in surgery, okay? Please be okay, Sid. Okay? I love you, injuries and all.”
Sid wants to say a million things but he just motions for his dad to come over. Troy approaches the bed and takes the phone.
“Jack? It’s Troy, he needs to go to pre-op. I promise to call when we get any news. Try to get some sleep, son. You have a game tomorrow. Bye.”
A nurse comes in just then and tells him they will be taking him to get ready for his surgery. Sidney closes his eyes and replays Jack telling him he loves him in his head over and over until they start to count back from 10 and, by 9, he’s out.
_____
The next two days pass by with Sidney in a haze of anesthesia, non-narcotic painkillers and an endless stream of doctors, dentists, teammates, executives and coaches. His mom makes it in from Minnesota, where she has been staying to be close to his sister, and it’s nice to see her.
By the third day his jaw is feeling a little better and he can group together a few sentences before it hurts too much. He delves into the “apology pack” that Brooks had brought over with all the essential things he left behind in his locker (the equipment guys filled him in on what he NEEDED and what he needed) and a bunch of liquid candy. Sid wrote “no worries” on the pad of paper he kept on his bed when Brooksie wouldn't stop apologizing and then “thanks” after he handed him the pack.
He fishes out his cell phone and ignores the overwhelming amount of text messages and missed calls and presses his number 1 speed dial.
The phone rings 4 times, 5, and he thinks about whether he will be able to leave a message when he hears Jack say, “Sid?” in a voice which means it’s pre-game nap time.
“Jack,” is what he gets out and then, “Hey.”
“Wow,” Jacks says taking a deep breath, exhaling into the phone, loud and fucking great, “It’s amazing to hear your voice.”
“You too,” Sid says and Jack softly laughs and then immediately yawns. Sid can see him, can see his eyes half lidded and barely blue. He can see Jack stretching his arm above his head and pointing his toes, trying to work the sleep out. It’s an image that makes his heart fill up and his stomach ache. He wants to tell him not to wake himself up, that he needs the nap, that he’s sorry for interrupting. But, instead he says, “Love you, JJ.”
He wants to say it again and again to make up for all the times Jack has said it to him in the last 3 days with Sidney not saying it back.
“Love you, too,” Jack says and, then, “How you feeling?”
“Okay, short sentences are okay,” he returns.
“Glad to hear it, glad to hear you, Sid. Everyone has been keeping me updated and shit, but, fuck, I missed your voice.” Mario had told him he had been keeping in constant contact with Jack. He is one of the small handful of people, along with their parents, siblings, and GM’s, who know they got married last year after the season ended. Ray likes to say it’s hockey’s best kept secret and Sid always tells him it better stay that way, because he might be the best hockey player in the world but, he knows that given respect only stretches so far. At least for the time being.
“I heard too much of yours,” Sid gets out and then tries not to laugh because it hurts too much and he can already feel his jaw aching. He just listens to Jack’s and let’s it be enough for the both of them.
“You’re probably right about that,” Jack says and then laughs again.
“Go back to sleep,” Sid says and when Jack starts to protest he continues with, “Hurts.”
“Yea, yea, of course, sorry. Call me again, soon, when you can, okay?”
“Yea, love you,” Sid says and he hopes Jack realizes how much.
“I love you, too,” Jack says, “Bye Sid.”
“Bye J,” he says. They stay on the line for a few beats before a nurse enters his room and he ends the call.
_____
After Columbus's heartbreaking elimination from playoff contention, Sidney wants to take back every good thing he’s ever said about Minnesota, because Jack deserves to go to the playoffs. But, then he remembers that is where they met. Without Minnesota, who knows if he would have ever ended up marrying Jack Johnson. They obviously would have met, but it wouldn’t be the same. He never would have shook Jack’s too sweaty hand on move in day in the non-air conditioned dorms and they never would have ever played on the same hockey team. Or baseball team, and then Jack never would have beat up an entire opposing team for him. Without Minnesota, they never would have spent frigid weekends running skills drills on Faribault's local ice rinks, keeping warm by making out sitting on the ice by the far boards where no one could see them.
Without Minnesota, he wouldn’t be Sidney Crosby, legal Canadian husband of Jack Johnson. And, so, he forgives Minnesota and calls his husband to tell him he’s booked him the first flight to Pittsburgh because Minnesota won, and that means, selfishly, Sidney did, too.