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It’s been two months since their daughter, Lila, was born, and Buck has been exhausted ever since.
He loves his pup so much, he has loved her from the very minute he found out he was pregnant. He and Eddie had been married for a little while when it happened, but it never occurred to him that it was going to be this tiring after the birth
Now, he barely has time for himself and whenever he has a few minutes, he just sleeps. He has hardly gotten any rest these past weeks. Even though Eddie helps him all the time, it still feels like a lot.
Most days, Buck feels like the luckiest man ever. He looks at Eddie, his partner, best friend, his husband beside him and Christopher who has been like a son to him for so long are officially a family. He is a Diaz now, too. Buckley-Diaz, he loves the sound of it.
He still can’t believe it because it’s something he never thought he could actually have. He was only a friend before, but now they even have a new addition to the family. Watching Christopher enjoy being a big brother and seeing Eddie carry Lila around makes Buck want to cry happy tears.
But tonight, he feels like shit.
The house is quieter than usual. Christopher is at his friend's house for a sleepover, and Eddie is at Pepa’s for dinner. Eddie didn't want to go at first. He said, "If you don't go, I won't either," but Buck put on a smile that he knows Eddie won’t be fooled by. But he still convinced him to go because he wanted his husband to have a nice time. He told him that he and Lila would be just fine.
Buck didn't want to go because he just wanted to sleep. He planned to sleep the very minute Lila did after Eddie left. He had barely slept the past few weeks. He was only taking tiny naps throughout the day and sleeping for four hours at most.
Eddie had tried to reassure Buck, telling him to get some rest while he took care of Lila, but Buck could only manage to lie down for twenty minutes before getting back up. "I just can't sleep," he would say, and Eddie knew Buck wouldn’t rest while Lila was awake.
But Buck didn’t want to worry Eddie about anything. He had started taking everything onto his own shoulders. Taking care of the baby, cooking and cleaning. He didn't even let Eddie ask if he needed help anymore. He just turned him down before Eddie could even finish the question.
"It’s fine, I got it," Buck would always say. Eddie would just sigh because he knew Buck won’t change his mind once he’s decided to do it all himself.
Eddie once took the vacuum from Buck’s hand to clean for him, but Buck didn’t thank him. Instead, he stayed silent and boiled with anger for the rest of the day. So, forcing him to rest was not an option. Buck himself doesn’t even know when he started this constant need to prove he can handle everything alone.
Now, exhausted, Buck took Lila into their bedroom, swaying and humming to her. He carefully put her in her crib, and she stayed sleeping peacefully. He took the chance immediately, laying down on the bed next to the crib and closing his eyes, hoping for a peaceful sleep too.
But it only lasted for two hours.
He woke up to the sound of his pup crying again. Buck jumped out of bed immediately, his heart racing as he reached for her. Sometimes, Lila just feels lonely and wants her mom near her. He picked her up and brought her into the big bed with him.
"I'm here, sweetheart. Mom’s here," he whispered. He held his wrist close to her so she could smell his comforting scent
Usually, it works. But tonight, it didn’t.
Buck checked her diaper and changed it, then searched for her bottle. But it was nowhere to be found. He hurried out of the room, leaving Lila crying in the bed. Even though he knew she couldn't move yet, it was still scary to leave her alone for even a minute.
He looked all around the house until he finally found the bottle, then rushed to the fridge to look for the stored breastmilk. He opened the door, but the shelf was empty.
Buck groaned, leaning his forehead against the cool door of the fridge. He had forgotten to pump. He hated pumping, it was uncomfortable and sometimes felt like he’s being pinched but he had learned it was just because of the type of pump he used.
The baby was still crying in the other room, and Buck was too tired to even think straight. He felt like he might start crying too, but he just added “order a new pump" to the long to-do list in his head. a list that already had a hundred other things. He took a shaky breath, pushed himself away from the fridge, and went back to his daughter.
He lay down and gathered Lila into his arms. "Shh, I know, baby. Mom is so mean, isn’t he?" he said in a high pitched voice. He loved talking to her, being exhausted never stopped him, it was the only thing that calmed them both down. "He left you all alone for a whole minute! How dare he!”
Buck unbuttoned his pajama top with one hand, pulling her close enough to his chest to nurse. He guided her, placing his nipple right in the baby’s mouth and when she recognized the familiar warmth, she latched on instantly.
“I’m sorry, will you forgive me?”
Lila let out a tiny hum, her eyes fluttering closed as she relaxed into him.
“Of course you will,” Buck murmured, his heart aching with love. She’s still so small, sometimes Buck felt like he wanted to put her back inside his womb just to protect her from the rest of the world.
He pressed a long, tender kiss to the top of her head and rested his own against the pillow. He closed his eyes while she nursed, but he couldn't truly fall asleep. His body kept jerking awake every two minutes, his eyes snapping open to check on her.
Buck didn’t hear the front door open. He only smelled the wood and dark chocolate scent. Eddie was home.
Eddie walked into the bedroom quietly, he didn't need to see Buck’s face to know he was awake. Even with his back to the door, Eddie just knew and Buck always wondered how.
"Hi," Eddie whispered. The sound was low and warm as he started crawling onto the large bed behind Buck.
“Hi,” Buck whispered back. His voice was thick with sleep. He couldn't really move. He was still curled around Lila.
He felt the bed shift as Eddie moved closer, spooning Buck from behind. The familiar weight of his husband brought a sense of comfort that Buck hadn't realized he was craving all night.
Eddie kissed Buck’s head and reached over and gently stroked their daughter’s soft hair. "How is my baby?" he asked softly.
Buck sighed, his body starting to relax against Eddie’s chest. "She was a little angry," he whispered. "Her mom forgot to store more milk for her, but other than that, she’s perfect as always."
"Hmm, glad to know," Eddie murmured against the back of Buck's neck. "But I wasn't asking about her."
Buck blinked, confused. "What? You said baby."
"I did."
"Oh... Chris?" Buck guessed, his tired brain trying to keep up. "Last I checked, he said he was playing video games."
Eddie chuckled, a low vibration against Buck’s back. "No, No–"
"You don’t have another baby i don’t know about, do you?" Buck interrupted, his eyes snapping open, turning his head as far as he could to look at Eddie.
“Fuck No, I–“
The sudden movement and the loud voice startled the baby against Buck’s chest. Lila let out a tiny, sleepy protest. Buck immediately softened, shifting her gently. "Sorry, sorry," he whispered, kissing her forehead. Once she calmed, Buck looked at Eddie again, his face full of confused questions.
Eddie smiled nervously, "I was just asking about you," he said softly. "You’re still my baby, aren’t you?"
"Oh my god."
“Corny?” Eddie asked
Buck snorted, a small puff of a laugh, “You’re ridiculous”
"Yeah, maybe. But you still haven’t answered," Eddie pressed, his hand coming up to stroke Buck’s hair. "How is my baby doing?"
"I'm..." Buck started, the smile faded, his voice cracked. "I'm tired, Eddie. I'm just so tired.” He said, turning his head down looking at the sleeping baby.
Eddie sighed softly and stood up. He leaned over to gather Lila into his arms. Buck watched as Eddie carefully tucked her safely back into her crib. Then turned back to the bed.
He looked Buck in the eye with a gaze so gentle it hurt. He crawled over him, pinning him down with a gentle weight. Eddie leaned in and began to spread soft kisses all over Buck’s face. He kissed his birthmark, his forehead, his cheeks. and he pressed a small kiss to the tip of Buck’s nose.
"My beautiful omega," Eddie whispered against his skin.
It made Buck’s eyes fill with tears.
"You’ll let me take care of you, right?" Eddie asked, his eyes searching Buck's.
Buck nodded jerkily.
Eddie returned the nod a little mockingly, laughing when Buck growled and pressed their mouths together in a long, soft kiss.
“I know you’ve been trying to handle things on your own,” Eddie murmured against Buck’s lips, his breath warm. “But what’s the point, Buck? Am I not your partner? Or you don’t trust me with things anymore?”
Eddie sounded hurt and Buck hated himself for it.“No! That’s not wh–“
“Then what is it?”
Buck looked away, feeling ridiculous. He didn't want to say that Tommy was the reason. He didn’t want to admit that Tommy had told him he wouldn't be a good parent. Buck had been working himself to the bone just to prove him wrong.
"Come on, sweetheart," Eddie prompted softly."Won’t you tell me?"
"It’s stupid," Buck whispered, pulling the blanket up a little. "Just forget it."
"Buck, I’m not moving until you tell me," Eddie said. He stayed right there, caging Buck under him.
“That actually sounds nice,” Buck whispered, smiling, trying to avoid the topic.
But Eddie didn’t smile back. His expression remained serious, his eyes locked on Buck’s. "I’m serious. Just talk to me."
Buck swallowed hard, the name finally spilling out. "It’s Tommy."
"Tommy?" Eddie sounded genuinely surprised, his brow furrowing.
“He said I’m not going to be a good mother because I’m immature–“
"That’s bullshit," Eddie interrupted instantly, his voice sharp with a sudden, protection.
"And I guess I was afraid you were going to realize the same thing," Buck continued, the words coming out of his mouth in a rush.
The room went very quiet. Buck took a shaky breath and looked anywhere but Eddie's eyes. But he could feel Eddie’s heartbeat against his chest– a fast beat that was perfectly in sync with his own.
“Buck”
“Buck look at me”
When Buck finally forced his gaze upward, he wasn't met with the judgment he feared. Instead, he was welcomed by a tired but incredibly soft smile on his alpha’s face. Eddie looked at him with so much adoration it made Buck’s chest ache.
“You really don't know?” Eddie asked, his thumb tracing the line of Buck’s jaw.
Buck blinked, his lashes wet. “Know what?”
"You’ve been a good mother for years."
Buck let out a tiny, confused laugh. "But I only had Lila two months ago, Eddie. I'm still learning."
"She isn’t your first pup, and you know it."
"But you and Shannon were the ones who actually raised him. Not me. I was just... I was just Buck."
"You are his Buck. you’ve been for so long” He leaned down, his nose brushing against Buck's. "Do you know what he calls you when you’re not around?"
Buck shook his head slightly.
"Mom," Eddie whispered, the word hanging beautifully in the quiet room. "He calls you Mom."
Buck’s breath hitched. "He does?"
"Yeah," Eddie said with a warm smile. “He's just a little shy to actually say it to your face” Eddie chuckled at the end, his voice full of fondness for his son.
He reached over to the nightstand, grabbed his phone, and pulled up his messages with Christopher. He wanted Buck to see it himself.
Buck leaned in, his eyes scanning the screen.
Buck felt a wave of warmth wash over his chest. But then his eyes drifted down to the messages from just today.
The warmth turned into instant curiosity. Buck looked up at Eddie, his head tilting. "Tell me what, Eddie?"
Eddie’s eyes went wide. He snatched the phone back in a panic, his face flushing a light pink. He fumbled with the lock button, and shoved the phone on the nightstand.
"It’s nothing," Eddie said quickly, shaking his head. "But you see my point? He loves you. You’re his mom."
Buck didn't let it go. His eyes narrowed playfully. "Tell Mom what then? What are you and Christopher hiding from me?"
"It’s something between a dad and his son," Eddie insisted, trying to look serious but failing.
"And he clearly wanted to tell his mom about it," Buck pointed out.
"But he didn’t,” Eddie argued. “So it’s still a thing between us."
Buck gave him a look. "I’m going to ask him."
"Fine, ask him later," Eddie sighed, his voice dropping low again. "But our conversation is not done yet."
Buck laughed softly, the sound tired but genuine.
“You said you were afraid I was going to realize you aren't a great mother. But Buck, that would never happen.”
Buck’s fingers curled into Eddie’s shirt.
“God, you have no idea how I felt every time I saw you with Chris,” Eddie admitted. “You were so good with him from the very start. He adored you so quickly. I used to watch the two of you and think about what an amazing parent you were going to be.Do you really think I would ever change my mind now that we’re married?”
Eddie took Buck’s hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.
Eddie continued, his thumb tracing the back of Buck’s hand. “Every time we were on a call and I saw you holding a baby while we looked for their parents... the way they would just stop crying the second you held them. I used to sit there and wish I could be the one to give you a pup. ”
Buck felt the air leave his lungs. To know that Eddie had been dreaming of this for so long, long before they were even a possibility.
"You gave me two kids," Buck whispered, looking toward the crib and then back at his alpha.
“I did,” Eddie said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Buck’s lips. “And I don’t regret a single second of it. I never will.”
“I’m sorry, Eddie. I made you–“
“Save it, from now on just let me take care of my wife, okay?”
“Okay” Buck gave a wet laugh as he reached up and pulled Eddie down. He wanted to be held and Eddue understood immediately, shifting until he was lying flat on the mattress beside him.
Buck buried his face in Eddie’s chest, breathing in the scent that he always loved. Eddie wrapped his arms around him in return, tucking Buck’s head securely under his chin and pulling him close until there was no space left between them.
“I love you,” Buck whispered into the cotton of Eddie’s shirt, his voice small and heavy with sleep.
"I love you too, mi vida."