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The small town that lay a short walk from Viktor and Jayce’s new home held a market multiple times every week. Vendors would sell locally grown crops or imported goods, and many of them would accept trades in place of coins for payments.
It made keeping their pantry stocked an easy thing, since neither Viktor nor Jayce knew much about farming; Viktor had taken a liking to gardening, but so far he’d only managed flowers and herbs—which were useful for trading.
The sun was high in the sky but it was a gentle, breezy spring day when they made their way down to the market to restock on a few things. Viktor had a basket dangling from his arm, filled with various bunches of flowers and herbs, while he used his free hand to hold onto Jayce’s arm. Jayce was carrying Viktor’s staff for the time being.
Everything was going as normal. Viktor traded for some fresh vegetables and a few other food items that looked good, and made sure to get some of the newly baked bread the baker had put out. He and Jayce had drifted in opposite directions at one point, as was typical, and Viktor leaned against his staff for support as he looked over some jars of fruit jam.
When he’d finished his rounds, Viktor scanned the area for Jayce and found his partner talking to one of the townsfolk. Viktor was making his way over when he paused and just watched Jayce for a moment.
He laughed at something the woman was saying, but that wasn’t what Viktor was focused on; no, he was watching how Jayce was holding a child in his arms, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
The child was giggling happily as Jayce bounced them gently, and Viktor rifled through his memories to try and remember if he’d ever seen Jayce interact with a child before. He supposed there wasn’t much time back then—between the lab and the galas and the fighting, all places children should not have been.
Viktor took a breath before he continued over to his partner.
“...Rosie found the paints and by the time I realised, she’d already drawn all over the walls in the kitchen,” the woman was laughing. “I don’t know how I’d even clean it off, so I’ve just left it.”
“I guess you’ve got a little artist on your hands,” Jayce replied. “You have to be careful with those—I was a menace as a kid if I got my hands on any art supply.”
“Oh—Viktor!” The woman—Viktor was pretty sure her name was Primrose—greeted him. “It’s lovely to see you. I was just telling your husband about how Rosie is trying to redecorate the house.”
They weren’t married, but neither of them ever corrected people when they assumed.
“And so soon after Daisy started walking,” Jayce added, bouncing the child in his arms to make her laugh.
“Sounds like a lot to handle,” Viktor commented. “How is Delphinium?”
“Oh, she’s here, actually,” Primrose motioned to a baby carriage, reaching in and pulling out the small baby. Delphinium yawned and blinked a few times, before settling into her mother’s arms. “She’s doing wonderfully. Sleeping all night, not too fussy like Rosie was.”
“That’s wonderful to hear,” Viktor smiled. He glanced up at Jayce, who was making silly faces at Daisy, much to her delight.
“Would you like to hold her?” Primrose stepped closer to Viktor with the baby in her arms.
Viktor wasn’t entirely sure why he suddenly felt cold. His chest felt tight and his face felt hot as anxiety flooded him, his eyes flickering down to the dozing child.
He blinked, and for a second all he saw was a featureless, porcelain doll, gold flourishes—
“It’ll be good practice for when you have some little ones of your own!” Primrose continued, seemingly completely oblivious to Viktor’s panic.
Viktor didn’t mean to fold his arms tightly over his chest and hide his hands quite as quickly as he did. Primrose noticed the movement, and Jayce definitely noticed.
“Viktor doesn’t have much experience with kids,” Jayce jumped in. “He gets a little nervous holding tiny babies, don’t you, mi amor?”
“Y-yes, my apologies,” Viktor managed to reply. “Perhaps—um, not today.”
Primrose smiled and laughed airily. “Well, you’ll have to try sometime. How are you going to hold your own children when you have them?”
Viktor felt sick. He didn’t hear the rest of the conversation, just the high-pitched joyful tone of the mother and the more soothing voice of his partner. He felt a comforting, familiar hand on his arm as he was guided to move, and then he and Jayce were making their way back home.
—
It wasn’t until later that evening that Jayce asked about what happened. During their walk home, Viktor had calmed down as Jayce was asking what he’d managed to get at the market, and the conversation with Primrose was almost completely forgotten.
Jayce had spent some time in the forge and was now showering, while Viktor curled up on the sofa with a warm mug of tea and a blanket. A book lay open in his lap, but Viktor was looking out the window, watching as raindrops gently hit the glass.
The idea of having children was never something Viktor had thought of, whether he were to have one biologically or adopt. He always assumed he simply wouldn’t have the time to be a parent, between his work and his shortened life expectancy. Everything was different now, he and Jayce had no-one to answer to, and Viktor was no longer ill.
Viktor was pretty certain he couldn’t have children biologically, but even if he could he wasn’t sure that he’d want to go through the strain of pregnancy. They could adopt, of course, but…
He didn’t want children.
Jayce seemed so natural holding Daisy earlier, and Viktor knew he’d make a wonderful father. He was kind and generous, patient and understanding; but, the idea of having a family wasn’t something they’d talked about.
It hadn’t even been a year since the arcane threw them out to where they now lived, and the two of them had a lot of other things to occupy their time. Reconciliation, forgiveness, figuring out what happens next, relearning everything about each other and themselves.
Did Jayce want children? Did he want a family?
Viktor startled when the book was moved from his lap, almost spilling his tea in the process.
“Vik, talk to me.”
Jayce was sitting next to him, hair towel dried and still damp from the shower; Viktor couldn’t help when his gaze settled on the iridescent fingerprints on his partner’s forehead.
“What’s going on?”
Viktor met Jayce’s eyes, almost unable to bear the concern in his partner’s expression. He looked away, down to the mug of tea in his hands.
“Do you want children?” Viktor asked meekly.
Jayce sighed and moved closer to Viktor, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him closer. Jayce smelled like the soap he used, clean and comforting as Viktor let himself relax into the man’s side.
“That conversation with Primrose really upset you, didn’t it?”
“I don’t know,” Viktor sighed. “I’ve…never considered the possibility of having children. I don’t think I can even become pregnant, but if you wanted children I know we could adopt, but even that scares me, I can’t—”
“Hey, hey,” Jayce’s voice was soft, soothing. He gently took the mug from Viktor and set it down on the coffee table so he could pull Viktor properly against his chest. “Breathe, mi amor.”
Viktor could feel tears in his eyes and he felt so stupid as he curled into Jayce’s embrace. “What a…silly thing to get upset about…”
“I don’t think it’s silly, Vik,” Jayce rested his head on top of Viktor’s, holding him tightly. “Once, a long time ago, I thought about starting a family. But now…a lot has changed, we’ve changed, and I just don’t think there’s a place for that in our lives anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” Viktor’s voice was quiet.
“It’s not your fault,” Jayce pressed a kiss to the top of Viktor’s head. “All I need is you, Viktor.”
Viktor squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to keep the tears back. “When I looked at her baby, a-all I saw was…,” he looked down at his hands, where pale lines remained as a reminder of the metal that once adorned his skin. “I don’t have the ability to…h-heal people, or change people anymore, but…that’s all I could see…”
Jayce shifted just enough to pull Viktor up onto his lap.
“I am sorry I have taken the chance of a family away from you, Jayce.”
“Viktor,” Jayce cupped Viktor’s face gently, turning him so their eyes met. “Stop apologising for things that aren’t your fault. I have a family, Vik, and it’s you.”
“You always seem so happy when you talk to the kids in the village,” Viktor sniffled. “You’re just…naturally good at interacting with them.”
Jayce shrugged, rubbing a thumb along Viktor’s cheekbone on his blind side. “I’ve always been good with kids, I guess. It’s fun to play with them, but I don’t think I could handle having my own.”
Viktor leaned forward to press their foreheads together.
“What Primrose said was out of line and presumptuous,” Jayce wrapped his arms around Viktor’s waist. “I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again, mi amor.”
“You’re…positive you don’t…”
“I’m positive, Vik,” he asserted, gently bumping their noses together. “All I need is you. All I want is you. The idea of having our own kids…honestly, it scares me too.”
Viktor managed a small, watery smile, tears still running down his cheeks. “Maybe…in another life.”
Jayce smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Viktor’s lips. “Maybe in another life,” he agreed. “For now, though, how does dinner sound?”
“Oh,” Viktor perked up. “We have that fresh bread from the market, I got some jams and cheeses too.”
“Mmh, that sounds delicious,” Jayce pressed close for another kiss, slower and deeper than the last.
Viktor wrapped his arms around Jayce’s shoulders and returned the kiss, feeling the fears and anxieties melt away with every movement of Jayce’s hands against him. His partner always had an uncanny ability to make him feel like nothing could ever go wrong, like everything would be alright.
Everything would be alright, Viktor knew, if Jayce was there. He always thought himself a selfish person, but he knew Jayce was equally as selfish. They had each other. That was all they needed.
“I love you, Jayce,” Viktor mumbled into the kiss.
“I love you too, Viktor,” Jayce smiled. “More than you’ll ever know.”