Work Text:
Shane Hollander 🥵
Today 9:53 PM
Hi, Shane.
This is Troy Barrett.
I hope you don’t mind, but I got your number from Rozanov.
Ilya Rozanov?
Yeah.
You know more than one Rozanov?
No, unfortunately he’s one of a kind.
He seriously gave you my number?
Yeah, he did.
Sorry, I know this is weird.
Why?
Why did he give me your number or why is it weird?
Why did he give you my number?
Oh. Right.
Well.
This is going to seem so weird, too.
But I only actually have to face you a few times a year, so here it goes.
I’m gay.
Wow.
And I’ve always really admired you, and was wondering if you might be interested in grabbing dinner after our game next week?
You want to go to dinner with me because you’re gay and you admire me?
Well, kind of.
I thought you might be interested in that too?
Or maybe you could be interested. In me.
You think I would be interested in you?
I mean, I hoped maybe. Yeah.
Because I play hockey and I’m not completely unfortunately looking.
Plus, you’re really hot.
And I’m also gay.
Oh.
Right.
Dinner. With you.
If you want.
And I hope maybe we could call it something other than just dinner.
What else would you call it?
A date?
You want to go on a date.
With me.
Yes.
But you don’t know me.
Kinda the point of the date.
Oh.
Shit. Sorry. This is super weird.
Just forget it. I’m so sorry I bothered you.
I guess we can go to dinner?
Are you asking me or telling me?
Yeah, it’s fine. We can go to dinner.
On a date. Because that’s a totally normal thing single people do.
Wait, really?
Oh my god. Wow. Okay.
Do you have any suggestions? I’m still pretty new to Ottawa, and I know you’re from here.
I don’t go out to eat very much, and I haven’t lived in Ottawa for forever, but my parents really like Starling.
I’ve heard of it before.
I’m really excited ❤️
That heart seems really eager and I don’t mean it to be.
But I am excited.
Obviously. It’s you.
I don’t know what that means but thanks, I think.
I’ll text you after the game and we can figure out a time to meet?
Sounds good.
Thanks, Shane!
Wait, that was weird too.
❤️
Fuck, I didn’t mean to send that.
I’m putting my phone down before I embarrass myself any further, and I’ll see you next week.
See you.
Ilya ❤️
Today 12:08 AM
Ilya.
Shane!
Hello my love.
You are up late.
Yes. Yes, I am.
Would you like to know why?
I want to know everything about you.
Well, I’m sure you’ll be dying to know I just had a conversation with Troy Barrett.
Oh!
Mhmmmm.
LOL he actually contacted you?
He sure did.
He came out to the team a few days ago and then asked me for your number
And you thought it would be a good idea to give it to him?
It’s been a boring few months.
Was he awkward? He is so awkward.
He is about as bad at being gay as you are.
Fuck you.
And YES. It was fucking awkward.
I knew it.
Tell me everything.
He told me he was gay.
Which WTF. Didn’t see that one coming.
Okay, yes. And?
And then he asked me out on a date.
What.
And now we’re going to dinner next week after the game.
WHAT.
What exactly did you think was going to happen when you gave a newly out gay guy my phone number?!
Not THIS
Just some easy entertainment!
So you wanted to laugh at me? That’s why you did it?
No!
I would laugh with you.
In what world would this make me laugh?
Well. Maybe you don’t laugh right away.
But you roll your eyes at me and slap my arm and say fuck you and THEN you laugh because I am so charming and funny and we have sex and everything is fine.
How’s that working out for you so far?
NOT GREAT
-1989387423 out of 10
DO NOT RECOMMEND
MISTAKES HAVE BEEN MADE.
Then maybe don’t give my number out to single people.
Are you doing this to punish me?
No.
It’s just an unexpected benefit.
Why DID you say yes?
I dunno!
I panicked!
I don’t exactly get asked out that often. And last I checked we are still hiding our relationship.
Turning him down might have lead to more questions.
Like what?
Shane turned me down for a date, so I wonder if that means he’s fucking his friend Ilya?
You know what I mean. People talk. Your team would find out I turned him down. They might watch me more closely. Someone might see me coming to your house. It’s just easier this way.
Going on a date with someone else when you are mine is easier?!
This literally never would have happened if you hadn’t decided to give Troy my number.
😩😩😩😩😩
Listen, I’ll cancel if you want me to. I’m not going to do this if you’ll be that upset.
I love you. Only you. You know this. Nothing is changing that.
No. Go on your stupid dumb date.
Would be worse now if you cancelled.
Troy is a fragile baby gay. Rejection might break him.
It’s not like he’s going to fall in love with you in one night.
You basically did.
Yes, well, we have long established I am not the best decision maker.
And you’re going to be a disaster ❤️❤️
Fuck you.
Yes, I will be fucking you when you come to my house after your date.
You better make it good.
You won’t even remember Troy Barrett’s name after I’m done with you.
Something that could have easily been accomplished if you hadn’t given him my phone number.
Details ❤️
the grownups
Today 4:37 PM
Barrett
Guys, I have kind of a huge announcement
I asked Shane Hollander out for dinner after the game next week and he actually said yes.
Hazy
What?
Holy shit, dude, that’s a crazy catch right there.
Bood
THE Shane Hollander?
The hottest guy in the entire fucking league?
Dykstra
I’m super impressed.
That is one pretty man.
Barrett
Right?
But now I’m freaking out because I haven’t been on an actual date with a guy ever.
And it’s fucking Shane Hollander.
Bood
Roz you’re friends with the guy.
Think you can help Barrett out at all?
I do not know him very well.
Dykstra
Don’t you run a charity together?
Yes, but we are not that close.
Hazy
You stay at his house in the summer when you hold camp in Montreal for the charity you run together.
It’s a big house.
Bood
Damn, Roz. Do you even like the guy? Maybe Barrett shouldn’t go out with him.
Of course I like him.
He is one of the best people I’ve ever met.
He’s brillant and dedicated. He cares very much about important things. His nose scrunches up when I say something that makes him mad. He always has warm towels for me when I get out of the shower.
Hazy
Wait, so you don’t talk much, but he has warm towels for you when you shower at his place?
Dykstra
That’s specific.
Barrett
Wow, he sounds really sweet.
I would not go that far.
He is also neurotic. I can’t leave any dishes in the sink.
Barrett
That doesn’t sound so bad.
He hates when I smoke weed.
Barrett
I mean, I definitely don’t have to do that.
A man shouldn’t ask you to change for him.
That’s a sign of a toxic relationship.
Is that what you want?
Bood
Woah. Maybe we shouldn’t jump like forty steps ahead.
Hazy
Yeah, just go on your date, Barrett. Enjoy a dinner and see where it goes.
Dykstra
I’m sure you’ll be great. You ARE great. Hollander will definitely see that.
Barrett
Thanks, guys. I’m really excited.
Yes, I’m sure it will be wonderful and you’ll fall madly in love and live happily ever after.
Barrett
I’m choosing to believe that’s genuine.
Of course it is. I am always genuine.
Barrett
I hope I get to experience those warm towels soon 😉
Bood
Ow OOOWWWW.
Hazy
Oh, I bet you will.
😧
Harris ☀️
Today 3:02 PM
Harris.
Wake up.
?
It’s 3 in the afternoon?
Did you hear about the disaster?
Are you talking about the train derailment with all those chemicals in Calgary?
We will be wishing for death by chemicals if we don’t do something.
What are we doing something about? I’m so confused.
Have you heard what Barrett is doing?
Oh.
The whole going on a date with Shane Hollander thing?
Yeah. I heard Wyatt and Zane talking about it.
What does that have to do with me, though?
Oh, I don’t know, maybe because of the giant gay crush you have on him?
I do not!
The amount of time you spend blushing around him in your office while you sip on coffee he brings you says otherwise.
How do you even know about that?
I know everything. It is my job.
Well, even if I do like him, it’s not like it matters now.
What do you mean? Of course it matters.
Not when my competition is Shane Hollander.
Well, I cannot argue with you there.
Hollander is gorgeous. The body. The face. The hair. The freckles.
That's a really specific list of things about your friend.
I mean, he is no me, but I understand your feelings.
Thanks 😞
But you are still Harris!
The best of people.
And Troy Barrett knows this, too.
He definitely doesn’t.
No man buys another man a cake pop unless they are in love.
Okay, seriously, do you have a secret camera set up in my office?
Troy LIKES you.
He clearly doesn’t.
He does.
He’s told you this?
He does not have to.
Even if I allow myself to believe that’s true, why the heck is he going on a date with someone else when he could just ask me out?
Because men are dogs.
But you’re a man?
Exactly.
And you love dogs.
EXACTLY.
I’m so confused.
My point is you should tell him how you feel!
Before he goes on this date and ruins both of our lives.
How is this going to ruin both of our lives?
That is an excellent question.
To which I will respond that you are all my friends and I do not want anything to get in the way of that.
But Troy and I are your friends. You wouldn’t care if we dated?
Another great question.
But it is different.
How?
You and Troy will make it. Troy and Shane will not.
How do you know?
REASONS Harris.
So, you will talk to Barrett?
I don’t think so.
WHY
I dunno. I’m kinda ready for someone to love me out loud, you know?
And even if Troy does like me, he’s clearly not ready to do that with me, so who am I to stop him from doing that with Shane Hollander.
They make more sense together anyway.
Harris.
I’m okay!
I’ll just bring Chiron home for the day and snuggle him instead.
You’re welcome to join me if you’d like ❤️
I just might have to do that.
Ilya ❤️
Today 6:12 PM
I’m excited to see you tomorrow ❤️
Are you sure you didn’t mean to send this to Troy?
Ilya.
You said you were okay with this! You know it doesn’t mean anything.
I’m just going to dinner.
Where are you going?
Starling.
!!!!!
I love that place!
I know.
I don’t get to go there with you, but Troy Barrett does?
You and are aren’t supposed to be seen going on dates, remember?
😠
It’s not fair.
I know it’s not.
And I know it fucking sucks, but we’ll have it someday.
And promise me you won’t do anything crazy while I’m there?
I will try.
Ilya Rozanov.
FINE. I will not be crazy.
I will wait at home for you like a good little dog and wag my tail when you finally get there to give me scraps of attention.
You’re so dramatic.
Or maybe consider you are not dramatic enough!
I’ll be wishing I was with you the entire time.
And when I get home, I really, really hope you’ll be ready to remind me who my boyfriend is.
We’ll see if I am in the mood.
You will be.
You are so sure?
Yes. Because you love me.
Fuck.
Yes. I really, really do.
Even when you betray me with the unjustly ranked 2nd hottest player in the league.
At least you bagged the hottest.
My proudest accomplishment to date ❤️
Troy Barrett
Today 9:35 AM
I hope you have fun on your date tonight! I’m sure you’ll be great ❤️
You heard about that, huh?
Kind of hard not to lol
Everyone’s talking about it.
Sorry about that.
It’s fine!
I really hope you have a good time. I hear Shane is really great.
Thanks, Harris.
Do you think we could get coffee sometime next week? My treat.
Maybe! I think I’m pretty busy next week, but we’ll see!
Okay. Will I see you before the game today?
Probably not. I’ve got a ton of work to do.
These mid-day games are brutal for people who work non-hockey player hours.
But I’ll see you soon for sure.
Okay.
❤️
Ilya ❤️
Today 12:48 PM
Did you seriously leave me your jersey and suggest I wear it on my date tonight?
I’m glad you found it ❤️
It was sitting in my stall. How would I have not found it?
Just thought it might be useful. To send what are those messages called where the other person doesn’t realize it?
Subliminal.
Yes, that is it. Troy will get the message you are mine without realizing it.
There’s nothing subliminal about wearing your jersey.
And besides I thought you promised me you weren’t going to be crazy.
I’m not! I feel like I am being exceptionally well behaved.
I don’t think you’ve ever been exceptionally well behaved a day in your life.
I’m not wearing your jersey.
😠
I can’t wait to see you tonight.
😔
I love you.
❤️🩷🧡💛💚🩵💙💜
the grownups
Today 5:12 PM
Hazy
Good luck tonight, Barrett!
We’re all rooting for you!
Bood
You’ve got this, dude.
Dykstra
It’s not every day you get to go on a date with one of the greatest players of all time.
Barrett
That’s not intimidating at all to think about.
Hazy
Ignore him. You’ll be fine.
Bood
Wear protection!
Dykstra
Can’t wait to hear ALL the details.
Hazy
Or maybe just like a normal amount of details.
Bood
Roz, do you have any last minute words of wisdom?
No.
Bood
Alright.
Well.
Great talk.
Let us know if you need anything, Barrett!
Barrett
I will. Thanks, guys. Your support means a lot.
Troy Barrett (Mortal Enemy)
Today 6:20 PM
Hey, I’m waiting for Shane at the restaurant, and failing super hard at not freaking out.
Do you have any advice about him that might make this easier? Stuff he likes? Stuff he hates?
You are sure you want that?
Yeah, I’ll take anything.
For starters, make sure you order for him. Don’t even give him a chance to look at a menu. A burger with fries and the sweetest white wine they have. It will really impress him.
Okay. Good to know. Anything else?
Compliment his hair, but tell him you always loved it when it was short, too.
Weird, but okay. It did look good short.
And put all the attention on him. He loves it. But don’t talk about how good he is at hockey. He hates that.
That’ll make things easier on me. I’m so nervous.
Thanks, Ilya. You’re a good friend.
Yes, you’re very lucky to have me 😏
Ilya ❤️
Today 7:28 PM
ILYA.
This is so bad.
HELP.
What’s going on? Are you hurt?
What? No. I mean my soul is dead maybe because this is so fucking bad.
He ordered for me? A BURGER. With FRIES. Didn’t even ask if that’s what I like.
And then he some weird comment about my hair. That he liked it shorter? No one likes my hair shorter except my mom. You LOVE my hair long.
I do.
And he keeps making everything about me. Like he asks me the most mundane questions and then gushes over my answers.
Wow. It’s like he doesn’t even know you at all.
I know!! Which he doesn’t. So, I guess I can’t blame him but.
Is this what dating is like? Because if it is, thank fuck we never had to go through whatever this is.
I love you so much, please get me out of here.
Are you at the table right now?
No I’m hiding in the bathroom.
Sweetheart, you can’t hide in the bathroom all night.
I know that!
But can’t you think of something to make it end? Like if I have to hear him tell me how great my preferred choice of apple is one more time, I’m going to lose it.
I have an idea, but you might not like it.
I don’t care if you have to fake a heartattack at this point.
HELP.
I’m coming as fast as my sensible SUV will allow.
God, the one time I would have approved of the Ducati.
You can’t have your cake and eat it, too, Hollander.
Look at you using that correctly.
HURRY.
Harris ☀️
Today 7:38 PM
Harris. Wake up.
It’s 7:30 pm. Why do you keep telling me to wake up at normal hours of the day people are awake?
There’s no time, we have a date to crash.
Ilya, I really meant it when I said I wasn’t going to get involved.
Troy is in love with you, but he doesn’t think he deserves you. He’s afraid.
You can’t know that.
Of course I know this. I know this because I lived this too.
But what if he can be happy with Shane? I don’t want to mess that up.
He won’t be.
You can’t know that either.
Yes, I can.
Harris, I’m bi.
What?!
Ilya. I’m so honoured you feel comfortable enough to tell me!
HARRIS.
I am bi. Shane is gay. My VERY GOOD friend Shane. That I run a charity with and just so happen to now only live two hours away from.
Oh my god.
Oh my GOD.
Holy shit that’s a lot to process if you’re telling me what I think you’re telling me.
I am.
Now will you come get in the car now please?
Wait are you at my apartment?
How do you even know where I live?
I told you, it’s my job.
Now get down here!
I think we really need to go over the parameters of your job.
And wait, why is Shane on a date with Troy if he’s dating you?
I can explain this on the way, now come down AND LET’S GO GET YOUR MAN.
🫡
Ilya ❤️
Today 7:58 PM
Okay, some guy is here?
His name is Harris? Is this your social media guy?
Woah. I think he’s confessing?
Is this your doing?
Ilya, what is happening.
Oh, god. They’re kissing. Like KISSING.
And everyone is looking at them and cheering. Fuck. This is the stuff of nightmares.
Maybe now is the time for you to leave?
Your very handsome and not at all crazy boyfriend is in the parking lot.
I can’t! They’re kissing right in front of my side of the booth, I can’t get out!
Should I crawl under the table and out the other side?
That definitely won’t draw anymore attention to you.
HELP.
Hang on. I’m coming in.
Do you think that’s the best idea?
It’s either that or you watch your ex and his new boyfriend make out. And they’ve been into each other for a long time, so. This could go on for awhile.
Fine. Yes. Come inside.
Your wish is my command.
Troy Barrett
Today 9:12 AM
Hey do you think you could find time for that coffee this week, now?
Troy Barrett, you literally just left my apartment ❤️
Yeah, stupidly before I secured my next date.
I’m sure I could find the time.
Maybe we could invite Ilya? I have SO many questions.
I mean, if you really want him to come along on our date, I guess so 😔
I was thinking our date could be more of you coming back to my apartment tonight.
Oh? And am I going to be leaving your apartment at all tonight?
Not if I have anything to say about it.
Ilya ❤️
Today 11:04 AM
I made it home.
❤️
Glad you’re safe.
I’m sorry I had to tell Harris about us. And that Troy knows because of Harris.
I shouldn’t have given him your number.
I shouldn’t have agreed to go on the date.
Clearly, we’re both idiots here.
Yes. But I kind of like being an idiot with you.
Kind of?
I love it. But I worry you’ll get tired of it. Of me.
Never.
It seemed like they both get it. With us keeping it a secret, so.
I’m sure it’ll be fine.
It will be ❤️
I’m glad I have someone else to talk to about you now.
It makes me feel a little bit lighter.
I love you. So much.
Love you, too.
But if you ever give my number out again, you’ll have room temperature towels for the rest of your life.
You really know how to cut straight to the heart of a man.
Shane Hollander 🥵
Today 8:42 PM
Hey, I just wanted to apologize again for that horrific date I put you through.
That was a complete disaster.
I should be the one apologizing to you.
I never should have said yes. I just panicked and maybe wanted to get back a Ilya a tiny little bit. It was wrong, and I’m sorry.
Well, I think I kind of used you a little bit, too, to distract myself from being in love with Harris, so I think we’re good.
We could choose to be collectively mad at Ilya. Since he gave you my number and then purposefully gave you bad date info.
That seems like a logical thing for us to do.
Perfect. And hey, thanks again for keeping our secret.
I know it’s a lot to take in.
It’s not really.
We had coffee with him today, and he absolutely lights up when he talks about you.
If I wasn’t in a relationship, I would probably find it really sickening.
He does?
Yeah.
And for what it’s worth, I think it would be completely safe to tell the rest of the guys.
They’ve been so accepting of me even when I didn’t deserve it, and I think maybe Ilya could use having some more support. I know it’s helped me more than I can say.
Oh.
Not that I’m suggesting you come out with that if you’re not ready, but if you’re ever on the fence, I hope I can help ease your mind a little bit.
Thanks, Troy. I appreciate that.
And also, I do really think you’re hot. I didn’t make that up.
You could have kept that to yourself.
Oh, right haha
There I go making things awkward again.
Maybe we can all hang out sometime though?
We’ll see.
Yeah, that’s fair.
Ilya ❤️
Today 1:58 AM
I had a good time tonight.
The imprint of your fingernails on my leg says otherwise.
Fuck you, you know I don’t like big groups of people.
You do your job in front of thousands of people several days a week.
My job is hockey. The people are just an unavoidable inconvenience.
I’m going to tell all your fans you called them an unavoidable inconvenience.
Good, maybe they’ll leave me alone.
Hockey’s Golden Boy, everyone.
🤷♂️
Did you actually have a good time?
I did. They seem like a really good group of people.
Makes me wish I had that here.
But Hayden is so wonderful!
He IS and you think so, too, no matter how much you fuss about him.
But it’s different, you know? When the whole culture of the team is supportive of you.
I’ve never had that.
You could have it. Maybe.
Someday maybe.
And in the meantime, you’ll just have to keep being my emotional support human.
Oh no. Having the love of my life close to me around my friends.
Whatever will I do?
Just don’t get annoyed when I continually leave claw marks in your arms and legs.
Oh no. My boyfriend leaving marks on me like he owns me.
Whatever will I do?
You’re ridiculous.
You love it.
Inexplicably, yeah. I do.
the grownups
Today 9:14 PM
Wyatt Hayes added Luca Haas to the conversation
Hayes
Alright, boys. I just added Haas to the GC. He needs some advice.
Bood
Aww. Hey, baby boy!
Barrett
Hey, Luca.
Ilya ❤️
Why is Haas here? He is not a grownup. He is a fetus.
Haas
I am 23!
Ilya ❤️
You just prove my point.
Shut up, Ilya.
What can we do for you, Luca?
Haas
I have a date.
And I am very nervous.
Bood
Aww. Baby boy!
Hayes
*wipes tear* They grow up so fast.
Dykstra
What’s their name?
Hayes
Wow, D. Look at you not assuming gender or pronouns. I’m so proud.
Dykstra
I’m constantly evolving.
Barrett
It’s not Shane, is it?
Because I can definitely recommend some things not to do if it is.
🖕
Haas
His name is Jonathan.
Ilya ❤️
!!!!!
Bood
Loving this for you, man.
Hayes
!!!!!!!!
Wow, this team is really gay.
Dykstra
I think the correct term here is queer, Shane.
Hayes
God, I’m so proud of so many things today.
Haas
He is very nice and I am afraid I will mess it up.
I like him very much.
Bood
Best piece of advice I can give you is just to be yourself. It’s cliche but it’s true.
Barrett
Yeah, you’re a catch, Luca.
Dykstra
Absolutely. And if he doesn’t like you for you, then he can answer to us.
Hayes
You’re going to be great!
Bood
Biggest piece of advice I can give you is not to take any advice from Hollander and Rozanov.
What the fuck?! We’re happily married!
We’ve been together since we were teenagers!
Bood
If you call fucking every few months and refusing to admit your feelings being ‘together since we were teenagers’ okay 🤷♂️
Hayes
Yeah, and let’s not forget that time Ilya gave your number to Troy and you went on a date with him even when you were ‘happily’ in a relationship.
Barrett
Yeah, that was pretty fucked up, Shane.
We BOTH admitted we were wrong, Barrett.
And besides, that’s different! It was complicated! Our whole fucking relationship has been complicated up until recently, that’s not our fault.
Bood
Never said it was, but you know. Probably not the best to take advice from.
Ilya, would you like to chime in here at all?
Ilya ❤️
Listen, Haas, if it doesn’t work out I can give you Shane Hollander’s number if you want.
He is my good friend, and he is very beautiful.
And I hear he likes younger men.
For fuck’s sake.
I’m 36 days older than you, asshole.
Bood
I love that he’s focused on that and not the fact they’re married.
Hayes
His practically ancient mind can only focus on one thing.
Dykstra
God, how are you still standing, Hollander?
I’ll show you all ancient when I win MVP this year.
Barrett
OH. Shots fired.
Bood
You gonna let him talk like that, Cap?
Ilya ❤️
I’ll allow it. I always win when he’s in a feisty mood 😉
Bood
Blehhhhhh.
Hayes
Respect.
Dykstra
I’m always blown away by how much I know about your sex life, Roz.
Ilya ❤️
😉😉😉😉
I hate it here.
Haas
You know, on second thought, maybe I will just go talk to Harris.
He seems the most normal out of all of us.
Thank you all for your time.
Luca Haas has left the conversation
Bood
Well, that was rude. I feel like I was super helpful.
Barrett
To be fair, I would also go to Harris in this situation.
Hayes
Suck up.
Hey, I’M normal. I just dragged into all of these messes with you idiots.
Hayes
We love you, Shane!! ❤️❤️
Bood
Love you SO much.
Dykstra
Love you, buddy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Barrett
👁️ ❤️ u, Shane Hollander.
Ilya
I love you so, so much Shane 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Say you love us, too, Shane!
😑
I love you all, too
🖕