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Warm, golden sun covered everything on the horizon. An orange hue in the air as the sunlight bounced off the sand that covered the ground. Cypher stood for a long moment, feeling the warmth against his skin, the breeze against his face as the sand trickled along the paved street. The road empty, filled only with ghostly silhouettes of faint memories of a time too far back as he looked at his beloved hometown. His gaze scanned the roads he traversed many years ago, buildings that housed familiar and loved faces, now worn down and abandoned. He took a deep breath, the familiar scent of spices from the shop in the corner as he turned his gaze to the left. The noise of a bustling street a contrast to the empty one he was seeing.
He started walking down the street, blurry faces and fainting silhouettes of a time long lost as he walked, almost mechanically, towards the end of the street. Practised footsteps as he stopped in front of a rusty now gate, an overgrown garden and a brick building whose paint was starting to crack. A wary, absent gaze as he stared at the house, slowly reaching out to open the gate, walking through the untamed weeds, not caring for them grabbing at his coat. He walked up the three steps, standing at the crimson door. Welcome mat firm under his shoes as he turned to the doorbell, a thin worn name plate under it. "Amir & Nora El Amari"
He stared at the names. He didn't want to enter. His chest tightened and he felt his heart ache as his gaze was glued to the nameplate. But despite his hesitation, his hand reached out, as if he didn't control his own limbs as they entered the home. Everything smelled of old paper and things that should have been burned years ago. Evidence of a man's existence he could not bear ruin. A sacred place that hid so many details of a man long gone.
He walked to the kitchen, scanning his gaze over the counter, his hand tracing the material of the island. He could almost hear her laughter as she cooked. Her back turned towards him. When he walked closer, the silhouette faded away, as if mocking him for daring to think he would be able to see her. The laughter echoing in the house still, now its source her designated reading corner. Two soft arm chairs next to each other, a large bookshelf filled with books of random interests and a propped-up canvas, a half-finished painting as the timing was never right, now forever remaining unfinished.
A giggle so sweet, Cypher felt like he was swallowing raw sugar. A memory so fond, he felt like he was 22 again, as if those 15 years had never passed. "Amir love, come here for a sec" He turned towards the hallway that led to the bedroom. He hesitated, the long hallway felt like it was miles long. The ground felt thin, as if it would disappear under his feet the moment he moved. But the voice was calling for him, so warmly pulling him towards the space he did not want to go to. Because he knew what he would find. He remembered that day. "Amir! Come on… Please?" The slight tremble at the end of her angelic tone was a knife slightly pressing against his heart. Every step towards the bedroom, needles prickling at his skin.
He stood just outside the door, his hand reaching out but stopping inches away from the door handle. Could he bear to witness the sight once more? The horrible sight of his wife held at gunpoint? Of a man he would grow to despise with all his might for the next few years as he tracked him down? Making him pay for taking away his world, his light, the one thing that made him smile? No…. He could not. He could not see his wife's lifeless body as blood trailed down her beautiful face, her white floral dress stained crimson as she would collapse. He could not. But once again, his limbs did not listen, his fingers slowly wrapping around the doorknob as they turned it so painfully slow, pushing the door open with such little force, because in that moment he had none left, the creak of the rusty door making the pounding of his heart so much louder.
A shuddering gasp as he shot up, frighteningly looking around as tears streamed down his face. Trying his best to control the sobs he failed to quiet down as two strong hands wrapped around him. "Shh… It's okay… I've got you. I'm here" A low whisper, stoic and grounding as always as Sova hugged him, feeling the hunter's warm skin against his back.
Staggering breaths, half-choked sobs as Cypher drowned, being consumed by a pile of imaginary sand, his throat dry as he tried and failed to focus his breathing, his vision blurry from tears that shed uncontrollably. But the arms around him simply tightened, fingers so gently carding through his hair, so steadily holding him in place, protecting him from everything foreign. The room was quiet, and aside from his own ugly noises, he could only hear Sova's deliberately slow breathing next to him. A metronome Sova silently set for him to follow. And he tried to follow it, setting all his focus on the presence behind him, the strong body that was holding him close. "S-sova-" A choked out plea, a voice trembling and broken as hands gripped the man for security. "I know…It's okay…" Soft reassurance felt like so much more, a life jacket in the open sea, a rope in drowning quicksand, a shelter in an upcoming storm.
Cypher shifted, turning to face Sova as he buried himself in the crook of the hunter's neck, hands tightly wrapping around the muscular torso. "It's alright… Let it out" Such a soft spoken voice. Calm, grounding… He did not care that he was crying, he did not care that he was being so vulnerable, because Sova was there for him. Always a calming presence, always a steady anchor to hold him still even in the most turbulent waters. The sole presence he had grown to trust with his life, his secrets and his troubles. A person he now held dear. And for Sova, it was quite the same. His inner need to be someone's anchor, being the calming factor to a troubled mind was always satisfied when Cypher was near. Because for better or for worse, they had formed a bond, one so strong that it had been forged by the strongest blacksmith that is love and understanding. A codependency that kept them both afloat, head above the water as they had become each other's lighthouse.
With time, the hitched breathing evened out, replaced by a soft trembling one. Both bodies unmoving as they held each other, letting the moment stretch out. "Everything will be okay." And such simple words were able to somewhat convince him. Because Sova did not lie, he did not make empty promises. And in that moment, Cypher wanted to freeze time, stay in the warm embrace of Sova for longer, avoid the tasks that would soon follow as the sun would rise.
And the silence that followed was no longer hollow,no longer inhabited by ghostly memories that clouded Cypher's mind, their only goal to drag him back, keep him stuck in the past. Cypher pressed his forehead against Sova’s shoulder, his fingers gently pressed on Sova's skin, feeling the warmth that radiated from the other man's body. Despite the false warmth of the colourful memory, Cypher's eyes started to get used to his actual surroundings, the dark room only slightly illuminated by the open monitors in the distance and Sova's blue eye, the hue of it making the hunter's face seem almost divine.
Sova shifted slightly, not to break the embrace, but to rest his chin atop Cypher’s head. Cypher let out one final, shuddering breath, the last of the tension draining out of him like water into parched earth. He knew the dream would return; the nameplate on the crimson door was etched into his soul as deeply as the scars on his skin. But as Sova’s hand traced a slow, soothing path down his spine, the terror felt distant, fading away until the next time his mind would maliciously bring it back.
In the wreckage of a life he desperately tried to cling to, Sova was a steady passage between the shadows and ghosts that followed Cypher and the world of the living he so painfully tried to inhabit, because for long he believed that nothing was safer than a cherished memory. And Cypher wished to cherish the beloved moments of his life before the Protocol, but as he felt the solid warmth of the hunter, he realised that he was starting to also cherish the present.