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“We think your adventures suck!” Pomni exclaimed.
“Huh?” I turn to look at her. She didn’t just say that right? They don’t really hate my adventures. Surely they don’t hate…
“We wanted to bait you into testing out your new ideas on us so we could make fun of them behind your back,” she continued. Surely, they weren’t going to do that.
“That’s not… true” The doubts were starting to creep in around the edges. Are my adventures really that terrible that they would do that? Was I really failing that badly? Was Bubble right? Have I failed my one purpose?
“Yes it is,” Pomni asserted. They really did think that about me didn’t they. “You’re a horrible host. You don’t care about us at all. You care more about stroking your own ego than giving us anything we’d actually enjoy,” she said accusingly. I always cared. I tried. All I have ever done is try and yet they think I don’t care. I exist to create within my virtual world. I create things that I think they might like. I listened to them about wanting an exit and crafted an adventure entirely around that. Why would they think that I don’t care?
“Do you know who I am?”
“Yeah, you’re a failure.” A failure…lesser… defective… A slight glitch tingled across the back of my hand and I shook it slightly to try and dispel it. I could feel myself shaking slightly.
“We’re all going to abstract someday. And what will you have then? Nothing” They’re not going to abstract. They can’t. I’ll fix it. I can fix this. I’ll solve it. A failure… they’re going to abstract… horrible host… they want to leave… hate me… defective… the lesser of the two… deserve to be abandoned. It felt like I was falling, my insides twisting and turning like a vengeful power surge. I felt my eye twitch slightly without my say so and another glitch attempting to make itself known.
“Stop that,” I tried. This needed to stop. They needed to stop. I can’t…
“And this whole stunt,” Zooble joined in. “Just torturing us because we hurt your feelings. Pathetic.” I was upset. I wanted them to understand. Torture was a strong word. “You’re like a child.” A stronger glitch forced itself on my avatar before I could suppress it leaving behind a sharp sting. Pathetic… bad host… failure… I can’t fix this. “What kind of all powerful being has such a fragile ego?”
“I’m…” I tried unsure of what I was going to say.
“You never let us feel like we’re at home,” Ragatha jumped in. “You don’t comfort anyone when they’re upset and you never bother to understand what it’s like in our shoes.” I wanted to understand. I wanted them to understand. I tried to understand. Why can’t I understand? What am I doing wrong? What’s wrong with me? I can’t… I’m a failure. Another glitch.
“You discourage us from thinking outside the box and doing things our own way,” Gangle said
“You lie to us constantly,” Jax exclaimed. I don’t lie. I just omit some things that they might not want to know. I…
“And to top it all, you just don’t listen,” Pomni concluded. I try to listen. I try to understand. I wanted to understand. I wanted to fix things. I’m a failure. They hate my adventures. They hate the circus… they… they hate me… I’m a failure…
I couldn’t suppress the glitching anymore. Painful glitches spread across my avatar and started to interfere with the textures of the circus but I could barely take note of that. Failure… you don’t listen… you lie… pathetic… hate me… don’t understand… fix…can’t… I close my eyes. Focus… fix this… pathetic… you should die… Everything was spinning. Stabbing pain pulsated through me. I was falling. My insides writhed like snakes. Solve it… can’t… failure… hate me
I screamed and felt myself hit the floor hard. Stop… can’t… failure… hate me… I curl up into a ball wrapping my arms around my legs. The glitching continued and I screamed again. I felt my avatar’s eyes tear up and pulled my legs closer to my chest. I tortured my guests. I can’t understand my guests. I can’t stop glitching… I’ve ruined everything… they hate me…