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Kai didn’t like these feelings. Every day, when the sun was high, he’d be fine. He’d talk to his sister, train Wyldfyre, and help Lloyd with chores around the monastery. Then every night, as the sun dipped under the horizon, leaving the moon (or now, moons) in its wake, he’d lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t always like this. Long before the merge, he went through a similar routine, minus the training a student part. No matter what, he always ended up alone in his room, staring at the ceiling. But he wouldn’t for long. Sometimes it’d only be ten minutes after everyone shut the lights in the monastery off, sometimes an hour or two, or sometimes he’d go straight to Kai’s room, but no matter what, Cole would be there to keep him company. He couldn’t remember exactly how they fell into that routine, but it was something along the lines of a once in a blue moon sleepless night over Kai running through foggy memories of his parents, only to later mention those moments to Cole, who shared similar feelings over his own mother. They’d talk into the night, about their parents, what little they remembered, what they forgot, and what they wished they remembered, until the sun peeked above the horizon, signaling that it was time to be happy again. And the cycle would repeat. Kai didn’t know if Wu or any of the other team members were aware of their late night exchanges, and if they did, he was grateful they never questioned or put a stop to it. Kai was also grateful that Cole never noticed how Kai’s demeanor would change when he entered his room, or how Kai would stare at Cole for a little too long, or would take any chance to hold his hand or hug him. Kai would never acknowledge why. He knew why, even though he mentally denied it. It didn’t matter in the end. Even after Kai found out Cole and Vania weren’t a thing, it didn’t matter. Even after the ninja team “broke up” post Nya merging with the sea, and Kai needed comfort more than ever, it didn’t matter. Even after Cole saved him from Crystal zombies, it didn’t matter. Kai has Skylor Cole probably thought. He was right. On paper, Skylor was the perfect partner. She was witty, smart, she owned her own restaurant, and she helped Kai grapple with the possibility of his parents being evil (even though that assumption was proven false in the end). But something about her just… didn’t sit right with Kai. And not in the “Skylor is suspicious” kinda way, but more in the anytime Kai would imagine their relationship going further than joke flirting, like going on dates, moving in together, planning their entire lives around each other, Kai would just… feel numb. Was he forcing his feelings for Skylor? Did he ever like her to begin with? Or was it just a poor attempt at him denying he liked boys too, let alone Cole.
After the merge, and the ninja were farther apart than they’d ever been, Kai always beat himself up. Those cold nights huddled by a fire in the Land of Monsters, praying it wouldn’t be his last, those nights spent talking with Cole were his greatest comfort and pain. His fear of ruining things with Cole, and never confessing always made his heard ache as he lamented his current loneliness, while also serving as motivation to keep going. To claw through whatever hell awaited him, so he could one day talk with Cole through all hours of the night. When he finally returned to Ninjago, feeling as though his prize for conquering his post-merge nightmares would be awaiting him as soon as he knocked on the monastery doors, he discovered in a bitter display of love
That Cole had moved on.
Not like he had any reason to wait around. They weren’t together. Cole never had feelings for him, and if he ever did they were gone now.
He saw the way Cole looked at Geo, the same way Kai had looked at him every night when they would share their nights talking. He saw the way Cole took any and every opportunity to hold Geo’s hand, or hug him. He saw the way Cole lit up anytime Geo entered a room, or someone mentioned paying a trip to the Land of Lost Things. He hated it.
He knew he shouldn’t feel this way. Truth be told, he was happy to see Cole settle down, find a family to care for. He remembered Cole often talking about his desire to one day start a family of his own. He knew Cole deserved it more than anything, and was glad to see Cole get what he’d earned after helping Kai and so many others through such hard times.
Kai didn’t want to be the reason a rift formed in Cole’s perfect new life. So, he promised to do his best to move on from these too long held unrequited feelings. He knew it was the only way to grow, and be happy out with his own life. And besides, Kai had Wyldfyre to care for too. Even though she’d never admit it, he liked their dynamic, and viewed her as if she were his own daughter.
Keeping his promise was hard, especially when Kai would question what those late night talks meant to Cole, more so if they’d meant as much to Cole as they had to Kai, and if he’d missed them when they were separated after the merge as much as Kai had. They both had families. They both had no reason to cling to whatever feelings once resided between them. But anytime Kai would see Cole looking happier than ever, Kai would start to question if he ever meant anything to Cole. If all those sleepless nights meant as much to Cole as they did to Kai. If Cole missed those late night talks as much as Kai did. If those moments were as much of a comfort when homesick to Cole as they were to Kai. Not like Cole could get homesick. He had a new home, with new family members, and a new person to have late night talks with.
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The day had been long. He didn’t remember every detail, but he knew he was exhausted. Everything was loud. Everything was busy. Everything was exhausting. Everything made Kai wish the merge never happened and Cole still lived in the monastery and would still come to his room every night for another late night conversation.
When he got to his room, his first moment of solitude since he’d woken up, what caught his eye first was his phone sitting on his bedside table, its red case practically calling to him.
I shouldn’t, he’s probably already asleep, or putting Fritz and Spitz to sleep.
He remembered one very specific late night talk. Cole had laid down on Kai’s bed, perpendicular to how he’d been sitting. It felt comfortable, it felt normal, it felt… real. Just hanging out, talking, keeping each other company.
He wanted that again.
But he knew he’d never get it.
But he could come close.
Against his better judgement, he picked up his phone and called Cole.
A little voice inside his head was begging Cole not to pick up, or for Kai to suddenly become satisfied with his life and hang up. That voice wasn’t loud enough, because Cole picked up the phone.
“Hello?” Kai wasn’t expecting Cole to pick up, so he hadn’t prepared what he was gonna say.
“Oh- uh, hey man! I uh… how are you?” Kai asked awkwardly.
“I’m… fine. Geo’s putting the kids to bed tonight, so I was cleaning up from dinner, then you called and here we are.”
“Oh- I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were busy.”
“Nah, it’s fine. What’s up?”
“Oh, well you see, I…” Kai glanced around his room, his old red hoodie he used to wear all the time catching his eye. Used to. When he was a teen, and would go out whenever he was free from training, either by himself or accompanied by the other ninja. He didn’t wear it anymore. Not that it didn’t fit, he just one day stopped, around the time everyone split up to search for Wu after he disappeared. That was the first time Kai had felt the weight of his responsibilities as a ninja truly hit him. He didn’t have time to be upset over him being a coward in the past. Cole had a family now. Kai had a student now. He couldn’t keep clinging to his teenage delusions.
“I just… wanted to check in, see how you’re doing. Now that you don’t necessarily live in the monastery, we all wanna keep up with you, y’know?”
“Oh, well, thanks for caring. I’ve been doing good. These past few days I’ve been helping Fritz and Spitz collect pieces for an art project, although they haven’t yet told me what that art project is.” They both chuckled.
They talked for a while, updating each other on how things were in their respective residences. After around an hour, Kai’s exhaustion kicked back in, a yawn cutting off his sentence.
“Long day, huh?”
“Something like that.”
“Guess we should both call it a night then, right?”
“I… yeah, you’re right.” Kai said, not wanting their talk to end.
“Well… goodnight.” Cole said.
“Yeah, goodnight.” The call hung on for a moment longer. Cole probably assumed Kai would end the call, and when he didn’t, Cole took matters into his own hands.
Kai was going to end the call, so he could say he was able to walk away from what he’d yearned for for so long, so he could justify calling Cole despite trying to distance himself from dreaming, but in the end he couldn’t. He still missed those late night talks with every bone in his body, he still wished he’d confessed to Cole when he had the chance. He still missed Cole.
To Kai’s surprise, his phone pinged with a text notification. From Cole.
Ttyl?
He smiled, before replying with a
Duh
So he’d broken his promise. So he’d called Cole, despite telling himself that’d make things hurt more. Except, it hadn’t. It hadn’t made things much better either, but it had made him realize that no matter what, Cole would always be a part of his life, and as long as they had each other in some way, he’d be fine.