Archive of Our Own ^beta

All things considered, the Ramen place Nendou took you guys to was actually pretty decent.

After the last shit-fest with Teruhashi, Kaidou made it very, very clear how much Nendou better step up his game. Honestly, you felt a little more spiritually aligned with Saiki's continuous dead-pan stare the more you walked — it wasn't a good feeling to be nursing a headache while walking, hungry, and barraged with the sounds of Kaidou and Nendou's never-ending scuffle.

But to Nendou's credit, it looked like a decent place.

And as much as Kaidou tried to keep his nether-enhanced prophetic third-eye open to potential dangers, he walked in hastier than usual. You groaned and followed him in. Can't blame someone for being hungry. Nendo barged in like he always did, loud and over-familar. Saiki walked in.

With what can almost be called muscle memory, the lot of you found a spot near a window. It's not bad. There's a couch lining the wall and two chairs on the other side of the table. You dive for the couch, and Saiki sits next to you. Kaido and Nendo take the chairs.

You may or may not admit it, depending on if it's Nendo (can be an ass) or Kaido (endearingly corny) you're talking to, but having friends you can hang out with like this makes you feel a bit better.

You watch as Kaido, who's in front of you, mutters about his eternally-blessed filtering eye as he stumbles with the menu. It's always funny when he does that since the shit he orders tends to be... kinda shitty. Saiki orders some basic ramen. Kaido orders the ramen Saiki gets. You order the ramen Kaido and Saiki got. Nendo gets beef again (??).

You all wait, and Nendo comments that this place is fancy enough to play music on their speakers. You keep the fact that this place has a couch lining the wall to yourself. Kaido says that a bunch of places have background music, that he's a dumbass for going to the places that are beyond niche and indie. Nendo masterfully retorts with "Nuh-uh", and says that hidden gold is hidden for a reason. Kaido asks what the reason is. Nendo says, "to find it." Saiki cleans his glasses, keeping his eyes shut while he does so.

You say that whoever hid these places surely didn't want him to find it. Nendo scratches half of his chin, talking about how you didn't have to be so jealous of his sense of direction. You and Kaido both jolt and talk over each other trying to rub the after-party mishap in his face. You turn to Kaido, remembering that he was the one in charge of directions. Kaido looks away. Nendo laughs. Saiki looks out the window.

You get your food and you all (- Saiki) stuff it down your throats. After the initial wave of 'satiating the hunger aches', you enter the sweet spot where you're hungry enough to enjoy the meal, but not simultaneously balancing a knife to the stomach. Kaido speaks up.

"You got lucky this time, you big oaf," he says, messily slurping a noodle, "if you were a part of my team, I would have fired you if this went bad."

Nendo talks with his mouth full, "Oh yeah?" you dodge a flying piece of meat coming from Nendo's mouth. It hits Saiki. Saiki grimaces. "I'd just re-hire myself."

You swallow a chunk of food, making an ugly sound. "You sure you wanna stay in Kaido's team?"

"Hey!"

"Oh yeah, you're right. Chibi doesn't even have porno mags in his room."

You twirl some noodles around. "Think, Nendo. The pay isn't the only think you keep in mind."

"Wh- we're busy fighting the Dark Reuinion? For the sake of Justice! What kind of pay do you want me to give?"

"Woah, woah, woah..." you shake your head in disappointment, "you're unpaid-intern-ing Nendo?"

Nendo opens his mouth, mid-chew (you look away), "Yeah, you're not even gonna give me any money?"

Kaido's waving his chopsticks around. Isn't that rude? "I didn't even know you were- what?? I,"

You hum with an idea. "You know what?" You butt in, "You should join my team."

"Eh?"

"What???????"

Saiki glances over at you.

"Yeah, my team." You chew a bit more, "The anti-Kaido team."

"So you're working for the Dark Reuinion!? Did you not hear my backstory?"

"Yeah, no, hard not to," you say, "I'm still anti-Kaido though."

Nendo's "Ooh..." comes in contrast to Kaido's spluttering, "So what's the money like?"

"Like, 100 million yen per hour."

"Deal."

Kaido's hand shoots to point to your face, which unfortunately causes a noodle to splat all over you. Surprising, since if anyone was to spill food on you, thought it'd be Nendo.

"You can't even cover your own Ramen sometimes! Like hell you're giving all of us 100 million."

"All of us?" you emphasise, "I'm only hiring Nendo."

"What!?"

"Yeah, dumbass," Nendo teases, "You're Kaido and joining the anti-Kaido team?"

He blushes and stutters, "I thought we're starting an all-of-us thing! We're all fighting the Dark Reunion!" You catch Saiki's expression wrinkle in annoyance.

"No," you say, "It's my team vs your team, and whoever takes down the dark reunion first wins bragging rights."

You watch as Kaido tries to be annoyed and insulted, but his face seems to be an awkward merge of starry-eyed excitement.

You continue, "And I call Nendo, obviously. No offence, Saiki." Saiki rolls his eyes.

"Obviously? Everyone knows Saiki's a psychic like I am-" You scoff "-And you've just dug your own grave."

"This normie? Look. While I might have the looks, and Nendo the brawn,"

"-Hey!-"

"You have yourself and seaweed #3. I win."

Saiki holds up the number 7, which is genuinely the most he's ever participated in a ramen shop conversation this far. You take a moment to bask in the glow of getting Saiki to participate. You then decipher what Saiki's saying.

"What, you're the 7th seaweed?" He shakes his head, and pulses the hand with the 5, and then the hand with the 2. "The... fifty second seaweed?" He nods. You look at Nendo and Kaido, "Did we have that many seaweed?"

"Yeah, I think so..." Kaido mumbles, "Well, anyway!" he slams his hands down on the table which gets a few looks.

He blushes and tenses up, which has Nendo laughing even louder. Kaido tries to shush the guy while you and Saiki act like you're not aquatinted.

"as I was saying," Kaido mumbles, before putting on his best chunni voice: "The Jet Black Wings and the Saiki Psychic accept this guaranteed success. We are..." he poses, "The, um." he squeeks, "The... Jet Black Psychics!"

Nendo smirks, "and we're better than you."

"Hey! Stop it! You two actually come up with a name for yourselves," Kaidou says, scooching his chair closer to you all like he can actually get any closer.

Nendo hums in thought while you twirl another noodle around. Saiki keeps eating.

You point to everyone sequentially. "Nendo's fartman shitboy, i'm edgy, uh, celestia nova star, and Saiki's Saiki."

"Saiki's Psychic Saiki, not Saik... Saiki's, Psychic..." He squints with the effort of the words.

"Holy tongue twister," you say.

Nendo burps, "You got it right the first time, tiny. Anyway. I wanna beeee...." he draws out the word. You yawn.

He points to you. "Baron Cola," he says, "No, Baron Ramen. Ramen Cola."

"From the kids show?" Kaido says, as you say, "Dude? you barely even order ramen. You go to a Ramen shop and get beef and steamed veggies or some shit."

Nendo still haughtily smirks as he puts his hand on his hips (You: "Dude, clean your hands- ugh...") before making what is truly the most facinating face Nendo could have on him. You think it's the one he had while talking to Teruhashi.

"Yes, as I, the esteemed Ramen Cola, defeat the evil bad guys (Kaido: "The Dark! Reuinion!"), I win and I get all the ladies."

"And I get bragging rights," you say. "And the ladies, if they want."

"Well I," Kaido budges in, voice strained and theatric, "break into Dark Reuinion's lair late at night. It's dark, and the air is moist (Nendo: "Ew"), and I use my powers to forsee the end."

He pauses while Nendo yawns. You think about how much this kid needs to play a DnD-like. Saiki glances at you with contempt after you think that, for some reason.

"Psychic Saiki says, 'oh no, shun-' Ah," he blushes red, "I, I, I mean, 'Kaido, we're going to die!'" Nendo picks at a booger. You do your best to concentrate. "and I, The Jet Black Wings, say "'Heh, never fear. (You and Nendo: "For I am h-" Kaido: "Shush!") I've just confirmed our victory. Just follow my lead.' And he-"

"So when do I get the ladies?" Nendo says.

"Never!" Kaido's hands are all over the place, "'Cause I do. I win, and Saiki wins cause I'm built different, and I get bragging rights." He flushes a bit, before "And, um, the ladies?"

"Yeah, but like..." you twirl your noodles like hair, "I said that me and Nendo are OP, and you two are boring. So how are you gonna win against us?"

Kaido whines and rambles and acts out a plan or two with enough unique words to make you feel like it's another language. Frankly, his usual talking pace has you reeling, so this tends to be a lost cause. Saiki's almost done with his bowl, you realize, so you have to make this quick or he'll sit with an Extra Grumpy face. Sometimes you wonder why he hangs out with you guys if he hates it so much, but Nendo's convinced that he's chill with it, so you just keep an eye out. Saiki glances aside.

"Me," you start, and Kaido calms up. You feel that reoccurring guilt slash pity you feel for Kaido, since he seems really lonely. "And Nend, uh, Cola Ramen? shitman pissguy," you continue, "get word of Dark Reunion Activity during our stakeouts."

Nendo squints and his mouth thins with the smirk he gets before teasing someone. "We have stakeouts now?"

"Uh-huh." you say, undeterred. "You should know, pissguy."

Nendo slams his hand on the table, "It's Baron Cola!" You catch your ramen before it falls. "Uh, wait, Ramen Cola." You and Kaido snicker.

"So me and Ramen Cola," you continue, doing your best to inject as much chunni and theatre-kid into your exposition to get Kaido invested. You're not sure how easy it'll be, considering that he's this chuuni in his second year of high-school. You know he's lonely, but will he take this as an insult to his chuuni-ness? You glace at Kaido. Surprisingly, you don't flinch from the six-days-at-fredric's ass jumpscare you see as his glowing face inches closer to yours. You do your best not to giggle and keep going.

"Uh, we, uh. Are at a stake-out for Dark Reunion Activity." You pull the ddlc-monika pose and dramatic shadows cover your body and eye. Kaido gets even more excited, somehow. Nendo tries not to laugh at you. Saiki seems to have gotten more wrinkles by the time you walked in this place.

"And you won't believe what we saw...."

"Damn it!" Nendo says, before lunging for you. You burst out in laughter, passing your ramen over to Kaido who surprisingly manages to catch it. You curse as Nendo ungracefully crosses Saiki to get to you, knees and elbows digging into frankly unholy places. "It's Ramen! Cola! Ramen! Cola!"

"Fuck! Fine!", You don't need to know that Nendo isn't weak, since he just looks like a muscle-head. But the knowledge that he even beats Hairo is the only reprieve you get for mentally admitting that his noogie hurts like all hell.

"Ugh," he says, squeezing himself between you and Saiki. You're almost propelled to the table next to you, but you grab on to Nendo in time.

You realize something odd.

How did Saiki not get hurt from Nendo barging into his space? And he only looks like he moved a little bit to the table on the other side. There's no way he's stronger than Nendo. Saiki flinches at the corner of your vision.

You come to realize that Nendo didn't touch Saiki at all, so it makes sense that he wasn't hurt. That's sort of odd, though, isn't it? The table's a bit too small for that to be realistic. Right, Nendo's flexible.

... Wasn't that Kaido, though? Nendo isn't flexible. Saiki snaps his head towards you, and you go to ask what's wrong. Before you ask him, you remember that his basket-boobs got in the way, so you don't actually know. Saiki looks like the tension was sapped out of him.

"Saiki, you okay?" you whisper, and he nods.

"Huh? Is my Partner not okay?" You can barely see Saiki anymore since Nendo blocks basically everything. "That's good, partner!" Nendo shuffles a bit, but you don't know what he's doing. "You need to hear what me and buddy do in that evil guy's place!"

He pulls you closer to the group hug he's supposedly doing, with his elbow around your neck, and you don't choke. Not at all.

Kaido looks positively emotionally constapated. Jealous?

"K- Kaido..." you try to dramatically squeek, but when you talk you realize you don't have to try for it to sound like you're choking. Man, Nendo's tough as hell. "Sa- ave, Me...."

"H, Heh, Me!? The The Jet Black Wings!?" He poses, horribly, but your vision's starting to pulse with the effort of keeping yourself alive, "Sorry, Edgy Celestia Nova Star, but you've lost all rights to my kindess when you spoke against my honour."

You try to say, 'Dude, I'm serious,' but you end up sounding like a chihuahua. Fitting, you think, since you're talking to Kaido.

"Hey!" Nendo says, "We don't need any help from you. Me and partner and buddy are gonna kick your ass." You try to punch Nendo. He takes it as you cheering for them.

"What? Wait, No! I have Saiki! I. Have. Saiki!" Kaido insists.

"But he's my partner?"

"We said that I have Saiki and they have you! That's not fair at all!"

"EEh?" Nendo draws out, "Aren't you the all powerful Jet Black Wings? You're telling me there's something you can't do?" You try to move and shuffle away. Nendo and Kaido take it as you laughing, to Nendo's glee and Kaido's embarrassment.

"Fine!" Kaido crosses his arms, "Then I'll use my powers to rescue Psychic Saiki from your clutches."

"Sure. But we'll use our powers to turn you into Ramen."

"Ramen!?"

"I'm Ramen Cola, I can do that."

"No! You can't! You're not allowed!" Kaido's face is red, "That'll make everything too easy!"

"Says who?"

"Nova Star!" Kaido points to you, "Keep talking and make sure that this dumbass doesn't have Ramen powers."

Kaido and Nendo both glance towards you, one steeped with indigence and one expert in rage-baiting. They wait for you to speak up.

"Hey, buddy?" Nendo says, "Helloooo?"

Nendo lets go of you. Your limp body graciously falls onto the dirty floor...

...in a perfect re-creation of the Funny Guy Death Pose. Saiki sighs like he works a 9 to 5.

"BUDDYYYYYYYY!" "EDGY CELESTIA NOVA STAAAAAAR! "