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“First, puppet. Distance.”
Fujimasa March glared at Mini.
Mini tapped the picture on her phone again. “Puppet. Distance.”
“There’s no way,” Rudy said, staring in disbelief.
March glowered at her too.
“Puppet. Distance.”
“Will you shut up?!” March shouted, slamming her hands into the table.
Mini and Rudy stared at each other, then stared at her.
Norn sighed, holding up a hand before either one could interject. “March, I think it’s understandable that we’d have questions about this.”
“Well I don’t want to talk about it,” March said, crossing her arms and pouting.
“The puppet doesn’t even have legs!” Rudy protested.
Mini smacked her in the back of the head. “That’s your biggest complaint?! It’s not even alive, idiot!”
“Girls!” Norn snapped. “March… Let’s start with the, uh, elephant in the room. Who is this?”
Everyone stared at the strange girl whose lap March was currently lying in. “Um. Well… I…”
“This is Marche. Lorraine.”
“But you’re March!”
“You can call me Marchan!” said an enthusiastic voice as a hand puppet popped up from the side of the table. “Hihi! It’s great to meet you!”
“You got distanced by that?!” Mini cried.
“Hey, be nice, it can hear us!” Rudy said, smacking Mini.
“It’s a puppet! It doesn’t have feelings!”
“ … I’m very sorry for having caused this,” Marche’s puppet said, covering its eyes with its hands while Marche looked uncomfortable.
“Don’t listen to them,” March said, sitting up and brushing Marche’s hair. “They’re just jealous they’re still single.”
“Hey!” Rudy and Mini snapped simultaneously.
March stuck her tongue out at them and wrapped her arms around Marche, who immediately blushed.
Norn sighed, rubbing her temples. “Okay. And you two met how exactly?”
March grumbled to herself. “Belno owed me a favor after I helped her with that shoe-thing awhile ago. I wanted to race someone from the Nationals so she convinced Marche’s trainer to practice with me.”
“But my trainer wasn’t happy about me doing a race,” Marche added through her puppet. “So they wouldn’t approve it.”
“And that’s how you decided to race a puppet?”
“I really wanted to race another National girl before I retire!” March snapped. “And Marche told me her puppet has a good race record.”
“Really,” Mini deadpanned. “The puppet has a good race record and not Marche.”
“Marchan won the Breeder’s Cup Distaff and the Oka Sho and tons of others!” March snapped.
“And the puppet has won the Pearl Stakes and the Mermaid Stakes!” Marche’s puppet added. “The wins are differentiated for recordkeeping purposes.”
Rudy and Mini stared at her. “How did a puppet win a graded race?”
“Well—”
“So do you just run with the puppet then?” Mini asked. “How is that any different than just you running?”
“Is your puppet, like, a separate person?”
Marche’s puppet waved its arms around. “Nope! We’re both Marchan!”
“That doesn’t answer anything,” Mini grumbled in annoyance. “I’m even more confused now! How did you lose if Marche wasn’t even running?”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” March cried, digging herself deeper into Marche’s chest.
“Maybe you should let it be,” Marche’s puppet suggested.
Mini squinted at the puppet. “Is that a threat?”
The puppet leaned in to whisper in Mini’s ear. “Marchan knows how to hide a body. They’ll never find you.” Mini shuddered violently and spoke no further. The puppet wiggled as Marche pulled it back in. “Marche, cheer up!” The puppet said. “You’re still a great racer who faced off against Oguri Cap before she was a big deal!”
March pouted, leaning her head against Marche’s shoulder.
The puppet leaned in and gave a small-puppet kiss on her forehead.
A neuron fired in Norn’s brain. “Wait. Don’t tell me you two are—”
March leaned in and planted her lips on Marche’s as the puppet flailed about in her hand until its eyes were covered with her hand.
“OUAHHHHHH!” Rudy cried as blood started trickling out of her nose.
“That’s gross!” Mini cried, shoving her away as she scrambled for the tissue box.
Norn just sighed, shaking her head. “Well I guess that answers my question.”
March and Marche didn’t seem to care at the chaos unfolding in front of them as they lost themselves in each other’s embrace.
“Get a room you two!” Mini snapped. “You’re gonna kill Rudy!”
“Technically, this is our room,” Marche’s puppet said, despite her lips still being pressed against March’s. “Well, it’s March’s training clubroom, but—”
“HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?!” shouted Rudy as Mini pressed a tissue against her nose.
“Doing what?” asked the puppet as March deepened their kiss.
Norn shuddered violently. “Oh goddesses that is equally hot and disturbing for me.”
Thankfully the door opened to provide a distraction from Marche’s incredible display of ventriloquism. “Hey everyone, sorry we’re late, Oguri ate an entire— What is happening in here?!”
March and Marche pulled away as Belno and Oguri arrived. “Oguri,” Marche greeted, wiping her mouth.
“March,” said Oguri, also wiping her mouth.
Belno sighed, taking a handkerchief to clean up the rest of the rice around Oguri’s mouth. “Oguri how did you get rice in your hair? Anyways, I see you all have met Marche Lorraine?”
The puppet waved at them.
“And her puppet?”
“Belno,” Rudy demanded, “I have so many questions!”
“You and me both,” Belno replied, staring at March.
March huffed, crossing her arms. “I already said I don’t want to talk about the race.”
“Who’s this?” Oguri said, poking Belno in the shoulder.
“Oh. Oguri, this is Marche Lorraine,” March introduced. “My girlfriend.”
Oguri blinked. “I thought I was your girlfriend?”
“Wha— Oguri, you are my friend who is also a girl.”
“That’s not what girlfriend means?”
“No.”
“Oh.” Oguri tapped her chin before turning to Belno. “Belno, you always say I’m your girlfriend though. Do you mean girlfriend or friend who’s also a girl?”
Belno buried her face behind her clipboard. “Let’s talk about something else!”
“Sure. Let’s talk about how a puppet beat March,” Mini snickered. “I’m honestly dying to know.”
Oguri blinked, tilting her head to the side. “You raced a puppet and lost?”
“Distanced, actually,” Rudy said, wiping her nose clean of the blood.
March threw a crumpled up ball of paper at her, skipping it off of Rudy’s forehead. “I said I don’t—”
She was cut off by Oguri crossing the room, leaning in to scrutinize Marche, who instinctively leaned back and hid behind her large hat. “So this is the puppet that beat March…” Oguri rubbed her chin. “Hm. It seems like a formidable opponent.”
Norn stared at her. “Oguri…”
Oguri slammed her hands onto the table, making everyone flinch. “I will not underestimate the puppet!” she suddenly bellowed.
“Sorry, she does that sometimes,” Belno said, patting Oguri on the shoulder.
“I challenge you to face me on the track!” Oguri demanded, pointing an accusatory finger at the puppet.
Norn blinked. “Just to be clear, you want to race the puppet, right? Not Marche?”
“Yes.”
“The puppet which doesn’t have the ability to move independently.”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Just checking.” Norn paused. “And why?”
“Well, it beat March. So I want to race it.”
Everyone in the room shared glances. “I am very curious to see how it beat March,” Belno said with a shrug. “But… Is that okay with you, Marche?”
“Chowayo ⭐!” The puppet cheered, waving its arms even as Marche tried to shy away behind March. “I’m gonna kick your ass!”
“ … Yeah, we’ll see about that,” Mini chortled.
Later
“I don’t fucking believe it.”
First place: Puppet.
Second place: Oguri Cap (Nose)