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Being high sucks, is the thing. Evan Buckley does not want to get high. He wants to not feel like jumping off a bridge. He wants to not care that no one really sees him anymore. He wants to forget about Bonnie and Daniel and Bobby and Chim's constant fucking sniping and Maddie telling him he should learn to be alone and Hen accusing him along with everyone of not checking in and Eddie calling him a self-obsessed drama queen who didn't try hard enough to save the man he loved like a father.
He wants to forget the way it felt to have a gun pointed at his head. He wants to forget the threatening sneer of some nobody homophobe. He wants to forget how he screwed up the best relationship he's ever had. He wants to forget being used and lied to when he tried to connect with people. He wants to forget the blood dripping from Bobby's nose. He wants to stop feeling everything for a while.
He wants to stop being afraid. He wants his body to stop panicking at normal sounds. He wants to stop seeing her in his nightmares, wants to stop seeing the gun actually fire and jerking awake soaked in sweat and for a minute thinking he remembered it wrong and he's dead, actually, or Eddie is.
He just wants some peace.